Dare To Love Again

by Silver, Jordan

  “Mom, how do you know all this?”

  “Did you really think your father and I would send our only son off to university without vetting everyone in the vicinity? Why do you think I never liked her? She comes from a good family, was smart enough, pretty enough if you like that sort. At least on paper, there was no reason for me not to like her. Thank heaven you never had any romantic interest in her or who knows what I would’ve done to protect you.”

  I felt like an ass. I’d brought this around my family. “I had no idea.”

  “That’s okay, son, your dad, and I knew. As long as she kept herself in check, I was willing to leave her alone since what she does has nothing to do with me, but she messed with my family, and that’s a big no-no. I thought I told you to leave.” She looked back at Dana, who was now staring down at the floor in shame.

  I watched as she squared her shoulders and left the room before turning back to mom. “Why are you here?”

  “Delores called and said you were gone and that snake was here shut away in the study with Giselle and the baby. I was out shopping when she called, that’s why it took so long for me to get here. Shoot, my hand's sting.”

  “Come on, slugger, let’s go take care of them.”

  “No, they’re fine. What are we going to do about this turn of events?”

  “How much did you hear?” She studied me as if weighing her options.

  “Enough to know we have some more trash to take out.”

  “No, your trash hauling days are over; I’ll take it from here.”

  “Well, if you need us, your dad and I are always here. Now I’m going to go see my grandson.”

  She walked over and wrapped her arms around me, tapped my back, then pulled away. When she reached the doorway, she stopped without looking back. “I’m sorry you lost your friend today, sorry that she cost you so much. Being betrayed is never an easy thing.” She walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  Calen

  I wasn’t ashamed to face Giselle. It was much worse than that. As mom made her way up the stairs, and I was left alone in the study, my thoughts went immediately to the last few days and the way I’d been treating her. My mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions as I tried to make sense of everything I’d learned in the last few hours.

  I wasn’t stung as much by Dana’s betrayal as I should be, or maybe the severity of what she’d done hadn’t set in as yet. I was more worried about the facts that I was still missing from this miserable situation. I’m still no closer to knowing what it was that her mother had used to get her to leave me, still have no idea why she’d gone to the trouble of changing her name and all that. “Shit! Mom.”

  I rushed out of the room, catching her just as she reached the top of the stairs while I stood at the bottom looking up. She turned and walked back down, and I met her halfway. “Don’t tell Giselle about what happened here. I need to take care of some other stuff first.”

  She rolled her eyes and turned to continue on her way up. “Give me some credit for having some common sense, son. This is between you two; of course, I’ll let you handle telling her yourself. I’m just here to knock the hell out of twits when they need it. Not to worry, I just want to go hug those two and reassure myself that they’re fine.”

  Once again, I watched her walk away until she was out of sight. This time instead of heading back to the study, I made my way outside to the garden; I needed the serene beauty of the place to help settle my mind so I could think of what to do next. The most obvious move is to go see Ann Winthrop, but it didn’t seem sensible to face such a formidable foe without having all the ammunition I might need, and I wasn’t about to ask Giselle for it.

  I’m not sure if her mom still has her contact number because it doesn’t seem like she’d called her since she’s been here, but if the woman keeps such close tabs on her, then it’s only a matter of time before she realizes that her prey had escaped. One of the things I’d impressed upon the PI before Silas let him go was that he wasn’t to let his client, who I now believe to be Ann know that Giselle was gone. That should buy me some time, but I’m not kidding myself that it’s a surefire or long lasting solution.

  I’m not sure if Dana would let her know out of spite or if she’d keep her head down for old time’s sake, but I’m not taking any chances, which means I’m going to have to move quick. Neither Gordon nor Dana had given me anything that would help me figure out just what the hell was going on, but the one common denominator was Ann Winthrop.

  If I go by what Gordon said earlier, it seems the woman had an unhealthy dose of jealousy where her own daughter is concerned, but how had that jealousy manifested itself? What had she done to instill such fear in her own child that more than twenty years later, she didn’t even mention her to her husband? Not only that, I have the worry of her having already killed someone if what Gordon suspects about the death of Sterling Winthrop is true.

  In my experience, if someone was willing to spill blood once and got away with it, there isn’t much stopping them from doing it again. My thoughts and inner ramblings were getting me nowhere. There was only one thing I could control at the moment until I had all the information needed to take care of this mess, and that is keeping my little family safe, so I switched my focus to that.

  A quick phone call to beef up security around the estate went a long way to making me feel better, along with Silas’ reassurance that he’d already personally handled adding the security measures I’d asked for to Giselle’s apartment. The tracking devices I’d ordered for her car and person would be here later this evening, so I could put my mind at ease.

  I don’t trust mom not to slip up and say something to her, so I headed back inside after a little while. Delores was in the hallway, her arms filled with bedding or something it looked like. She didn’t even have the decency to look contrite when our paths crossed.

