1977 - My Laugh Comes Last

by James Hadley Chase

  "No, Mr. Lucas, it will be up to you. You will be with them.' He leaned forward to stare at me, his eyes glittering.

  'If anything goes wrong, you will be shot. Benny killed Marsh, and he killed Thomson. He has orders to shoot you if this operation fails or if he thinks you are being tricky. Remember that.' His face set in a snarling mask. 'And there is another thing for you to remember. I will personally shoot your woman, Mr. Lucas! This operation must succeed!'

  'I hear you,' I said.

  Klaus looked at Harry.

  'Get it moving, Harry: the truck, the uniforms, the cutter and the cartons. I want the operation to begin Saturday at 3 a.m. You will discuss with Mr. Lucas all the necessary details tomorrow night. Where will you meet him?'

  Harry scratched his beard as he thought.

  ‘Nine, tomorrow night, at the Golden Rose motel on the Frisco highway.' He looked at me. ‘Do you know it?'

  'I'll find it.'

  'Ask for cabin six.' He gave a sly, cocky grin. 'They know me there.'

  Getting up, he left the room.

  'Are you satisfied?' I asked Klaus.

  'If Harry finds no problems, I will pay you as agreed.' He took from a drawer a bulky envelope. Opening the envelope, he produced bearer bonds. 'Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, Mr. Lucas. Look at them.' He pushed the bonds across the desk. 'They should give you an incentive.'

  I picked up the bonds. They were each of the value of $25,000. Ten of them: they looked as if they had passed through many hands. I put them back on the desk, and Klaus scooped them up.

  'These bonds will be delivered to you at your office next week if I am satisfied Harry thinks there are no problems.'

  I picked up my briefcase and got to my feet.

  'No money. . . no operation,' I said.

  'If there are no problems, you will get the money. From what you have told me, I don't anticipate problems. When . you get the bonds, be careful. If you decide to sacrifice your woman's life, and bolt, don't do it.' Once again his face turned into a snarling mask. 'From now on, you will be watched. I have an organization: not just three men. If you try to bolt, you won't get far, and your end will be un-pleasant.' The slate-grey eyes lit up. 'They will cut off your hands, blind you and cut off your tongue. You will be left to bleed to death. So don't try anything tricky, Mr. Lucas.'

  Then I knew he was utterly mad.

  'I hear you,' I said, and leaving him, I walked into the lobby.

  Benny, standing by the front door, sneered at me.

  'Be seeing you, fink,' he said.

  I went out to where Joe, playing his harmonica, sat in the Chevy.

  As I slid into the passenger's seat, I thought thankfully that Klaus wasn't as smart as Joe said he was. I had taken a risk. Neither Klaus, Harry nor Joe had an idea that I had a tape recorder built into the lid of my briefcase, and I now had a tape recording of every word they had said, Joe sat silent as he drove down to the highway. I glanced at him, seeing his black sweating face dimly lit by the dashboard lights. He looked, as I hoped he would look, like a man with a load on his mind. When we reached the highway, and were heading towards Sharnville, I said, Your boss, Joe is happy. We break into the bank at three o'clock Saturday morning.'

  He grunted, the worried frown on his face deepened, but he still said nothing.

  It wasn't until we were nearing my apartment block that I said, 'Come on in, and have a drink with me, Joe, or have you a date?'

  He stared at me for a brief moment. I could see the whites of his eyes.

  ‘You asking me to drink with you, Mr. Lucas?' There was surprise in his voice.

  'Look, Joe, we are all in this. With luck, we're all going to be rich.' I underlined the word luck. 'Cut out this crap, don't call me mister... call me Larry.'

  He pulled up outside my apartment block.

  'Harry has never asked me to drink with him,' he muttered.

  'Oh, come on, Joe.' I got out of the car. 'Don't act like an Uncle Tom.'

  I walked across the sidewalk, willing him to follow me. As I was pushing open the glass doors to the lobby, he joined me. We rode up in the elevator. I unlocked my front door and moved aside to let him pass. He stood uneasily while I shut and locked the door.

  'Whisky and Coke, okay?' I said, going over to the liquor cabinet.

  ‘Yeah, man.' He looked around the room, wiping sweat of his face with the back of his hand. 'I don't catch this. What do you want to give me a drink for?'

