by Lindy Zart
Jack’s features were sharper, more angled, and breathtakingly gorgeous. Not a single bruise lingered on his face, not a cut or scrape marred it; there was nothing to take away from the beauty of his features.
Lola felt a smile curve her lips. He no longer had a reason to hide.
“Had to make myself presentable.” Jack took a step into the living room, another.
“I like it.”
He cocked his head, studying her.
Lola clasped her hands in front of her, self-conscious with his electric gaze on her. Those eyes didn’t miss a thing, not one fine detail.
Was it the artist in Jack that allowed him to see so much in a person, to look past the exterior and into the person’s soul; to know Lola with just a glance? Or was it because it was him, and it was her, and no other reason?
They were connected, inexplicably and forever.
Jack stopped before her. Lola craned her head back to meet his gaze. He lifted a hand, trailed it down her cheek. “So soft,” he murmured. Lola inhaled his scent she loved so much, closing her eyes.
He dipped his head into the crevice between her shoulder and neck, his breath causing shivers down her arms. “You smell so good.” Lola trembled, each nerve ending on alert.
“You look stunning, Lola. Beautiful.”
Jack lifted his head, cupped her face between his hands, and kissed her. Lola’s stomach dipped. It was a soft, slow kiss, full of tenderness.
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips.
Lola opened her eyes; saw the green depths of his focused on her with such intensity, such longing. “I more than love you,” she told him, smiling at the flicker of surprise in his eyes.
A throat cleared behind them and they pulled apart.
“Hate to break it up, but we gotta go.” Jared leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. He wore jeans, a brown polo shirt, and boots.
“Jared! You dressed up,” Lola teased, grabbing Jack’s hand as they walked.
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” he grumbled, heading out before them.
It was warm out, but there was a nice breeze. Lola smelled flowers and sunshine. It was too beautiful a day to ruin it with ghosts from the past. She straightened her back, her resolve returning.
You can do this.
When they got to the porch, Jack pulled her back. Lola looked at him in question. “What were you talking about when I got here, about not being able to do something?”
Lola looked to where Blair and Jared waited for them by her aunt’s car. “Seeing my old house. It just…it’s upsetting. It’s silly, I know.”
“No. It’s not silly at all, Lola. Don’t minimize your fears. But…” He put an arm around her and hugged her to him as they walked. “The house didn’t hurt you; the people inside it did. Just remember that.”
“And what about my mom?”
Jack gave her a fierce look. “Your mother gave up the best thing she had in her life. I know you miss her, I know you’re confused and have all sorts of questions for her. But you’re better than her, Lola, you’re better than all of this.
“She wronged you, not the other way around. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. She’s the one that needs to feel bad, not you.
“Sometimes there are no answers. You have to accept that. Maybe you’ll never know what you think you need to know, but do you really need to know all the details, really? You know she wasn’t there when you needed her, she still isn’t here when you need her, but look around, Lola.” Jack opened his arms wide. “You got me. You got your aunt. Jared. Sebastian. Rachel. Even Isabelle.
“You need to realize that and move on, as best you can. I had to realize that myself. When you let go of the pain and hurt and unanswered questions, Lola, then you’ll be okay. You’re safe now.” Jack pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You’re safe now. Remember that. Believe that.”
Lola couldn’t move, couldn’t speak; stunned by his words, stunned by how very true they were. Her heart pounded as his words sank in, melting warmth trickling through her.
“Oh my God, I love you. You’re so smart,” she finally said, breathless.
Jack laughed.
“Can you, like, write that down for me so I can remind myself daily?”
He tapped his head. “It’s all up here, Lola, even if only subconsciously.” Jack propelled her toward the car.
17
The party was dying down as the sun set. The Jones’ backyard had been turned into a party palace, complete with a dance floor and DJ. Black and silver streamers littered chairs, tables, and the large canopy the tables and chairs sat under. Citronella candles marginally helped to keep the mosquitos at bay.
Sebastian had decided to wait until the party was over to open gifts. Lola was glad; the pile was huge. But hers she needed him to open before she left.
She sat at a table by herself. Jack and Sebastian were talking across the backyard, Jack’s eyes on her. They appeared to be getting along so she didn’t want to interrupt them. Lola smiled when Jack winked at her.
Lola turned her head and watched the horizon with its oranges and reds and pinks and tranquility lapped over her.
The house had just been that; a house. Same as last time. Lola had stared at it for a minute, feeling emptiness more than anything, and turned away before stronger emotions had a chance to override her newfound acceptance.
“I love your boyfriend,” Blair announced, sitting down beside Lola with a plate of cake in her hand. She offered a second plate to Lola, but she shook her head. Blair shrugged and ate from both plates.
“Really? Why?”
“Yes, really. Everything he said to you before we left, all those awesome words that came from his magnificent brain, were all things I was thinking and didn’t know how to put into words. He’s a genius. This cake is so good.”
“Have you been drinking, Blair?”
She squinted one eye and measured with her fingers. “Little bit.”
Jared appeared behind Blair’s chair. He watched her eat her two pieces of cake, a strange expression on his face. It took a moment for Lola to realize it was wonder.
