Calvin is stood back in the dining area that evening, watching everything that’s going on, particularly Brandon and David, who are sat together at the table. He feels a lot better about things now - it seems just a little bit easier now that the conference, the worse of it for most of them, is over. He’s thinking about what’s going to happen next (for everyone, not just for himself) when he feels someone’s arms wrap around his waist. He leans back and looks up. He smiles brightly when he sees George and just stares at him for a moment.
“You’re late.”
“I love you, too.” George kisses the top of Calvin’s head. “How are you, now? I know you didn’t stick around for the entire thing and you’ve not been so good the past few days, have you?”
Calvin stares at George for a moment before smiling fondly and shaking his head - he hadn’t mentioned it, but of course George would know.
“Better, even more now that you’re here.” Calvin smiles brightly and leans back against George even more. “I feel like I need a holiday, you know, or even just a break - something to get away from work for a bit.”
George frowns slightly.
“Are you really sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, it’s … There’s just a lot of hard stuff going on now, a lot to think about, and …” Calvin sighs lightly and turns around. “Can we just go home or something?”
George gently runs a hand down Calvin’s cheek.
“You’re not okay, are you?”
“They …” Calvin glances back behind him, at Brandon and David, and then looks back at George. “Brandon and Dave have something going on and it’s just making me think about us, about some of the stuff we don’t have. It’s just hard and … It really is better now that you’re here though.”
“You really do sound like you need a break.” George grins. “Want me to break you out of here now?”
“Yeah, but I did promise Brandon that I’d … that we’d go over and visit after … Well, after the weekend I guess.”
“That gives us a week and we’ve got a very nice house in Italy that I haven’t seen in a long time. We can take a break there and then go to … London? Will they be in London?”
“Yeah.” Calvin chews on his lower lip and frowns slightly. “What about the kids?”
“I’ve had them a lot since Colorado so they should be with Mel now anyway. We’ll probably get back into our proper schedule maybe after Julia’s birthday. It’ll probably be easier after you get home anyway, after everything’s sorted.”
“Are you sure? Because I could visit Brandon and Dave on my own and just head home after.”
“Hey, you need a break and I missed you. The kids understand and we’ll see them soon.”
“Yeah, okay, and we’ll talk to them every day because I missed them too and … well … yeah.”
George hugs Calvin tightly.
“You know what you sound like you need more than a break, right now?”
“What?”
“Sleep.”
Calvin pulls back and looks up at George.
“Are you just trying to get me into bed?”
“I’d be disappointed if I actually had to try anymore. Come on.” George steps back and takes hold of Calvin’s hand. “Time for bed.”
***
“Hey.” David shifts over in his seat slightly and puts a hand on Brandon’s arm. “You okay?”
Brandon stares out of the window for another few seconds before slowly turning to look at David. He stares at David for a moment.
“I’m just thinking.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Brandon glances around the plane - there are a few people around, some within earshot - and chews nervously on his lower lip.
“You don’t have to.”
“I just don’t want anyone else to know and …” Brandon sighs heavily and leans his head back against the seat. “I didn’t think it would be this hard. I just want it to be over with now. I’m thinking about the same things over and over again and I’m just tired. I need it to be over so I can move on and start being sane again.”
“Again?”
“Fuck off.” Brandon gently shoves at David.
David laughs softly and then leans his head on Brandon’s shoulder. He takes hold of Brandon’s hand and squeezes it gently.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah, probably, but it’s not just about that. I might not be in any danger, but it’s dealing with how everything feels and there’s just so much and … Fuck, Dave, I don’t know how it’s going to feel after and I’m scared. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want it to be over and to be able to at least start to deal with it and I want to go home.”
“I promise I’ll take you back, as soon as I can.”
Brandon opens his eyes and looks down at David.
“I love you.”
“I know.” David squeezes Brandon’s hand again. “I love you too.”
***
When Brandon and David get home, David has barely had chance to open the door before Brandon is hurrying upstairs, muttering something about needing a nap. He frowns heavily as he watches Brandon leave, but decides not to follow him - Brandon probably needs his own space right now. He leaves their bags by the door - he’ll sort them out after Brandon has had his nap - and wanders through to the living room. He thinks he should do what he usually does when he gets back from some time away - sort through the mail, tidy up, do some washing, make a cup of tea, things like that - but he can’t really bring himself to even think about it so instead he sits on the couch and absentmindedly flicks through the channels on the television. He falls asleep at some point, but he’s only aware that he’s done so when he’s woken up by Brandon walking back into the living room. He wipes the sleep from his eyes and stretches out a little. He looks up at Brandon and smiles softly.
“Hey. Are you hungry?”
“It’s too early to eat.”
“But what if we have jetlag?”
“Really? The time difference is almost negligible.” Brandon frowns slightly. “Are you okay?”
“Tired, I suppose,” David mutters.
