It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  “Look, Renée, I’m the one who made her pass the fuck out! I don’t know what I said to upset her, but I need to be here to comfort her.” My eyes grew misty, watching Ne’Vaeh bawl.

  Renée shook her head. “Nah, sweetie, you really don’t need to hear this. Please, let us talk alone.”

  I put my hands up, surrendering. I had lost that battle. Renée wanted me out of their business, so I stayed out of their business.

  Needless to say, the party was turned all the way up that night. Seemed like the ballroom was filled beyond capacity, once everyone found out that Anastasia Jones and Darryl Allan were in the spot. The celebrities were there for a good hour and a half before leaving that night. By then, everybody was already tore up, even Ne’Vaeh, who sat alone at the bar. She had recovered physically from the incident that happened earlier, but mentally, I’m not so sure. I wasn’t sure what was going on with her, and I was afraid to ask. I sat at a table with Dana, Danita, Kelissa, Monique, Raya, and Kai, keeping an eye on Ne’Vaeh, making sure she didn’t drink too much. It was almost time for the couples’ dance. Renée would pick a random love song and have the DJ play it to calm the mood a little bit. She made her way over to the DJ, and Aaron had finally made his way over to me.

  Kelissa grinned. “Yeah, ladies, it’s about that time. Let’s go find our men.”

  They got up from the table, making their way out onto the dance floor just in time for my favorite song, “You Gotta Be.” My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I absolutely loved that song, but I knew someone who loved it more. I looked over at Ne’Vaeh, who sat, face in hand, in tears. I looked back at Aaron.

  Aaron looked at me. “What’s up, shorty?” He spoke over the music.

  I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Please, go dance with her.”

  Aaron looked at me, then over at Ne’Vaeh. He shook his head, looking back at me. “Nah, Charlie. Trust me. She doesn’t wanna dance with me.”

  I nodded. “Please. Look at her. She needs it.”

  Aaron hesitated before getting up from the table. He made his way over to the bar. He whispered in Ne’Vaeh’s ear, over her shoulder. Ne’Vaeh turned around in her chair, stood up, and pushed Aaron out of her way before walking past him.

  I stood in my chair. What the hell?

  Aaron grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him. She tried to pull from him, but he pulled her close, surrounded her in his arms, and the girl started crying her eyes out up against his chest. Though I couldn’t hear what Aaron was saying, I know I saw him mouth the words, “Baby, I’m sorry” in her ear. Now, what the dude was sorry about and why he was calling her “baby,” I had no fuckin’ idea. However, something in my heart wouldn’t let me pass off that moment as nothing. Before I could make my way over to the two, someone grabbed my arm.

  I turned around to see Jamie Green looking me dead in the face.

  My heart fluttered in my chest. “Jamie, what the hell are you doing here?” I exclaimed, forgetting that Kelissa mentioned that he was in town.

  Jamie smiled, platinum teeth gleaming. “Shorty over there invited me.” He pointed over to Alisha, who was over by the loudspeaker, dancing with Ashton.

  I glared over at her. Alisha caught sight of me looking at her, and the bitch winked at me. Ol’ messy-ass bitch. I knew Ashton said that she planned to invite someone from Ne’Vaeh’s past as a birthday surprise, but the day was already hectic enough. I didn’t have time for drama. Yes, Ne’Vaeh needed Jamie, but by the looks of things, I wasn’t so sure Jamie was who she wanted.

  I looked at Jamie, then back over to the bar where Aaron and Ne’Vaeh were supposed to be. I had lost sight of them. I searched the room with my eyes until I caught sight of them on the dance floor. The two were more like hugging than dancing. They were barely moving. Looked like the two were both crying to me. What the fuck was going on?

  I looked up at Jamie. “I need your help,” I said as I leaned over and whispered in his ear.

  Jamie nodded. “What’s up?”

  I pointed over to Aaron and Ne’Vaeh on the dance floor. I looked back up at Jamie. His eyes were coated in tears. I’m not sure how he felt seeing the love of his life hugged up with another man, but I knew I was feeling some type of way watching the love of my life hugged up with another woman. Though I had walked myself into that situation when I asked Aaron to comfort her, I didn’t like what I was seeing. Something was telling me that this dance was not just a dance.

