by Lindy Zart
It was a short drive, neither talking. When the truck stopped outside Jack’s father’s house, Lola looked at Jared, confused.
“What are we doing here?”
A muscle ticked under Jared’s eye. “See that truck? That’d be mine.”
An old red pickup was parked in the driveway. Lola’s stomach dropped. Why would he come back here? It didn’t make any sense.
Dread propelled her from the vehicle. Jared stopped. “You wait in the truck.”
Lola stiffened her spine and looked him in the eye, not even bothering to speak.
Jared just sighed and shook his head, muttering something under his breath as they strode for the house.
A crash sounded from inside. Jared took off at a sprint and Lola was right behind him.
The sight that greeted stopped her short and took her breath away. The kitchen table was broken down the middle, two uneven halves on the floor. Papers littered the floor, as though a hand had swiped them off a counter or table. It smelled like sweat and blood and…fear.
Jared stood in the doorway to the living room, not moving.
There was a grunt, a sickening cracking sound.
“Jared—“
He raised a hand, not looking at her, and the words died on her lips. What was he looking at? What was on the other side of Jared? Lola didn’t want to know, didn’t want to see, but found her feet moving regardless.
It happened in slow motion, but so very quickly as well. It felt like Lola was watching a movie; a horror movie. It couldn’t be real. But it was.
Lola gasped, hand to her mouth, sick feeling.
At first she thought it was Jack on the floor; it took a minute to sink in that Jack was on top. The relief was palpable, dizzying. Jack was okay, or as okay as he could be under the circumstances.
Jack was straddling who Lola could only assume was his father’s limp form, pummeling his face. The man was large, larger than Lola could have imagined, and yet he wasn’t fighting back. Was he dead?
She grabbed Jared’s arm and squeezed. “Jared, stop him. You have to stop him!”
“He needs to do this,” was the low reply.
“He’s going to kill him.” Lola didn’t care about Jack’s father; a man he’d never even deemed important enough to name in front of Lola, but Jack wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he murdered a man, however deserving the person was of it.
“This is for Isabelle. This is for me,” Jack vehemently declared, landing another punch to a face that no longer looked like a face. The sound of flesh hitting flesh turned Lola’s stomach.
Jared moved then. He crouched beside Jack. “Jack. That’s enough.”
Jack shook him off, not even looking at him. “It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough,” he muttered.
Lola watched the man she loved, consumed with hate; saw him losing himself, and reacted. She had to save him. He’d saved her. She had to reach him somehow.
“Jack,” she whispered, kneeling beside him. She ignored the unconscious man trapped under Jack, refused to look at him.
He paused then, turned his head. Jack’s eyes blazed with vengeance, an unholy gleam; his face different shades of yellow and purple. Jack’s chest heaved up and down, up and down, as he crouched there, looking at her but not really seeing her. He looked scary, beautiful, an avenging angel.
Lola’s throat choked up. “Jack.” She reached a hand out, touched a fresh cut on his already battered face. “I love you.”
Jack’s eyes cleared and it was him again. His shoulders slumped forward as he hung his head. He got off the man and, on his knees; proud and unremorseful, he faced Lola. She was vaguely aware of Jared moving the man none too gently, of looking him over.
She reached for him, held his head against her chest. His arms slowly raised, his hands barely touching her, as though afraid she would disappear if he held her too close. Then Jack crushed her to him, something wet and warm dripping down her skin. Tears.
Jack was crying.
Lola’s lips trembled. She put her chin against his soft hair, her own grief quietly falling down her cheeks.
Jared caught her eye, motioned that he would be outside.
“I love you, Jack. I love you so much,” she whispered brokenly.
Jack didn’t respond, but his grip on her tightened; his arms fully cocooned her to him, telling her without words he would never let her go.
And I’ll never let you go.
16
“I don’t have to tell you that was stupid.”
