Big Girls Don't Cry

by Brenda Novak

  “Isaac?” Liz’s voice reached him from the top of the stairs.

  He stuffed the napkin back into the file where he was keeping copies of his old grant applications and rubbed his eyes. The real-estate agent who’d helped him unload the truck was gone. It was late, too late to be up after a long day of moving, but he couldn’t seem to unwind. He kept picturing Reenie’s mother standing at the door. His name definitely hadn’t registered with her, so he doubted Reenie knew he was in town. But she’d find out soon enough and she wouldn’t be happy about it.

  Still, Liz’s children had a right to be near their father just as much as Reenie’s did. Reenie couldn’t own the whole town.

  “Yes?” he responded.

  The stairs creaked as his sister came down. A moment later, she appeared at the door of the small basement bedroom he’d taken as his office, wearing a pair of baggy sweats. He suspected they belonged to Keith. Keith had left all his clothes behind when he’d rushed off three weeks ago. Because he hadn’t bothered to collect them, Isaac had wanted to give them to charity. It was Liz who’d insisted they bring them along.

  “Here you are,” she said. “I thought you’d turned in for the night until I passed your room and saw that the light was on and the bed empty.”

  “I’m too tired to unpack anything else, but I’m not quite ready for sleep.”

  “I see you got your computer set up.”

  He glanced at the glowing screen. “Fortunately, I ordered Internet service when I had the phones turned on a few days ago. I’m good to go.”

  “That’s great. Now you can stay in close contact with your boss at the university while you organize your research notes.”

  “The research will have to wait until later.”

  She hesitated. “Why?”

  “I’ll be working.”

  “Where?”

  That was anybody’s guess. Isaac couldn’t imagine there were a lot of job opportunities in such a small town, but he had to come up with something. Liz was in no shape to work full-time—not yet. Besides, the kids were better off having her around. With all the emotional changes going on in their lives, they needed her.

  “I’ll find something,” he said. He had a fairly healthy savings account, which meant he wouldn’t need to earn a lot. A modest wage to help with the living expenses and keep himself busy until their lease was up would be enough. He hoped that in six months Liz would be ready to move back to L.A. Isaac hated the thought of Chris and Mica losing their father, but Keith was responsible for that. This move was just as much about Liz coming to terms with her sudden abandonment. Once she’d dealt with her loss, she’d be able to offer more support to the kids and they’d all begin to heal.

  “I’m hoping to get a job, too,” she said. “I can’t imagine child support will go very far.”

  “Especially now that Keith’s quit Softscape. We don’t even know if he’s found anything else.”

  “True,” she said.

  “If you go to work, what will you do with the kids?”

  “I’ll have to arrange child care.”

  “They’d be better off with you right now.”

  “But it’s not fair to rely on you to support us.”

  “Why not? It’s only temporary. And we’re family.”

  “I should work part-time, at least. Keith might be able to help with the babysitting.”

  “We’ll do perfectly without him.”

  “We only have one car.”

  “I’m going to buy a pickup, something fairly inexpensive that I can sell when I leave.”

  “Sounds good,” she said, but she was nibbling worriedly at her bottom lip.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “I feel bad for letting you do so much for me. I’m not sure I can deal with the guilt in addition to everything else.”

  “Then don’t deal with it. Forget about it and get out of here. You need some sleep.”

  “I can’t sleep.”

  “Take a sedative. Believe me, the world will seem like a better place tomorrow.”

  She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Somehow I doubt much of anything will change. But I’ve got to rest, if only for a little while.”

  “Good night,” he said.

  She mumbled the same, then disappeared, leaving him alone with his blue screen and the napkin he’d shoved into his file. Reenie…If he wrote to her, would she respond?

  After reclaiming the napkin, he typed her address into the send box.

  * * *

  REENIE BLINKED when two new e-mails popped onto her screen. She’d just finished writing to her father, who stayed in Boise during the week when the legislature was in session. He’d be home tomorrow for Thanksgiving. But neither message was from him. One was from Keith. The other was most likely spam, since she didn’t recognize the return address: 2871isaac@aol.com

  Too tired to deal with her husband, she decided to shut down the computer. It was late, and she’d met with Keith earlier. Things had gone pretty well, considering. He’d insisted he’d left Liz for good and would never hear from her again. All he had to do was send her a check every month. And he’d promised Reenie he loved her more than ever and would be the perfect husband from now on.

  Reenie longed to believe him. Only there was an emptiness inside her that had never been there before. She couldn’t figure out what was missing, or whether she could go on without it, but worrying about it was keeping her from sleeping.

  Indecision…she hated nothing worse.

  What do I do? What’s best for my children? She was so sick of those two questions, she wanted to scream. Celeste, Georgia and Frank, her father-in-law, thought she should give Keith another chance. Gabe and her own father disagreed. Those who knew the truth supported divorce; those who didn’t pushed for reconciliation. Except her mother, of course. Her mother knew, but she couldn’t be hard on anyone.

