“You’re not an egomaniac. In fact, you tend to shy away from interviews and the spotlight and attention in general. I’ve seen you with Amber, you treat her great and it’s obvious how much you care about her. And she seems to love you just as much. That kills my theory of Doms being people with starving egos, who feed their cravings by forcing women to give them attention.”
He burst out laughing. “Adam’s right, you do have a distorted view.” He swiped a hand down his face, seemingly wiping away the laugh. “Sorry, go ahead, finish what you were saying.”
“You like Adam and, as you said, you trusted him with my life. I guess if I’m ever going to give a relationship a real shot…” She chewed on her lower lip and stared at the carpet. If this whole Dominance and submission thing wasn’t a package deal with Adam she wouldn’t hesitate. But it was and it required she wade into a deep level of trust that terrified her. She shrugged and looked back to Nate. “Maybe I should try to trust him. I know you’d never suggest I be with someone you thought would intentionally hurt me, in any way.”
All traces of humor instantly left Nate as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and his shoulders and arms tensed. “Damn straight. The last guy I suspected of hurting you ended up in the emergency room.”
Nikki froze. No one had ever mistreated her—no one had ever been given an opportunity to mistreat her—except Jared, and she hadn’t told a soul about what he’d done. She’d been young and naïve and had honestly believed he cared. Living with her own idiocy had been bad enough. Having anyone else know about it would have been mortifying.
He’d been a few years older than her and an expert at charm and romance. He enjoyed racing and spending time with her family. He’d been a fan of her dad and, she realized later, had used her to get close to him.
She’d been a virgin when she met Jared, wanting to wait and give herself to the right person. She’d been such a fool to think he was the one. Graduation night seemed like the perfect time, a great way to begin the next chapter of her life. But after her graduation ceremony and dinner he’d started drinking. And kept drinking. He’d even continued to drink after they’d checked into the hotel room he’d reserved for her special night. By then, she’d changed her mind. She didn’t want her first time to be with someone too shitfaced to even remember the act.
However, Jared decided she wasn’t allowed to change her mind. Despite being drunk, he was still stronger than her and had been able to hold her down and take her virginity anyway.
She’d never wanted anyone, especially Nate, to know about that night and how she’d allowed things to get so out of control. Hoping for a small miracle, that that night remained her secret, she cautiously asked, “What are you talking about?”
He turned and looked out the bedroom window. “I don’t know what Jared did to you and I don’t want to know. I’m still afraid I’d kill the son of a bitch if I knew the whole truth. The day after your graduation, I knew something was wrong. For days you kept to yourself, staying mostly in your room. And I heard you crying a couple of times.”
When he turned around to face her again, his brown eyes were dark and narrowed and any intelligent person with an ounce of social skills would recognize the warning flares being fired. “I finally found him downtown about a week later and confronted him. Let’s say the answers he gave didn’t make me very happy. By the time I got finished with him his friends had to scoop him off the ground and throw him in the back of his truck. I found out later they’d actually driven him straight to the emergency room and claimed he was in some sort of bizarre accident.”
She launched off the bed and threw her arms around his neck. “I love you.” It didn’t take away the pain and shame she’d lived with all these years, but it made it a little easier knowing Jared hadn’t gotten away with it completely.
Nate laughed and enveloped her in a bear hug. “I love you too, Sis. Very much.” After a few minutes, he took her by the shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “And I want to make sure you understand something else.” His tone and expression were serious. “I love Amber. Hell, I adore her. If we had a regular vanilla relationship, it would be great. Having the type of relationship we do makes our bond even stronger. She doesn’t submit to me because I demand it. She does it because it fulfills a need she has and it’s a gift she gives to me. She turns herself over to me and allows me to hold her body, heart and soul in my hands. I cherish her submission for the gift it is and I always treat her with love, respect and dignity.”
Frustrated, Nikki blew out a breath and pushed her fingers through her hair. Okay, her view of Dominance and submission was warped. She still had one more problem—the other woman. She’d admit to being a spoiled brat, the center of the universe to the men in her life—at least until Amber came along—and she wasn’t about to make it a habit sharing now. She also didn’t want to contribute to another’s hurt by seeing Adam when she knew he was involved.
She folded her arms and sighed. “I am attracted to Adam, but there’s one other problem. What about his girlfriend…or girlfriends?”
Nate drew back as if she’d slapped him and looked at her like she had three heads. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend. He wouldn’t be pursuing you if he did.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t you ever give anybody credit for being a decent person?”
Her shoulders stiffened and she raised her chin. “He told me he had a date the night before we came here.”
Nate blinked several times before breaking into a mischievous smile. “You’ll need to ask him more about it. But I can assure you he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
A knock sounded on the door, causing her to jump.
“That’s Adam,” Nate said, heading out of the bedroom. “I’ll let him in and you can decide if you want him to stay, or if you want to send him back on the plane with me.”
