It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  “Nah,” Aaron shook his head, “she loves dancin’, kickin’ it with her friends, partyin’, cheerleadin’, clubs, fame, attention, recognition, makeup, and shit.” Aaron looked at me as I drank the last sip from my glass. “I’m glad you decided to kick it with me and my people tonight, Heaven. It’s good to see you open up a little. That dude, Jamie, did some serious damage, ma.”

  “Excuse me,” I signaled the bartender to come over. “I need another drink. Anything sweet.” I looked at Aaron. “I’m really not in the mood to talk about him. In fact, I haven’t talked about him in over four years, and I’m not about to start talking about him now with you—especially with you.” The bartender slid me a Strawberry Daiquiri topped with whipped cream and a cherry.

  Aaron watched as I plopped the cherry in my mouth, then started to drink from the glass. “I can hear your heart, Heaven. It needs someone.” He shook his head at me.

  I fought back the tears. I knew that I needed love, but Aaron belonged to someone else. He was right. I did need to talk to someone about my feelings. Charlie was always too busy to talk to. The only thing she was concerned with when it came to me was helping her pass. Renée was about the only one who didn’t make me feel like shit when I brought up Jamie’s name years earlier. I didn’t hang around Alisha or her girls that often because they were always running their mouth about other people’s business, and I didn’t have the time to get caught up in their shit. My family members were more concerned with my education than with my heart. I didn’t have anyone other than my therapist to talk to, and she didn’t do shit but say “Hmm” while probably writing, “this bitch is crazy” on her notepad.

  Aaron looked at me, waiting for me to say something about Jamie.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what to say other than I loved him, and he left me. I gave my heart to him, and he left me, Aaron. One night we were making love, the next day he was gone. All I know is when I woke up, he wasn’t next to me. I woke up to his sister throwing my clothes at me, telling me that I had to get dressed and get the fuck out of her house. I was a few months shy of turning fifteen. True, I had no business having sex. But the look on her face when she told me that her brother deserved better than me is still imprinted in my mind. She always thought I was holding him back, that he lost focus when we started dating. No, he lost focus when his own family didn’t support him or his dreams. I know you’ve seen him on TV, playing college football. He’s doing the damn thing now. I don’t know what motivation he has now, but I guess his sister was right—all he needed was to get away from me to complete his goals.” Tears began to slide down my cheeks.

  Aaron’s eyes traced my face. “Nah, Heaven, there has to be more to that story.”

  I shook my head, drying my face. “Well, whatever it is, I hope the nigga is happy, because I’m miserable! I don’t know how to love or be loved! It’s been four years, and the only person I’ve managed to fall for is my best friend’s boyfriend!” I put my glass to my lips, drinking it to the last drop.

  Before I could wipe the whipped cream from my lips, Aaron held my face in his hands, wiping the cream from my face with his thumbs. Yet again, he licked the cream from his fingers.

  “And cute little shit like that doesn’t help, Aaron,” I sighed, still holding the glass in my hands.

  He laughed a little. “Heaven, I told you that I was gonna show you a good time tonight, and that’s what I plan on doing. So, do you wanna dance with me?” He took a sip from his glass then set it on the bar.

  I looked up at him as he licked the liquor from his lips. My favorite love song came on serenading the club at the very moment that he asked me to dance. My heart was racing, my lips and hands were trembling, and my stomach was doing fuckin’ backflips.

  Aaron grinned, taking the glass from my hands and setting it on the bar. He got up from his seat, then pulled me up from mine by my hands. He led me out onto the dance floor. As soon as we were in the middle of the crowd, he turned to me, pulling my body up against his.

  We hadn’t danced together since our senior prom, and even then, it wasn’t to a slow song. I went to prom alone, and I didn’t have anyone to dance with. Aaron grabbed me off the wall and took me out in the middle of the dance floor. I had to admit, he had the moves. He could dance his ass off. He loved to have fun. He was always smiling, and I always loved that about him.

