It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  Alisha led us through the crowded club over to the section in the back of the club where a few other girls in the squad were sitting. Most of the girls were just dressed in purple stilettos, purple sequined bras, and boy shorts. Others were dressed in white, glowing under the white lights. Our crew spread out among the booths.

  “What’s up, ladies? Let’s get these drinks flowing!” Kristina exclaimed. I hated going to the club with her because her drinking almost always led to a fight.

  “Hey, y’all missin’ a few dancers, aren’tcha?” Renée put her arm over my shoulder.

  I looked at her, rolling my eyes. She was referring to Charlie, who was the only dancer that wasn’t there at the moment. I looked at Alisha to see her reaction. Alisha laughed a little, shooting me a quick look. “Girl, you know Charlie hates this damn club, but there’s no way she’d let Aaron come here unaccompanied tonight. She knows Jamie’s party is tonight. She knows anybody who’s anybody is gonna be up in the spot tonight, including Cutie.”

  My heart skipped a beat or ten. I sighed. I really was in no mood for any bullshit tonight. “Look, the only reason I came to this damn club is because Renée talked me into this bullshit. Now, I’m not with the damn reality TV, drama shit tonight. So, if some shit is about to go down, y’all can just take me back to where the fuck you picked me up at.”

  Alisha took me by the hand, leading me to the corner booth that she was sitting in. “Girl, chill, no worries. You know we got your back. We’re here to have some fun, get drunk, get crunk, and get fucked up!”

  I sighed, sitting down next to her at the booth. “I’m tellin’ you, any shit, and I’m out.”

  “Girl, whateva. Stop trippin’. Eh!”

  Kelissa hollered across the room, taking a wad of one-dollar bills out of her bra, “Where them strippers at?”

  Yeah, it did get live in Purple Panties that night. The party was jumpin’ before Jamie and his crew even showed up. The strippers stayed in our section most of the night. Many admired Alisha’s dancers. They were sexy, they were fit, they were flexible, and they were fashionable. Strippers didn’t have shit on the Morgan Girls.

  Alisha was right. Charlie did show up with Aaron that night around eleven-thirty. I had already been drinkin’ a few Long Island Iced Teas, so their presence didn’t bother me the way it would have if I had been sober. The two split up at the door. Aaron went over to what I call the basketball section, and Charlie made her way over to her squad. I remained as calm as I could when she came over to my booth and sat right across from me. My heart nearly shot out of my chest, but still, I remained silent.

  “What’s up, Charlie?” Renée turned to her in her seat.

  Charlie looked at Renée, eyes sparkling under the club lights. “What’s up?” She looked at me. “Can we talk in private?”

  Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Renée opened hers. “Nah, she’s cool right here. Anything you can say to her alone, you can say in front of us. Ain’t gonna be no shit tonight. We came to chill.”

  Charlie rolled her eyes at Renée. “Renée, mind your business. Look,” she looked at me, “I ain’t here for all that. Me and you have been friends for a long time, Ne’Vaeh, and I’ll be damned if I let a man come between us.”

  I just looked at her, lips trembling, not sure what to say.

  She put her hand up, showing off the huge rock on her finger. The ring nearly blinded all of us girls who sat with her at the booth. She grinned, watching the hurt expression on my face. “Ya know, when I found the receipt to that dress you had on at your birthday party in his pocket, the first thought in my mind was beating your ass right in front of him. When I called him for three days straight and he didn’t answer, I tracked him down. Turns out, a few people saw him at the Marriott Hotel in Virginia with you. Again, I plotted all sorts of ways to end your life in my head. My own best friend fucked my man.” Charlie laughed to herself. “After all that I have done for you, you’re gonna go and fuck with Aaron? What makes you think that he would leave me for something like you?”

  “Charlie, you really need to back the fuck off.” Kelissa stood from the table.

  Charlie laughed. “I mean, really, you got my engagement party invitation, didn’t you? Didn’t anyone tell you that groupies get nothing but the dick? Groupies get no love, bitch. You should know that. You were Jamie’s groupie for two years, weren’t you?”

