It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  Aaron grinned, sitting down next to me on his exercise bench. He handed me a bottle of Lipton’s green tea. “I was raised by my five aunts and grandmother—hell yeah, your boy can cook. You name it, and I’ll cook it. I’ll have to invite you over for dinner some time.” He threw his left leg over the bench and sat facing me.

  I blushed a little, holding my hoodie in my hands. “Aaron, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve been feeling you from day one. It was just a fantasy of mine to be sitting here, this close to you, breathing the same air, smelling your cologne, listening to your sexy voice. I could have never imagined that you actually wanted to know me the same way that I wanted to get to know you. I never would have thought you felt for me what I feel for you. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. This is so wrong, but it feels so right. And all I can think about is you touching me.”

  Shit, I guess all Aaron needed was an invitation. He took the hoodie and bottle of tea from my hands and placed them on the carpet. He held my hips, pulling me closer to him, in between his legs.

  My heart pounded in my chest, thumping against my rib cage. I hadn’t been touched in four years the way that he touched me that night. “Aaron, no, we can’t.” I wanted to cry.

  Aaron’s said, “I can’t keep my mind off touching you either. I wanna kiss you too—can I do that?” He held my face in his hands.

  Before I could pull away from him, his lips were pressed against mine. His silky lips embraced mine, and I nearly melted. His lips were so smooth and delicate. The insides of my thighs began to twitch and tingle, and I could feel my panties instantly dampen.

  I pulled my lips from his, getting up from the bench as fast as I could. “Take me back to my dorm, Aaron! I’m not even supposed to be here!” I cried, rushing toward the door.

  Aaron got up from the bench, catching me by the arm before I could reach the door to escape. He pulled me back to him.

  I looked up at him as he held my face in his hands. My body was on fire. I dreamed of that moment, and there it was—a reality. A cruel reality. Tears slid down my face as he slid his hands around my bare waist. The warmth from his hands soothed my soul. He loosened the drawstring to my pants as he gently sucked on my bottom lip. He was killing me.

  I pulled my lips from his and shook my head at him, my heart pounding and my lungs gasping for air. “Aaron, this is wrong—what are we doing?” I panted. “You have a girlfriend—she’s my best friend! She took me into her home when I had no place else to go!” I could hear my cell phone vibrating in my purse, and I knew it was Charlie.

  Aaron’s eyes searched mine as he slid my pants over my hips. “Heaven, I apologize, but I’ve been wanting to do this for over two years—can I just touch it? That’s all I wanna do.”

  I shook my head, my chest heaving in and out. I was breathing so hard, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. My lips were saying, “No, I can’t do this,” but my body language was screaming, “Yes, just take it, dude, all of it.”

  “That’s it, Heaven, I promise.” Aaron’s eyes hungrily searched my face.

  I looked up into his face, lips trembling, and body shaking.

  He slid my panties over my hips, and they fell to the floor. I looked at him as he looked down at the Brazilian wax that I had done a few days earlier. He bit his lip as if he couldn’t wait to get his hands in my pussy. He looked back up into my eyes, and then lifted my body up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He walked back over to the bench, holding me up by my thighs. He sat back down on the bench, gripping my thigh with one hand and the other hand gripping my behind.

  “Why would you wanna start something that there’s no way we can finish, Aaron?” I whispered, tears already sliding down my face.

  “I ask myself every day why I didn’t start sooner.” His eyes focused on my face.

  Tears continued to cascade down my cheeks. I shook my head, “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “All I wanna do is touch you, shorty. That’s it. I just wanna hear you scream. And when you come, I’ll stop. I promise. So, will you scream for me?” He slid the index finger and middle finger of his right hand inside of me, making sure to swirl his fingers along the way, all the way, until his fingertips tickled my cervix.

  Beads of sweat instantly formed along my hairline. “Aaron!” I moaned, grabbing on to his biceps with what little strength I had.

  “How does it feel?” His hand rested on my behind and outer labia, as his fingers gently massaged the walls within me. The insides of my thighs were slippery wet, and fluid trickled down them.

