by Lindy Zart
She stared at Sebastian. His eyes pleaded with her. How did she tell him that? Lola couldn’t.
“You didn’t do anything,” she choked out.
He exhaled noisily and shoved a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up. “I must have. You don’t just stop talking to your best friend of how many years without a reason, without a damn good reason.”
She wanted to tell him. Lola wanted to tell him everything. She literally ached to do so.
Lola saw him as the child she remembered from pictures; chubby with a cowlick on the crown of his head. She saw him as the six year old who stood up for her when someone pulled her hair in kindergarten. Hot tears dripped down her cheeks.
“What is it?” he asked quietly. “Talk to me, Lola. Please.”
She remembered her first kiss; awkward and sloppy at the age of eleven and shared with Sebastian. She saw him as he was at fourteen, holding her close when her cat Lucy died, even helping her bury her and attending the funeral in her backyard.
A sob escaped her and when she swayed from the weight or sorrow, Sebastian caught her. He squeezed her, his arms like gridlocks around her. Sebastian was warm and smelled like laundry detergent. His chin rested on her head.
Lola didn’t hug him back, but she pressed her cheek to his chest. She’d missed her friend so much. She owed him an explanation, she knew. Maybe someday. Not now, but someday.
It felt so different from when Jack’s arms were around her and that gave her pause. Jack’s arms felt right; Sebastian’s felt like a betrayal to Jack in a way.
“I have to go. He’ll…I have to go.” Lola pulled away. “Just…Sebastian…just know you never did anything wrong. You were always a good friend to me. The best,” she vowed, voice shaking.
His eyes searched hers. “Why are you talking past tense?”
Lola backpedaled. “I…I don’t know. I didn’t mean to.” She tripped over the curb and faced her house, Sebastian forgotten.
Heart pounding, she took a step toward it. Maybe he would be passed out. Maybe he wasn’t there. The car sat in the driveway. He was there. A bitter taste formed in her mouth, that of dread.
The house looked the same as it always did, yet seemed ominous. A sense of foreboding followed her up the sidewalk and to the door.
It was too quiet. Her pulse quickened, Lola’s throat went dry. Something terrible was going to happen.
Lola shoved the thought away. Everything will be fine, she lied to herself.
She fumbled with the doorknob with a hand that shook. It took her three times to get it open. The air was stale; it was so dark she couldn’t make out anything.
Lola quietly closed the door, stood still until her eyes adjusted. When they did, a scream was torn from her lips.
10
Bob was right in front of her, blocking the hallway that led to her bedroom. Lola couldn’t see his eyes, couldn’t see his face. Blackness, like his soul, had taken over his features.
He didn’t speak, didn’t move, and for one dizzying moment, Lola wondered if he was even awake. Then he reached for her, the smell of body odor and beer coming with him.
“You thought you were pretty smart earlier, huh, with your boy toy? Running off like that. What did you think was going to happen when you got back?” Bob’s sweaty hand encircled her bicep and squeezed so hard Lola winced.
Lola couldn’t breathe, felt like she might faint. Bob was drunk and furious. He was going to hurt her. Bad.
“What you been telling your boyfriends? What’d I tell you would happen if you went blabbing to people?” Bob shook her.
“I didn’t tell them anything!” she cried. Lola pushed at his hand; crazy with fear, but he only tightened his grip.
“Then why’d you run off like that, huh? Huh?” Saliva hit her face, along with his putrid breath, and Lola gagged and turned her head to the side.
Do something, Lola.
“Let me go!” Survival instincts kicked in and Lola renewed her efforts to get free. Bob was strong, stronger than his unfit body let on. Stronger than her.
Bob turned her and slammed her against the wall. Her head bounced off it, pain exploding behind her eyes. Lola closed her eyes, lightheaded. Her legs buckled and all that held her up was Bob.
“I told you I’d hurt them if you talked. You want me to, don’t you? You want me to hurt them,” he snarled close to her ear.
Lola fought the blackness that wanted to take over. His words came from far away, a distant memory flooding to the surface.
