Captain of Industry

by Karin Kallmaker

  “You’d have led a different life. You’d be a different woman.”

  “I wouldn’t be a mess.” She mopped at her eyes with a fresh tissue.

  “Do you want me to fight with you about whether you’re a mess or not?”

  “No. I don’t want to fight.” She stopped pacing to face her. “Thank you for getting a message to me. I’m sure Lena was thrilled.”

  “She made the offer.”

  “If there’s one thing Lena is, it’s a shrewd judge of character.” Realizing how that sounded, she went on, “Another testament to my acting. I fooled her completely about my character until it was too late for her.”

  Suzanne raised her hands in a helpless gesture. “Do you want me to pile on here?”

  “No. Why are you here?”

  “You asked me to come.”

  “You sent me your email through my ex so I could ask.”

  “I figured you could use a friend.”

  “We’re not friends.”

  Suzanne studied her loafers. “That might not be the right word, but we’re something.”

  “Whatever you want to call it, you were right.” She sniffled and tossed the tissue into a wastebasket. “Maybe fresh air will help.”

  “It is a little…close in here.”

  “I just wanted to crawl into a cave.” Jennifer pressed the open button on the remote and the curtains rolled back. “My agent is probably having an aneurysm. The Rope people are freaked, the personal assistant was sure she’d be blamed for everything even though I sent the producers a note saying she’d been great, and who knows, there might be so-called ‘scheduling conflicts’ in my inbox already, calling off deals.”

  Suzanne joined Jennifer at the windows, her gaze fixed on the skyline. “Maybe. All of that could happen.” She unlocked the sliding glass door. “Your view is stunning.”

  “As you said about Santa Cruz, location, location, location.” Jennifer led the way along the southern balcony, loving the feel of the warm stone against her feet. She really ought to have changed out of her satin and velvet clothes though.

  “It goes all the way around to that side? You can watch the sun rise and set?”

  “Yes, and that’s Sunset Boulevard.” She pointed. “Beverly Hills, Santa Monica…”

  “Come here.” Suzanne guided her to the patio bench where Jennifer had only ever sat alone in the past. “Let’s just breathe for a while.”

  The hot summer night held no hint of cooling even though the sun had faded. The sparkling lights, some in neat rows, others random sprawls of twinkling silver and blue, were calming. The fresh air eased the sting in her eyes. “Thank you,” Jennifer murmured. “I just don’t know what to do.”

  “Go on doing what you’ve been doing.”

  “If I’m allowed to.”

  “Who allows you to be you?”

  “I’m an actor. By definition, it’s a collaborative life.” She didn’t think Suzanne could understand. “I’m not a hermit and I do need other people to be successful.”

  “I know. But actor isn’t all you are. You stood up for someone today. That wasn’t a script you were reading. That was you.”

  “I don’t know what I was thinking. We were two interviews from done with the entire media trip and all those mind-numbing press days. After those rat bastards from Buzztastic left I thought I was going to faint. Sibo and Cliff—the two young men in the movie—they were great. Mostly they were all ‘wow, didn’t know, it doesn’t matter.’ The last reporter in was a woman from People. She had no idea what had just happened. She asked the same basic questions everyone asks and then it was a wrap. I realized—I just couldn’t stand the idea that those bottom-feeders would be the only source for the story.”

  “You could have denied it. Said they were malicious asshats, which would have been true.”

  Jennifer cocked her head. “I never even thought of that, and it wouldn’t have worked. Sibo and Cliff shouldn’t have to lie for me. I just threw myself on the People woman’s mercy. Offered her an unplanned exclusive.”

  Suzanne spread her hands. “She took it of course. Who wouldn’t?”

  “At least she would have video. People would pay more attention to that I hope. Rather than that smug summary by the rat bastards.”

  “You saw what they published?”

  “Yes. Sapphic snog and all. Assholes.” Tension was draining out of her body and she realized she was exhausted. “I saw that after I got home. Then I got Lena’s message while all the social media on my phone blew up.” Her throat tightened. “All I could think was that I’d jumped off the roof and if you were near enough you’d catch me.”

