Frankie Meeink is the author of Autobiography of a Recovering Skinhead, an activist, a board member with the organization Life After Hate, and the founder of Harmony Through Hockey, an organization that works to promote tolerance.
Frankie’s Soup in the Hole
Ingredients
1 cup hot water
1 Cup Noodle (any flavor)
1 beef-and-cheese stick (such as Slim Jim)
1. Because there’s no boiling water in the Hole, get hot water from the sink, as hot as you can get it. Pour the water over the Ramen, cover, and let sit for about 5 minutes, until the Ramen is as soft as you like it.
2. Break the beef-and-cheese stick into bite-size pieces. Add to the soup and stir well.
Error Breeds Sense
by Shia Labeouf
I have been incarcerated five times. The first time I was only nine years old. It was in Pacoima, California. I was arrested for stealing a pair of Nike Cortezes from a local shop and held for six hours. The second time I was eleven, in the city of Tujunga, California. I was arrested for stealing a Gameboy Pokémon from Kmart. That time, too, I was in a substation for about six hours. The third time I was twenty, in Van Nuys, California. I got into it with my neighbor and spent two days in jail. While I was there, I at least understood that being in jail is not the move. It sucks ass. The fourth time I was in Chicago and I wouldn’t leave Walgreen’s, so I was taken to spend the night in jail. For some reason, I had the best sleep ever. The most recent time was 2014, when I was twenty-eight and in New York City. I went to see the play Cabaret. I didn’t behave very well during the performance and ended up spending twenty-five hours or so behind bars. While there, I did have a terrific egg sandwich.
When I’m nervous in my creativity, I think of my failures in life and in art. Thinking about my screwups loosens the grip of fear. It’s freeing to fuck up and to recover.
Shia Labeouf is an actor who has been working steadily since age twelve. Two of his most recent films in which he stars include Fury and Man Down.
Egg Ramen Salad Sandwich
Ingredients
1 pack chicken flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
3 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 hoagie or hero roll, split open
2 slices American cheese
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Set aside the seasoning packet.
2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for about 5 minutes.
3. Drain off excess water. Add the seasoning and mix well.
4. Combine the eggs and mayonnaise in a separate bowl. Mash and mix well with a fork.
5. Add the Ramen. Mix well.
6. Open the roll and place the cheese in it.
7. Fill the roll with the Ramen–egg salad.
The Beat of My Own Drum
I have atrial fibrillation. It’s basically an irregular heartbeat, and the risk of stroke is five times higher than when you have a regular heartbeat. It can be really nerve-racking to think about, especially when you’re behind bars. Several times I fainted in the middle of an intense handball or basketball game. The homies would freak out! I would wake up in their arms as they were rushing me to the infirmary. After several months of this, I finally got approved to see a cardiologist. He wanted to give my heart an electrical shock—a “reset button” to try to get my heart back on track to a normal rhythm. He said it had a fifty-fifty chance of working. Although I was hopeful, I still felt profoundly troubled. I didn’t have any family or friends to be with me and I was slowly discovering that my very new faith was the only thing giving me the strength to get by. So I took a moment to say a quick prayer.
While they were prepping me for the procedure, one of the nurses and a younger officer guarding me started to talk dirty to each other. Just the most outrageous stuff—anal sex, oral sex, and every other kind of sex you could think of. I lay there thinking, I can’t believe my life is in these hands! Then the door opened and a much older female officer walked in to relieve the young cop. It was like your mom walked into the room where you and your friends were discussing porn. She had a Bible in hand and was flipping through the pages as she sat in a chair just beside the doctors and nurses prepping me.
I went under the anesthesia. It felt like it was only moments later when I was suddenly awakened by a burning sensation to my chest. I could see the doctor looking at my heart monitor, shaking his head. “It doesn’t look like it worked.” I yelled out, “Try it again!” and told the old female officer holding the Bible, “Pray for me!” I remember her jumping out of her seat, saying, “Okay, honey.” She rubbed my arm and I fell back asleep to the sound of her prayers.
Again, I was awakened by a burning shock to my chest. This time I saw everyone in the room smiling and cheering as they looked at the monitor.
Fibrillation Salad
Ingredients
1 head iceberg lettuce, washed, dried, and chopped or shredded
1 tomato, chopped
½ red onion, chopped
½ cup shredded Jack cheese
4 slices ham, cut into bite-size pieces
4 yellow chiles in vinegar (aji Amarillo), drained and chopped
1 pack chili flavor Ramen
Salad dressing (any flavor you like)
1. Combine the lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, ham, and chiles in a large bowl.
2. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper. Pour the seasoning on top of the crushed Ramen in the wrapper. Shake to coat the Ramen.
