Worth It All

by Claudia Connor

  “So are you,” she said, though the word didn’t come close to describing him. Rubbing her nose into his throat, she inhaled. God, he smelled delicious.

  “Are you sniffing me?”

  “Yes,” she answered shamelessly and did it again.

  The band kept up a series of slow songs, and she laid her cheek against his chest, thinking it was all very fairy tale–ish. The light breeze over the patio, the music, the dancers. But mostly the man.

  They continued to sway together and when he brushed his jaw tenderly over the top of her head, something opened inside her. Like a box creaking open ever so slowly while her heart watched with bated breath, not knowing what was inside or if it would suddenly snap shut.

  She lifted her head to look up at him, feeling incredibly lucky.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She smiled but didn’t look away, skimming her fingertips up the back of his neck and into his hair.

  “Have you decided about Virginia?”

  “I don’t know. It’s a really big thing to offer.”

  “I can do it. I want to.”

  “Wouldn’t it be weird going to your family’s without you?”

  “You’re not going to visit my family,” he said, and guided her to the right to avoid more exuberant dancers. “You’ve seen the website. People come from all over.”

  “I know.” And she did want this for Casey.

  “Would you go if I went with you?” he asked after a long moment.

  “I know you have a lot going on.”

  “But would you go?”

  Something told her Jake needed to go home too. “Yes. I would go. With you.”

  “Okay then.” He pulled her close. “We’ll go together.”

  Just before the song ended Jake lowered his head to nibble around her ear, bringing chills to her bare back and arms. “Come home with me tonight.” His lips feathered over hers. “Casey will be asleep. Jenny’s there. Come home with me. Let me make love to you.”

  A shiver ran up her spine at the promise of his words. She didn’t even consider saying no.

  They lasted another hour, but as the party was still going, she figured they left well before the bride and groom. She was fine with that. As soon as the car was parked at his house, he reached for her. His mouth covered hers in a hungry kiss. He tasted faintly of cake and beer, and she wanted to lick him, starting at his mouth and working her way down.

  He raised his lips but kept his fingers twisted in her hair. “I’ve been waiting too many miles to do that.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t wait any longer.”

  They got out and he kissed her against the side of his car, then again, laughing as they entered the house. It was dark and he didn’t bother to turn on any lights. She squeaked when she felt something cold and wet against the back of her thigh. She pulled back, laughing at Jake’s groan.

  “Hey, buddy. Miss me?” Jake reached around to give Boulder some love. “Bad timing, though. Do I ever interrupt you with a beautiful lady? Come on,” he said, tugging her behind him. “We’ll make this quick.”

  The back of JT’s house opened to the edge of a cliff, a breathtaking drop straight to the Pacific. “It’s beautiful.”

  Underwater lights followed the clear water that disappeared over the edge of the infinity pool. Small landscape lights illuminated rocks and scrubby-looking bushes covering the hillside that rose up opposite the patio they stood on.

  Boulder quickly did his business and was back. Jake let go of her hand to pick up a ball for Boulder. She made her way over to the shallow entrance and started to take off her shoes.

  She was bent over, balancing on one foot to unfasten the first buckle, when Jake caught her from behind. “What are you doing?”

  “Putting my feet in the water.”

  Jake nuzzled her hair aside. “I had fantasies about keeping the shoes on.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yes. Really.” His hands skated slowly up her stomach, over her breasts.

  Loving his hands on her, arms around her, she sighed and pushed back against his erection. Her head fell back against his chest, mouth at her throat, hands stroking her into a mass of desperate desire.

  He spun her around and with no slow intro, their mouths collided in a fiery kiss. He speared his fingers in her hair, taking more, demanding it, and she gave. The kiss went on and on and she clung to him, dizzy and weak-kneed, while he left a trail of hot, openmouthed kisses down her neck. One hand palmed her bottom while his other moved slowly from her waist to give bone-melting attention to her breast.