  'Quit being servile, Joe,' I said impatiently. ‘You're a man like I am, and we're going to work together. Sit down, for Christ's sake!'

  Muttering to himself, he sat down in an armchair, resting his elbows on his knees.

  I fixed him a drink that could have knocked over a mule.

  Keeping my back turned, I poured myself a Coke and left out the whisky. I gave him his drink and sat down, opposite him. .

  Speaking casually, I told him how we would break into the bank, all about the gimmicks and the neutralizes, how Harry was fixing the getaway truck. I gave him all the details, and he sat forward, his black face intent, listening, while he kept sipping his drink.

  'So that's it, Joe,' I concluded, noticing by now his glass was nearly empty. 'With luck, by next Monday morning, you will be rich.'

  His eyes narrowed.

  ‘Didn't I tell you, man, I'm never lucky? I've been thinking about what you said. I'm not even sure of Harry now.'

  'Oh, come on, Joe. You said you could trust Harry.'

  ‘Yeah.' He finished his drink and grimaced. 'Harry and me shared a cell for three years. That's a mighty long time. We got along fine together. He fixed me up with the boss.'

  'What was he in for, Joe?'

  'Harry? His old man was the finest forger of bonds ever. Harry handled them. Harry told me his old man got careless, and they caught him and Harry. Harry drew six years.'

  The finest forger of bonds!

  The nickel dropped.

  I realized why Klaus had agreed to pay me in bonds. I was now sure the bonds he had shown me had been forged by Harry's father!

  Looking at Joe, I could see the drink was hitting him.

  There was now a dazed look in his eyes, and he kept rubbing his mouth aimlessly with the back of his hand.

  'Harry seems okay with me,' I said, 'but Benny scares me, I get a feeling once the money is in die truck, he's going to kill me. He could kill you and Harry too.'

  Joe shook his head as if trying to clear it. He stared at me, ‘Yeah, man. I don't dig Benny.'

  'Have you a gun, Joe?'

  'Sure, I've got a gun.’

  'I wish to God I had one. Together - you and I - could take care of Benny if he started something.’

  Joe gaped at me, ‘What's that mean, man?'

  'Neither of us need worry about Benny if I had a gun. I could watch him when you're doing the work, and you could watch him while I was doing the work.'

  He screwed up his eyes while he thought.

  'But Harry would be watching him.'

  'I'm going to talk to Harry, Joe. With the three of us watching Benny, he won't stand a chance of double-crossing us.'

  He thought some more, then nodded.

  ‘Yeah, that's right.' He reached in his hip pocket and produced a .38 police special. ‘You have this, man. I've got another in my pad. Yeah, between the three of us, we can handle Benny.'

  I took the gun, not quite believing it would be as easy as this.

  'Another thing, Joe: don't entirely trust Harry. That's a lot of money. Harry could knock Benny off. He could also knock both of us off.'

  Joe again screwed up his eyes, then shook his head, 'I don't dig that . . . not Harry.'

  'It's a lot of money,'

  He thought some more, then nodded.

  ‘Yeah, it sure is.'

  ‘Look, Joe, it's up to you to take care of yourself. Three million dollars! You've got to be sure you get your share. I have no worry. As I told you, I'm getting my cut in advance, but you hav
e to worry about Benny and Harry. I'll watch you, and you watch me. Don't say anything to Harry. You just never know.'

  ‘Yeah.' He shook his head. ‘Who the hell knows? You know something, man? I've drunk too much.' He got unsteadily to his feet. 'I'm going back to my pad.'

  ‘Do you want me to drive you, Joe?'

  He lurched to the door, paused and looked at me.

  'Would you?'

  ‘We're working together, Joe. I don't want some smart cop picking you up. I'll drive you home.'

  'Thanks, man. I guess that drink…’

  I steered him to the elevator and down to the Chevy.

  ‘Where do we go?' I asked, as we settled in the car.

  'Straight ahead. Tenth to the right. No. 45,’ he mumbled, and his head fell forward.

  After a ten-minute drive, I stopped outside a walk-up apartment block and shook him awake.

  'We're here, Joe.'

  He pawed my arm.

  ‘You're a real pal, man,' he muttered. You take the car back. I'll pick it up tomorrow. Man! Was that drink strong!'