  “It was the second bravest thing you’ve done.”

  “Second?”

  “Yes. The first was backing yourself. Choosing you when nobody else would. Even me.”

  She gazed up into Suzanne’s lean face, wishing the light were better. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You believed in yourself. You put yourself first. I gave you reasons not to. The whole world gives women reasons not to, like we’re not good women if we don’t put everyone else first. You stood up to all of it and chose yourself.”

  Damn it, she was going to cry again. She didn’t know why Suzanne was being kind. “I was afraid to come out, you were right about that.”

  “I shouldn’t have called you a coward for being afraid—reasonably afraid—that you’d lose your job. I didn’t have to worry about losing my income, and I wanted to pretend you were afraid of nothing because—because it made it easier to be angry at you instead of a situation I couldn’t fix.” Her short laugh was rueful. “That doesn’t happen to me a lot, not being able to fix it.”

  She took a long, shuddering breath. “If I’d chosen us instead, we wouldn’t have spent all this time alone.”

  “Instead, we spent all this time becoming who we wanted to be. Both of us. Surely you’ve noticed all of my successful, committed relationships of which there are none?”

  Jennifer exhaled a half laugh along with a sniff. “Don’t call me Shirley.”

  “Made you laugh.”

  “Carina Estevez seemed like a successful relationship.”

  “It had something, but we drifted too easily apart. The sex was good.”

  Jennifer rolled her eyes. “At least you were having sex. After you… Let’s just say that I’ve been responsible for my own orgasm for a really long time.”

  Suzanne laughed. “See, that makes me want to ask if I can watch.”

  Jennifer felt the familiar stirring of the desire that had never gone away. “Maybe if you’re good.”

  “That’s not why I came here.”

  “I know.” Jennifer sensed an abrupt stillness in Suzanne. Wariness, perhaps? Who could blame her? “This is the worst booty call ever.”

  She laughed again, harder this time. “I could look at this view for hours.”

  “I know.” Jennifer took a deep breath and made herself get up even though her legs felt like lead. “How about a tour? It’s too hot out here.”

  She left the curtains open and set the air conditioner down a few more degrees. “I think my entire apartment could fit on your patio.” She flipped on more lights as she led her down the short hallway. “Yes, this is an entire room devoted to my clothes. This is my wall of shoes. Don’t judge.”

  Suzanne ran fingertips lightly over the toes of a pair of suede boots. “Organized as always. Even your place in New York was organized.” She picked up a pair of white platforms with chartreuse polka dots. “Okay, now I’m judging you.”

  Jennifer lifted them out of Suzanne’s hands. “I keep those to remind myself that sometimes haute couture is ridiculous. And for when I’m going as Disco Diva to a Halloween party.”

  She stopped outside the office door. “This will make you laugh.” She gestured Suzanne to enter ahead of her as she turned on the light.

  “My, my.” Suzanne gazed down at the table scattered with plastic bricks. “Excuse
me, but is that the Limited Edition Master Set Ghostbusters Headquarters with ECTO-One, reboot mini figures and proton paks?”

  “Why yes, King of the Geeks, yes it is.”

  Suzanne plopped into the chair and bellied up to the table. All the lines of tension eased from her face. “This is way excellent.”

  “Well, you never know when you’re going to have a hot date.”

  She looked up from the mini figure of Jillian. “You’re just a geek magnet, aren’t you?”

  “I tried meditation. I tried Hot Yoga. I tried the full bottle of wine. But nothing is more Zen than Legos.”

  “Told you.”

  “I knew you’d say that. But I don’t have any It’s-Its.”

  “Then what good are you?”

  Jennifer laughed and stooped to kiss the tip of Suzanne’s ear. “Thank you for coming. I hope you didn’t have to like, drop a company off the edge of the planet or call off shipping a new gadgety I-probably-can’t-even-appreciate-how-cool-it-is geektronic thing.”

  “Just a couple of meetings. One of them was about geektronics.” She hummed slightly as she sifted through the bin of red bricks.