3. Pour the spiced Ramen over the salad.
4. Add salad dressing to taste and gently toss.
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Solitary Dining
Solitary dining is full of recipes created mostly in the Security Housing Units. These meals are usually for one, but they’re easily stretched to feed two. Many of the ingredients used to prepare these dishes would have been smuggled in by correctional officers or brought in through approved vendors; others would have been purchased weekly through commissary. Everything is brought to your cell, just like ordering a pizza. Except not at all.
Everyday Hustle
In the federal prisons, there aren’t a lot of jobs for inmates, and what jobs there are don’t pay very much. So people got creative. Some would steal food from the kitchen and sell it for a quick come-up. It was amazing how many food items were smuggled out of kitchen storage—vegetables, fruit, bags of sugar, even raw eggs. Some guys got busted, but others were masterful in their techniques. I’ve seen several different designs for smuggling underwear with pockets sewn into the crotch area and waist belts made from T-shirts.
I knew a guy who would smuggle raw eggs and shredded Jack cheese every Saturday morning. He was a heavyset guy—at least 250 pounds and just a little over five feet tall. His trick was not only wearing his specially designed underwear; he would also rub a dirty towel from the kitchen’s mop room all over his clothes so that his odor was repellent. Most officers didn’t like to search him for just that reason. This guy made a lot of money smuggling food from the kitchen. Other guys weren’t so fortunate. A couple of raw eggs got them a couple of months in the Hole.
Ramen Beef & Broccoli
Ingredients
2 packs chili flavor Ramen
1½ cups boiling water
½ cup or ¼ pound cooked beef tips (4 ounces)
½ cup steamed broccoli florets (4 ounces)
½ onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
6 tablespoons soy sauce
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Set aside the seasoning packet.
2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Drain off excess water.
4. Mix the beef tips, broccoli, onion, and carrot in a large microwavable bowl. Add the soy sauce and stir. Cover and microwav
e for about 5 minutes, until hot.
5. Add the Ramen and half of the seasoning. Mix well.
Along for the Ride
I’ve met many guys who will be in prison for the rest of their lives. Some of these guys committed violent acts, even taking a life, while others were just along for the ride. One of the latter was a good friend of mine—Robert, aka Big Rob. He was fresh out of high school when he made the mistake of going cruising with his high school friends. Unfortunately, those friends were gang members. They were out for a drive on a summer night when another car from a rival gang pulled up beside them. Gang slurs were exchanged and gunshots rang out. Robert was hiding in the back seat, in a fetal position, scared shitless. Their car sped off but they didn’t get more than a few blocks before they were cut off and cornered by the local police. A passenger in the other car had been killed by retaliatory gunfire. Even with no prior convictions of any sort, Robert was charged with accessory to first degree murder and was sentenced to twenty-five to life when he was eighteen years of age.
I met him in 2007 when he was in his early thirties. He wasn’t in a prison gang or even associated with one. He’d never had a problem since he was arrested. While in prison he took every class he could, becoming accomplished at many trades and earning degrees. He never used drugs or alcohol. He was a good, square guy. It didn’t make sense that he had to serve as much time as the trigger man. Robert and his family didn’t have the money to hire a good attorney. He was one of the many poorly represented guys who were railroaded by the “dump truck”—what we call the plea offers from the public defender. Robert paid more than he should have for being a dumb kid.
Long Sentence Soup
Ingredients
2 packs chili flavor Ramen
1½ cups boiling water
½ cup chopped carrots
½ cup chopped celery
½ cup corn kernels
1 tomato, chopped
1 jalapeño chile, chopped
½ onion, chopped
1 tablespoon garlic powder
½ cup tomato puree (3 tablespoons tomato paste thinned with enough water to make ½ cup also works well)
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a microwavable bowl.
2. Add the water, carrots, celery, corn, tomato, jalapeño, onion, garlic powder, and tomato puree. Mix well.
3. Cover and microwave for about 5 minutes.
4. Stir, then re-cover and microwave for 5 minutes more, until the Ramen is soft and the soup is hot.
Prison Ink
People get tattoos for different reasons. Some are indulging boredom, others are asserting some control over their own bodies, and many are pledging allegiance to a gang. But for Southern Hispanics, it’s a bit more than any of that. We favor Aztec culture tattoos because they represent the life of an Aztec warrior. The warriors fought battles to defend their land, worship the way they chose, and to retrieve prisoners from warring tribes. When an inmate is deemed trustworthy enough to defend his tribe by executing a hit, he knows he risks spending the rest of his life in the SHU. In recognition of the risk and—hopefully—the success, certain tattoos are specific to certain accomplishments. Inmates believe these tattoos represent strength, aggressiveness, and competitiveness.
I got my whole back piece done over two weeks, lying on my stomach for two to three hours at a time. The session took place in a container—like a trailer—used to store weights. There would be two guys standing outside as lookouts while the tattoo artist worked. Halfway through, the tattoo artist and I got into a heated argument that resulted in a vicious fight! He took out his aggression by practically butchering me with his homemade tattoo gun. I made it through and recovered with help from the homies. It’s a wonder the infections didn’t put me down for good.