“You tell anyone, anyone at all, and I’ll kill them, Lola. I’ll hunt them down and kill them. People have accidents all the time. Sebastian could have something go wrong with his car. Rachel could get food poisoning. All kinds of bad things happen to good people every day. It would be such a shame, a tragedy, for ones so young to lose their lives.
“You don’t talk to them. You don’t even look at them. They don’t come here. You don’t go to their houses. Nothing. You talk to no one. They no longer exist to you.”
A broken sob fell from her lips. Bob was pressed against her, his lower half against her stomach. Oh, God. A whimper fell from her lips. Lola felt vile, unclean, trapped. She couldn’t think straight; couldn’t move.
No. No, no, no!
“Please,” she begged, tears choking her and falling from her eyes. “Please, don’t.”
Bob’s breathing was heavy, his perspiring face against her neck. “I’ll teach you all kinds of things your little boys have no idea about. You’ll like it. I know you will.”
Lola gagged. This isn’t happening. This is a nightmare. I’m in my bed, sleeping. This isn’t happening. She felt herself shutting off, going numb as his hands groped her and squeezed her tender flesh.
Jack’s words echoed in her head. She clung to them, clung to the sound of his voice.
“You promise me you’ll call me, Lola. Promise. If you can’t get to a phone, you go to him.”
Lola thought of Jack, thought of his strength. She thought of Sebastian; so close and still unattainable. No one was going to help her.
You have to fight, Lola. You have to fight. Fight! Jack’s voice shouted inside her head.
Lola cried out and bit his neck, her teeth sinking into the salty flesh. She tasted blood and her stomach roiled.
Bob bellowed in surprise and pain, his grip slackening. Lola brought her knee up and Bob roared, his hands dropping complete off her to grab himself.
“You little bitch! I’ll kill you for that. You’re dead!” he shouted in a voice higher than usual.
Lola fled for the front door. Bob went after her, tripping in his haste. He fell, his hand catching her pant leg. Lola tried to shake him off. She kicked at him, connecting with flesh.
Get to the door and get outside. Get to the door and get outside.
Bob raged at her, promising pain and suffering. His grip tightened on her leg and he jerked her toward him. Lola lost her balance, her head hitting the coffee table as she fell.
Everything went black.
***
Lola’s eyes felt gritty. They fluttered opened and saw nothing but black. She tried to move, to sit up, and couldn’t. Panic set in. She didn’t know where she was, she didn’t know why she couldn’t move.
Lola tugged her arms and legs and realized she was spread-eagle, arms and legs tied somehow. Her last memories caused her to retch. Lola turned her head as bile came up her throat.
She was on a bed. Lola inhaled deeply and gagged once more. It smelled like Bob. Lola was in their bed. In the bed Bob slept in. Lola began to weep.
He was going to rape her. He was going to violate her and no one could help her, no one knew, no one was able to stop him. Lola wanted to die.
The hot tears trickled down her cheeks to dampen the sheet beneath her. Please, let me die. Just let me die now. Lola tried to bring up rage, tried to hate her mother for bringing Bob into their lives, but it was too much effort. Despair and horror choked her, kept her immobile.
Lola’s body trembled with fear and cold. Her shirt was ripped down the middle, her jeans gone.
When she heard his footsteps, her eyes widened, her breaths became frantic; sobs burst from her lips. Lola wasn’t able to control them and the keens got louder as he got closer.
She struggled against the bindings, launched her torso from the bed. Again and again she fought, but it didn’t do any good. Lola cried out in frustration.
Run down, she lay there panting, flinching as she felt his presence beside her.
“That’s good. Wear yourself out,” he said quietly.
She stared at him, tried to make out his features, tried to look him in the eye. If Lola could make eye contact, maybe he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. She couldn’t see Bob’s eyes; it was like staring into an abyss of evil blackness.
“Please! Don’t do this. Please. I’ll do anything you want.”
“I know you will.” The bed sank down beside her from his weight.