Jack sat on the couch, watching Jared pace before him. Lola sat beside him, an arm around his waist. She was thinking the same thing, but didn’t necessarily agree that right now was the time to discuss it.
“And yet you just did.”
Lola gave Jack a slight squeeze; a warning. Jared was stopped in front of Jack, scowl in place. Jared and Jack were like two firecrackers when they arguing; one little spark and they both went off.
“Nobody likes a smartass. He can press charges against you. You’re eighteen. Then what? Then you lose Isabelle anyway.”
It was true. Lola had thought the same thing just moments ago.
Jack shot to his feet, as tall and rangy as Jared. “I had to do it. For my peace of mind.”
“You had to beat the crap out of your dad for your peace of mind?”
“Yes. I felt helpless, unable to fight for myself and Isabelle, unable to protect us. It was killing me, tearing me up inside.” Jack strode to the window, back to Jared and Lola. His shoulders were tense, his hands in fists at his sides. Lola watched as his back muscles contracted under the thin black shirt he wore.
“I had to do something. And I’m glad I did. Now he knows what I felt all those times he raised his hand to me.”
She understood. Sometimes all you had left was the fight within yourself, the fight to survive, whatever it took. Sometimes you had to seek your own form of justice in order to move on.
“He won’t go to the police. He won’t fight me getting guardianship over Isabelle. We won’t ever see him again.” His words were firm, spoken with conviction.
“How do you know, Jack?” Lola asked, wanting it to be true.
Jack spun around, pinned her with his heated gaze. “Because I told him if he did, I’d air all his dirty little secrets. I’d tell the entire world about the years of abuse. He knows I meant it. He’s scared. And a coward. He won’t talk.”
“I hope you’re right,” Jared said.
“I am.”
Jared and Jack stared at each other for a long moment. Jared finally nodded. “Okay. I gotta get back to my chores.” He turned to Lola. “Shouldn’t you be getting back to school?”
Lola jumped up. “Um, yeah, I should.” She walked over to Jack, touched his bruised cheek. “I’m so proud of you,” Lola told him quietly.
He inhaled deeply and turned his cheek into her palm, closing his eyes. “For what?”
“For being you.”
Jack swallowed and moved away, eyeing the curtain, as though the drab fabric was somehow fascinating.
Lola knew it was time to change the subject.
“My aunt invited you and Isabelle over for supper. She’s getting pizzas,” Lola was quick to add at Jack’s look. She’d told him all about Blair’s bad luck in the kitchen.
“And you,” she said with a pointed look at Jared. Well, Blair hadn’t not invited him.
Jared froze at the top of the stairs. “Me?”
“Yep. We’ll see you all at six.” Lola didn’t wait for an answer. Jared still hadn’t moved by the time she got to the stairs, looking shell-shocked, so she just brushed past him.
***
It was funny how a memory had certain feelings, smells. Memories of her mom were always tinged in sadness; even as a child when Lola hadn’t been able to understand, she’d still felt it.
The time with Bob in her life was clouded with darkness. Fear, anger, hatred, helplessness.
But this time, with Jac
k, it was beautiful. It was sunshine and warmth, flowers and his seductive cologne; it was intense and frightening, overwhelming. Happiness. Love, but so much more than love.
She was healing, slowly but surely, and Jack was a large part of the reason why. Jack had been away from his father for close to a week and was healing in his own way too. He smiled and laughed more, held his shoulders a little straighter and his head a little higher. Years had been stripped from his face with the burden of his father gone.
Lola lay on her bed on her side, staring at his face, taking in each detail. Even the small scars; the healing bruises and cuts didn’t detract from his beauty; if anything, it added to it.
Those green eyes saw everything about Lola and still wanted her. Those cynical lips turned up for her.
“Jack, can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Why did you act so strangely a while ago, like you were mad at me, like you didn’t want to see me?”
