The Home
Page 4
A.
Monday 30 March 1970
Dear Diary,
It’s Easter Monday. Nasty Nora and Fat Franny let us join in the Easter Egg hunt in the park. Nelly won a Cadbury’s Easter Egg and she shared it with me. After the hunt, we rolled down the hill – it was great fun. We are off school for one more week. In the morning, we have to do chores but in the afternoons me and Nelly sell lemonade. So far we’ve made five shillings. At the end of the week, we’re going to go to Woolworths to buy sweets – I can’t wait!
A.
Tuesday 7 April 1970
Dear Diary,
I hate Nasty Nora – when she found out we were selling lemonade, she took all our money and told us it was her payment for looking after us all the time. Nelly said that we can make a plan to get it back but I told Nelly that she will know it’s us if we take it. I had a better idea – I put itching powder in Nasty Nora’s bed and when she woke up the next morning she was red and sore all over and scratching like a cat! And the best part? She has no idea who did it! Nelly was worried but I told her she deserved it. That’ll teach Nasty Nora to steal!
A.
Tuesday 5 May 1970
Dear Diary,
Nothing interesting to write about today. After morning inspection, we went to school, did our chores and then played in the den until dark. One good thing that happened was that we had potatoes, meat, vegetables, AND custard for tea!
A.
Saturday 6 June 1970
Dear Diary,
Baby Carole was adopted this morning. We all waved her off. A man and a lady came to collect her. The lady smelt sweet, like candy floss. I tried to talk to her to tell her that Baby Carole would need an older sister to help take care of her but Fat Franny told me to scoot quick smart. Candy floss lady was wearing a red coat. When I grow up, I’m going to have ten coats in all the colours of the rainbow. Me and Nelly watched them leave from the window. I wonder if Baby Carole will get a bicycle like Nelly did?
A.
Sunday 14 June 1970
Dear Diary,
Yesterday was one of the best days. It was the Queen’s birthday and to celebrate, we had a street party. Fat Franny and Nasty Nora made jugs of juice and we had sandwiches, cake, and scones. We put up banners and waved our flags. Afterwards, we played hopscotch and I won, even beating Maureen who always wins at hopscotch. Mary said she was sneaking off and if Fat Franny asked where she was, we had to cover for her but Fat Franny and Nasty Nora were asleep in their deck chairs. Nasty Nora snores like a pig. I thought about drawing a moustache on her but Nelly told me not to otherwise I would get the strap again.
A.
Friday 21 August 1970
Dear Diary,
Fat Franny and Nasty Nora are whispering in the common room with a policeman. A group of boys have been throwing rubbish at us over the fence and calling us nasty names. Peter slipped through the fence and started fighting with them. He ended up with a black eye. I thought he would get the strap but Nasty Nora just gave him some ice for the swelling. Mary said he was a hero. Fat Franny says she’s had enough of all this riot nonsense. After the police moved them on, Nasty Nora told everyone to start picking up the rubbish. It wasn’t fair – why did we have to pick it up?
A.
Monday 7 September 1970
Dear Diary,
Today was the first day at school. Nasty Nora says I can only leave school when I’m 15, which is ages away. Nelly wants to stay on until she’s 18 – school is much more fun with her so maybe I will too. Our teacher this year is Mr Wright. He doesn’t have a ruler but he has a quick backhand. Everyone talks about how Martin – a boy from last year – ended up with a burst lip because he gave backchat to Mr Wright. Apparently, there was blood everywhere and he even had to clean it up himself. We had assembly in the morning and then we got brand-new schoolbooks! I love writing in the first page.
A.
Wednesday 14 October 1970
Dear Diary,
Today, after school there was a big fight in the den. Maureen said Jennifer had rabies because she played with a dog. Jennifer pulled Maureen’s plaits and pushed her and Maureen fell over on her knees. Maureen then pushed Jennifer and they started fighting. Peter had to stand guard to make sure Nasty Nora and Fat Franny didn’t come while Mary broke up the fight. I think Jennifer won as Maureen now has a big scratch down her face.
A.
Sunday 1 November 1970
Dear Diary,
Fat Franny says we’re old enough now to go to Bonfire Night in the park by ourselves as long we stay close to Peter and Mary and we’re back home by 9 p.m. Any later and the door will be locked and we’ll have to sleep outside. Nelly says she doesn’t believe they would do that really. I didn’t tell her that two years ago they did it to Carl and Jacob and we had to let them in through the window and then they had to sneak back outside again in the early morning to pretend they had been there all night.
A.
Thursday 5 November 1970
Dear Diary,
Bonfire night was the best night ever! The park is a fifteen-minute walk away. Mary and Peter disappeared as soon as we got there but it’s better without them. Me and Nelly had one piece of toffee each and we even got to hold sparklers! The bonfire was so big and warm – I didn’t want to leave, as I knew it would be cold when we got back but we couldn’t risk being locked out.
A.