  That night at the club, there we were, hormones raging, hearts racing, palms sweating. Aaron gripped my hips in his hands, and I lay my head up against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I danced with him until my feet hurt. I drank with him and his friends until I couldn’t stand on my own. I hate to admit it, but I had a great time with Aaron that night. He didn’t flirt with me, he didn’t try to kiss or touch me inappropriately, and he didn’t act as if we were anything other than friends. I hadn’t opened up about my feelings for Jamie in years, and it felt good to talk to someone who actually gave a damn about my feelings.

  I enjoyed myself a little too much that night, because it wasn’t until around 2:30 that morning that I decided that I had had enough. I accidentally grabbed the wrong set of keys that night when I left my dorm room—I grabbed my spare car key instead of grabbing my room key. There wouldn’t be anyone at the front desk of the dorm to let me in at that time of night. I had no choice but to go back to Aaron’s crib with him.

  Chapter 3

  Getting into Heaven

  Ne’Vaeh

  The last thing I remember from that night is waking up on Aaron’s sofa. I pushed my hair from my face, looking up to see Aaron asleep on the couch across from me. I peeled myself from the sofa. My head was throbbing. My shoes and jacket were off. I stood from the couch only to fall straight back to the floor, hitting my knee on the damn corner of the coffee table. I didn’t let out a peep, but the sound of me knocking against the table and falling to the floor woke Aaron from his deep sleep.

  His eyes opened. After seeing me on the floor, he instantly sat up from the couch and got up, making his way over to me. He helped me from the floor, even though I was trying to push him away. “Too much fun last night, huh, Heaven?” he smirked, helping me back to the sofa.

  I looked at him as I pushed my hair from my face. “I bumped my knee on your fuckin’ coffee table,” was all I could think of to say.

  Aaron laughed aloud. “Which knee—this one?” He started rubbing my left knee with his big, warm, strong hands.

  My whole body blushed, and I pushed his hand away. I looked up at him. He was dressed in a wife-beater and gray sweats. He smelled as if he had just stepped out of the shower, like fresh Irish Spring.

  “What-what time is it?” I asked.

  He looked at me, then down at his watch. “It’s 7:30.”

  “Someone should be at the front desk at the dorm to let me in around 8:00, so maybe we should get going. I have to get dressed. I have a long day. I had a little too much to drink last night, and my head is pounding. My party is tonight, so I have to do something to get rid of this migraine,” I said, watching Aaron’s eyes trace my lips.

  “Let me fix you some breakfast before we roll out, shorty.” He got up from the sofa.

  I sighed, slowly getting up from the sofa, careful not to bump my knee again on the way up. “Aaron, please, just—”

  “Don’t act like you’re not hungry.” Aaron made his way over to the refrigerator. “It won’t take me long to hook up some French toast, eggs, and bacon, shorty.”

  We sat side by side on Aaron’s couch that morning eating breakfast. The French toast was amazing, made from scratch. The eggs had been scrambled just right, and the bacon was crisped to perfection. We both sat there eating, not saying a word to each other. I looked up at Aaron, just when his tongue slid across his silky lips, licking away the maple syrup that coated them. Instantly, thoughts of Aaron sucking my pussy juice from his fingers flashed through my mind.

  Aaron felt me looking at him. “Is the reason why you haven’t slept with anyone these past
four years because you’ve been waiting on me, Heaven?”

  My heart jumped in my chest. “What? What makes you think that I haven’t slept with anyone?”

  Aaron smirked, looking up at me.

  My whole body blushed. “You know, you’re real fuckin’ arrogant, Aaron.” But it was true. Though I knew I couldn’t have Aaron, I wanted him badly. I found myself comparing him to everybody who tried to get my number. If a man didn’t walk, talk, think, act, or even smell like Aaron, he didn’t have a chance.

  Aaron grinned. “I’m just sayin’, Heaven. A nigga can just tell.”

  I rolled my eyes. “For your information, I have slept with someone before, Aaron. I told you that shit last night. Yeah, it’s been a few years, but I’m in no way waiting on you to take my virginity. That was taken years ago, thank you, Mr. Ego.”

  Aaron laughed a little then continued eating.