  “I take it that’s your man, huh?” Jamie looked back at me.

  I nodded. “Yeah. I guess.”

  “So, why is she dancing with your man?” he questioned my logic.

  “She needed it, Jamie. The girl is hurting. You should have seen her today. She’s been crying and moping around all damn day.” I looked up into his face. “I told my man to dance with her because I thought she needed to feel someone’s arms around her. She needs love, Jamie.”

  “Who’s love? Aaron’s? I thought you needed his love.” Jamie looked back at the two on the dance floor.

  I looked over at them. Ne’Vaeh lifted her head from resting on Aaron’s chest. She looked into his face, and he looked down in hers. He dried her tears. I watched as his eyes searched her face, as if he wanted to kiss her, but instead of kissing her, he swiped his thumb across her lips. Oh, I was so done. That was enough. There was something going on.

  I was about to step out onto the dance floor when Jamie caught my hand. I looked up at him. Oh, I was mad. Aaron never touched me or held me the way that he was holding her. He cared for her. He hadn’t so much as spent five minutes of his time with that girl; yet, there they were—close enough to kiss. I was ready to fight—ready to beat a bitch’s ass over my man—heart problems or not.

  “Charlie, be easy. Damn! You stay ready to fight someone.” Jamie looked down into my face.

  My eyes widened. “What? Look at them! Do you see what I see? That nigga never touches me like that!”

  Jamie grinned a little bit. He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “How can you really be mad at them, shorty, for dancing, when we both know that a lot more than dancing happened between us?”

  I looked at him, coming to my senses . . . just a little bit. I was already fragile, and I knew that Aaron wanted to break up with me. I had trapped him with a baby that he didn’t even know wasn’t his. “Jamie, I don’t want him dancing with her.” I was furious.

  Jamie held my hand, leading me out onto the dance floor. Ne’Vaeh’s back was turned to us as we approached them on the floor. Aaron caught sight of us walking toward them, then loosened his grip from Ne’Vaeh’s hips. She turned around to see Jamie approaching her, me following close behind him.

  It took her a few seconds to register who he was and when it registered in her mind, I think it registered in her heart as well. Her lips trembled. She looked up at Aaron, who was looking right back at her. His temples twitched a little.

  “Aaron, it-it’s Jamie.” She talked over the music, looking back up at Jamie. “Jamie,” she whispered to herself, looking at her long-lost love.

  Jamie held her hand, pulling her to him. “Happy birthday, li’l Ne’Vaeh.” His eyes glistened under the ballroom lights.

  Ne’Vaeh slid her hand from his, then looked at me. “What’s going on?”

  “Surprise!” I heard Alisha’s voice over my shoulder. She ran up to Ne’Vaeh to hug her around her neck.

  Ne’Vaeh wasn’t sure how to react. I’m sure the last person she expected to see was Jamie. She hadn’t seen him or talked to him in four years. She had just learned to deal with the fact that Jamie was never coming back to Maryland—and there he was, standing there before her, looking like a sexy piece of milk chocolate.

  “Look who I found, honey!” Alisha glanced at me, then looked back at Ne’Vaeh. “All the way live, from Memphis, Tennessee!”

  “Jamie, what are you doing here?” Ne’Vaeh was obviously upset that no one bothered to ask her how she felt about seeing Jamie again after so long
.

  “Just came by to see what was up with my first love. I must say, shorty, you are looking fine as a muthafucka in that dress. C’mere, shorty. Give me a hug. Let me hold you.” He pulled her close in his arms.

  Ne’Vaeh broke out in tears.

  Aaron looked crushed. He watched Jamie holding her, gripping her waist in his hands. He watched Ne’Vaeh crying in his arms.

  Ne’Vaeh pulled from Jamie, pushing him off her. “Four years, Jamie! I haven’t seen your ass in four fuckin’ years, and you think you can just stroll up in here like you didn’t just up and leave me?”

  Jamie just looked at her, not sure what to say.

  Ne’Vaeh looked at Alisha. “How could you all do this to me today? On my muthafuckin’ birthday!” She stormed off past us, pushing her way through the crowd of people.

  Alisha sighed. “Well, that didn’t go as planned.”