  “I really need a shower. You could work on the garage door.” Her voice wavered with sudden shyness. “Or you could join me.”

  Suzanne’s hands stilled as Jennifer was jolted by the memory of those fingers caressing her skin. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Okay.” Jennifer backed away. “I’ll just—”

  “Jennifer.” Suzanne had scrambled to her feet. “Let’s not make the same mistakes.”

  “I get it.” She backed into her desk, then fumbled her way out the door.

  Suzanne followed her. “I don’t know if this is unfinished business or a new agenda.”

  “You and your sexy talk.” Jennifer ended up against the hallway wall. “Maybe it’s both?”

  “We know what’s easy for us.” Suzanne was standing close enough for Jennifer to see that over the years the blue in her eyes had become lighter and softer. “It would be very easy. But we have to work on the hard stuff. If.”

  “If.” Jennifer looked down at her feet. “If anybody ever gets around to asking for more.”

  “If,” Suzanne echoed.

  For just a moment she thought Suzanne was going to kiss her, but instead she closed her eyes for a moment. “Go take a nice, hot shower.”

  The steam felt wonderful to her sore sinuses and stinging eyes. What had possessed her to ask Suzanne to join her? A flare of desire, a need to be held, that was all. The way this day was going she’d end up with soap in her eyes and inhaling shampoo—sure, that was erotic. So, so sexy. She found soft sweats and an old Actor’s Equity T-shirt and discovered Suzanne fitting pieces while reading something on her phone.

  “You’re multitasking,” she accused. “There’s no multitasking with Legos.”

  “I have a few things you’ll want to read. If you feel like easing back into the world tonight.”

  “I don’t know.” At the best of times it wasn’t easy to merely dip in a toe when it came to the web.

  “Friends. Always check out the friends first. Everyone else can wait.”

  “Better your phone then,” Jennifer said. “Mine’s off and I’m keeping it that way for now. I’m so in trouble for ducking my agent.”

  “Start here.” She held out the display.

  “Always knew it was an act because that’s what actors do,” Jennifer read aloud. “Always knew @realJenniferLamont was exceptional. Hashtag still what smart looks like. From the real Hyde Butler.”

  “Is he really the stand-up guy he seems to be?” Suzanne took back her phone.

  “Yes, he is. Really. Another one?”

  “Amy Lebeaux says thank you, in all caps, and has a row of kisses, gratitude and tears-of-joy emoticons.”

  Jennifer reached over Suzanne’s shoulder to scroll, and was startled by the sudden buzz of the building intercom. “Damn. Probably my agent demanding to come up.”

  The desk guard was apologetic. “I’m sorry to disturb you this late, Ms. Lamont. But I thought you should know that a news van is setting up to do a live broadcast at the front door. I think you’re our news-maker of the day.”

  “Thank you. I do appreciate knowing.” Well, it was better than BeBe.

  Suzanne had joined her in the living room. “I have a thought.”

  “Just one? How much do they pay you?” When Suzanne gave her a narrow look in response, she added, “Sorry. My sarcasm button has no off setting at the moment.”

  “You finished your commitments, right? What are you doing tomorrow?”

  “Nothing. I have a voice-over recording next Tuesday, and that’s it. I have some scripts. I’m behind on workouts. I need to start working on a Finnish accent. Right now I sound like the Swedish Chef on the Muppets.”

  “It’s not a part that’s supposed to inspire laughter?”

  “No. If they haven’t found a way to dump me.” Her gaze fell on her darkened phone. “I really should check it. At least call my agent. BeBe will be… So. Very. BeBe.”

  “Who says you have to stay here? You should be on your planned hiatus.”

  “You mean I should run away.”

  Suzanne leaned against the wall, looking as if she hadn’t a care in the world when Jennifer could only imagine what she’d abandoned to get here so quickly. “You’re being so literal.”

  “Where to?”

  “I’ll tell you in the car. We’ll have to take yours. I’ll drive.”