  Reenie moved her cursor to the x that would sign her off the Internet, then hesitated. The subject line of the second message read, “You okay?”

  Maybe this wasn’t spam. Maybe it was from an old friend who’d learned of her pending divorce.

  She wasn’t sure that was much of an improvement over an unwanted advertisement. She was tired of the added attention. But curiosity prompted her to open it.

  Hey, she read. Just thought I’d drop you a line to see how you’re doing. Did you ever sell the Jeep? Did you take Keith back? How’re the girls? Isaac

  Isaac? Liz’s brother? It had to be him. She’d provided her e-mail address the night they’d met at the diner. He didn’t give his last name, but he’d referred to both the Jeep and Keith. Who else could it be?

  The hair stood up on her arms as she read the message again. Maybe this wasn’t spam, but she sure as heck wasn’t any happier to receive it.

  Why had he written her?

  She closed the message, opened it, then closed it again. She didn’t want to talk to anyone even remotely associated with Liz. She was working too hard to convince herself that Liz didn’t exist.

  But she had a few questions. How was it that Keith had left Liz so quickly and easily? Was Liz terribly hurt? And even though Reenie wished she could ignore the part of her heart that grieved for Keith’s other children, she couldn’t. How were they accepting the sudden disappearance of their father?

  Her pulse raced as she began to type, but she steadied her shaking fingers. We still have the Jeep, but that’s way down my list of concerns at the moment, she wrote. How’s…she hesitated, almost backed up to erase what she’d written, then forced herself to continue…your sister?

  She didn’t bother to sign it. Isaac would know who it was from.

  While waiting for his reply, she paced the kitchen, her mind racing. How would Isaac answer her? Would he tell her that Keith was calling Liz? That Keith was still lying to her?

  A moment later, a box appeared on the screen from 2871isaac@aol.com. Isaac wanted to instant message.

  She froze in front of her comp
uter but didn’t sit down. An IM made the conversation more immediate. Did she really want to “talk” to Isaac Russell? A few e-mails were one thing. Active back-and-forth communication was another. Responding to him might encourage further participation in her life. And she couldn’t tolerate that.

  But what if Keith was playing her for a fool? Again.

  Perching on the edge of her seat, she continued to stare at the invitation. Maybe Elizabeth had kicked Keith out. Maybe he’d had nowhere to go and that was why he’d returned to Dundee so quickly.

  Reenie shook her head. The important thing was that Keith and Liz had split. Did she really want to know if the situation was exactly as Keith had represented it? She was thinking of reconciling with him, of trying again for the sake of her girls.

  Isaac could easily tell her something that would blow that to hell and back. Maybe that was what he intended to do.

  On the other hand, how could she be thinking of getting back with Keith and not know the full truth?

  The insidious doubt she felt edged closer, making her angry. She wanted to overcome the suspicion, to trust again. But it was no use; she couldn’t.

  “Damn,” she muttered and clicked Yes on the screen.

  Isaac’s first sentence appeared. What are you doing up so late?

  Thinking I must be crazy to accept this message, she typed.

  Why?

  I’m trying to forget that you and your sister exist.

  Classic denial?

  Why not?

  Funny…you struck me as a realist.

  Ah, he’d already hit upon one of her biggest problems. She was a realist. But she was also a romantic. And the two sides of her couldn’t find common ground when it came to Keith’s betrayal. I’m surprised I didn’t strike you as an idiot, she wrote.

  Why?

  You have to ask?

  You trusted the one man in your life you should’ve been able to trust.

  For some reason, she didn’t want Liz’s brother, of all people, to be so sympathetic. Don’t be nice to me, she wrote.

  Is that a typo?

  No.

  Didn’t think so. There was a long pause. What’s the matter? Afraid you might be tempted to like me?

  It was her turn to hesitate. No, of course not, she thought. Well…maybe. She’d enjoyed having dinner with him. It wasn’t until she found out who he was that she’d crossed him off her list of possible friends. Not beyond my ability to resist, she responded.

  I’m an innocent bystander, remember?

  We’re on opposite teams, remember?

  Keith’s fault. Not mine.

  So why are you e-mailing me? she typed. Are you on some kind of recon mission for your sister?

  No.

  She waited, but he didn’t qualify or explain. Hello?

  Just wondering…

  What?

  Whether you took Keith back.

  She tapped her lip as she read his response. So you can help your sister plan her next move?

  Not necessarily. But if she asked me…

  You’d tell her.

  Probably. I’m her brother.

  Reenie couldn’t fault him for his response. At least he was being straightforward with her. You really think your sister’s special.

  Yes.

  That was quick…Is she very pretty?

  Reenie cursed herself the second she’d sent that response. But curiosity about the woman who’d borne Keith two children had been eating at her ever since she’d learned the truth. What had her husband seen in Liz? Was she so beautiful that he couldn’t help himself? So incredibly sweet and good that he was drawn to her despite the fact that he had a family?