  “Why-why does something so wrong have to feel so good, Aaron?” I stumbled over my words, tears tumbling down my cheeks. I sunk my nails into his biceps. “Aaron, please stop. You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” My thighs began to tremble, and every blood vessel in my body began to twitch.

  Aaron took his other hand and began to massage my clit.

  My whole body trembled, and I screamed with delight.

  “I’m not gonna stop until I feel that pussy come on my fingers, Heaven.” Aaron gently kissed my trembling lips. He started to massage my clit a little faster and pumped his fingers in and out of me at the same time.

  My whole body jumped, and the veins between my thighs pulsated. Aaron continued to rub and penetrate my insides with his fingers until I let out a sigh. I exploded from the inside out. My legs trembled uncontrollably against his waist.

  Aaron stopped rubbing my clit but continued to penetrate my body with his fingers until I screamed and came all over again. The walls over my pussy caved in, pulsating around his fingers.

  My body fell against his, and I laid my head on his shoulder, as my whole body pulsated. My vagina cried out in ecstasy all over his fingers. His whole hand was saturated. I cried on his shoulder. I lifted my head from his shoulder, looking up into his face. His fingers still rested inside of me. My sugary walls throbbed around his fingers.

  Aaron slowly took his fingers from out of me; then he slid those exact same two fingers inside of his mouth. He sucked the sticky fluid of my vagina from his fingers, satisfied with its taste. “Shit,” he whispered. “You taste just like I imagined you would.”

  Tears covered my face. I felt guilty as hell, and it was blatantly obvious that Aaron was ready for more. Though I wanted his hands, lips, tongue, and dick all over me, I knew what I was letting that boy do to me was wrong, dead wrong.

  Aaron gripped my thighs tightly in his hands, as he licked his lips.

  My lips trembled. “Aaron, this is wrong, and I want you so bad, but this is so wrong.”

  He started to loosen the drawstring to his pants as if he didn’t hear me.

  “Aaron!” I cried, pushing him, stopping him from loosening his pants. “Take me to my aunt’s house now!” I got up from his lap, going over to where my panties and pants lay on the floor.

  He sat there on the bench, catching his breath. He watched as I cried to myself, putting on my panties, then my sweatpants. I slid into my socks, then into my Nikes. I kneeled down to tie my laces.

  Aaron got up from the bench and walked over to me.

  I stood up, backing away from him. I could smell myself all over him.

  He caught my hand, pulling me closer to him. “Heaven,” he whispered to me.

  Tears stained my face.

  “Heaven, I love you,” he whispered.

  I cried aloud, pulling from him. I had been waiting over two years to hear him say those words to me, but when he finally said those three words, it hurt like nothing I’d ever experienced.

  “Take me to my aunt’s house now, Aaron! I’m not supposed to be here! Why did I let you bring me here? Why did I let you touch me like that? Why?” I cried. “Why am I in love with my best friend’s boyfriend? This isn’t supposed to be happening!” I pushed him.

  Aaron looked as if he wanted to cry as well. He knew that what we did was wrong and that there was nothing we could do to take it back.

  “Aaron, this is the
last time that anything like this will ever happen!” I sobbed. “I don’t wanna see you, I don’t wanna talk to you, and I don’t wanna know you!”

  Aaron shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I love you, and I’m not supposed to! You touched me, and you weren’t supposed to! You’re not supposed to love me when you’re with my best friend, Aaron! We don’t belong together! You got who you need! Forget about me—forget about us!” I pushed past him and walked out of the room.

  * * *

  Aaron dropped me off at my aunt Joyce’s house that night. We didn’t say one word to each other on the ride over. My mind was racing. I silently cried to myself, wondering how I could let Aaron touch me and kiss me the way that he did. He licked the juices from my vagina from his fingers. He tasted my insides, and he liked it. He enjoyed pleasing me, and no feeling had ever felt better. I couldn’t erase the thought of it from my mind. I could still feel his fingers inside of me, and I could still taste his tongue inside of my mouth.