  I sat there, eating nervously. He knew he was driving me crazy. He knew that I wanted his lips all over mine. He knew that I wanted him to fuck the shit out of me. I tried my damnedest to remain calm, but my emotions were draining through my pores. My palms began to sweat. My limbs began to tremble. It soon became difficult to swallow.

  Aaron laughed a little watching me struggle to cut the French toast into little pieces. He took the fork from my hand and started cutting the French toast for me. He looked up at me, turning to face me, and he held the fork up to my lips.

  I shook my head.

  “Open your mouth, shorty,” he whispered.

  My lips trembled as I opened them, and he slid the moist French toast through my lips. I chewed and swallowed hard as I watched him eat from my plate.

  Aaron looked at me as he licked syrup from his lips again. “You know I can’t stop thinking about that night I touched your pussy, Heaven.”

  I shook my head, holding my hand over my heart. “Please, Aaron, no, I’m begging you not to do this.” He was driving my hormones up the fuckin’ wall. “You did such a good job last night of not bringing that up. Please, don’t bring it up now.”

  “Your pussy was so tight, wet, sticky, and sweet. That fat pussy tasted like butterscotch . . . shit. Got a nigga’s dick hard just thinking about it.”

  I snatched my fork back. “C-can we not discuss this right now? What are you doing, and why are you doing it to me? You know you need to stop.”

  Aaron grinned as his cell phone rang in his pocket. He took it out, looked at it, touched the screen to answer it, then held it to his ear. “Yo?” he answered.

  I looked at him.

  “Where you at, nigga?” He looked down at his watch; then he looked at me. “Nah, Charlie’s not here, but I do have company. . . .”

  My heart pounded in my chest.

  “A’ight, nigga, you just make sure you have my bottle of Grey Goose that you and your fuckin’ cousins drank up the other night. Ha-ha, my ass. Have my shit when you get here, a’ight?” Aaron pressed “end” on his phone, then set his phone on the coffee table. He looked at me.

  I looked at him.

  “My roommate is on his way over with some friends. Said he’d be here in fifteen. We probably gonna fire some shit up, shorty. Not sure if you get down like that or wanna be here for that, but—” He stopped talking, seeing me reach for my purse, shoes, and jacket.

  I stood from the couch.

  Aaron looked up at me. “Where are you goin’ so fast?”

  “Back to the dorm. You said that your roommate, Ashton, was on his way over. He and Charlie are like best friends! I don’t care what y’all are smokin’ on. I don’t wanna be here when I’m not even supposed to be here with you.” My eyes searched his. “Not to mention, Charlie’s flight will be in soon, and Renée is supposed to be picking me up in a few hours to get ready for the party.”

  Aaron shook his head, standing up from the couch. He reached for me, but I pulled away. He sighed, shaking his head at me. “I just want to say Happy Birthday, baby.”

  My eyes moistened over. “Thank you.”

  “Come upstairs with me to my room real quick before you leave—I got somethin’ for you.”

  I shook my head. “Dude, no!”

  He grabbed me by the hand anyway, pulling me out of the living room and up the stairs to his room.

  Aaron’s room was warm and cozy. His bed was dressed in a chocolate-brown and olive-green comforter and quilt. His headboard, footboard, nightstand, desk, and dresser were cherry wood. Posters of his favorite sports stars and beautiful Victoria’s Secret models were all over his walls. It was nice to see a black man actually have pictures of black women on his wall. He had all of the latest electronic gadgets, from his 42-inch flat-screen TV, to his PlayStation, to his laptop, to his desktop computer, to his stereo system—everything was up-to-date.

  I looked over on his nightstand, and walked over to it, picking up a picture he had in a frame of Charlie and me together. We were all hugged up, posing, on the day of JV cheerleading tryouts, freshman year in high school. I have to admit, we were looking pretty fly that day. I laughed to myself.

  I looked up at Aaron as he walked over to his closet. He must have had fifty boxes of Jordans stacked on top of his closet shelf, and I don’t think he could even fit any more clothes in there. He bent down to pick a gift bag off the floor of his closet. Then he stood back up straight and turned around, walking toward me with the bag.

  I looked at him as he held up the sparkly bag. I set my jacket, shoes, and purse on the floor, then took the bag from his hand.