  She was already wet and ready after their kiss in the car, and her body thrummed and her blood heated. He continued his mind-blowing attention until she had to lock her knees or slide into a puddle. Needing to touch more of him, she went for his shirt, tugging and jerking until her fingers found the ridges of his abs. With a sweep of her hands, she spread his shirt open and tore her mouth from his to kiss a path up his chest. While she was busy there, he was quickly working her dress up.

  In one quick move he had it up and over her head. All she had to do was unwrap her arms from around his neck. She did and then it was gone, leaving her in bra, panties, and heels.

  “Good Lord, Paige. You’re unbelievable.”

  His eyes feasted on her with blatant desire and she grew bold. “You have a lot of clothes on.” She cupped him through his pants, rubbed her hand up and down the hard length of him, bringing a low growl from his chest.

  “You don’t,” he said. “I like it.”

  He grazed his hands lightly from her neck, down her chest, moving painfully slowly over her breasts, then her stomach, before he reached his final destination.

  “Is this what you wanted?”

  His fingers brushed over the damp lace between her legs. Then again, harder this time. “I want you,” he said against her lips.

  And he proceeded to take her.

  —

  Hours later, she lay facing Jake, legs entwined, their bodies close enough that every time she breathed, the swirl of hair on his chest brushed her nipples. They tingled and hardened. It didn’t take much. After the attention Jake had given them they were deliciously sensitive. Even better was the feel of his hand playing in her hair, his palm running over her shoulder.

  She ran her fingers lightly over his forehead and down the side of his face, knowing she’d never had this kind of connection with anyone like she did now, with him.

  Jake shifted and kissed her gently. “You looked beautiful tonight. Did I tell you that?” His voice was low, which suited the moment.

  “You did. More than once. It was the dress.”

  “No. It was you.” His voice was raspy, sexy, as his hand moved over her bottom under the sheet. “I don’t feel any dress here now and it’s still you.” His fingers danced patterns on her skin. “I was the envy of every man tonight. Still am.”

  She wasn’t sure about that, but judging by the way he’d watched her all night, how she’d catch him staring at the most benign times, he made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. The only woman.

  She slid her leg over his hips and ran her hands up his glorious chest. She needed to be with him again. Right now. His hands tangled in her hair, and a satisfied and solely male sound passed his lips, telling her he wanted that too.

  She rolled fully on top of him, her thighs brushing his, her toes touching his one shin and he stiffened. Tension filled his entire body and even in the dark she saw the change in his face. His hands went to her hips to move her to his other side. “No.” She held tight to his shoulders and raised up enough to meet his eyes.

  “Don’t. Don’t hide anything from me.” She wanted all of him, nothing off-limits, and nothing holding him back. “Not from me,” she whispered, running her lips up his throat, over his slightly stubbly jaw. “It doesn’t bother me.”

  His fingers still held, his eyes locked with hers, but he wasn’t pushing her away. “Because of you
or because of Casey?”

  She hated the questions she saw in his eyes, knew a man like Jake would hate having them. She brushed her lips over his softly, then again. “Maybe because of you,” she whispered against his lips, sliding her damp and swollen center along his erection. “Mmm. I’m pretty sure it’s you.”

  “Paige…”

  She sighed again, loving the sound of her name on his lips. “You don’t want me to stop, do you?”

  He groaned and his eyes closed. “What was the question?”

  She sat back so she could take him in her hand, drawing his mind away from things that didn’t matter. She continued to stroke him another minute, then came back to his lips. The kiss was deep and full of unspoken words and when she centered herself over him, slid slowly down his length, more than their bodies were connected. She lifted herself up, then down, driving them higher, until they both remembered a condom. After that, he took over and they both forgot everything.

  Chapter 20

  A week later the three of them arrived in Virginia. The ride from the airport to Freedom Farm was about forty minutes and filled with Casey’s questions and animated conversation between Jake and Stephen, because it hadn’t been a volunteer to pick them up, but Jake’s older brother. Tall, with dark hair and brown eyes, she could definitely see the family resemblance. Paige had just about memorized everyone’s name and their spouse by the time they arrived. She doubted she’d be here long enough to learn all their kids’ names. There were so many she’d already lost count, she thought, smiling.