  When we got to my aunt’s house, I darted out of the car, slamming the door behind me, and I raced up my aunt’s porch steps without even saying good-bye to the poor boy. I couldn’t even look at him after what we’d done. I didn’t have to knock at my aunt’s door. She stepped out of her new black BMW, dressed in a black Gucci dress with matching stilettos. I knew she’d just gotten home from one of her many hot dates.

  I stood there on the porch as she approached me.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” she asked, and then looked across the yard at Aaron’s maroon Chevy Impala speeding off the down the street.

  I cried, throwing my arms over her shoulders. I cried my eyes out, burying my face in her neck.

  Chapter 2

  Closer

  Ne’Vaeh

  I sat down on the leather sofa in my aunt’s living room the next morning. I didn’t get any sleep the night before, and it was going to take a gallon of cappuccino to keep me awake all day so that I could finish my Humanities 101 paper.

  My cousin Renée sat down next to me, handing me a cup of toasted almond cappuccino. She was a tall, sexy, brown-skinned girl with hazel-brown eyes and shoulder-length curly hair. Seemed like I was the only one not blessed with hips and ass. Renée looked like a got-damn stripper, her body was so bad. Women paid thousands to have a shape like hers.

  She looked at me as I took the cup from her and held it to my lips with both hands. “So,” she hesitated, “Mama says you came over late last night.”

  I nodded, taking sips from the mug.

  “We’re like sisters, Ne’Vaeh. You know you can always talk to me,” she assured me.

  I looked at her. She was right. When Aunt Joyce took my brother, sister, and me in for those months my mother spent in rehab, it was Renée who kept me from pulling my hair out. She was there to comfort us. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never made it through junior high and some of high school. She never left me alone when I was feeling down. When I needed to talk, she was always there to listen, so I had to tell her about Aaron.

  I turned to her as I placed my cup down on her glass coffee table. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Well, you know Charlie’s boyfriend named Aaron, right?”

  Renée looked at me and nodded. “Hell yeah, I know him! He’s the finest boy on the basketball team at College Park! His ass is gonna end up getting drafted! Charlie says there are already about two or three teams after his ass right now! What about him?”

  I sighed, not sure how to tell her what Aaron did to me the night before. “He-He came to my dorm room last night. He said he needed to talk to me. He’s never come by to talk to me. We’ve known each other going on three years, and we have never talked one-on-one.”

  Renée looked up at me. She scooted to the edge of her seat as if she were bracing herself for what I was about to tell her.

  I hesitated. “He-He took me to his apartment. I wasn’t feeling it, so we went to a party. I wasn’t feeling that because too many people I knew started walking through the door. We ended up back at his apartment. No one was there but the two of us. And while we were there, he told me that he wishes he would have chosen me instead of Charlie.” My eyes dampened.

  Renée’s eyes widened. “Ne’Vaeh, tell me that you didn’t sleep with that girl’s boyfriend!”

  I hesitated. “No, but it was close enough.”

  “How close?” She folded her arms.

  I looked at her. “He licked my pussy juice from his fingers—that’s how far it got, Renée.”

  Renée shook her head in disgust, not really sure what to say to me. She was pissed—more like disappointed—at me. She looked at me. “Charlie loves that boy—you know how much that boy means to that girl! You let the nigga play in your pussy? Charlie is gonna kick ya ass!”

  “I love him too, Renée!” I cried. “What was I supposed to do when he touched me? What was I supposed to do when he kissed me? What was I supposed to do when he told me that he loved me? I’ve wanted that boy from day one, and when I finally had him to myself—telling me that he felt the exact same way about me—what was I supposed to do? He knew what he was doing to me! He made it feel so right, when he knew it was wrong!”