Lola turned her head to hide a smile.
“Hi, Jared! Want some cake? Oh. It’s gone. Sorry. I’m tired.” Blair’s head fell back against Jared as her eyes closed, body going limp.
Lola stared at her aunt, mouth open. “Did she just pass out?”
“She only had two glasses of wine.” Jared had his hands on her shoulders, keeping her upright. Lola laughed at the look on his face. It was a mix between incredibility and disgruntlement.
Jared’s lips twitched as their eyes met. “Should probably take her home.”
“Good idea. I just need Sebastian to open my gift and then we can go.”
“We’ll be in the car.”
Jack rushed over as Jared hefted Blair’s slack form into his arms. “What happened? Is she okay?”
“Oh, yeah. She’s fine. Just drunk,” Jared said dryly and maneuvered his way through the dispersing crowd.
He turned to Lola. “How did that happen?”
“He said she had two glasses of wine.”
“Two? Two?”
Lola shrugged. She didn’t understand it either. “I have to get Sebastian to open my present quick before we go. Coming?”
Jack hung back. “No. You go.”
She frowned. “Why don’t you want to go?”
“I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re not intruding.”
“Lola.” Jack gave her a look. “Go. Sebastian said Rachel has big double dating plans so I’ll go find out the details.”
“That sounds like torture.”
He kissed her forehead. “The things I do for you.”
Lola weaved her way through people, stopping to give her goodbyes to Dr. Jones and Derek, who both hugged her tight and invited her over for supper the next week.
Sebastian stood off to the side, watching h
is family and friends enjoy his party. His hands were shoved into the pockets of khaki pants, a white dress shirt tight against his muscular chest. Sebastian’s hair was slicked back, his features prominent. Shadows hid his eyes from her.
Lola watched him for a moment, emotions tightening her throat. Her childhood friend was a young man now. Bittersweet tenderness swept through her. He would be leaving soon, going to college in Iowa.
True, they had both changed and were different from a year ago, but some things, the most important things, never changed.
He’d always been there for her, even when she didn’t know it, even when she didn’t want him to be. If he hadn’t been there that last night, who knew what Lola would be like at that very moment, where she would be, what she would be.
Sebastian looked up, caught her eye, and grinned.
Lola hurried to him, missing him already. She felt like crying. In fact, she was. Lola grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. Sebastian’s arms went around her, hugging her just as tightly.
“You’re my best friend, Sebastian. Even if I get another best friend someday, you’ll still always be the best best friend.” Lola pulled away, wiped her eyes.
Sebastian swallowed, eyes red. “You too, Lola. Always.”
She laughed through her tears; wishing things didn’t have to change. But that was life; that was the one constant, the one thing that never changed. Things always changed.
“You have to open my present before I go.”
“Okay.”
“I’m going now, Sebastian,” she told him when he didn’t move.
“Oh.” He straightened. “Where is it?”
Lola dashed a hand across her wet eyes and grabbed the present from the table of them, offering it to Sebastian.
Sebastian looked at the gift wrapped in blue paper, holding it in his hands. “Whatever it is, I’ll love it just because it’s from you.”
“I know that. Open it.”
He began to tear at the paper.
“Something you always need, something you never want to lose,” Lola told him.
Sebastian paused, understanding the significance of the gift.
He lifted the lid from the box and reached in, pulling out an 8 X 10 canvas. Colors swirled together, different shades of blues and greens and purples melding, interlocking, becoming one. Four black letters stood out, bold and unable to ignore.
“I made this at a time when I had none, or at least, not much.”
He kept his head down, tracing the four letters with his fingertip. It read: HOPE. Sebastian took a deep breath, wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and gave Lola a sweet smile. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
Lola patted his back. “I know.” They shared a smile, laughing.
***
Lola sat still as Isabelle braided her hair, trying not to wince when she pulled her hair. She wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t on purpose, so Lola said nothing. She didn’t want to give Isabelle the satisfaction.
They were in the living room of Blair’s house, watching ‘The Golden Girls’ which just happened to be both of their favorite television shows of all time. It was too bad they didn’t get along since they had so much in common.
A half-eaten plate of chocolate chip cookies they’d baked together sat on the coffee table, two glasses of partially drank milk beside it.
Jack had told Lola she’d somehow become Isabelle’s role model, which was scary at best. Plus she didn’t believe him. Lola thought Isabelle just hung around her to agitate her and she was good at it.
It was turning into a weekly routine for Isabelle to show up at Lola’s whenever Jack was working and Lola wasn’t. If Lola didn’t find Isabelle so amusing, she would have forbade her to come over a long time ago. Well, she told herself that anyway.
Lola had to admit, grudgingly, that she enjoyed Isabelle’s company, sulky disposition and all.
“I can’t do this!” Isabelle wailed and undid Lola’s hair, being particularly rough as she shook it loose with her hand, her nails like talons in Lola’s thick hair.
“Hey. Easy! That’s real hair on a real head, you know,” Lola complained, ducking out of Isabelle’s reach. She moved from the floor to the bay window, putting plenty of space between them.