“Maybe you should go back to sleep then.”
“Maybe.” David is half-way to falling back asleep when he thinks of something and his eyes spring open again. He looks over at Brandon. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure because …”
“If you want to talk more about it, that’s fine, but can we at least wait until you’re not going to fall asleep when I’m talking to you?”
“Okay, but if you want to talk now, I could be awake.”
“Go to sleep, Dave.”
***
David wakes up properly an hour or so later. He stretches out and then just lies there on the couch for a few more minutes. He can hear Brandon shuffling about in the kitchen and eventually he gets up to go and find out what Brandon is up to. He stifles a yawn just as he gets into the kitchen.
Brandon stops what he’s doing and turns towards David.
“Do you feel better now?”
“Yeah.” David goes and sits down by the kitchen table. He watches Brandon for a few seconds. “Do you want to talk about it now?”
“I think we talk about it too much.” Brandon turns around and starts getting back to what he was doing before - trying to get something together for dinner - in order to distract himself. “It’s a big thing and we should talk about it, but I don’t know if there’s anything left to say. Nothing has changed. Nothing is going to change and going over it again and again and again is driving me crazy. I don’t think I can do it anymore.” He stops again and sighs heavily. He turns around to face David and leans back against the counter. “I’m not trying to pretend that it isn’t happening, but I wish …”
“That you could pretend it isn’t happening?”
“Yeah.” Brandon laughs for a second and shakes his head. “This isn’t something anyone sho
uld have to go through, but it’s happening and I’m not in denial. I just don’t want to make it any harder than it already is. I just want to get on with it so we can try to move on at least.” He runs his hands down his face. “Can we just … I don’t know. Make it not the biggest thing in our life? Not have everything revolve around that?”
“Okay,” David nods slowly, “but if something changes, if you need to talk about it or you want to talk about it or if I do, then we should. We shouldn’t keep everything all bottled up.”
“You’re right, I know that, but this isn’t the only thing happening in our lives, it won’t always be this huge thing, and I just don’t want to have to focus on something so much, not something this hard.” Brandon takes a deep breath. “So no more talking about it, okay? At least not now.”
David nods.
Brandon offers a small smile of appreciation before turning back to focus on dinner.
“It feels empty,” Brandon mutters after a few minutes. “The house, I mean. I don’t know why. None of the kids would be here now anyway and we’ve been here on our own so many times before.” He turns around when David hasn’t replied after a minute or two and finds David just staring at him. “What?”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”
Brandon frowns heavily.
“I … You think that’s what this is about?”
“It would make sense.”
Brandon stares at David for a minute before banging his hand on the counter.
“Fuck.” Brandon covers his face with his hands. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the rest of the week. I’m already going crazy.”
David stands up and walks across the room. He wraps his arms around Brandon and kisses Brandon’s cheek.
“We’ve made it this far. We can get through the rest.”
***
Brandon and David spend the next few days avoiding talking about the whole situation, right up until two o’clock on Friday morning when neither of them can sleep.
“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” Brandon lies where he is, facing the window, for a minute before turning over so that he’s facing David.
“I don’t know anymore.” David closes his eyes and sighs lightly. He opens his eyes again and looks at Brandon. “I’ve spent so long thinking about it that I’ve gone over every possible outcome and I just … I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know.”
“I wish we’d done it sooner. I wish we didn’t have all this time to think - it’s making it worse.”
“We could have. I thought you wanted to wait, though.”
“I thought having more time would help me make sure it was the right thing, but it’s just making it harder. I wish I hadn’t … I should have said I couldn’t take that transfer abroad.”
“So you think this is the right thing?”
“I’ve thought of all the reasons and all them a thousand times again. I still think this is a bad time for us to do this, but I wonder if we’re being too selfish, if it should matter what we want because there’s a baby and it should be about that. Then I wonder if we’d end up resenting the baby for making things so complicated or if the baby would end up resenting us for maybe still not even wanting it. We can’t, shouldn’t, have this baby right now, I still believe that, but it’s just not that easy. It’s so hard, Dave, and I just want it to be over.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Brand wipes the tears from his eyes.
“For making your life this complicated again.”
Brandon reaches out and touches a hand to David’s cheek.
“You didn’t do this by yourself.”
“I still feel like I keep messing things up for you, like maybe things would be so much easier for you if I wasn’t around.”
“Maybe easier, but I wouldn’t nearly as happy.”
“You don’t seem very happy now.”
“I wouldn’t be able to do any of this on my own.”
“We’re not doing a very good job of doing this together either.”
“I think we’re doing the best we can.” Brandon sighs lightly and then he’s quiet for a minute. “I just hate that we know what we’re going to do, but we can’t do it. I just really wish it was over.”