Thursday 24 December 1970
Dear Diary,
Next month, I will be 10 years old! I can’t wait! Nelly has promised to get me a new marble for my birthday present. Tonight is Christmas Eve. We all had to go to church and then Fat Franny made everyone hot chocolate – it was really nice. We even have a tree although there are no presents under it. Fat Franny says there might be some when we wake up in the morning. I really hope so! Even though it’s a sin, I will pray for a television! Fat Franny told Nasty Nora that Nelly is a good influence on me. I don’t know what that means but Nelly is my best friend and we’re going to live together for ever and when we grow up we will have a big tree with lots of presents under it and a television in every room.
A.
8
Rosemary
Rosemary couldn’t sleep. Not for the first time did she wonder why James was so insistent that Angela initiate the search for her birth mother. It was true that Angela had always said she would want to find her at some point, and of course his cancer was a worry, but was now really the right time? Didn’t they have enough on as a family without digging into the past? After all, it was Rosemary who had been the real mother to the girl. She had raised Angela and, while that hadn’t been from birth, everyone knew that the teenage years were some of the most difficult. And look at the job she’d done! She silently congratulated herself on her daughter; a graduate, working in one of the top solicitor firms in the City, and no doubt with a great career ahead of her. And beautiful as well, although Rosemary couldn’t take credit for that. She did, however, take credit for style, grace, and manners, of which Angela had plenty.
Rosemary had given up work to make sure that she would be there when Angela woke up, came back from school, and went to bed. She was available to drive Angela to the various parties, study sessions and netball practices. She’d developed a predictable routine to ensure Angela always knew what to expect. Rosemary didn’t talk about Angela’s life at the children’s home, nor did the girl bring it up either. Least said, soonest mended had been Rosemary’s philosophy on that one. There was a little bit of gossip in the village at the beginning but, like most things, the adoption was, if not forgotten, then certainly not an issue, and Angela became very much the child Rosemary and James had never had.
And yet…
Rosemary thought back to the day James had brought Angela home. It had been a Monday and James had taken the day off work to go and pick her up. Rosemary remembered hearing the car in the driveway and opening the front door to greet them. Angela got out of the car and looked around
her, a small smile on her lips. She was taller than she remembered, her clothes too small for her gangly, growing frame. James came up behind with her small suitcase.
‘Hello, Angela. How was your journey?’ asked Rosemary.
‘Great! I like your car,’ replied Angela.
‘Thank you – James loves it, too.’
‘Come through – I’ve got the kettle on – or would you prefer some orange juice?’
‘Can I see my bedroom? James told me all about it on the way over.’
‘Yes, of course,’ replied Rosemary, slightly thrown. Leading her down the hallway, she opened the bedroom door.
‘Here it is. I hope you like it.’
She’d spent the last few weeks decorating it, choosing lemon and white striped wallpaper with matching bedding and grey furniture, including a dresser that could double up as a desk. She hadn’t put up any pictures or posters as she thought Angela might like to choose them herself. She had, however, hung a frame that had space for six photos. She’d already placed a photo of herself and James, leaving the remaining ones empty. Angela stood silently in the doorway, looking into the room, before walking in and examining the bookshelf, one finger running along the spines. She then sat on the bed, testing the mattress, before getting up again and working her away around the rest of the room. Rosemary looked at James, unsure what to do. He winked and put his arm round his wife.
‘I think she likes it,’ he whispered before putting the case in the room and going back outside to park the car in the garage.
Seeing Angela looking at the photo of her and James, Rosemary inched her way into the bedroom, trying not to feel like an intruder in her own home.
‘I thought we might take a few photos of the three of us over the next few weeks and get them developed so we can fill the frame,’ suggested Rosemary. ‘What do you think?’
Angela simply nodded, continuing to look at the photo, and Rosemary turned away from the strange intensity of her stare.
*
Over the years, Rosemary had always wondered when the ‘mother’s bond’ might reveal itself. She wasn’t delusional – she knew there was no substitute for giving birth – but she had hoped for… for what? Rosemary struggled to find the right word and eventually settled for something more. It wouldn’t have been so obvious if it wasn’t for the fact that James and Angela had appeared to bond instantly. Shouldn’t she be the one closer to Angela after spending so much time with her? Rosemary mentally chided herself. It didn’t do any good to go down that path, but she had worried she was doing something wrong. Despite James being out at work most of the day, even friends and neighbours commented on what a sheer delight it was to see Angela and James together. When she’d tentatively brought it up with him, he had just laughed, told her she was doing a great job and it was all in her imagination. At the time, she’d felt he was missing the point, but perhaps it was all in her head? She’d been through a lot, after all.
Rosemary remembered the day James had told her that the children’s homes considered them too old to adopt a baby. She had been devastated. It was only second to the feeling of loss when the doctor told her she was unable to bear children. On both occasions, James had held her as she’d cried but not even he could ease the sense of loss. As her last chance to hold an infant in her arms evaporated, Rosemary couldn’t help but wonder if this was a sort of punishment for going against her parents’ wishes and marrying James.
