1977 - My Laugh Comes Last

by James Hadley Chase

  'Lois - a favour. Can you let me have the use of two tape recorders and a photocopy machine?'

  'Of course. Come with me.'

  She took me into a small office.

  'There you are: two tape recorders and a photocopy machine. Anything else?'

  'No . . . fine. I won't be long.'

  Hearing her desk telephone bell begin to ring, she gave me a little wave and left me.

  It took a little over an hour to copy the two tapes and take a copy of my statement. I also made a photocopy of the bonds. I repacked the parcel, then put the photocopies of my statement and the bonds and the duplicate tapes into a big envelope I found in a desk drawer, sealed the envelope and wrote on it:

  To be delivered to Mr. Brannigan on July 5th, and not before.

  Today was June 29th. This would give me time to manoeuvre. If Klaus completely outwitted me and I was killed, Brannigan would still have enough evidence to go after him, but if I had luck, and I survived the breakin, I could get the parcel back from Lois,

  I went into her office and put the envelope on her desk.

  'I want you to give this to F.B., Lois, on July 5th, and not before. It contains ideas for a new system of security. I'm still working on it. If you don't hear from me by July 4th, give it to him the following morning. I could have a change of mind, then I'll call you, and come over and collect it. It sounds a bit like James Bond, but it is important to me. Okay?'

  Looking puzzled, Lois nodded.

  'I'll lock it in my safe. No problem.'

  'Thanks. I've got to get back to Sharnville,’ and blowing her a kiss, I took the elevator down to the ground floor, holding on to the parcel, got into my car and headed back to Sharnville.

  I drove up the dirt road leading to Klaus's house as the hands of my watch moved to 15.15.

  Benny opened the front door as I walked up the steps.

  'So you made it, fink,' he said. 'My bad luck. I was looking forward to giving your whore a workout.'

  I walked into the living-room where Klaus was sitting at his desk and I put the parcel in front of him.

  'Open it, Mr. Lucas.'

  I ripped off the string and brown paper, opened the briefcase and let him see the original statement, the two tapes and the forged bonds.

  He nodded.

  "You have done what you have been told to do. That is sensible, Mr. Lucas.' He stared at me, and there was a look in those icy-grey eyes that frightened me. After a long pause, he went on, 'Now if I had been an amateur as you are an amateur, before parting with the contents of this briefcase, I would have made two further copies of the tapes and have photocopied the statement and the bonds if I had been an amateur like you, Mr. Lucas. I would have left them with the bank with instructions to give them to Mr. Brannigan on his return from his golfing weekend. Did you do that, Mr. Lucas?'

  He's a devil! I heard Glenda's despairing voice.

  Somehow, I kept my face expressionless. Somehow I forced my eye to meet his probing glare.

  'I wish to God I had thought of that,' I said, huskily.

  His smile sent a chill through me.

  'I propose to call Miss Shelton, and you will ask her if the package you left with her is safe.'

  Benny came into the room, and stood against the wall, grinning.

  'I have an extension, Mr. Lucas, so I will hear what she says.'

  He began to dial.

  He is a devil!

  My bluff called, and feeling utterly defeated, I said, 'She has copies.'

  He replaced the receiver and stared at me with that maniacal glare, then he looked at Benny.

  'I leave this stupid amateur to you. Try not to make too much of a mess,' and getting to his feet, he walked by me, and out of the room.

  Grinning evilly, Benny moved away from the wall.

  'Fink, this is going to be a pleasure,' he said. 'When a fink gets beaten by me, he knows he's been beaten.'

  Moving swiftly, he brushed my jaw with his left, and then, as I threw up my hands, he slammed a right that felt like a chunk of concrete into my stomach.

  Slowly, I drifted back to consciousness. Far away, as if in a dream, I heard Glenda's voice saying, 'Oh, my darling, what have they done to you?'

  I moved, and pain like the snapping of a wolf's teeth gripped me so violently I cried out.

  ‘Don't move.'

  My eyelids felt leaden, but I forced them up. Dimly, and out of focus, I saw Glenda's red hair, then her face.

  'Don't say anything. Wait, Larry. Don't move. Just wait.'