  Renée looked at me, her eyes sparkling. “You’re my baby cousin, and I love you like you were my own little sister, so I’m just gonna have to say this to you: you are stupid as hell if you actually think that this situation is gonna work out in your favor. Your best friend’s boyfriend—really, Ne’Vaeh? I’m twenty-six years old, and I have never seen a situation like this work out. Charlie’s gonna end up hurt, Aaron’s gonna end up hurt, and your ass is gonna end up hurt! You’ve been through so much shit in your life, and Charlie has been there through a lot of it to help you through it. And this shit is how you repay her? You’re a whole lot smarter than this shit, Ne’Vaeh! I don’t even know why you’re crying.”

  Tears slid down my cheeks, but I quickly dried them away. “I don’t wanna hurt Charlie. I told Aaron that I can’t see him anymore. And I know that after what happened last night, I’ll never be able to look Charlie in the eyes again. How could I do this to her? How in the hell did I fall for my own best friend’s boyfriend?”

  Renée shook her head at me. “Ever since Jamie left, girl, you have been totally lost. My girl, Kristina, said she saw him a few weeks ago when she went to visit her cousin at Memphis State. She said Jamie even asked about you.”

  I shook my head, heart palpitating in my chest. The sound of his name still sent blood rushing to my heart. “Can we not talk about Jamie right now, Renée?”

  Renée sighed, getting up from off of the couch. “C’mon, cuz, let’s go get something to eat. You know I can’t talk about depressing shit like this too long. Let’s go get our grub on.”

  I looked up at her, tears saturating my face.

  She looked down at me and grinned. Renée’s heart didn’t know how to withstand pain, hurt, or anger. She wouldn’t allow herself to feel any type of misery. Whenever she felt even the slightest twinge of any emotion that she couldn’t handle, she’d snap right out of it. I loved how she was able to turn her emotions on and off like a light switch. She hated pain, and she refused to let herself experience it. She held my hand, pulling me up from the couch.

  * * *

  Renée called up a few of her friends that morning to join us at IHOP. They sat there laughing and talking about the crazy situations that they happened to get themselves out of that week. I, on the other hand, sat there pushing my food around on my plate, trying to figure my way out of my crazy situation.

  Renée eased her laughing when she noticed that I wasn’t eating. “I thought that was your favorite meal,” she commented.

  I looked down at the scrambled eggs with extra cheese, turkey bacon extra crispy, two pancakes, and hash browns that sat on my plate, untouched. Aaron knew what I ate for breakfast. He knew so much about me, when I barely knew him.

  “Ne’Vaeh, food is not free. I paid nine eighty-nine for that
meal. Shit, that’s over three gallons of gas!”

  Her friends giggled. Renée could literally “make a dollar out of fifteen cents.” She was the cheapest person I knew. She brought her own food to the movie theater, used every drop of toothpaste, diluted hot sauce with water, and only bought clothes off the clearance rack. She was one of those girls who counted out seven fifty in pennies at the register. She was embarrassing, but homegirl was never broke.

  I looked up at her. “I’ll eat it, and if I don’t, I’ll pay you back. No worries.”

  “Ne’Vaeh, Charlie is supposed to be going with me tomorrow morning to pick up a few things for your party. I tried calling her, but she’s not answering my calls. When is she coming back?” Kristina asked. Kristina was a pretty, brown-skinned, big-boned girl with a round face and deep dimples. She was in graduate school at College Park, maintaining a 3.8 GPA.

  I looked at her. “She’s supposed to be here tomorrow morning at eleven o’clock.”

  Renée looked at me. She knew that I hated the thought of Charlie coming back so soon. I didn’t know how I was going to face her after what I’d done with her boyfriend.

  Kristina looked at me, and then over my shoulder. She squinted her eyes to get a better look at what she had spotted. “Hey, isn’t that Aaron?” she asked, pointing in the direction she was looking.

  My heart fluttered in my chest as Renée and her friends turned in their seats to get a good look at the famous Aaron Whitehaven. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that it was him. The whole restaurant clapped their hands and cheered for him and his entourage as they walked through the dining area.

  Renée looked at me. She knew that I felt uneasy. “Girl, come with me to the restroom real quick.”

  I nodded, springing up from my seat. I turned around just in time to see Aaron walking right up to my table. I gasped, placing my hand over my chest as he walked up to me.