  My whole body blushed. “Wha-what’s in the bag?”

  Aaron grinned, biting his lip, as I reached into the bag.

  First, I grabbed a gold box that contained a pair of

  platinum hoop earrings. Then I pulled out a red velvet box that had a platinum “Heaven” charm hanging from a platinum necklace. Two diamond-studded angel wings enclosed the name.

  I looked up at him, tears already sliding from my cheeks. I reached in the bag to pull out a tight-fitted, thigh-high, Coogi sweater dress with a hood, size five. My eyes widened. That dress was three-hundred-fifty bucks at the mall! I know Coogi is a nineties thang, but I loved Coogi, and he knew it too. That gift bag had to contain at least $800 or more worth of gifts.

  I looked up at him, not even knowing what to say except, “Why? Why would you spend all of this on me? It’s too much. I can’t accept this.” I started to put everything back in the bag.

  Aaron caught my hand.

  I looked up at him, tears racing down my face by now.

  Aaron shook his head. “Your cousin already told me that I wasn’t invited to your party, shorty, so this is the least I can do, since I can’t be there.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I dried my tears, but more followed right behind them. “The least you can do? I can’t afford things like this. A Coogi dress? I saw this dress at the mall last week, wishing I had a dress like this. I couldn’t even afford to try the dress on!”

  Aaron laughed a little to himself.

  I looked up into his face as he held my face in his hands and dried my tears. “Why do you have to be so fuckin’ amazing?”

  “Are you gonna wear this to your party? Do you have shoes to match the dress? If not, I can go get you some.” Aaron’s eyes searched mine.

  I blushed a little and shook my head. “No, you’ve done enough. Thank you. I’m sure I can work out something.”

  “So, you like everything? I don’t have such bad taste after all, huh?” Aaron smiled, taking the bag from my hands.

  My heart beat stronger for him in my chest as he took the bag and removed the dress from it. He placed the bag on the floor, threw the dress over his shoulder, then pulled me closer to him by the belt loops on my jeans. After that, he started to unsnap my jeans.

  I caught his hand. “Whoa, what are you doing?”

  “Try this on for me. I wanna see you in it. I can’t see you in it tonight, so I just thought I’d get to see you in it now.” His eyes traced my bare shoulders.


  I sighed. What could it hurt? Whether I was dressed or undressed, Aaron was going to think what he was going to think. It was obvious the man had a vivid imagination. He saw me in the dress before he even gave it to me. He knew my size just by looking at me. He’d never seen me in a dress that tight, but he knew I’d like it.

  I unzipped my pants and stepped out of them. I slipped my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor.

  Aaron pulled me closer to him by the elastic waist of my panties, but I put my hands on his chest, pushing him away. He laughed a little as I snatched the dress from his shoulder.

  I turned around and walked over to the full-length mirror on his wall. I could feel his eyes roam all over me. I pulled the dress over my head and slid it over my breasts, waist, hips, and over my butt. I looked at my reflection in awe. I looked hot. The V-neckline was low, showing the right amount of cleavage. The dress hugged me in all the right places. I turned around to Aaron, who was already walking toward me.

  “So-so what do you think?” I whispered as he pulled me closer to him by my waist.

  He gripped my dress in his hands. “I got Magnums, shorty,” he whispered back. “I mean lots of ’em.”

  I tried to back away, but he was gripping my dress tight. “You know, just because you bought me a dress doesn’t mean you’re gonna get some pussy, Aaron. I just wanted to throw that out there.”

  “So then, what’s it gonna take, shorty?”

  I shook my head. “Aaron, don’t do this, please. I have to go. Thank you for everything, but you know this is wrong.”

  He let go of me, and I pulled the dress up and over my head and walked back over to the bag and my clothes on the floor. I placed the dress back in the bag and picked my jeans up off the floor.

  Aaron walked back over to me. “Heaven, ever since that night we kissed, all I can think about is putting this dick inside of you. I keep imagining what my dick going in and out of that pussy must sound like. Yo, I wanna make that pussy cry. Shorty, there are so many things I wanna do to you,” he had the nerve to tell me.