  They topped a small rise and she got her first sight of Freedom Farm. The barn was red with a rounded gray roof and a tiny loft window. Horses grazed behind weathered fencing to the right and left. It could have been a painting over the mantel in a fancy home, or a picture you’d see in a textbook depicting the great American farm. Or maybe beside the definition of happy place.

  “Here we are,” Stephen said as Casey chattered and squealed with excitement.

  They parked in front of the wide-open barn doors and got out. Casey stood beside Paige, her blue eyes wide, taking in the scene. Two large dogs raced into the barn, then just as quickly out again, yipping with joy. A woman with a long, wheat-colored braid followed them out. She wore jeans and boots and a dark blue top that hugged her very pregnant belly.

  “Hey, babe.” Stephen greeted her with a kiss. “Paige, this is my wife, Hannah, riding instructor extraordinaire. Hannah, this is Paige and Casey.”

  Hannah greeted Paige with a hug, then moved to Jake. She gave him a long look full of affection. “It’s good to see you. I wanted to pick you up myself, but I had a full day.” She knelt in front of Casey. “Hi. You must be Casey.”

  “I am.”

  “Would you like to meet the horses?”

  “Yes!”

  “Oh, we don’t have to do it now,” Paige said quickly. “I don’t want to make your day any longer.”

  “Are you kidding? I was planning on it. I figured that’d be the first thing she’d want to do when she got here. Right, Casey?”

  Casey nodded.

  “No reason to make her wait.” Hannah held her hand out to Casey and they all started toward the barn. “You’ll be staying in the cabin, which is right on the way to our house. And…” She swung her gaze to Jake. “You’ll be staying…”

  Jake looked at Paige and she stared back, while Stephen and Hannah exchanged a look, then Stephen and Jake. “I’m not sure yet,” Jake finally said.

  “I’m sure Mom will have something to say about it,” Stephen said with a smirk and Hannah elbowed him.

  She barely had time to process the logistics of Jake staying with her before they were in the barn. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dark, but the scent of hay and leather surrounded her immediately. It was even better than her childhood self had imagined. Hooves shuffled behind the wooden walls of their stalls, and Casey was firing off questions faster than Hannah could answer them.

  Hannah greeted the horses hanging their heads over open stall doors and introduced each one. Her soft voice matched her looks and personality. There was something slow and deliberate about the way she moved that gave a sense of calm reassurance. She’d won Casey over in seconds.

  “Easy,” Paige said, feeling her daughter ready to burst with eager anticipation.

  Hannah opened the door at the end of the row and led out a small gray. “This is Hazel.”

  “Hi, Hazel.” Casey patted the horse’s side while Paige rubbed her forelock.

  Hannah continued talking to Casey, answering her questions and explaining things. She went slowly, naming the horse’s body parts and showing her how to brush her and where to walk.

  Jake stayed right at Casey’s shoulder, stepping between her and the horse every time Hazel so much as bobbed her head, which was completely overprotective and endearing.

  “Okay, Casey. Ready for your first ride?”

  “Yes!”

  “Now?” Jake asked as Paige smiled at her daughter’s enthusiasm. He sounded distinctly unenthused for someone who’d thought this was such a great idea. Stephen had slipped away without her noticing and was back with a blanket, a bridle, and a small saddle.

  “Like, right now? Doesn’t she need…I don’t know, lessons or something?”

  Hannah smiled patiently and patted his arm. “That’s where she gets the lessons, JT. On the horse.”

  Well, shit. Casey was raring to go and Paige, Hannah, and Stephen were all looking at him like he’d lost his mind. Of course she was going to ride. That’s what they’d come for.

  “I’ll be right beside her,” Hannah added.

  “Okay.” He took a deep breath, relaxed his jaw, and checked the chin strap on her helmet, making it a little tighter.

  Hannah led the horse out of the barn and directed Casey on mounting with a prosthesis.