  My eyelids were too heavy to support, and I drifted away into unconsciousness.

  The next time I became aware of her, her face was in focus: a white, drawn face, but Glenda's face, and it was close to mine. I felt her lips brush against my cheek. I groped for her hand and held it.

  'Don't try to move, darling,' she said. 'It'll wear off... be patient.'

  ‘What have they been doing to you?' I managed to ask.

  Her hand tightened on mine.

  'Never mind about me. Please listen, Larry. You must get them into the bank. I told you he's a devil. You wouldn't listen. Oh, darling, why did you have to act smart? Look at what they have done to you. If you only knew what they have done to me.'

  I lay still, riding the pain of my bruised body. I felt as if something had broken inside me. I thought of Alex Marsh who had sat crying while they had beaten Glenda. He had lost his guts. The scientific beating Benny had given me had reduced me to utter terror that he would do it again, and yet deep in my subconscious, there began to grow a burning desire to kill him, to kill Klaus, to kill Harry and to kill Joe. But I knew this desire to kill them was way out of reach, but it was there, and growing.

  'Don't worry. I'll get them in.'

  'Oh, darling! I can't stand being locked up here with that thug any longer.'

  I then became aware I was lying on a bed, and looking around, I saw we were in a small room with the window boarded up. Opposite, was a half-open door, leading to a bathroom.

  'Is this where they keep you?'

  ‘Yes. Benny brought you in here and told me to take care of you. I think Klaus and he have gone somewhere.'

  ‘You mean we are alone?'

  'I think so.'

  I made a tremendous effort and sat up. My body raged with pain. She tried to stop me, but I pushed her hands away.

  ‘This is our chance! We've got to break out!' Sweat broke out on my face as I swung my feet to the floor. 'Help me up, Glenda.'

  ‘You can't get out! Don't you think I've tried and tried?'

  'Help me up!'

  Supporting me, as I dragged myself upright, she said, 'It's no good, Larry. You'll only hurt yourself.'

  I staggered over to the door and put my hands on the panel. The door was as solid as a brick wall. Even with an axe, I would have had trouble to break it down. Turning to the window, I found the boards were of oak, screwed in.

  There was no hope of getting out through the door nor the window.

  The pain raging through me made me feel faint, and I slumped down on the bed.

  Glenda ran into the bathroom and returned with a glass of water. I poured the water over my head, and the dizziness went away. As I handed her the glass, I looked at my watch.

  For a moment, I couldn't believe it. I had been unconscious for more than four hours.

  ‘We might break through the ceiling,' I said.

  'It's too high. There's nothing to stand on. Nothing to use! Oh, Larry, darling, we must do what he tells us!'

  Then we heard a sound outside, and Glenda clutched hold of me. A moment later, the door jerked open, and Klaus walked in.

  Behind him, pausing in the open doorway, were Benny and Joe.

  'By now, Mr. Lucas, you will realize it is most unwise to play tricks with me.' Klaus turned to Glenda. 'A glass of water.'

  Picking up the glass, she almost ran into the bathroom. It sickened me to see how terrified she was of him.

  'Here are some pills,
Mr. Lucas. Take them! I want you to be fit and ready for die operation.'

  Benny, followed by Joe, lounged into the room.

  There was nothing I could do. The thought of Benny's massive fists smashing into my aching body made me cringe.

  I took the three pills, then the glass of water which Glenda put shakily into my hand.

  'Take them!' Klaus snarled.

  I swallowed the pills and drank the water, 'I'm sure you won't object to sharing your woman's bed,' Klaus said. 'Good night to you both,' and he left the room.

  'I'll be right outside, fink, if you want anything during the night,' Benny said. He lifted his great fists. ‘You have only to ask.'

  Joe let out a bellow of laughter, then they backed out of the room, and I heard the bolt slam shut.

  As I reached for Glenda's hand, the pills hit me and I went out like an extinguished light.

  chapter seven

  I dreamed Joe was playing the spiritual on his harmonica.

  I moved, hoping to break the dream, then I abruptly came awake, and still the tune persisted.

  I opened my eyes, and there was Joe, sitting on a stool, playing his harmonica, and seeing me staring at him, he stopped playing, and his thick lips moved into a wide grin.