  “You called mom?” She barely spared me a glance as she carried on her merry way. “Yup!” She grumbled something that I didn’t quite catch, but I think the gist was that I was no use for what was needed. I wonder why the women around here think I’m such an ass that I’m too soft to handle shit?

  First, Giselle left me apparently because she didn’t trust me to protect her. Even as I had the thought, something inside me that had softened in the last few hours was telling me different. I’m beginning to suspect that she did that shit to protect me, which only makes this shit worst. The thought that she’d walked away from the life I gave her to protect me from the woman she feared is almost more than I can bear. Add the fact that I’ve been a complete bastard to her and I’m damn near knocked to my knees.

  I found three of my favorite people sitting out on the balcony outside my son’s nursery. They didn’t know I was there, so I stood in the doorway watching them, watching her, and thinking how strange life is. This morning she was still the enemy. I had barriers in place between us that I was sure would never be breached by her or anyone else again.

  Now in a matter of hours and with all that had come to light, things have changed drastically. Instead of anger and distrust, I feel protective and tender towards the woman I’d convinced myself I hated for the past two years. I never noticed before how fragile she is, how petite compared to me. My eyes fell to the floor where I’d fucked her without care or finesse, and I felt my gorge rise.

  I felt that shit in my heart and had to bite back a moan of despair. If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never be able to make it up to her. Now, instead of hating her for keeping my son away from me, I cherish her for enduring whatever hell she’d had to, to keep him safe. A wave of love so strong hit me in the gut, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her, to assure her that everything was going to be okay.

  Just then, she turned and saw me, and for a split second, I saw my wife, the way she used to look at me with all that love and adoration she once bore me shining in her eyes before the shutters fell into place and all I saw was the wariness she’d learned to have in m
y presence.

  A sound escaped me as I made my way towards her, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her she no longer had to be wary of me. But if I did that, I’d have to explain a lot. Things that I wasn’t ready to broach with her as yet, not until I had everything under control. So instead, I stopped beside her chair and cupped her cheek in my palm as I looked down at her, dying to see that look again. It never came, but it was enough when she turned her cheek into the warmth of my palm.

  * * *

  GISELLE

  * * *

  What’s going on? First, my ex-mother in law shows up without warning, claiming she just wanted to see the baby and me, and now Calen is acting out of character once again. I’m dying to know what happened between him and Dana, but my mother in law had acted as if she hadn’t even seen the other woman when she arrived.

  There was no change in her attitude towards me, but what is she doing here? I didn’t buy her story for a second, and I got the feeling that there was something on her mind, but there is no way for me to dig any deeper. As accepting and welcoming as she’s been since my return, and as much as I’ve seen her dislike of Dana, I’m not fooling myself that if it does come down to a choice, she will choose her son. Who was now listening to his best friend tell him who knows what about me.

  I can’t tell him the truth; there’s no way, not if I want to keep him safe. It’s all I could do these last two years to keep my baby and me from harm, but if the monster feels threatened in any way by Calen’s presence in our lives, there’s no telling what she’d do. Her hate for me, something I never understood and still don’t all these years later, will never allow her to want to see me happy. That’s the conclusion I’d drawn two years ago when she’d tracked me down.

  I could think of no other reason for her to make the threats she’d made since I wasn’t taking anything away from her and hadn’t asked her for anything in more than five years. When I told her that my marriage had nothing to do with her and that I didn’t need her for anything, that only seemed to make even angrier.

  There was only one thing that didn’t make sense, something she’d let slip that I still can’t make heads nor tails of, but I’d stopped dwelling on that a long time ago. It was at the very beginning before I’d found out that I was pregnant. She’d been about to hang up the phone, and I swore I heard her say, ‘anyone else but someone like him.’ I didn’t know what it meant then, and I still don’t all these years later.

  As I’d sat here thinking before my mother in law showed up, I was beginning to draw the conclusion that Dana might’ve had a hand in my mother finding me, but how? There was no ready explanation, and I’d put those thoughts aside when mother in law showed up.

  Now here was Calen acting in no way as I expected. That look on his face and the tender way in which he cupped my cheek was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I was aware of my mother in law, leaving the balcony with the baby, but I didn’t look away from Calen as I tried to read that look. My heart was beating so loudly I was sure he could hear it, and when he pulled me up from my chair and wrapped his arms around me, it was all I could do not to break down in tears.

  I wanted to ask him what was going on but was afraid to make a sound lest I break the spell. Even the way he held me felt different, which left me wondering even more exactly what had gone on between him, and Dana. Did this mean that he wasn’t going to throw me out for her? That she was wrong about him taking my child and raising him with her?

  “I’m sorry I hurt you.” He said the words with his lips buried in my hair, but my heart heard them all the same. For a few seconds, I was sure I was dreaming; nothing about this made any sense. I tried pulling my head back so that I could read his eyes, maybe this was some sick joke he and Dana had concocted to make me lower my defenses, but he wouldn’t let me move.

