Abby's Promise

by Rebekah Dodson

  That left—Randy.

  I hadn’t seen him since that awful dinner at my parents. The one where he basically blurted that Abby and I were sleeping together. And I was still mad at him for telling Sam’s son about me, which had caused yet another fight between Abby and me.

  I had half a mind to drive to Randy’s school, knock on his dorm door, and punch him right in the teeth.

  My little brother had messed this up, but in the end, I didn’t even think he knew this would happen. Abby’s pregnancy, the miscarriage—there was no way Randy could have predicted that.

  The Marines was a tough mistress, but she taught me I had to let things go or they’d destroy me.

  A four-hour drive wasn’t my idea of spending a Friday afternoon—and it didn’t occur to me that I didn’t even know if Randy would be on campus or not—but with only the shirt on my back, I turned my truck toward the highway anyway.

  As it turns out, universities are not the bustling campuses that community colleges are. I had forgotten that most of their students didn’t need summer term like us struggling junior college students, and judging by the empty parking lot by the dorm, these students had likely checked out until September.

  I searched the parking lot for Randy’s car: my dad’s old dark-blue Honda, beat up but still running, and ‘perfect for a college-bound boy’, my father had likely told him. I didn’t see it, but there were still a few cars in the huge lot that fit over three-hundred cars, so I decided to park and walk around.

  It was a nice campus. It was built into the side of a sloping hill, with two-story buildings set into the southern side. I could only see a couple of them, but I already knew this campus was three—maybe four—times the size of the junior college I’d come from. The biggest difference was the dorms, of course. There were two sets of dorms, each four stories, one facing north, the other facing south, up the hill. To the north, downhill, was a solitary, concrete drab building that was obviously ancient, built a few decades ago, I guessed. To the south, the dorms were four buildings, still as tall, but newer, brighter, and more welcoming. Instead of a worn concrete path with no vegetation, the newer paths between these dorms were landscaped throughout with tree saplings and flowing hyacinth bushes in full bloom with the warm June weather.

  I wasn’t sure why, but the newer dorms called to me, and I hiked that way, taking in the warm summer air and breathing the soft smell of flowers.

  It wasn’t long before everything reminded me of Abby. The pink blossoms on the cherry tree saplings made me think of the pink shawl she wore over her spring dresses. The purple buds of the hyacinth were reminiscent of one of Zoey’s blankets. Even the fresh summer breeze, soft, billowing, and sweet, made me think of holding Abby in my arms.

  I knew I was heartbroken, but I was a soldier, dammit, and we didn’t cry. Even when your buddy is shot at fifty-yards and you watch a bullet rip through his head and blood spray the building behind him. You watch him fall, and you focus on the commands booming in your helmet. You surge forward and destroy the enemy. That’s what you do.

  The problem was, I didn’t have an enemy. I didn’t have any kind of focus. I didn’t even have a job. I was listless, floating. Abby had grounded me, and I’d promised to take care of her. She promised to let me. Between our argument last week ago and the hospital today that was all over now. What was I going to do?

  This place was deserted, I saw, much like my life at the moment. I was an idiot to drive so far to find Randy. Maybe he was pulling into my parents’ driveway while I wandered around up here. I should call him, I suddenly thought, but then what would I say? He was just as homeless as I was, really.

  As soon as I passed the third dorm building and approached the one at the end of the court, the front doors flew open and a kid, well, a man, sort of, about a few years younger than Randy, stalked toward me. He threw a towel down to the pavement and glared at me.

  “Hey pops, I hope you’re not touring for some kid of yours. This school sucks.” He strode past me, his arms waving angrily at his side.

  Pops? I rubbed my beard. I’d let it go the last few days in my worry for Abby. Did it really make me look older than the twenty-six years I had been on this earth?

  Confused why the kid had randomly yelled at me, I peeked in the open front door. The dorm was completely silent and empty from what I could see, but smelled strongly of bleach and cleaning materials, masking a very slight sense of body odor and faintly, pot.