“I know.” David brushes some hair back from Brandon’s face. “I thought when we’d made the decision it would stop being so complicated, but it seems worse. I started thinking that maybe it meant we’d made the wrong decision, but then I thought that if even making the decision was hard there’s no way we could raise a child like this.” He closes his eyes. “I feel so guilty, but I know this is the right thing for everyone. I wish it didn’t hurt so much. I need this to be over, too.”
“We’ve just got to hold on a few more hours and then …” Brandon takes a few deep breaths to try and combat the tears he feels threatening to overcome him. “Maybe then we can try and make things better again.”
***
“Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this?”
Brandon turns his head to the side so that he’s looking at David.
“You need to stop asking me that.”
“This is going to be the last time.”
“Yes, I’m sure. This is …” Brandon stares at David for a few seconds. “Are you sure? Is it still what you want too?”
“Even if it wasn’t, I would never make you do something you weren’t comfortable with. If you don’t want to do this, we won’t.”
Brandon frowns slightly.
“But do you still not want to do this?”
“This is still a bad time, I know that, but …”
“Oh, Dave - please, don’t do this to me now.” Brandon takes a deep breath. “I need to do this, but I can’t do it on my own.”
“I know. I know.” David gently squeezes Brandon’s arm. “We will. We should. I can’t stop myself from feeling bad, though, because I know that if it was the right time we’d do this and we’d be …” He looks down and tries not to think about that. He glances up at Brandon through his eyelashes. “I’m sorry if I made it more complicated.”
“No, it’s okay. I thought about it, too. I just can’t do it anymore, not now.”
“Yeah, we’ve got to deal with this first.” David takes hold of Brandon’s hand and starts gently rubbing his thumb over the back.
“You know what’s weird?” Brandon looks down at his and David’s hands. “I can’t feel that.”
David laughs softly and shakes his head.
“I think that means it’s about time to get this started. No turning back now.”
Brandon squeezes David’s hand tightly.
“No turning back.”
***
David tries to sit in the waiting room, but it doesn’t work for very long. He paces up and down for a while. He gets frustrated and he’s about to kick off because this is surely lasting so much longer than it should do, but then he catches sight of the clock and it turns out he hasn’t even been here for ten minutes yet.
“Fuck.” David kicks the wall. He paces again, but it doesn’t stop his mind from wandering. He hates this - hates that he’s worrying so much and hates that he can do nothing about it. He has to leave Brandon to those surgeons and wait. He doesn’t know how much longer he can do this. He knows that it’s going to take more time than this, more time than if they’d done it earlier, more time than if Brandon was a woman, more time than … there are so many reasons to make this even more complicated and it’s driving him crazy - until Brandon comes out of there, this still isn’t really over and they might end up with something so much more complicated in their lives. He runs his hands down his face - he can’t stand this being dragged out for much longer, but there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. He growls lightly and clenches his fists.
“Excuse me?”
David’s head snaps up and he stares at the nurse, who’s now stood in the doorway to the waiting room. He opens and closes his mo
uth a few times, but he still isn’t really sure what to say.
“Everything went … We’re just about finished now and Brandon is very strong. You can come down and see him now, if you’d like.”
“Please.”
***
Brandon’s head is a little fuzzy when he first comes to, but he manages to keep himself together enough to answer all the questions the nurses ask him and for long enough for them to check him out. He closes his eyes and loses himself in sleep again. He wakes up again sometime later and he feels so much more rested - maybe this sleep was just more natural. He wipes his eyes and yawns. He turns to the side and sees David sat in a chair next to his bed. He smiles softly and slowly reaches out towards David.
David whines softly at the interruption, but when he opens his eyes and sees that Brandon’s awake he forgets everything else. He sits up properly and takes hold of Brandon’s hand.
“How do you feel?”
“Better, I think,” Brandon mutters.
David smiles and gently runs his fingers down Brandon’s cheek.
“Do you need anything?”
“Just take me home.”
CHAPTER TWO
Message from: Calvin
I’m pregnant/having a baby/going to be a dad. George and I are incredibly thrilled. And, yes, we are still very happy together
***
Bill jumps when someone puts their hands on his shoulders. He takes a few seconds to calm himself down and then looks up. He smiles when he sees who’s there.
“What are you looking at?”
Bill frowns for a moment, but then his brain catches up with him and he points towards his laptop screen.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Bill nods slowly and looks back at the screen. “I’m happy for them. They’ll be good at it, I’m sure, and it feels like they’ve been waiting for this for a long time now. They … Oh, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Bill smiles and then goes back to his laptop. He’s so busy scrolling through more pages that he doesn’t notice for five minutes that there’s been silence. He frowns slightly and turns to the side.
“What is it?”
“I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“We all knew Calvin was going to leave and that’s fine - he probably should - but now he’s pregnant so he won’t be at work for … what? A year?”
The Omega's Finest Baby: An Mpreg Romance (Unexpected Book 2) Page 3