Chicken Honey Ramen
Ingredients
1 pack chicken flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
1 summer sausage (about 9 ounces), chopped
2 tablespoons honey
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Set aside the seasoning packet.
2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Drain off excess water.
4. Microwave the sausage in a separate bowl until hot.
5. Add the sausage and seasoning to the Ramen and stir.
6. Drizzle the honey on top.
Final Timeout
When you get arrested in Los Angeles, your first stop is the city’s substation jail—a police station holding cell. If you can’t make bail, you’re sent to the L.A. County jail. There, the smell attacks you the minute you walk inside. If you don’t notice it immediately, it’s probably because all you can smell is the stinky ass of the guy in front of you.
If you’re not a first-time convict, you’ll probably be sent to state prison, where you’re surrounded by killers, lifers, and prison gang members. If you get in trouble in prison you go to Administrative Segregation, aka the Hole, either for your own safety or for others’. If you screw up in the Hole—maybe fighting with your cellmate or assaulting an officer—you go to the Security Housing Unit (SHU). This is a single-man cell, and you’re handcuffed and escorted by officers wherever you go—even to take a shower. If you need to shave, the officer will hand you a dull disposable razor once you’re inside the shower cell. Then the officer will check the razor for its blade upon its return. You are escorted outside to the yard for one hour a day, staying inside what appears to be a large dog kennel. Usually, there are ten kennels in an area about as big as a basketball court, surrounded by fifteen-foot-high walls. Only thing you can see is the sky. If you get into trouble while in SHU, then you end up in the last stop.
Deep Administration Segregation (Deep AD-SEG) is known as your final time-out. It’s underground or far away from other cells. You are all alone, with no cellmate or anyone close enough to talk to through the vents. No TV, radio, or any appliance. Just you, four walls, a toilet, and your cement bed. The only light is controlled by officers you can’t see or talk to. It’s not unusual to be stuck there for a full year. In my experience, most guys who end up in solitary confinement suffer from some type of antisocial disorder.
Ramen Chowder
Ingredients
2 packs shrimp flavor Ramen
1½ cups boiling water
¾ cup prepared clam chowder
½ cup chopped baby carrots
½ cup chopped onion
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Add the seasoning.
2. Add the water, stir, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes. Do not drain.
3. Mix the clam chowder, carrots, onion, and garlic powder in a microwavable bowl.
4. Cover and microwave for about 5 minutes, until hot.
5. Add to the Ramen. Mix well.
Pimp to Wimp
In the late 1990s, an inmate was entitled to thirty pounds of groceries every three months from an approved vendor—always one of the local grocers. On visiting day, an inmate’s family members would go to the approved grocer, pick up the groceries, and bring them to the inmate. It was the highlight of the month.
Back then, there was a guy who claimed to be a major pimp on the streets, boasting and bragging about all the women he had out there taking care of him. How he was such a player that sometimes he had two women visiting him at the same time, always showing off nude photos of different women. This bragging sometimes went on for hours. One time on our way to package pickup, he kept bragging about his girls and saying things like, “I wonder which of my girls is sending me a package this time” and “Pimping ain’t easy but it sure is fun!” This was getting on everyone’s nerves. Even the officer had had enough and told him to pipe down with all that bullshit. When this “pimp” was finally called to step up and receive his package, to his and e
verybody’s surprise, his “girl” sent him thirty pounds of canned dog food! The look on this guy’s face went from pimp to wimp! His homies couldn’t stop clowning him, and even the officers had a good laugh and some shit to say. But turns out the pimp didn’t come up empty-handed. The officer passing out the packages offered him twenty bucks for the box of dog food, saying he had two “bitches” at home that would love this care package.
Ramen, Red Potato & Tuna Toss
Ingredients
1 pack chili flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
1 can (5 to 6 ounces) tuna, drained
¼ pound small red potatoes, cooked and quartered
½ green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1½ teaspoons dried dill
¼ cup olive oil
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Set aside the seasoning packet.
2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Drain off excess water.
4. Mix the tuna, potatoes, green pepper, dill, olive oil, and seasoning in a large bowl.
5. Add the Ramen. Mix well.
Saltpeter
The L.A. County jail has its urban legends, but one I can say might have been true was about the punch that was served with lunch and dinner. There was always plenty on every table, as it was served in big pitchers, and I always had a few cups with dinner. Three months into my first time in L.A. County, I was finally told by an older homeboy, “Stop drinking the punch; it’s not good for you, little homie.” He said it was made with a substance called saltpeter, which contained potassium nitrate. Clueless of what he was telling me, I said, “Saltpeter? Potassium nitrate? What the hell is all that?”
Prison Ramen Page 4