Her throat was closing, no air could get through. She struggled to find words. “Don’t do this. I’ll be good. I promise I’ll be good. I won’t talk to anyone ever again,” Lola babbled, her words frenzied and overlapping.
“You won’t tell anyone,” he said, tone soothing.
She sobbed uncontrollably, cringing when his fleshy hand touched her breast. Lola shook her head from side to side, wrists and ankles burning from her tugging at them. The straps didn’t budge. Bob kneaded the sensitive flesh, squeezing until Lola cried out in pain.
“No,” Lola moaned when his hand went lower. She clenched her thigh muscles, tried to close her legs.
His breathing turned heavy, sounding excited, and Lola prayed for unconsciousness. “Relax, Lola. Enjoy yourself.”
When Bob’s hand touched the inside of her thigh, something snapped inside Lola. She opened her mouth and screamed; short, horrible sounds, over and over. Lola couldn’t stop.
Bob yelled at her, tried to put a hand over her mouth. Lola jerked her head away from him. The cries wouldn’t cease; they sounded inhuman, like an animal. She felt like an animal; a trapped, abused, wounded animal. On and on they went, never-ending; full of pain and despair.
Suddenly Bob was gone. Shouts vaguely registered in Lola’s brain, but her own screams blocked out everything.
Blinding light pierced her eyes and Lola averted her head, trying to disappear within herself. Someone was pulling at her wrists; another person at her legs. Her face was grabbed and Lola tried to bite the hands.
“Lola. Lola, it’s me,” an urgent voice told her.
Her eyes searched for Bob, a low whimper leaving her. Where was he? He was hiding, ready to jump on her, ready to hurt her.
She tugged away from the hands trying to hold her and stumbled into the corner of the bed, the wall at her back, and knelt there, quivering. Lola saw faces, heard voices, but nothing registered. There was a buzzing in her ears.
“What did he do to you?”
“Get a blanket. Cover her up.”
A groan sounded from somewhere in the room. A grunt followed.
“Sebastian, that’s enough.”
“It’s not near enough.”
A face was before her, reaching for her, and Lola lashed out, shoving with all the strength she had left. He kept coming, holding something in his hands. It was a blanket from the bed. Lola vehemently shook her head, slapping at it.
“No!”
“Lola. It’s okay. I’m just going to cover you up.”
Her body tensed and she screamed, “No!”
The blanket was dropped, but he didn’t go away. Gray eyes, thin lips. The unforgettable look on his face. Sebastian. Safe. Overwhelming relief washed over her. Lola’s eyes rolled back in her head and she went limp.
***
A worried face peered down at her. Lola flinched and tried to sit up, but hands gently pushed her down. She was on a cot, in an open ambulance. There was a lot of equipment she couldn’t name surrounding her. Lola felt claustrophobic.
“Relax, Lola. You’re safe now,” Dr. Jones told her, smoothing a hand over her forehead.
Lola looked around, seeing flashing lights and strangers. “Where is he? What’s going on?”
An EMT climbed into the vehicle. He was thin with red hair and brown eyes. His features were dispassionate, as though he saw things like this all the time and had become immune.
“My name is Chris. We need to take some vitals, Miss, and then take you to the hospital to get you checked out.”
Lola stared at him, not really seeing him. Dr. Jones spoke to him and he glanced at Lola before nodding and hopping from the ambulance.
“Where is he?” she asked again, voice trembling.
“He was taken away by the police. He can’t hurt you again,” was Mrs. Jones’ grim reply.
“How did you…?” Lola couldn’t finish the question. What if they hadn’t gotten there when they had? Her body jerked with convulsions and she was cold, so cold.
“We heard your screams. We were still up, talking. Sebastian was worried about you. He wanted to check on you. I told him…I told him not to bother you.” Sebastian’s mom swallowed, looked out into the small crowd gathered in the yard.
“I never should have let you go back to that house, not after seeing what I did today. I called Social Services as soon as you left the clinic. They told me someone would be over soon to talk to you.”