He sighed and flopped to his back. “Because I was jealous and insecure. And I thought you could do better than me. I thought you would be better with someone like Sebastian, someone who didn’t come from such a messed up family.
“I also thought you didn’t need me anymore. You were safe, in a loving home; you had your friends back. Why would you need me?”
“You were wrong,” she told him fiercely.
Jack turned his head to look at her, one half of his mouth lifting. “Oh, really?”
“Really. There is no better than you and I will always need you.”
Jack smiled sweetly; Lola melted.
“What’s it like at the apartment? Are things going okay?”
“Yeah. For the most part. Isabelle loves it. She has newfound freedom. She’s enjoying herself a little too much.”
She didn’t doubt it. “What about you?”
“Not having my dad around is…I feel tremendous relief. Jared comes over every night to check up on us. I’m not used to that. But it’s kind of nice, having someone look out for me. Of course, I guess he always kind of has. Do you know what he’s charging me for rent?”
Lola shook her head.
“Fifty dollars. A month. And when I told him that wasn’t nearly enough, he threatened to kick me out and fire me. He would too.”
Respect for Jared went up a notch, although it was already pretty high. That man oozed integrity.
“You know what I think about the most, out of everything?” He didn’t wait for her to respond. “Not about what my dad did to me, but that he could do it to someone else. That’s what bothers me the most.”
“You can report him.”
“No. I just want to forget, want it over with. Besides, I told him I’d be watching him and if I ever found out he hurt anyone else, I wouldn’t stop until he was dead.”
Alarmed, Lola said, “Jack.”
“I wouldn’t really, Lola,” he said, smiling. “But he had to believe I meant it. He’s a coward and a drunk and now he’s scared. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. I have better things to think about.”
He trailed a calloused finger along her brow, down her nose, and stopped at her lips. Lola kissed his finger and he unconsciously shuddered.
Jack leaned over and gave her a lingering kiss; touching his cheek to hers when they pulled apart.
Lola was consumed by her feelings for him. When she thought of him she smiled, when he was near she was lighter, happier. Every minute of every day Lola wasn’t with him, she missed him. Sometimes, even when he was with her, she still missed him.
Jack felt deeply, strongly, in all aspects of his life. She couldn’t imagine him capable of being any greater than he already was; it wasn’t possible.
It could have ended up so different for him. Jack could have turned into his father; he could have been cruel and uncaring. He wasn’t. Jack was good on the inside, where it counted.
She knew she had a lot of growing up to do, but Lola also knew she wanted Jack forever. She was convinced that would never change, no matter their age.
“I can’t believe your aunt allowed me up here.”
“Well, the door is open.”
“And she’s right down the hall.”
“I can’t believe she and Jared actually hit it off and are going on a date.”
Jack turned to his side, a knowing light in his eyes. “Yeah, because you didn’t have anything to do with that.”
Lola smiled, feeling so carefree and alive she felt like a silly giggle was going to escape her. Luckily, she held it in. “I just got them together. The rest was up to them.”
“Isabelle is happy you did that. She likes your aunt a lot.”
“But not me.”
“Not true. She’s just overprotective of her big brother. I’ve always looked out for her; she’s just doing the same.”
Lola knew that and commended Isabelle greatly for it. She had spunk, that was for sure.
“I suppose she didn’t glare at me so much the last time I saw her,” Lola grudgingly supplied, grinning when Jack laughed.
She loved his laugh. It was a beautiful sound; deep and rumbly. His eyes twinkled and Lola always fought not to kiss the mirth from his lips when it overtook him. It was priceless, each laugh a small treasure to behold.
Lola took a deep breath, sitting up. There was something she had to do; something she had been putting off.
“What?” he asked when she continued to stare at him.
“I have something for you.”
Jack sat up, touching her cheek. “Why do you look so terrified at the thought of giving it to me, whatever it is?”
Lola got down from the bed and opened the chest at the foot of it, taking her folder out. She opened it with fingers that trembled, swallowed, and pulled a sheet of paper from it.