It had taken some persuasion on James’s part to convince her to consider adopting an older child. Initially, she had resisted the idea, mainly because she felt so emotionally drained and she had no one to blame but herself. She’d taken it for granted that pregnancy would come naturally. Then her second mistake had been to assume that a children’s home would jump at the chance to offer them a baby: they had plenty of money, their own home, and lots of love to give. She’d never for one moment thought that their age would be an issue. Yes, they’d been almost forty but still, she was hardly over the hill. She’d been foolish and there was a part of her that was just ready to accept her fate as a childless wife. She still had James and that was the most important thing. But at the back of her mind was the fear that if she couldn’t give James a child, even an adopted one, he might leave her. She didn’t know where such irrationality had come from as he’d never given her cause to believe such a thing. So while Rosemary was reluctant to adopt an older child, James had convinced her and had suggested a girl, thinking that his wife would have more in common with the child. And for the most part he was right. They’d had a lot of fun together shopping and experimenting with make-up and doing the various things mothers and daughters do.
And yet.
9
Angela
Angela entered the large offices of Kings Solicitors at six in the morning. She had come back from Tetbury late the night before and was hoping to be one of the first in so she could get some work done before the demands of the partners began. As an associate in a big City law firm, she’d spent the first few years ‘gofering’, but while many in that position had complained, she had just been happy to be there. The long hours, constant demands and tough deadlines had not put her off; on the contrary she had thrived, and it wasn’t long before her work ethic and positive attitude had been noticed. It helped that she had a natural talent for the work. She loved research and writing, and had always had a good memory, retaining and retrieving information easily. Her job consisted of working with corporate and commercial clients, but she had chosen criminal law as her speciality, despite it being fiercely competitive. It was the contentious nature of criminal law that attracted her to it. She’d met some dangerous characters and was more intrigued by them than anything else, helping her develop the clinical approach that was required. She had learnt early on that you had to set aside any prejudices or judgement, and for the most part she was successful. It had certainly led to the best outcomes for her clients.
Sitting down at her desk, Angela went through her in-tray before heading to the kitchen to put the kettle on. As she walked back through the cubicles, she saw that she wasn’t the first in the office. In fact, she was fairly certain that the majority of the younger associates hadn’t taken any time off for the Bank Holiday weekend at all, simply treating the day off as another working day. There was a reason many of the chairs in the associates’ lounge were reclining and you were encouraged to keep a spare suit and a toothbrush in the office. Sitting back down at her desk, Angela felt drained despite having taken the time off. The visit to her parents weighed on her mind but, pushing it aside, she got down to work.
*
Angela’s stomach rumbled. It was 1:30 p.m. and she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. Tempted to simply open her snack drawer and work through lunch, Angela made a conscious decision to take a fifteen-minute break and go and pick up a sandwich from the deli next door. It was going to be a long afternoon, and it was unlikely she would get the chance again due to the number of meetings in her diary that day.
Standing in the queue, Angela browsed the day’s newspaper, which someone had left on a nearby table. As she turned to the classifieds, a small ad caught her attention.
ADOPTED?
Looking for support? Trying to find your birth parents? As an adult adoptee, you have the right to know your background. We can support you on this journey. For more information, call Family First Adoption Support Group, London or visit St Bride’s Church, EC4Y 8AU every Tuesday at 8 p.m.
Before she could think, Angela quickly slipped the newspaper in her bag while placing her sandwich order. She’d intended to eat at her desk, but as she collected her food and stepped into the sunshine she paused and thought of her dad. When was the last time she’d made the most of the good weather? Sitting down on a nearby bench, she felt the warmth on her face coupled with a light breeze. It was a beautiful day. She wondered if Dad was enjoying it as well.
‘Hello, Angela!’
Angela started at the sound of her name. Disma
yed, she saw one of the partners – a hulk of a man called Clive Mooring – hovering over her.
‘Enjoying a break, are we, sweetheart?’
He was her least favourite partner, mainly because he assumed all the women in the office were secretaries. Despite Angela’s constant reminders that she was an associate, his blatant lack of respect and overt sexism always left a bitter taste in her mouth. Unfortunately, he was also one of the most successful partners, thanks to his extensive network, which he cultivated on an almost daily basis through his entertainment account.
‘Just catching up on the news, Mr Mooring,’ Angela replied without missing a beat, yet silently furious about being seen taking a break.
‘I can see that,’ Mooring replied sardonically. ‘Well, don’t take too long. I’ve just come back from a weekend of golf with the Sedgwick board. There might be an opportunity to get their business and we need to start today.’
‘Yes, Mr Mooring,’ replied Angela automatically, her mind frantically trying to see how she could turn this chance encounter to her advantage. Quickly packing up the rest of her sandwich, she stood up, falling into step with him as he marched to the office.
Angela’s thoughts were on rapid fire as she pulled up the name ‘Sedgwick’.