  Renée almost went across the table on Charlie’s ass, but Kristina and I pulled her back. “Bitch, you better watch your mouth before I wrap your ass around one of these muthafuckin’ poles! Who the fuck do you think you are? You got my cousin fucked up! You got some nerve steppin’ to her like this! Did Aaron tell you that they fucked? Did you hear that shit from his mouth? If not, then you need to back the fuck up. Me and you already talked about this earlier this week. You need to let the shit go.”

  Charlie looked at me. She was so angry that her lips and jawbone were trembling. “I wanna hear the words come out of Ne’Vaeh’s mouth.”

  All eyes were on me. What difference did it make what I said? She had in her mind the way that she felt about me. According to her, I wasn’t shit but one of the many girls who were drooling over an athlete. She knew Aaron loved me. I saw it all over her face. She knew the only reason they were getting married was because she was pregnant. She knew he didn’t love her and probably never would, and she hated me for that. To hear her say those words to me stung like bees. Yes, I was wrong for what I had done, but it wasn’t as if I went after her man. Aaron came after me, even when I told him no. But what use was it to explain that to Charlie, when she already had in her head that I was a groupie after her man?

  I laughed a little to cover the pain and embarrassment that I was feeling. I really didn’t feel like stooping to her level that night. “You know, it really doesn’t matter what I say to you right now, because you have in your head that something happened between us. In your mind, you think I’m some random chick who fucked your man behind your back. You won, Charlie. You’re having his baby, and you’re getting married, and you get to do the shit right smack in front of my face. Yeah, he bought me a dress. I tried to give it back, and he wouldn’t take the shit back. Yeah, he told me that he had feelings for me, and I told him there was no way that we could be together when his girlfriend was my best friend. Did he tell you that, while you’re over here calling me a groupie? If you think I fucked your man, if you think I want your man, if you think your man wants me, then why are you marrying him?”

  Charlie’s lips trembled.

  I shook my head. “You let everyone here know the first time you laid eyes on Aaron that he was yours, and that hasn’t changed. Whatever you think happened between me and Aaron doesn’t change that either. I won’t deny that I have feelings for him. That may be inappropriate, but I missed my chance, so congratulations on the baby and on the engagement, Charlie.”

  Charlie looked at me, face red as hell. “You got me fucked up, Ne’Vaeh. If I catch you so much as looking at him the wrong way, I will kill you, girl. Do you hear me? I’m not fuckin’ stupid, Ne’Vaeh, so don’t think for one fuckin’ second that you can play a playa! Stay the fuck away from him.” Charlie got up from the table and walked away, shouting, “See you at the engagement party, groupie.”

  Everyone looked at me like I had been touched by an angel.

  “Girl, I thought she was gonna dust the floor with your ass!” Kristina exclaimed.

  Renée shook her head at me. “Y’all bitches crazy! I need another drink.”

  I looked at Alisha. “See, that’s the shit I’m talkin’ about, Alisha. I didn’t come here to be called a fuckin’ groupie. A muthafuckin’ groupie? After fuckin’ and suckin’ hundreds—no—thousands of dudes and females in high school, she has the nerve to call me a fuckin’ groupie?”

  Alisha shook her head. “Man, don’t even sweat Charlie. She’s got problems bigger than you fuckin’ her man, trust me.”

  That little conversation put a s
mall damper in my night, but the party continued, and I soon found out why Renée was so adamant about me wearing purple panties. At around twelve-thirty, purple lights flashed all around the room, and every lady in the club, except for me, who was clueless about what was going on, and the strippers, who were already naked, of course, stripped down to their purple panties.

  My heart pounded in my chest. “What the fuck is goin’ on?” I asked Dana who didn’t even have on a bra but just purple thongs. Titties and ass cheeks were flappin’ everywhere.

  “Girl, we about to do the pole-dancing contest! How could you not know about this?” Dana looked me up and down. She rolled her eyes. “Girl, I almost forgot how lame you were. Always got your nose buried in some book somewhere. You never get out. If you did, you’d know that on Fridays, the guests at the club compete with the strippers to see who’s got it and who doesn’t. Tonight, the winner gets a date with Jamie G.!”

  I rolled my eyes. “Been there, done that shit, so I’ll pass.” I sat back in the corner booth, sipping on my daiquiri.