  As he made to get out of the car, I caught hold of his arm.

  'Joe where is Glenda?'

  He stared drunkenly at me.

  ‘With the boss, man. Where do you think? All nice and snug with Benny breathing down her neck.'

  He reeled out of the car and plodded across the sidewalk.

  I watched him open the front door and disappear. Then I drew in a long, deep breath.

  It seemed to me the cards were falling my way.

  'The truck will be ready next week,' Harry said. 'I've got the uniforms fixed.'

  We were sitting in cabin six at the Golden Rose motel.

  The room was comfortably furnished with a double bed against the far wall, four lounging chairs, a TV set and a liquor cabinet. We were both nursing whiskeys as we sat opposite each other.

  'I'll collect the truck around midnight from Frisco,' Harry went on. 'That's no problem. I have a couple of stooges who will be the guards.'

  'They know what they are walking into?' I asked.

  'Oh, sure. They're picking up a couple of grand. For that money, they would cut their mothers' throats.' He eyed me thoughtfully. 'The one weak thing in this operation is this patrolling guard. How would it be if we knocked him off, and put a guy in his place?'

  This suggestion shocked me, but it warned me that Harry was as ruthless as Klaus.

  ‘The guard is relieved Sunday morning. Get rid of him, and the operation is blown.'

  Harry thought about this, then nodded.

  ‘Yep. I see that.' He scratched at his beard, then smiled.

  He said he had a girlfriend who would be waiting on the east side of the bank, and when the guard came around, out of sight of the bank's entrance, she would ask him to direct her to a hotel.

  'She's cute,' Harry said, his grin widening. 'She can chat up this guard for at least five minutes: all the time we need to get into the bank. She's done jobs for me before, and she's sharp.'

  This seemed to me a sound idea. I had been worrying about the guard.

  'I go along with that,' I said,

  'Now tell me, pal, is this shindig going to work?'

  'My end will. What happens when you get the loot into the truck and take off is up to you.'

  He regarded me, his eyes narrowing.

  'Why shouldn't we get the money away? You said the alert won't be until Monday morning. That gives us all Sunday to get lost.'

  'That's fine.' I sipped my drink. 'Then you have no problem, but that's a lot of money.'

  He cocked his head to one side.

  'So?'

  "You realize Klaus is as nutty as a fruitcake? He's a psychopath.'

  'Suppose he is?'

  'Three million, Harry. Even a psychopath doesn't give that kind of money away. You're taking all the risks. He just sits back.'

  He stiffened and leaned forward.

  'So?'

  'Anything. I don't have to worry. I'm being paid in advance. It's you who have to worry.'

  'You think Klaus could double-cross us?' There was a note of uncertainty in his voice.

  ‘You are dealing with a nut case. Anything can happen. I don't know. He might be so nutty he will let you three walk away with three million dollars. On the other hand, he might arrange for you and Joe to get knocked off, and take the money for himself.'

  Harry scratched his beard, his eyes uneasy.

  'Who would knock us off?'

  'He tells me he has an organization.'

  Harry laughed.

  'Sure: he has me, Joe and Benny: that's his organization. He likes to talk big. I'm the guy who knows where to hire help: he doesn't. You're talking a load of crap. Once we get the money, there's nothing he can do about it.'

  'There's Benny,' I said quietly.

  Harry jerked upright. He looked like a man who had walked into a brick wall.

  ‘Yeah . . . there's Benny.' He sat silent, thinking, as he stared into his glass.

  'Benny is a moronic killer,' I said. 'If you can trust him, you have no problem. I wouldn't trust him further than I can throw him. He bothers me. Given the slightest chance, I think he would knock off the three of us, and drive away with the loot. That's my thinking.'

  Harry shifted uneasily. He thought about this, frowning, then finally he said, 'Aw, come on. I . . .'

  'What would a moron like Benny do with three million dollars?' I broke in. 'If he knocked off the three of us, he wouldn't know how to handle money that big, but Klaus would. Benny would go to Klaus. Maybe Klaus has already sold him on the idea he'll tell him how to handle the money. So Benny could be a sucker too. What's to stop Klaus knocking Benny off, and vanishing with the money? Three million dollars!'