  'Hi, there, man,' he said. 'Time to get up.'

  I sat up on the bed. There were no agonizing pains, but my body ached. I looked around.

  Seated on the floor, in a corner, was Glenda. She looked at me, her big eyes dull.

  'Come on, man,' Joe said. 'Have a bath. I'll fix it for you. Time's getting on. You can't sleep forever.'

  I looked at my watch. The time was ten o'clock. I had no idea if it was ten in the morning or night.

  Joe opened the door and called. A moment later, Benny came in. He went over to Glenda, grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet.

  'Nice walk now, baby,' he said, and hustled her out of the room.

  Joe went into the bathroom and turned on the bath taps.

  I got to my feet, expecting sharp pains, but there were no pains. This was something I wasn't going to let Joe know about. As he came out of the bathroom, I drew in a shuddering breath, and bent double.

  'Come on, come on, man,' he said impatiently. ‘You ain't that soft.'

  I remained still, bent double, then hobbled slowly to the bathroom. I stood by the bath, breathing heavily as Joe turned off the taps. He pulled off my shirt.

  ‘Yeah, man. Benny certainly can do a job.'

  I looked down at my chest. It was yellow, black and blue.

  Taking my time, making out I was much more feeble than I was, I got out of my trousers and pants, then naked, I reeled back, thudding against Joe who grabbed me.

  'Come on, man!' he said impatiently, and half shoved, half lifted me into the bath.

  I lay in the hot water, my eyes closed, but my mind now active. There must be some way out of this trap! As long as Glenda was a hostage, I was powerless. If I could only find some way to free her . . .

  Joe stood over me, and let me soak in the hot water for some ten minutes, then he reached down, grabbed my wrist and hauled me upright. I released a groan for his benefit.

  "Dry yourself, and hurry it up, man. The boss wants you,' and he went into the bedroom.

  I took my time. Touching my bruised body was bad, but I dried myself, slowly put on my shirt, climbed into my trousers and moved slowly into the bedroom. I was surprised that my movements gave me no pain, but I was careful to groan at every step.

  ‘Want something to eat, man?' Joe asked, and waved to a tray containing a jug of coffee and sandwiches.

  I realized I was ravenously hungry. Careful to move slowly, I poured coffee and sipped.

  ‘What time is it, Joe?'

  'Night time,' he said. 'Those pills the boss gave you sure knocked you out.'

  I was feeling stronger now. The coffee helped. I ate the sandwiches, standing and half bent over, while Joe sat on the stool, playing his harmonica. I felt even better when I had finished the meal.

  ‘You know something, man?' Joe said, putting the harmonica in his shirt pocket. ‘You sure brought trouble on yourself. I told you the boss was smart, and you wouldn't listen. I told you not to dig your own grave. Still, you wouldn't listen. I told you, working for the boss, you would get on the gravy train, like me, but you wouldn't listen. So you had to do it the hard way.'

  I straightened slightly and looked at him.

  'I'm still warning you, Joe,' I said. 'A black boy means nothing to Klaus. You are going to be taken for a ride like me.'

  He grinned.

  'That's what you say. Come on. The boss wants you.'

  As he caught hold of my arm and moved me to the door, the door swung open and Benny shoved Glenda past me.

  The shove was so violent she went sprawling, landing on hands and knees.

  I started towards her, but Benny blocked me off, shoving his fist into my face. I had an urge to hit him, but this wasn't the time. I let Joe lead me down the passage, and into the living-room.

  Klaus was sitting at his desk.

  Joe shoved me into a chair, facing Klaus, then stood back.

  'All right, Joe,' Klaus said. 'Wait outside.'

  Joe left the room, closing the door behind him.

  'How do you feel, Mr. Lucas?' Klaus asked, leaning forward and staring at me.

  I sat, bent forward, my arms wrapped around my body, 'Mr. Lucas!' There was a snap in his voice. 'Don't put on an act for me! You asked for a beating, and you got it. Be careful, you don't get another. In another four hours, you will lead my men into the bank. Is that understood?'

  I lifted my head and stared at him.

  ‘Yes.'

  'There are things to do. Now once again, Mr. Lucas, I warn you: no more tricks if you want your woman to stay alive. Understand?'