  “Yeah, shorty, you think?” Aaron shook his head. “I don’t know why women don’t think before they do shit. How do y’all figure she wanted to see this muthafucka?”

  Jamie had to laugh at the fact that Aaron was talking about him as if he wasn’t standing right there.

  Alisha rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Aaron. Fine. Y’all want me to take the blame for how she feels, as if y’all don’t have shit to do with this? Okay, I’ll take the blame. This is my fault, so I’ll go get her.” She hurried off to find Ne’Vaeh.

  There I stood, between Aaron and Jamie. Aaron looked at Jamie. Jamie looked at him. Aaron knew what Jamie once meant to Ne’Vaeh. By the look on Aaron’s face, I wasn’t so sure what Ne’Vaeh meant to him, but it was obvious by the way he looked at Jamie that he didn’t appreciate him ruining their sensual moment.

  “What’s good, Aaron?” Jamie grinned. “I heard a lot about you, man.”

  “Well, I haven’t heard shit about you, nigga, other than the fact that you smashed the girl, then bounced.” Aaron was defensive.

  Jamie laughed a little. “Hold up, homie. Forgive me if I’m wrong but, uh, you seem a little offended that I’m here. Now, if Charlene is your girl, why does me coming here to see Ne’Vaeh got you feeling some type of way?”

  I pulled Aaron away from Jamie by his arm. It didn’t take much to piss Aaron off, and from what I remember about Jamie, he was on the same page—Anger Management 101.

  Aaron pulled from me, getting back in his face. “Muthafucka, I don’t gotta explain a muthafuckin’ thing to you. Anyone can see that Heaven has been through enough bullshit. Your ass hasn’t stepped foot in the girl’s life in four years; then you pop up out of the blue like she’s supposed to greet your ass with open arms?”

  I looked up at Aaron. Since I’ve known him, he’s always called that girl ‘Heaven,’ and it always bothered me, though I never said anything.

  Jamie looked at me. He knew it bothered me. He looked back at Aaron. “What do you know about ‘Heaven’? Why is ‘Heaven’ any of your concern, Aaron? I don’t see her here with anybody. Is she here with you? Because I thought you were here with her.” He pointed at me. “You wanna explain to your girl here why you’re in your feelings about a girl—who’s not your girl?” Jamie grinned. “You have a woman as fine as Charlie, and you worried about her best friend? Fill her in on that, my nigga.”

  Aaron looked at me, his eyes glistening, temples twitching. “Charlie, I told you that I didn’t wanna come to this party. I knew it was gonna be some shit. If you wanna stay here and reminisce with your friends, cool, but I can’t do this shit.” He walked past me.

  “Aaron!” I tried to grab his hand, but he pulled away, making his way through the crowd, and out of Venus. “Oh my goodness, this night couldn’t get any worse!”

  Jamie shook his head at me. “Shorty, you got bigger problems than you know.”

  I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

  Jamie looked at me. “There’s a reason why he calls her ‘Heaven,’ shorty. Seems to me like ‘Heaven’ is where he wants to be.” Jamie walked past me toward the bar.

  I just stood there in the middle of the dance floor, heart pounding. I wasn’t going to make any assumptions until I found out from the horse’s mouth. I was feeling guilty for my own actions, which probably had me questioning Aaron’s. Aaron never so much as brought up Ne’Vaeh’s name, unless he was trying to hook her up with one of his friends. I had no idea why he all of a sudden cared about her feelings. He’d been calling her Heaven from the day he met her. If he wanted her from day one, then why did he take me out instead of her?

  Would you believe that Ne’Vaeh left her own birthday party? Turns out, she asked Renée to take her back to Howard. Jamie stayed until the party was over. Aaron went wherever he went and didn’t answer any of my phone calls. I stayed until one o’clock when the party was officially over. The girls invited me to the club with them, and I agreed, though I was in no mood to party. I knew Jamie would be at the club with the whole damn football team. Judging by the fact that his phone didn’t ring or vibrate all night long, I’d assumed that things were over between him and his girlfriend. I didn’t have time for any more drama. I had problems beyond repair. Aaron was in his feelings about Jamie’s encounter with Ne’Vaeh, and I was in my feelings about Aaron’s encounter with Ne’Vaeh. Something was going on, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.