  I almost chuckled. It was my first time in a college dorm, and it smelled exactly how I thought it would.

  “Joey?”

  I leaned against the door frame as Randy came plodding down the wide staircase directly across from the front door. He was grimy, dressed in a white shirt and jeans splotched with blue, black, and green stains. His face was smeared with dirt and his hair was ruffled and greasy.

  “Brother.” I nodded at him. I was good at hiding the fact I was really dying inside. I wasn’t even glad to see him; I was just glad I wasn’t back home.

  “What are you doing here?” Randy paused, pulling a filthy rag, once white, from his back pocket. He wiped his forehead, leaving a trail of black grease across it. I almost laughed.

  “I, uh,” I had forgotten to make this part up. I hadn’t thought I’d actually find Randy.

  “Hey, did you see a guy walk past you when you were coming in? About yea high, blond hair?” he asked me.

  That fit the description of random pissed off kid. “Yeah, I did. Friend of yours? He seemed to really dislike this school.”

  “Fuck,” Randy muttered. “He was the new RA.”

  I frowned. “What’s an RA?”

  “Resident Advisor,” Randy said, but then groaned. “That’s right, you don’t know.”

  I glared at him.

  “Like a Drill Sergeant,” he added quickly, and I knew he was trying not to piss me off this time. “Only a lot less strict. Basically, they make sure that no one is violating campus rules, drinking, smoking pot, that sort of thing. They also host events and whatnot.”

  “So, the RA who was replacing you, he just ran off?” I thought about how quickly the young student had fled the area.

  Randy nodded. “He was supposed to be helping me paint and clean up, but all he did all day was bitch.” He rolled his eyes. “I guess I have to find another one to take my place.” He sat heavily on the bottom step.

  I walked over to him and leaned on the railing. I frowned down at him. “Take your place? What’s going on? And hey, where’s your car?”

  “Oh, I had my, uh, roommate drop me off. He’s a teaching assistant for the physics lab and had some things to take care of for his summer classes.”

  I held up my hand. “Whoa, roommate? Since when did you move out of the dorms? Does Dad know?”

  He avoided my gaze, staring at the wall to his right. “Last week, actually, and no, Dad doesn’t know, not yet, but he will soon.”

  “You know Dad’s going to be livid.”

  “Least of all about Andrew,” he muttered.

  Something about the way he said that name, in the same term of endearment I could have referred to Abby, made me cautious. “Jesus, Randy, what’s going on?”

  “So, it turns out, I’m, uh,” he finally looked at me, “I’m gay.”

  “Wait, seriously?” I backed up a few feet. He looked sharply up at me. “Hey, no judgement from me,” I quickly added. “This is the twenty-first century, and I know gay soldiers. Several of them, in fact.”

  Even as I said it, a nagging thought occurred to me, however. I had never had any indication my brother was gay. He did non-gay things like play video games and shit. I was ashamed of my own ignorance. That didn’t make him any different from anyone else.

  “So, when did this happen?” I tried to keep it casual. It didn’t bother me, but I didn’t want to sound like the ignorant idiot I was, apparently.

  He shrugged. “High school, I guess. I was always uncomfortable in the lockers. Didn’t you e
ver notice I didn’t have a girlfriend like, at all in high school?”

  “I was gone for most of your high school years, remember?” I added.

  Randy looked shocked for a moment, then said, “Yeah, I forgot about that. Anyways, I didn’t really realize it until I met Andrew last year. Things just clicked.”

  “You’ve been with this guy for a year?” I blinked at him. “And told no one?”

  “Well, everyone here knows of course, but you know Dad. He’d probably kill me. At least, stop paying tuition.” He rubbed his arm over his sleeve and looked down again. “Jesus, Joey, I’m such an awful person. I’m so sorry. I thought maybe if Mom and Dad had you and Abby to worry about, they wouldn’t freak out so bad about Andrew. As soon as I grow the balls to tell them, that is.”