  ‘Yes.'

  ‘Very well. Now in case you are wondering if you will be reported missing by your secretary, I can tell you she has received a telegram saying you have been delayed, and she can expect you on Tuesday. That will give you plenty of time to go on the run.'

  I was sure once the three had stripped out the bank, they would murder me. I had no illusions about that.

  I didn't say anything.

  He pressed a bell button, and Harry came in.

  'Take care of him, Harry, and watch him.'

  Harry grinned at me: cocky, confident and sexy.

  'Let's go, buster,' he said. 'You've had your try, now, it's strictly business.'

  I got slowly to my feet, and still hunched forward, I followed him out of the room and into the hot, steamy night.

  Harry switched on a powerful flashlight and walked with me across the lawn to a big barn. We entered.

  The barn was lit by two naked bulbs, hanging from the rafters. In the middle of the barn, stood a security truck. It was a facsimile of the truck I had seen so often on Sharnville's Main Street. Standing by it, were two tall, thick-set men, wearing the brown uniform of the Security Company.

  'Take a look, buster,' Harry said. 'What do you think?'

  The two men eyed me as I looked them over, then I walked slowly around the truck. I couldn't fault either the uniforms or the truck.

  'It's a good job,' I said.

  Harry nodded and grinned.

  'I guess. Make sure, buster. Take another look. We don't want to slip up, do we?'

  'It's a good job,' I repeated.

  'Watch this.'

  He opened the driver's door, leaned in and pulled a lever.

  The Security Company's name, painted in red letters on either side of the truck, slid out of sight into the roof of the truck: another panel appeared with the lettering: Calo Furniture Co. The licence plates swivelled over to a Los Angeles number.

  'Cute, huh?' Harry said. "We all take off in the truck, once its loaded.'

  All except me, I thought.

  'Pretty neat,' I said.

  'Okay. Now we'll go to your pad and collect your gimmicks. Let's go.'

>   We left the barn and crossed the lawn to where the Chevy was parked.

  ‘You drive, buster. I'll watch you.'

  With him sitting by my side, I started the engine and drove on to the dirt road.

  Harry said, 'I've been thinking about you, buster, and what you said to me. Where you went wrong was to trust Joe. Now Joe is a simple black boy. The boss has taken care of him, and when a simple black boy believes in someone, he stays with him. Everything you said to Joe went back to the boss. It was the boss's idea for Joe to give you a gun. The boss is smart. He looks ahead all the time. He figured unless Joe gave you a gun, you would buy one for yourself. That's looking ahead. It was a fine idea of yours to get Joe to get Glenda out. The idea was fine, but you went wrong in think-ink you could trust Joe. So what happens? You get a beating, and Glenda is still locked up.'

  I didn't say anything. I slowed at the end of the dirt road, and waited for a break in the traffic before moving on to the highway,

  'I'm not kidding myself,' Harry went on, 'that there's three million in that vault. I think Klaus is as nutty as you say he is. Maybe there's a million. A million split up by three isn't so hot. Here's a proposition, buster. You have Glenda and fifty thousand bucks, and I have the rest. Like the idea?'

  Was this yet another con? I asked myself, 'What would happen to Joe and Benny?'

  'Tell me something. If a gun went off in the vault could it be heard on the street?'

  'It wouldn't even be heard in the bank.'

  'I was wondering about that. The idea I've got is when the cartons are packed, I knock off Joe and Benny, then I give you fifty grand and a gun. I take off in the truck with the rest of the loot, and you go out and knock off Klaus, and get Glenda. This car will be parked near the bank. You use it. How about it?'

  And what is there to stop you shooting me after you have shot Joe and Benny? I thought.

  'How about the two men handling the truck?'

  'No problem. As soon as they drive into the cellar, they leave. They have their own getaway car. It is after the loot is in the truck that I go into action. I'll be handling the money. I'll put fifty grand in one of the cartons. As soon as I've knocked off Joe and Benny, I give you the carton and a gun, and you're on your own, and I'm on my own.'

  We were now driving down Sharnville's main street. I turned off and headed for my apartment block, ‘Klaus will be on his own with Glenda?'