  Instead, he cupped the back of my head, pulling me into his chest, even more, the way he used to whenever I was upset in the past. To say I was confused is an understatement. Still, since he didn’t seem in any hurry to push me away and wasn’t saying anything that would answer any of the million questions running around in my head, I opted to enjoy the feeling of being locked in his arms like this for the first time in more than two years.

  I tentatively lifted my arms to wrap them around him, and when he did nothing more than sigh appreciatively, I let myself relax a little bit more. There were no words spoken as we stood there for what felt like hours until he finally spoke. “Let’s go get our son.” He released me only to take my hand and walk into the house. I followed him wordlessly through the nursery and down the stairs, where we found his mother in the kitchen feeding the baby a snack.

  She looked up when the two of us walked in, and her reaction, the way she nodded her head and smiled when she noticed our clasped hands-only left me with even more questions. It was as if she knew something that I didn’t, and when she walked over and kissed my cheek with a cryptic, ‘I’ll call you later about the planning,’ before saying her goodbyes, I was left even more at a loss.

  I looked up to gauge Calen’s reaction to see if maybe he knew what she was talking about, only to find him staring at me with an unreadable expression on his face. His, ‘it’s okay, nothing to worry about’ left me feeling like I’d fallen down the rabbit hole.

  Calen

  After mom left, I spent the next few hours with my family. It was the first time there was no doubt or anger between her and I since she came back with my son, and it felt strange. I could tell she was a little nervous, probably waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering what the hell was going on since I’d so drastically changed my attitude towards her.

  I didn’t give her so much as a hint, so she had no idea that I knew what was going on or that I was already piecing together her reasons for leaving me and was plotting my next move even as we played with our son on the playroom floor. There was a lot I wanted to say to her to put her mind at rest, but it still felt too soon.

  Her fear of her mother had caused her to give up everything and go into hiding before I have to make sure we don’t have a repeat of that shit this time around. That’s the one thing I’m still a bit salty about, truth be told, but I’ll deal with her later for not coming to me when she should’ve. For now, I just want to enjoy being with the two of them.

  “I can see you have a million questions in your eyes each time you look at me; I’ll answer them all later. Let’s just enjoy our time with our son.” I reached for her hand and pulled her to my side, wrapping my arms around her stiff body before she relaxed and rested back against my chest so the two of us could watch our child bang away at the toy drums.

  I guess it’s going to take her a minute to stop tensing up around me and expecting me to lash out, and I have no one to blame for that but myself. Still, as much guilt as I feel for the things I’d said and the way I’ve treated her, I refuse to carry all the blame for this shit show. The fact still remains that my wife had walked out on me without explanation.

  She’d had my son and kept him from me. I’m willing to give her some leeway for thinking that she had no other choice but to do what she’d done. I have no experience with a crazy-ass mother who was capable of the things hers is, but I’m not willing to pretend that there was no basis for my anger.

  So, though I’m willing to stop digging into her with my tongue, she still owes me for walking out on me and taking my seed with her. I’m not even sure how I feel about the fact that she didn’t trust me to take care of her, and no matter what, I still think she should’ve contacted me when she realized she was with child.

  And yet, when she looks at me with those eyes of hers, I feel guilt like a son of a bitch. The thought that I’d mistreated her so horribly upon her return after the hell she must’ve been through trumps whatever I think I’m owed. That’s why I ended up dragging her onto my lap with my arms wrapped even tighter around her as my stupid heart broke over what I’d done to her since she came home.

  “I’m sorry!” What
the fuck! Shouldn’t she be the one apologizing to me here? So why is it that I feel like I’m the one who’d failed her? Who’d let her down? None of that seemed to matter now, though, when I felt her soft frame pressed into mine. I cared only that I now had a second chance, that I could now protect them both and keep them safe for all time.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to bring it all up. To question her, but I knew deep down that if she wanted to share, she would’ve. Something was keeping her from revealing this truth that would’ve made all the misunderstandings between us disappear, something else for me to think about. I’m beginning to think that maybe her life had been threatened, hers and mine.

  Just thinking about that shit made me see red, and my mind went once again to Dana. There’s still a lot I needed to ask her, but I’ll admit that it’s a good thing mom showed up when she did, or I might’ve done something I’d regret later. Not because of any harm I might’ve caused her, but because I’d find it hard to live with myself if I crossed the line into getting physical with a female.

  So I kept my mouth shut even though there were things I wanted to ask. The phone rang sometime later, and I walked away to answer the call from mom. “Are we having another big to-do, or should we stick to something smaller this time around?”

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “Your wedding, of course.”

  There was a long silence before I found the right words to ask. “Whatever it is you do when you’re renewing your vows.”

  “Come again? What do you mean, renewing? You only do that when you’re still married… Calen.”

  “Yes, I never signed her divorce papers. I told you when I married her that she was going to be the only one. Mom, are you crying?”

  “I’m so proud of you, you idiot.” Coulda fooled me.