  “Hey,” I interrupted, “Don’t even worry about it.” I was surprised how easily I forgave him, when the entire drive here I had wanted to punch him. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really matter anymore. “When you want to tell them, I’ll go with, ya know? Support and shit.”

  His eyes wide, he stared at me. “Really? You’d do that? Even though you look like you kinda want to punch me for what I said at dinner?”

  I sighed and sat next to him on the stairs. He was right, but somehow his issues were much less concerning than mine. “I guess in some way, we’re both fucked,” I told him.

  He turned to me. “Why? What do you mean?”

  “Abby, uh, kicked me out.”

  “What?” Randy shifted, his knee on the stair now. “What the hell happened, bro?”

  I explained all the horrible shit we’d been through. He didn’t know about the kidnapping, the fight with Malachai, or even Abby’s pregnancy. Everything that happened over the last few months tumbled out like vomit after a night of binge drinking. I couldn’t help myself.

  When I was done, Randy sat there in silence, then slapped my back. “That’s fucked up, bro, but I think maybe we can help each other out?”

  “How?” I said. The depression crept in again and I was desperately trying to push it away. My life was looking like a black hole, and I was being sucked in by a force stronger than anything on this planet.

  “I’ve lost my RA, you need a place to live, and you happen to have some college credits under you belt, right?”

  I blinked at him, unsure where he was going with this. “Do you even need an RA in the summer?”

  “Well, that depends. Are you good with kids?” I saw the twinkle in his eye.

  “I don’t have much experience, except Zoey,” I winced as I said her name, “but yeah, I don’t mind ‘em.”

  “There are some summer camps and such they run here for kids, teens, and incoming freshman. Definitely requires some organization, a will to get dirty, and lots of patience.”

  I almost laughed, thinking of the stress I’d endured the last few months. “I think those are my strong points, actually.”

  Randy smiled. “Andrew’s brother, Nathan, works in registration. I’m sure he’s still on campus, actually. He always stays late. Interested in attending a real school, brother?”

  “Shit,” I answered, shaking my head. “A real school,” I huffed. “I do go to a real school now. But, I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.” I thought about it for a second.

  Randy waited.

  “Do they happen to have a psychology program here by any chance? I know it’s all about the engineers and computer nerds, but surely they have something else?”

  “They actually do,” Randy said softly. “It’s a small program, but from what I’d heard, it’s pretty strong. You can be a counselor or a teacher or stuff like that. I don’t know, but I bet Nathan would. And I’ll hook you up with an RA job. It pays room and board here in the dorms, but you’d be on your own for tuition.”

  We both knew what Dad would say about that. I smiled for the first time in close to twenty-four hours. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got the G.I. Bill.”

  Randy beamed and jumped up. “Come on, RA, I’ll race you down to registration. First one there buys the other a beer!” He took off at a sprint.

  “You’re on!” I raced after him.

  He was more in shape than I was, of course, but I still beat him.

  Laughing, we entered the huge student commons, which looked largely empty like the rest of campus, and headed to a red sign marked Registration.

  I heard clapping suddenly, and a boom of voices. They were largely muffled and right above us, filtering down the stairs from an upper level. “What’s going on?” I asked as Randy dragged me over to the counter. More clapping, this time, louder.

  Before Randy could answer, a black man in a dark blue polo with the university’s name on the right pocket looked up at us from where he sat inside a huge open window. He slid open the small window at the bottom.

  “The history professor’s retirement party is what’s going on.” He smiled up at us, revealing a row of perfectly white teeth. He looked at my brother. “Hey, Randy! Hard at work with the new RA up in the village?”

  “That dirt-bag quit.” Randy frowned at him. “Nathan, this is my brother, Joseph. He’s interested in taking some classes over the summer. And actually, he would like to apply for the new RA position that just opened a few minutes ago.”

  Nathan reached through the opening and shook my hand. “Come on in, Joseph. Or do you prefer Joey?”

  Jo-Jo, Abby’s voice sounded in my head. I shook it away gently. “Joey’s just fine,” I told him.