  Harry stared at me, and I could see I had got him worried.

  ‘You're a smart guy,' he said slowly. 'You've given me something to think about. You do your job, and leave me to look after Benny. Now let's go over the whole operation from A to Z. Right?'

  Certain I had sown a seed of doubt in his mind, I produced the blueprint of the bank from my briefcase, and for the next two hours, we worked on the breakin.

  Harry was quick and intelligent. His questions were probing, but he seemed satisfied with my answers.

  Finally, he said, 'That's it. It looks good to me.'

  'Sure?'

  'Can't see how it can go wrong. Yeah, it's fine.'

  'Tell Klaus that. He's agreed to pay me in advance if you're satisfied.'

  He gave me a sly look.

  'Looking after yourself, huh?'

  'I'd be a sucker if I didn't. I'm not kidding myself you three would share with me. My share comes out of Klaus's pocket.'

  'What's he paying you?'

  'Two hundred and fifty in bearer bonds.'

  I saw his eyes shift.

  'Bearer bonds?' he repeated.

  ‘Yes . . . as good as cash.'

  He gave a sly little grin that told me all I wanted to know.

  He knew the bonds Klaus had given me were forgeries.

  ‘You're real smart.' He nodded. 'Bonds are a lot better than a heap of bills.'

  'They sure are,' I said, thinking, okay, you twister, my laugh will come last. 'How are you getting rid of the jewellery?' I went on casually as I put the blueprint back in my briefcase. 'There'll be a lot of it.'

  'Should be no problem. I've a guy lined up who'll handle it, but there will be cash, won't there?'

  ‘Yes, but more jewellery than cash.'

  He grimaced.

  ‘You think there's three million in that vault?'

  'I don't know: could be more. In a town as rich as Sharnville, there must be a lot of money stashed away in the vault. There are all kinds of big property deals going on right now, and a lot of it will be in cash to avoid tax.'

  'Okay. Well, I guess that fixes it.' He got to his feet. 'A real nice operation. Klaus may be a nut case, but he's certainly smart.'

  'So Joe tells me.'


  ‘We'll pick you up at your place at 2.30 next Saturday morning. Right?'

  'I'll be ready.'

  'And if something turns up, I'll give you a call at your office.'

  'Give your name as Benson, and say you're from I.B.M.'

  ‘Right.'

  As we moved to the door, I said, 'And watch Benny.'

  'I'll watch him.' He paused and stared at me, his eyes suddenly cold. 'And I'll watch you too, buster.'

  Moving by me, he walked out into the darkness to the Chevy. As he drove away, I turned off the stop switch, concealed in the handle of my briefcase, of the tape recorder.

  I went over to my car, put the briefcase carefully on the passenger's seat and headed back to my apartment.

  Around 11.00 on Wednesday morning, as I put down the telephone receiver after a long call from Bill Dixon, my secretary came in.

  'A special delivery for you, Mr. Lucas. It's marked personal.' She put a bulky envelope on my desk.

  'Thanks, Mary.'

  I waited until she had left, then picking up the envelope by one corner, I carefully slit the flat. The bonds spilled out.

  I regarded them. They looked genuine enough, but I wasn't fooled. There was no note. Using my handkerchief, I put the bonds back into the envelope, and locked the envelope in one of my desk drawers.

  I sat back and considered my position. I had two damning tapes covering Klaus's talk with me, and Harry's talk with me. I also had Joe on tape. I had Harry's fingerprints on my briefcase. It had been a stroke of luck that he had snatched the briefcase from me as I was about to open it.

  His prints would be on record. With any luck, Klaus's prints would be on the envelope and possibly, the bonds. With his record, the forged bonds would get Klaus a long term in jail. I could tie him, Harry and Joe in with the breakin, but not Benny. That bothered me. So far, I had nothing on Benny. Then Mary looked in to say the building contractor was waiting to see me, and for the next three hours, I was all business.

  Around 13.00, my usual lunch time, I told Mary I had a special job to do and to send out for sandwiches for me 'I need another tape recorder, Mary. I want to copy some tapes.'

  'I'll do that for you, Mr. Lucas.'

  'Thanks, but I'll do it myself. For the next hour don't put any telephone calls through: say I'm out to lunch.'