  Reenie knew she was searching for a way to excuse what Keith had done. If Liz was irresistible, maybe Keith wasn’t totally responsible. Any man would have done the same.

  Very, came his answer.

  Does she look like you?

  A little.

  Then she was probably pretty indeed. Certainly Isaac was more handsome than most men.

  Jealousy hit hard, momentarily overriding Reenie’s curiosity, doubt, fear, everything else. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, fighting to tamp down the hatefulness it evoked.

  She was stupid to make herself so vulnerable, she decided. She needed to remain calm, make good decisions, hold herself together for her children. She did not need to talk to Isaac Russell.

  Opening her eyes so she could sign off, she saw that he’d already written something else, something that gave her pause: But she’s no prettier than you.

  A moment earlier, she’d thought he might be trying to hurt her, to strengthen his sister’s hand by ruining her self-confidence. But if that were the case, why would he pay her such a compliment?

  You’re being nice again, she accused, still trying to figure him out.

  Not really. You’re beautiful—not easy to like.

  She laughed in spite of herself. The kind of news you gave me tends to bring out the worst in a person.

  Agreed.

  I’m usually very likable.

  We’ll see…

  Apprehension swept down Reenie’s spine. What’s that supposed to mean?

  Did you get back with Keith? he asked.

  Isaac knew something she didn’t; she could tell. Why? Is he calling Liz, too, trying to convince her to forgive him?

  My question first.

  So he wanted to trade. Fine. It was no secret that Keith wasn’t living at home. We’re not together.

  Is it over, then?

  She thought of the divorce papers, which were probably already in the mail; she also thought of her promise to try counseling. Maybe.

  Fortunately, he didn’t press her for a more definitive answer, because she couldn’t give him one.

  Your turn, she prompted.

  He hasn’t called Liz.

  At all?

  Not once.

  Then…I’m confused. What’s up?

  Nothing. I’ve gotta go—dead tired. See you around, he said, and signed off.

  Reenie frowned at the log box that contained the last of their conversation. “See you around” as in “take it easy”? Or “see you around” as in “see you someday soon”?

  * * *

  A LIGHT LAYER OF SNOW had fallen during the night. When Reenie drove the kids to school, the roads were slushy, the fields covered with a thin, white veil. She huddled into her thick sweatshirt while waiting for the heater to warm the chilly van.

  “Can we build a snowman when I get home today, Mommy?” Isabella asked.

  Reenie glanced back to see her youngest daughter’s nose pressed to the window, her breath fogging the glass. “If the sun doesn’t come out and melt all the snow, babe.”

  “What if Daddy wants to help us?” Angela asked, turning away from her own window.

  “What if?” Reenie replied, trying to sidestep the challenge in her daughter’s voice.

  “Will you go inside so you don’t have to see him?”

  Reenie could feel the interest of all three girls. But she wasn’t sure what to tell them. She didn’t really want to be around Keith, but maybe counseling would change that. “We’ll see,” she said.

  “You’re not mad at him anymore?” Isabella asked.

  “I didn’t say that. It’s more…” Reenie hesitated, picking and choosing her words with care. “I’m trying to get over Daddy’s…mistake.”

  “Mommy, what did Daddy do?” Angela asked.

  “I’ll explain when you’re older. You’ll understand it better then.”

  “If he broke something, can’t he buy you a new one?”

  “I wish he could, sweetheart.”

  Jennifer piped up. “Whatever he did, you’re trying to forgive him because of us, right?”

  Reenie laughed. “How are you old enough to figure that one out?”

  “I heard you on the phone with Grandma O’Connell,” she admitted.

  “Oh. Well, your daddy and I both love you and
are trying to work things out so we can all be together.”

  “Grandma called back after you went to the store,” Angela said.

  “She did?” Reenie slowed as she came to the line of cars waiting to turn in at the school. “Why didn’t you tell me when I got home?”

  “She wasn’t calling to talk to you.”

  “She wanted to talk to us,” Jennifer supplied.

  “What’d she say?” Reenie asked.

  “Not to worry. She’s going to get you and Daddy some help so that Daddy will be able to come back soon.”

  Reenie ground her teeth. She knew her mother-in-law meant well, but it was difficult not to resent the interference.

  “Is he coming home tonight?” Isabella asked.

  “It’s a possibility that he could come in a few weeks,” she admitted. “But even if he doesn’t, you’ll all be fine, you know that? Daddy and I will always love you and take good care of you, even if—”

  “Hey, who’s that?” Angela interrupted.

  Momentarily distracted, Reenie turned in the direction her daughter was pointing and saw a tall, beautiful blond woman get out of a white Cadillac Esplanade. Two children tumbled out the opposite side—a girl with dark blond hair and thick glasses, whose willowy build reminded Reenie a great deal of Popeye’s Olive Oyl, and an adorable, stocky little boy with golden hair. “I don’t know,” she said. “They must be new.”

  “We hardly ever get new people,” Jennifer said excitedly.