  “Not too fast. And listen to Hannah,” he said.

  Casey sat tall and proud, the joy on her face shining brightly. “Okay.”

  Hannah rolled her eyes at him and led the horse away, she and Paige walking on either side. Casey looked so damn happy up there he had to smile.

  Stephen clapped him on his shoulder. “Follow me. We can watch them from the fence.”

  He walked beside his brother, only half listening to him going on about the details of how they’d expanded the farm recently. His attention was on the tiny girl on top of the relatively giant horse. “Damn, she looks small up there.”

  “Hannah knows what she’s doing.”

  “I know,” he said quickly. “I mean I’m sure she does, but…I don’t remember horses being so…big.” For some reason he hadn’t pictured Casey hopping up there all by herself within five minutes of being here. He’d prefer it if he were riding with her, even knowing that would defeat the purpose of the therapy. “Doesn’t she have any ponies?”

  Stephen grinned. “Hazel’s hardly a giant, but I get it. It’s different when it’s your own.”

  “She’s not mine,” he said. His reply had been purely reflex, maybe a defense mechanism because he was feeling quite the opposite, about both of them. Especially after today. The way Casey had rested her head on his shoulder when he held her, how Paige had leaned into him for support on the train to their connecting gate. The way they’d easily juggled bags and child and food.

  He’d sat beside her for hours on the airplane, sharing the small space, the armrest up, and linked his fingers with hers. She’d leaned into him then too, and they’d both watched Casey watch the clouds until she fell asleep. And when Paige had fallen asleep about thirty minutes after Casey, he’d smiled to himself and thought, his girls. They should be his.

  “How’s everything on the other end of the country?” Stephen asked.

  “Good. Business is good.”

  “And life is good too, from the looks of things.”

  He knew by his brother’s smirk he was talking about Paige. He’d watched Stephen’s gaze follow Hannah as she led the
horse and rider away, seen the clear, unadulterated love shining in his eyes. Hell, it was there when he was just talking about her. Unguarded and possessive for all the world to see.

  That’s what he wanted. It’s what he had, he just had to get Paige there.

  “I’m glad you came,” Stephen said. “Mom will be happy to see you. Everyone will.”

  “Did you tell her I was coming?”

  “Yes. She probably would have met you herself, but she promised one of the kids she’d go to their camp awards or something.”

  He nodded, thinking how his mom had never missed anything and now did the same for her grandkids. He felt a familiar pang of guilt when he thought of his mom. He knew she missed him and wanted him to come home more often. “You know, it occurred to me later how hard that must have been on you, being the one that made my leaving possible. I doubt Mom appreciated it.”

  “She was okay. Surprisingly. I think she saw that you needed to get away even if she hated it.”

  God, yes, he’d needed to get away. From the constant worry, the inordinate amount of love and care to the point he’d felt suffocated. Watching his brothers and sister come and go, knowing they were all pitching in to help Mom take care of him, to take some of the load off. Because in the early weeks after the amputation that’s what he’d been, a load. Couldn’t even get to the bathroom by himself. Cast on his left leg, the other one half gone.

  Then his friends, the ones who came home from college to visit and then returned to school. His teammates who wouldn’t be teammates anymore. And the ones who were noticeably absent. He didn’t blame them, wasn’t sure he’d have been first in line for visiting hours if the tables were turned. It was hard enough to look at himself. So he’d smiled, said he was fine, said it was all good. Even though his dreams were gone along with a large part of his identity.

  Infinitely worse was their compassion when guilt and shame were eating him alive. Stephen had been the one with the means to help him get away.

  “I’m not sure I ever thanked you for sending me to Colorado after the accident. It was the right thing. It’s what I needed.”

  “I’m glad,” Stephen said. “And you don’t have to thank me. We’re brothers. There was a time I felt some of the same suffocation, but it’s different when you’re the one doing the worrying. After your accident, I started to see the family’s hovering overtures differently.” He smiled at the group making their way around the ring. “Hannah helped me the rest of the way.”