Without speaking, Lola handed it to him. Jack frowned at her, glancing down. As he read, his features transformed into that expressionless mask that gave so much away.
She fiddled with bottles of body spray on the dresser top as he read, gnawing on the inside of her bottom lip. Lola picked up the vanilla scented one and sniffed it, replacing the cap.
What if he didn’t like it? Lola pulled the cream curtain back and looked at the large tree in the front yard, studying the leaves. What if he thought it was stupid? Her pulse was thrumming an erratic beat in her wrists, the wait unbearable to her nerves.
Lola heard him move, felt Jack behind her. Her stomach flip-flopped. His hands warmed her shoulders; his breath tickled the sensitive skin under his ear.
“Do you know what I love about you the most?” he whispered, causing her to shiver.
She wordlessly shook her head.
“How you manage to look past the bad and find the good. Even with me. You looked past what I showed the world and wrecked me, but in a good way,” he added when she stiffened.
“You ruined me from turning into something I didn’t want to be. I don’t know how to show you how much you mean to me. I love you, Lola. I want to be with you always; I can’t imagine not being with you. You filled a hole in me. You gave me a purpose. My purpose is to love you. No matter what else happens, I know that.”
Lola swallowed, eyes welling with tears.
“I love you more than anything,” he said with feeling, turning her around and showing her with his lips, with the passion of his kiss, what Lola meant to him.
***
Sebastian’s birthday and graduation party were on the same day, at the end of May. It was double the festivities. Lola had reservations about being there, but only because her former residence was right across the street.
She looked at her shimmering pink strapless dress in the mirror above her dresser, touched her upswept hair. Silver sandals glimmered on her feet. Lola felt pretty, feminine.
Blair and she had gone dress shopping specifically for the occasion and treated themselves to manicures, pedicures, and haircuts and ‘dos. Lola couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something so fun, but as
always, it had been darkened by the knowledge it wasn’t her mother with her.
Lola spritzed herself with lemon vanilla body spray and put sparkly earrings on. She smoothed her dress, feeling like a princess, or like she was going to prom. Lola hadn’t gone this past year; had had no reason to. She’d actually forgotten about it, its importance fading with her life in turmoil as it had been.
Next year, she promised herself. Lola’s senior year would make up for her junior.
A knock sounded at the closed door. “Lola? Ready, honey?”
“Come in.”
Lola turned; strangely nervous about revealing her appearance, and took in her aunt’s look of awe. “Wow. You look…you look so beautiful, Lola. You got all the good parts of your mother and father.”
She blushed, please with the compliment. “So do you, Blair. Jared’s going to be drooling all over you.”
“He better.” Blair wore a teal off the shoulder dress and black heels. Her auburn hair was pinned to the side with a glittering black clip.
The closer it got to the time to leave, Lola got more anxious. Her nerves were on edge. Lola felt bad she wasn’t looking forward to it. She owed it to her friend to be there for him. Lola paced the length of the living room, glancing out the window every few minutes.
“I can’t do this,” she said, closing her eyes. For some reason, the thought of seeing her old house in daylight was scarier than her seeing it under the gloom of clouds.
“Do what?”
She spun around and sucked in a sharp breath. Jack stood inside the doorway, wearing khaki shorts, a blue and white buttoned down shirt, and brown sandals. His clothing was nothing especially spectacular or noteworthy, but at the same time it was. He took her breath away.
Every time Lola saw him was like the first time she realized she was in love with him.
Jack stared at her, not speaking, his eyes going up, then down, the length of her. His expression went blank, but when he raised his head his eyes smoldered at her. Lola felt faint, hard a time swallowing.
“I’ll just…be outside,” Blair said and left.
“You cut your hair.” His ebony locks had been shorn, now styled short and messy. Jack’s eyes were greener somehow, his eyelashes thicker and longer without the hair hiding them.