  Escape. It sounded welcome. She didn’t want to do a bunch more interviews or take calls from reporters. She needed a little time and space. Right now it didn’t feel like her feet were even on the floor. “What should I bring?”

  Suzanne bounced on her toes. “A hat and dark glasses. Anything else we can buy. I can loan you socks.”

  “We know how well that works.” She looked out at the skyline, not entirely sanguine about the idea of running away. But BeBe would want to pull out all the publicity stops, as if her admission were no different than a wardrobe malfunction to be handled and possibly exploited.

  It only took a few minutes to put her toiletry kit into an over-sized shoulder bag and add some jeans and tops. Her sense of urgency increased as she thought of BeBe’s hand-wringing and manipulations.

  Fine, she was running away.

  She confirmed with the front desk that there was no one in the parking garage and the exit at the back of the building had no one hanging around. Hat and glasses firmly on she gave the car keys to Suzanne. It’s Los Angeles, she told herself. Everybody wears sunglasses after dark.

  She expected at any moment to hear someone call her name, but they made it to the car, out of the garage and around the corner onto Sunset without anyone seeming to take notice.

  Reclining in the passenger seat, leaning her head back, the last thing Jennifer remembered was Suzanne quietly saying, “Why don’t you have a nap?”

  Chapter Fifty

  Jennifer was completely out. Her body was limp in the reclined seat and though Suzanne tried to take the curves through the Tehachapi Mountains carefully, her head lolled as the car swayed, occasionally settling into a position that caused breathless little snores.

  Once they were clear of the notorious Grapevine it was a beeline drive along stretches of freeway with only 18-wheelers for company. It was a tedious stretch of road any time of day, and one of the reasons she preferred to fly. Even at night the temperatures on the interstate were unpleasantly high. She could feel heat pulsing from the asphalt and warming the bottom of the car. Fortunately, Jennifer’s Lexus had excellent air-conditioning. The dashboard display told her she’d have no trouble reaching her destination on the battery charge and gas in the tank.

  Jennifer finally stirred when they left the interstate for a windier, slower highway. “Where are we?”

  “Halfway to Santa Cruz.”

  “Santa Cruz? You still have the house there?”

>   “I had no reason to sell it, and my dad and I both like to go there for quiet space.”

  “You’re taking me to Santa Cruz.” Jennifer’s voice was soft and unfocused.

  “It’ll be a hell of a lot cooler than LA right now.”

  “In more ways than one.” Jennifer stretched and fished in her bag and came up with her phone. “Let’s see how bad it is.”

  Suzanne couldn’t hear the messages Jennifer was listening to, but she gathered that her agent had left the majority of them.

  “Tell me they made it up, blah blah blah, we should have had a plan, blah blah blah. I’m her favorite client.” Jennifer turned off the phone display with a jab at the screen. “She was a little less convincing than usual on that last part.”

  “You could always change representation, right?”

  “I could. I might.” She took a deep breath and made a phone call. “I know the direct to voice mail trick.” She paused, listening. “BeBe it’s Jennifer. I can’t meet with you because I’m not home. I took off on a planned hiatus for a few days and I’ll be off the grid, completely unplugged. I’m exhausted and have got to have some time for myself. We’ll talk when I get back.”

  She disconnected. “Did I cover everything?”

  “You know better than I do. It’s your rodeo.”

  “She’ll try to hunt me down, but she doesn’t know about you. Or Santa Cruz.”

  “If I take a couple of calls tomorrow I can stay through the weekend. If we’re lucky my father left some barbecue in the freezer. He won’t mind if we eat it.”

  Jennifer was quiet for so long Suzanne wondered if she’d drifted off again. Finally she said, “I know there are going to be people who think that because I was silent I left everyone else to do the hard work. And now that we have marriage rights and it’s a little bit safer, I’m cashing in.”

  “Do you think that’s true?”

  “Yes. And no. Somewhere in between, like most things. I can’t go back and change it. I guess, like all my other choices, I’m just going to have to live with it. I know better, I’ll try to do better.” She pulled her knees up under her chin. “I’m scared. But it’s a different kind of scared.”