  Every—and I mean just about every—woman up in the club took center stage that night, working the hell out of that pole. Asses shakin’, twerkin’, bouncin’, droppin’, poppin’. I know them dudes were lovin’ that shit. I, on the other hand, was regretting my decision to come out tonight.

  After the last dancer hit the stage, Jamie’s childhood friend and teammate at Memphis State, Jerry King, got onstage. “So, is that it? No more titties?” he asked.

  “No, that’s not it!” The Morgan Girls pointed to me.

  My eyes widened, and I shook my head frantically as Renée and Alisha pulled me up from my seat. “Oh, hell nah!” I squealed.

  “Jerry King, baby, we have another one!” Alisha pulled my arm, pulling me behind her up to the stage.

  A stripper held out her hand, helping me onto the stage. I stood alongside Alisha, the strippers, and Jerry. My heart pounded in my chest. I looked over to the corner of the room where Jamie sat in the VIP section with his teammates. He was grinning from ear to ear. I looked around the room and caught sight of Aaron and his teammates in the basketball section. Aaron just sat back in his chair, leaned back, smoking and looking at me as if he couldn’t believe I let the girls talk me into coming to Jamie’s party. Charlie sat right on his lap, arms folded, looking at me as if she wanted to cut me.

  I swallowed hard as a stripper attempted to untie my dress from around my neck. I turned to her, stopping her from doing that. “Hold up, now. Get your got-damn hands off me.” I put my hands up. “Nah, I don’t strip.”

  The crowd booed.

  Jerry laughed into the microphone. “Well, then, what do you do, shorty?”

  As I took the microphone from his hands, I looked down into Renée’s face as she stood at the front of the stage, cheering me on. Then I looked at Alisha who was standing beside me in her bra and panties. She nodded at me to do what she knew I was about to do.

  I took a deep breath, putting the microphone to my lips and I started to sing. “I’ve been drinkin’, I’ve been drinkin’ . . .”

  The crowd went wild as I sang a cappella to the only sexy song I could think of at the moment. I didn’t intend on singing it, but that was the first song that came to my mind because I could still feel the coldness of the kitchen floor on my back. I could still feel Aaron’s lips all over me. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see him sucking the wine from my lips. I’m pretty sure Aaron knew I was singing that song to him. He couldn’t help but grin before he got up and walked out of the club, Charlie following behind him.

  The look on Jamie’s face let me know that he knew I was singing to Aaron as well. He grinned, shaking his head at me, but he clapped and cheered along with everyone else. I couldn’t finish the song fast enough when Alisha and Renée cheered me on, grabbing on me, hugging me as if they had just struck gold or something.

  “This is my cousin, y’all! Whew!” Renée squealed at the top of her lungs. “Hollywood, here we come!”

  I rolled my eyes as she dragged me offstage and back over to the table with the dancers. Everyone cheered me on, talking among themselves. Though I was in the choir, I’m pretty sure most of them had no clue that I could really sing. They thought the only thing I could do was homework. Dana sat there stunned.

  “Humph, not so lame now, am I, Dana? Choke on that shit, bitch.” I rolled my eyes at her as I sat down at the corner booth with Renée and Alisha.

  “Girl, I know Charlie wants to whup your ass right about now! She knew you were singin’ to her man! And look at Jamie’s fine ass over there droolin’!” Kelissa laughed aloud.

  The football players picked their favorite ten girls from those who danced that night and lined them up onstage. Just when I thought I was out of the running, Jamie called me to the stage. I was reluctant to get back up there, but Renée . . . Man, that bitch just wouldn’t give up. She practically dragged me up onstage and stood beside me, arm around me, preventing me from running back off the stage. The winner was chosen, and guess who won the date with Jamie Green? Yeah . . . me.

  After the humiliation was over, I sat alone at the bar.

  “Why are you sittin’ over here alone, shorty?” I heard Jamie’s voice over my shoulder.

  I rolled my eyes at him as he sat down next to me. “Because maybe I want to be alone, Jamie.”

  He laughed to himself. “So, where you wanna go on our date tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t know, but do you want me to tell you which part of hell that you can go to?” I took a sip from my rum and Coke.

  Jamie laughed aloud. “Shorty, do you really hate me that much?”