Isabelle’s pretty face was set in a scowl, her arms crossed. “I suck. I’m never going to learn how to do this.”
For only being a year younger than Lola, Isabelle was decades below as far as maturity went. Jack had spoiled her, which Lola didn’t think would have been possible, given their circumstances growing up. Yet somehow he’d managed to find a way to do it. He was sneaky like that.
“You’re never going to learn if you give up and throw fits,” Lola said, rubbing her sore head.
“I do not throw fits!”
Lola looked at her, trying to find some patience. Isabelle had on a pretty pale green sundress and sandals, her blond curls framing her face. The girl had no idea how pretty she was, even with a pout on her face. Probably a good thing.
“Here. Grab that mirror. Sit on the floor.” Lola moved to the couch and sat behind Isabelle, parting her hair in threes. “I’ll show you how to do it and then you can practice some more.”
Isabelle was quiet as Lola worked, a look of concentration on her face as she watched Lola’s fingers move through her curls.
“May I ask why it is so important you learn to braid hair?”
She didn’t answer, finally asking, “Who taught you how to braid hair?”
Lola’s gaze collided with Isabelle’s in the handheld mirror. “My mother.” Discomfort pricked her chest, but it wasn’t the stabbing agony it used to be.
Isabelle looked down. “I didn’t know my mom. She died when I was born. I never got to do any of those mother daughter things, like braiding hair. Jack tried.” A warm smile stretched her lips. “He was terrible at it. My hair ended up in ratted knots that had to be cut out.”
Lola laughed softly. “At least he tried, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Isabelle got a distant look on her face. “He’s done so much for me, given up so much. I didn’t really have a mother or father, just Jack. He was both. Jack was everything for me.”
She knew. Jack tried to protect the ones he loved as best he could and would do anything for them as well.
Lola quietly put a rubber band around the end of the braid. “There you go.”
She put the mirror down and twisted to face Lola. “Thank you.”
Uncomfortable and unused to the more sensitive side of Isabelle, Lola just nodded and got up to grab another cookie.
“My dad moved away.”
Lola froze with the cookie halfway to her mouth, swallowing what was in her mouth. “Oh?”
Jack had told her, but it was another thing entirely for his sister to confide in her. For whatever reason, Isabelle had picked Lola as a confidante. Maybe she just had no one else to talk to. Maybe she knew Lola would understand.
Isabelle got to her feet and moved to the picture window, looking out at the sunny day. “I’m glad.”
I am so glad.
Jack had been right; his father had signed over guardianship to Jack without qualm.
She turned to face Lola, studying her. “I’m also glad Jack has you. You’re good for him. He deserves to be happy for once.”
“He deserves to be happy for the rest of his life.”
“So we’re in agreement.”
Lola shifted her feet, hating to admit it. “You could say that.”
“Scary.”
“You could say that too.” Lola smiled when Isabelle laughed and spontaneously hugged her.
***
It was a sunny day in early June when Lola got the news. She and her aunt were weeding the flowers around the house. It was dirty, time-consuming work, but also cathartic. It was hot out and Lola’s top and shorts clung to her with sweat. The tree shade helped protect them from the sun, but not so much the heat.
The lady from Social Service
s, Alice Jones, met them at the sidewalk with a somber expression. Her blond hair was pinned back, her black glasses and white skirt jacket suit giving her a professional look.
Just like that Lola was shivering, her breaths coming out ragged and quick. Today was the day the judge made a decision about Bob. She both dreaded and eagerly anticipated the outcome.
“Hello, Lola. Blair.”
Blair pulled off her gardening gloves and put a hand on Lola’s back, offering silent support.
“Hi,” Lola barely got out.
“I have news.”
Lola wanted to blurt to get on with it, but manners kept her quiet, though she was sure an impatient expression was on her face. That she couldn’t help.
Bob had been sentenced to ten years in prison, with possible parole after five. Lola stood there, not sure how to feel. She wasn’t happy or sad or upset. Lola just felt…relief. It was over. It was finally over.
Alice said a few more things, shook her hand, and went on her way.
Lola stood there, staring at the spot Alice had been moments ago.
“Are you okay, Lola?”
“I…don’t know. I don’t really feel anything.” Her eyes met her aunt’s. “Is that normal?”
Blair smiled softly and brushed hair from her face. “Whatever you feel is normal.”
***
She kept thinking of her mother. That was what plagued her more than anything, kept her from completely healing. Most of the time, she was okay. Most of the time, Lola didn’t think of her. But sometimes, when she did, she was struck motionless with pain. Other times it wasn’t so bad.
Times like this, when she was alone, were the worst. That’s when all the questions and doubts and fear and betrayal came forth, threatened to overwhelm her. Lola’s emotions were so conflicted.
If she just knew. If she just knew why maybe she’d finally be able to put it past her for good.
She missed her. Lola wondered how she was doing. She wondered when she would see her again and what she would say when she did; what she would feel.
Lola sat on her bed, staring at the framed 4 X 6 photograph. It was of her and her mother, taken when she was two by her father. Blair had given it to her; a piece of her father was now in her possession. He’d looked at this picture, he’d touched it. She brought it to her lips and kissed the cool glass.