As he got to the bathroom door and started into the kitchenette, Nikki grabbed his arm. “I’m scared, Nate.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out quite like that, but she had and she couldn’t take it back now. Her previous submission to Adam had been coerced, and because of extreme horniness she’d caved. She didn’t think she could go into the situation, knowing she’d be expected to turn herself over and give him total control of her body. She started to shake and tears burned her eyes again. “I mean I’m really, really scared. I don’t think I can do this.”
Nate pulled her into a reassuring hug. “You put yourself into a race car that goes two hundred mph. You can do anything you put your mind to. You have to decide what you want. Do you want to give Adam a chance, or do you want to send him away?”
She sniffed into his shoulder. “Racing’s different. I’m in control of the race car.” She pulled back from him, laughing through her tears. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t give up control easily.”
“No shit.” He slung his arm around her shoulder and put her into an affectionate headlock. “Don’t send him away simply because you’re scared. Be honest with him about everything you’re thinking and feeling and he’ll work through it with you.” He dropped a kiss on top of her head and let her go. “I’m going to let him in and see how Mama’s doing while you decide what you want.”
Nikki wrapped her arms around herself and returned to her bedroom where she flopped down on the edge of the bed. A million thoughts whirled around her head. She didn’t know how to slow any of them down, sort them out or work through them in any kind of logical order.
Instead of trying to work through them in her mind, maybe she should listen to her heart. There, she had no questions or doubts. She wanted Adam and in the very depths of her soul she believed she could trust him the same way Amber trusted Nate.
Nate reappeared in the doorway and with a cock of his head and the raise of an eyebrow asked for an answer.
She swallowed the elephant in her throat and barely managed an affirmative nod.
He broke into a pleased smile. “Go easy on him, Nik. He cares a lot
about you.”
She nodded numbly but his words didn’t register. She was too busy trying not to throw up. She watched him walk through the kitchenette and into the salon, out of view. After a brief conversation with Adam, the coach door opened, the steps creaked as Nate went down them, and then the door closed.
The soft snick of the lock clicking into place screamed its warning.
They were alone.
Her stomach flip-flopped before bottoming out. She squeezed her eyes shut as the churning reached a fever pitch and an all-too-familiar fire flared in her chest. She gasped, struggling to pull air into her lungs as her hands grew clammy and sweat broke out on her neck, forehead and upper lip.
Get a grip.
She forced herself to pull in slow, even breaths. She wasn’t afraid of Adam. It was knowing she wouldn’t be in control that left her panicking and terrified.
Adam’s words, “the sub is always in control,” echoed through her mind and helped to loosen the fist squeezing her lungs. The painful pounding of her heart began to slow and her breathing became more normal.
You can stop at any time. You have a safeword.
She could do this. She could trust Adam. If she panicked and needed him to stop, he would. They were only having sex, it wasn’t a life or death situation, everything would be fine.
Under control again, she opened her eyes and found Adam standing in the kitchen, watching and waiting. He’d obviously been watching her work through her panic attack and, while his expression remained neutral, his eyes were warm melted chocolate filled with concern.
He wore black dress slacks, a grey button-down shirt, black loafers and carried a small overnight bag. He looked sexy as hell, tempting as sin and as loving as a true partner.
He set the overnight bag on the floor then walked into the bedroom. Stopping in front of her, he extended his hand and greeted her with a warm and caring smile. “C’mon, let’s go sit out there.”
She gave a sigh of relief, thankful for the opportunity to go to the living room where she’d feel far less intimidated. She felt the heat radiating from him before she even made contact. The second she slipped her hand into his everything inside warmed and the jumbled puzzle pieces slipped into place. She knew, with every fiber of her being, he’d never harm her, nor would he ever let anyone else. She shifted her gaze to his face. All the tenderness he’d shown before was shining through, as well as something that looked a lot like love.
He sat on the sofa, then pulled her onto his lap. She stiffened and felt herself begin to blush with memories of the last time she’d been sitting on his lap. Slightly uncomfortable, and unsure of what to do with her hands, she linked her fingers together and laid them in her lap.
She almost snorted at her prim and proper posture, but Adam began rubbing her back and all she could do was close her eyes and relax into his touch. All this drama was ridiculous. Of course she’d rather be the one in control, but instinctively she’d known from the beginning it wouldn’t work that way with him. Which was the reason she’d spent an enormous amount of time and effort avoiding him. He rested his other hand on her leg and absently swiped his thumb across her knee. The heat from his hand seeped through her jeans and, between the casual stroking and caressing, she relaxed to the point of nearly melting.
“I hear you did well this weekend. Congratulations.”
She slowly opened her eyes and turned her head to face him. “Yeah, I’ll take second. Especially here. Thanks.”
He tipped his head to the side and smiled. “I really do want to watch you race. Maybe I can go with you another time.”
“I’d like that,” she said, shocking herself first by saying it and second by realizing she meant it.
His eyes twinkled and his smile grew mischievous. “You’ve missed me.”