  I didn’t answer. My eyes were drenched in tears. It took all my strength to hold the tears back. “What are you doing here, Jamie?” I managed to say.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  I looked up into his face. Oh, I had almost forgotten that face. I had almost forgotten how just one look, one word, one touch from Jamie could just set my soul on fire. He was so sexy and so charming. He was so fuckin’ arrogant too, and a small part of me always liked that about him.

  “What do I mean? Jamie, you could have picked any team you wanted to go to. I’m pretty sure that the Ravens aren’t the only team who wanted you, right? Don’t try to play me like I’m stupid.” I took a sip from my drink.

  He shrugged. “Shorty, you’re the first person to know how much I hate Maryland or anything to do with this muthafucka, but shit, they need a nigga like me on their team. Who else they got on their team that can play like me?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Nah, the Ravens weren’t my first choice, but trust me, they are payin’ your boy quite a bit of bread. But honestly, this was my opportunity to come back to Maryland, so I took it. I already bought a house here, shorty, in Southern Maryland. You wanna see it tomorrow night?” His eyes searched mine.

  I looked at him. “No, not really, Jamie. You know good and fuckin’ well that every last one of those girls onstage tonight did a hell of a lot better stripping than I did singing! Those girls got completely naked for you, basically having sex with that pole! And you chose me why?”

  Jamie laughed to himself. “Man, I missed you, shorty.” He signaled the bartender to fix him a drink. “I almost forgot how muthafuckin’ sexy you are. I almost forgot how beautiful your voice is. I heard your cousin’s wife offered you a job singin’ with her. Man, you crazy as hell for not takin’ her up on her offer. Do you know how big Anastasia is right now?”

  I looked at him, watching him as he took a sip from his glass. It would have been easier to hate him if he wasn’t so damn nonchalant about my attitude. I believe he knew it was a front for being hurt. He knew I still felt something for him, but he knew I was mad at him for leaving me. He knew what I had been through in my life. He knew that he left me when I needed him the most. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy gaining my trust back.

  Jamie looked up at me. “To answer your questions about th
ese girls twerkin’ their asses off for me onstage, that shit was just for show. I’ve seen every last one of these girls who showed up tonight naked. If I wasn’t the one havin’ sex with them, trust me, I saw them having sex with someone else.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, they say you turned into a ho.”

  He laughed aloud. “Nah, I guess I just wanted a li’l appetizer while I was waiting on the main course.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his ignorance. “What desperate kinda woman would wait around for you until you got tired of fuckin’ groupies, Jamie? I hope you don’t think that I was sitting around waiting on you, because I wasn’t, asshole.”

  “Oh, trust me, shorty, I know.”

  I looked at him, my heartbeat starting to accelerate in my chest. “No, you think you know.”

  Jamie smirked. “Think I know? Shorty, do you think I’m stupid? Man, the muthafucka couldn’t leave this club fast enough once you started singin’ to him.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Singin’ to him? What makes you think I was singing to Aaron?”

  Jamie grinned. His grill was gleaming under the club lights. “You ain’t gotta lie to me, Ne’Vaeh. My man seen your ass with dude at the hotel, shorty. You must’a really put it on him. Probably got the dude having flashbacks of whatever it is that you did to the muthafucka. Remember, I have been with you, so I know the magic you can do. You put your heart in it.”

  I just sipped on my drink, heart pounding in my chest. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Jamie.”

  Jamie nodded, eyes sparkling under the club lights. “Yeah, you do, shorty. I’m sorry that I hurt you, okay? But you didn’t have to go and fuck with Charlie’s boyfriend. You think she don’t know that you was with her man at the hotel for all those days, shorty? Sleepin’ with your best friend’s man, shorty? She’s been your rider for years, Ne’Vaeh. Fuckin’ her man, and then havin’ the nerve to sing to dude in her face? That’s fucked up.”

  I looked at him. “Fucked up? Are you serious? First of all, this shit is none of your fuckin’ business! Second of all, he came after me, not the other way around! And third, if you would have never left me, he would have never gotten to me! Never!” I got up from the stool, nearly stumbling over my own two feet. Yeah, I was drunk as fuck, and I really didn’t want the jerk to see that I still felt some type of way about him. Up until that point, I didn’t even realize that I still felt anything toward him. I forced myself to forget Jamie and the feelings that I once had for him. Apparently, my heart hadn’t gotten the message.