  “Any programs you’re interest in?” he asked as Randy and I turned the corner to take a seat across from his desk, on the other side of the window. Nathan typed a few keys on his computer.

  “How about psychology?”

  Nathan smiled again. “We actually do have a few seats left in those classes. Let me check.”

  Randy shifted in his seat and beamed at me. “I told you, bro. I got your back.”

  Thank you, I mouthed to him, and I looked at Nathan. “Specifically, how about counseling classes? I’m thinking about pursuing a field with the VA, to work with other soldiers like myself.”

  Nathan clicked away at his computer before answering, then he looked at me. “A vet, huh? Reserves like Randy, or you seen any combat?”

  “Eight years of it,” I answered.

  “Well, thank you for your service, sir, and let’s see what we can do for you. We’ve also got multiple scholarships available for veterans, and we’ll get you over to financial aid to set up your G.I. Bill. We’ve got you covered.”

  Chapter 22

  Eight years ago:

  Abby Girl: Are you all settled in?

  Jo-Jo: I’m sharing a bunk with eight other dudes. As settled as I’ll ever be, I guess.

  Abby Girl: I guess there’s no home cooking over there, huh.

  Jo-Jo: Mess is pretty gross, yeah. I miss mom’s chicken fried steak already.

  Abby Girl: when you come home I promise I’ll cook you a good meal.

  Jo-Jo: Ugh, you know the way to my heart.

  Abby Girl: That’s why we’re friends, isn’t it?

  Jo-Jo: The best, Abby girl, the best.

  Three Months Later

  Lettie straightened her back, pressing a hand to it. “I never knew cleaning was such hard work!” she complained.

  I looked down from where I scrubbed the kitchen sink, remembering the old days, right after Joey deployed, and our friendly, flirty banter back then. The memories hurt as they came back, and I tried to shrug them off. I turned to my sister and forced a smile onto my face. “Welcome to adulthood. You’re always either cleaning something, preparing to make a mess, or avoiding cleaning something else.”

  “You girls done in here yet?” My mother came around the corner holding Zoey. She sat her down and Zoey tottered over to me.

  “The floor is still wet!” Lettie cried. “I scrubbed it for an hour.”

  My mother laughed and shook her head. “Abby is a good homemaker. There�
��s no way it was that dirty, my daughter.”

  Lettie threw her an exasperated look.

  “I’ve got Zoey’s room all packed. Your father will be over a little later to take the crib apart,” my mother told us. “What else do we need to do in here?”

  “The dishes on the counter need to be boxed,” I said, picking up Zoey and setting her in her high chair. I rummaged in the diaper bag on the table and pulled out a bag of cheerios and emptied it in front of her. She hurriedly swiped a few onto the floor.

  Lettie groaned and scooped them into a dustpan. “I just cleaned the floor.”

  “Oh, stop whining.” I turned and looked at the nearly empty living room, the old couch having been sold yesterday, and all that remained was the TV, a lamp, and a couple of end tables.

  My mother followed my gaze. “You sure you can find a new couch up there?”

  “The old one was too big,” I said, “and the new apartment is only two-bedrooms. I’ve got to downsize.” And finally get rid of all the things that remind me of Evan and Joey, I thought, but couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. My mother stared at me, wringing her hands in the skirt of her apron. “What?” I asked her.

  “Have you heard from Joey at all?”

  “No.” I bristled. “Why would I. You know what happened at the hospital. His brother Randy came to pick up his things a few months ago. He didn’t say where Joey was, and I didn’t ask.”

  “Juney told me he moved up north somewhere,” Lettie added, turning back to her sweeping. “Not sure where, though.”

  Moved? I hadn’t seen his truck around town lately. I also made it a point to avoid his parents, especially Dr. Harrison, if I saw them in public, which had happened exactly twice in three months. I shrugged at Lettie.

  “I guess if he had to move, it was for the best,” I said lamely. Inside, though, my heart broke all over again. I resisted the urge to wince. Joey wasn’t just gone from my life, he was gone from my town, too. I had no idea where, either.