Dr. Jones continued to talk, to herself more than Lola. “It wasn’t soon enough. This never should have happened. How could your mother let this happen?”
Lola clutched the brown blanket covering her closer, feeling sick. She’d had the same thought so many times, but it was strange hearing someone else ask those words.
“Where is my mother?” Her voice cracked.
“She was called, Lola. She’ll be at the hospital, I’m sure.” Dr. Jones put her face close to Lola’s and looked her in the eye. “You’ll have to talk to the police. You tell them everything, understand? Don’t be scared. He can’t hurt you anymore. You tell them the truth.”
Dr. Jones didn’t look away until Lola gave a faint nod.
She pulled her into her arms and held her tight, placing a kiss on her head. She smelled good; clean. “They’re ready to take you now.”
Panic soared through her and Lola clutched at Sebastian’s mom. “I don’t want to be alone. Please.”
The EMT waited outside, eyes trained on the ground to give them a semblance of privacy.
Dr. Jones gave Lola a smile, eyes wet with unshed tears. “You’re not alone, honey. You’ve never been alone. We’ll be at the hospital waiting for you. I promise.”
Lola nodded, but her thoughts were on Jack. She wanted Jack with her. Her lower lip trembled and tears formed in her eyes.
Dr. Jones got out of the ambulance and the EMT went about hooking Lola up to things. From where she lay she saw two figures standing outside the ambulance. One was taller, rangier; the other more muscular and not quite as tall. Jack and Sebastian.
Sebastian climbed in and stared down at her, emotions flickering over his face like lightning. He swallowed and grabbed her hand, his grip almost painful.
Lola knew there were things he had to ask, needed to say, but what came out of his mouth was, “I called Jack. I knew you’d want him here.”
She nodded wordlessly, tears choking her.
His mouth opened and closed. Sebastian looked at her for a long moment. Lola watched him, wondering what he was thinking. “I’ll see you soon.” Sebastian dropped her hand and left.
Jack crouched beside her. He didn’t speak, just looked at her with the fiercest expression on his face. He reached over and clasped her hand within his, bringing it to his lips.
“Make it quick. We need to go,” the EMT said.
He nodded, eyes trained on Lola.
Lola blinked back the tears that threatened to consume her. “I heard your voice,” she whispered. “I heard your voice and it gave me strength.”
“I hear you voice all the time,” he told her.
Lola let her eyes close, exhausted.
***
Lola had been examined, tested, photographed, and talked to by the police. It had been nerve-wracking and painful to put to words the horrible events. Talking about it made it real. Her tongue had stumbled over words, feeling thick and numb. Like her. She felt numb.
She was alone for the moment, in a white hospital room that smelled like bleach and was chilly. A dim light cast shadows about the room, making her uneasy.
Lola had to stay overnight for observation since she’d hit her head and passed out. It seemed she may have a slight concussion. There were bruises on her as well. She was stiff and sore and a little dizzy. None of that compared to the pain inside her.
Rest was what had been recommended by the hospital doctor. Though it was well into the middle of the night, Lola couldn’t. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Bob, felt her skin crawl like he was in the room with her. She felt impure, tainted.
A scalding hot shower hadn’t helped; all the soap in the world couldn’t seem to remove the smell of him from her flesh; his touch lingered even now.
If Sebastian and his mother hadn’t found her. Lola shuddered and took a deep breath. But they did. Remember that.
The door opened, admitting a nurse. Her name was Molly. She had blond hair and a cheerful smile; pink scrubs on for her uniform. She smelled like bubblegum. “Getting some rest?”
Lola looked at the blanket twisted between her hands. “No. I can’t sleep.”
Empathy shone on her face. Molly patted her shoulder. “I understand. I’m going to take your vitals again, okay?”
“Is my mom here yet?”
Molly finished up; the blood pressure cuff making a ripping noise as it left Lola’s arm, and shook her head. “Not yet.”
Lola’s stomach dropped and she couldn’t meet the nurse’s eyes. Her mother had been called hours ago. Why wasn’t she there? Lola’s throat tightened.