  Just as I was about to leave Venus with the girls, Ne’Vaeh’s aunt runs up to me with Aaron’s coat. “Sweetie, Aaron left this at the table this afternoon. . . .” She handed me his coat.

  I thanked her, taking the coat from her.

  Just when she handed me the coat and walked away, what looked like a receipt fell from the coat pocket.

  “What’s that?” Danita asked as she bent over to pick the piece of paper off the floor. “Looks like a receipt.” She handed the receipt to me.

  I looked at it. It was a receipt from the new Vintage Urban Hip-Hop Outlet at the mall. The shit in that store was too damn expensive for the average person. I shopped in the store from time to time when I felt like splurging, but it had been a few months since I stepped foot inside that store.

  Dana took the receipt from my hand. “Three hundred seventy-eight dollars and forty-two cents, Coogi Sweater Dress with Hood?” She looked at me after reading the receipt.

  I looked at her, taking the receipt from her hand, reading it for myself.

  “Didn’t that receipt come from Aaron’s pocket?” Danita asked.

  Dana looked at me. “I haven’t seen you wear no damn Coogi sweater dress with no damn hood. As a matter of fact, you don’t even wear Coogi. Who the fuck still wears Coogi?”

  My heart started to pound in my chest. I knew who did.

  That funky bitch.

  Kelissa looked at me. She knew too. “Ne’Vaeh had on a Coogi sweater dress with a hood tonight.”

  Tear instantly lined my lashes. I looked at Danita.

  Danita shook her head. “I told you. That bitch Karma always shows up just in time.”

  Chapter 8

  Drink a Little Bit

  Ne’Vaeh

  “Ne’Vaeh, sweetie, you need to pull yourself together. Do you really want him to see you like this?” Renée exclaimed.

  I was hurt. I cried like a baby in my cousin’s arms that afternoon, in the bathroom at Venus. I couldn’t believe that Charlie was pregnant with Aaron’s baby. I mean, Aaron and I had just had sex that morning. He’d just told me that he was breaking up with her. He’d just told me that I was the one who made his heart beat. The fun had just begun—and then it was over, just like that. I hadn’t felt so lost, so hurt, so confused, so angry since Jamie left me some four years earlier. I hated love, and obviously, that bitch hated me.

  Renée held my face in her hands, drying my tears. “You need to dry these tears because there is really no use crying over this! Baby, didn’t I tell you that this would happen? Didn’t I? Why are you so shocked? Why are you falling out in front of the damn girl? Why are you not owning up to the fact that you are the other woman
, she’s not? I told you that your weekend fling wouldn’t last, boo! I know you love that boy. Trust me, I know what love looks like, but he is hers, do you hear me?”

  I shook my head at her. “Why doesn’t love . . . love me, Renée? Why does it always hurt me? He doesn’t love her, Renée! He loves me!”

  Renée shook her head back at me, still holding my face in her hands. “Sweetie, his love for you isn’t gonna stop that baby from being born. It’s not gonna change the fact that your best friend is in love with that boy, despite how you feel about him. Y’all had two years to get this shit straight. If the nigga loved you like he says he does, he wouldn’t put you in this position. If he loved you the way he says he does, he would’a manned up and asked you out in high school. It’s too late for you two, boo. You gotta move on.”

  I looked up into her face, tears dripping from my face, on to her hands. There was no denying that my cousin was right. I was in love with Aaron for two years and had to live with the fact that he was with my best friend every day. Once I finally got the chance to spend some time with him alone, it only took him two days for him to have me sprung. The fact that Aaron and Charlie were together was devastating enough. The fact that there was a baby in the picture took away my consciousness. As soon as the words came out of Charlie’s mouth that afternoon, my whole body completely shut down. I didn’t know how I was going to live, knowing that Charlie was going to give birth to a part of Aaron. Anastasia’s offer to move to Atlanta and possibly sign on to her record label was looking pretty damn good right about now.

  * * *

  I could barely think straight the rest of that night. The liquor was taking over me. I drank until I could barely move. I sat at the bar in Venus, sitting alone at my own birthday party. Tears slid down my face as I sipped from a bottle of Budweiser.