Her breath hitched and her stomach tightened. When his smile spread from his mouth to his eyes he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen and he became irresistible. Still unwilling to fully succumb to his charm, she rolled her eyes. “Yeah. It was a real struggle. No one here to harass me. Nobody telling me what to and what not to wear.”
His eyes darkened and grew hooded as the playful smile turned rakish and menacing. “You want it, don’t you?”
She crossed both arms protectively and stiffened. “Want what?”
He held her gaze as the air crackled with sexual electricity. “Your punishments.”
She froze. Did she? Is that why she brought up the yellow shirt?
His hand had slipped under her shirt and, as his fingers stroked her skin, it was like fire being trailed up and down her spine. Everything inside her erupted into a ball of flames but, despite the heat emanating from the inside out, she began to shiver.
“Why are you shaking?” he asked, his tone soft and low. She tried to look away but he caught her chin in his fingers. “Don’t turn away from me. No hiding, remember?”
Yeah, she remembered he’d said that but she’d never agreed. “Because…” She bit down on her bottom lip. Too ashamed to admit she got turned on simply thinking about what he might do to her, and the trembling came from nervous anticipation, she went with a partial truth. “I don’t know what to expect.”
The corner of his mouth tipped up. “That’s part of the fun. But, I promise, you don’t need to be afraid.” The sparkle in his eyes twinkled as he added, “And there’s no need to wait any longer.”
Her breath hitched while her heart tripped over itself. “What?”
He slipped his hand out from under her shirt and dropped his other hand to pat her knee. “It’s time. Stand, right here in front of me.”
It surprised her to realize she did want this with him. She wanted to know what he did to his subs, she wanted his hands on her and she wanted more of what he’d given her before.
But instinct caused her to bristle at his commanding tone and she glared at him with her pissed-off-bitch look. “Excuse me?”
He met her glare with a slightly amused expression. “You knew what to expect if I stayed. Every time I have to repeat myself, or you balk when I tell you to do something, additional punishments get tacked on. Now stand.”
She blew out a puff of air. He was right. By letting him stay she’d effectively given her consent he’d be in control, at least for tonight, and she’d stand by her agreement no matter how difficult. But before she went any further she still needed to know one thing, and he could kiss her ass if he had a problem with her asking the question. “Are you involved with someone?”
He pulled his head back and studied her closely. After a few heartbeats, he grinned. “That’s what set you off the other night, right before your mother arrived, isn’t it?”
She refused to allow him to skirt around the issue by asking another question. But when she only glared and didn’t answer he cocked an eyebrow and gave her a look that said, I’m waiting and I expect an answer. Now.
She huffed. She would never win with him. “Fine. Yes, that’s what set me off. I told you I’m no good at sharing. Nate said you don’t have a girlfriend, but you told me you had a hot date. What’s the truth?”
He appeared pleased with her answer and began absently playing with her hair. “There is nobody else in my life, and there hasn’t been for a while. Since the moment I saw you, all I’ve wanted is you. Yes, I’ve had play partners and I’ve trained a few submissives, but I haven’t been involved with anyone in over a year. And there’s a big difference for me in playing with someone, and being involved with them.” He took her chin in his fingers again and held her in place. Locking gazes he clarified, “I don’t want to only play with you. I want you in my life completely.”
Her stomach and throat tightened with emotion. She never would’ve believed Tight Ass capable of making such a declaration, but before she caved completely she still had one more question. “What about the hot date you had the night before we left? Were you—” her stomach heaved with the thought but she forced the question, “—training a submissive?
”
A huge grin lit up his face and he laughed. “No. I was having dinner with my daughter.”
She never saw that one coming and if he hadn’t been holding on to her she might have fallen off his lap. “You have a daughter?” How did she not know this? “What’s her name? How old is she? You were married?”
Love and pride emanated from him. “Her name’s Megan and she’s ten. Her mother and I divorced when she was six. She stays with me every Friday night and since I wouldn’t be home this past Friday, I took her to dinner on Tuesday night. I don’t miss my time with her unless it’s for something pretty damned important.” He ran his fingers through her hair and stopped when he had a handful. Tugging slightly, he added, “I decided you were worth it.”
A giant fist squeezed around her heart. Nikki, you can be such a bitch sometimes. She’d been thinking terrible things about him, cussing him for being a jerk, and he’d been having dinner with his daughter.
“Are you satisfied, now?” he asked, a slight smirk playing on his mouth.
No, she wasn’t satisfied, not even close. She’d fallen for him even when she believed him a domineering jerk with a kind streak. Now she knew the truth. He was a kind, compassionate and loving person with a dominant streak.
And she was in deep shit.
She smiled and gave a slight nod. “Thanks for your honesty.”
“You will get nothing less than complete honesty from me. And I expect the same from you. Understood?”
“Understood.”
She couldn’t ask for more. She also couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer, and she didn’t want to. She wanted to know what Adam would do to her. She wanted the experience of turning herself over to him, someone she knew she could trust. Mostly, she wanted Adam.
She took a deep, fortifying breath, rose to her feet, turned and stood directly in front of him.
Ready.
Willing.
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