Sun Signs

by Shelley Hrdlitschka

  What else do you think you’re missing? Parties? Oh yeah. Well, there’s not as many of them as you’d think. Maybe certain crowds party more than others. Music lessons. I had them, but practicing every day can get a bit annoying. Boys, on the other hand … Sounds like you met a couple of good ones yesterday. Can’t wait to hear how your e-relationships go with them. I’ve heard some e-relationships get pretty steamy!

  So why do you live on an island anyway? Let me guess. You’re marooned and no one has ever found you? No, I guess that family from yesterday would have rescued you if you wanted rescuing. How about … one of your parents is a prison escapee and has to hide for the rest of his/her life. No? Are your parents hippies with a grow op on the island? Hmm. I’m making myself—as Alice in Wonderland would say—curiouser and curiouser. A mystery.

  Speaking of mysteries, do you happen to know 2good’s real name, and whether blondie is a guy or a girl? And what’s his/her real name?

  My science report has actually become fun — go figure! I emailed Ms. B.A. Stargazer (the astrologer) with some questions. I told her I was thinking of becoming an astrologer myself — which isn’t quite true — but I thought she might like to hear that. (Shh! Don’t tell!)

  Anyway, can’t wait to get data from you again soon. Your English is very “good.” LOL. Keep up the good work.

  Kaleigh

  ---------------

  From: starlight

  To: cosmicgirl

  Subject: Re: Collecting Data

  Hi Kaleigh,

  The truth is—I am a prisoner on this island and it sucks, big time. Let me explain.

  My father is a marine biologist and is studying ocean currents and the migration of jellyfish. These studies take YEARS to complete. It is dead boring. My mom is a so-called “successful artist” and has a studio at the side of the house where she goes to paint, sculpt and do all that other good stuff. I didn’t mind being here when I was little because I didn’t know what I was missing, but NOW I KNOW! There is a ferry that comes to the island a couple of times each day and brings us the odd visitor and our mail. It would even take me to and from school on the mainland, but my parents are very happy to keep me isolated from the real world. What they don’t understand is that I am TRAPPED and will ESCAPE at the first chance. They say I don’t know how lucky I am to live in such a safe environment. Yeah right. It’s a good thing I’ve got my books—they let me order as many as I want, and it’s the highlight of my life when a shipment arrives. It’s an even bigger good thing that there is email and chatlines so I know what is happening OUT THERE. I will never do this to my own kids!!

  So now you know why I am a distant learner. What is your excuse?

  Shari

  P.S. Sorry, but I don’t know anything about 2good and blondie except that they’re Leos.

  ---------------

  From: cosmicgirl

  To: B.A. Stargazer

  Subject: Science Report

  Dear Ms. Stargazer,

  I hope it’s okay that I keep writing to you. I know you must be way too busy studying the stars and writing all those horoscopes to answer email from a person like me, but I like writing letters and will keep sharing stuff about my science project if you don’t mind.

  I finally got the first bit of data from one of my Leo subjects.

  She was very excited because her horoscope came true that day. I think she, too, is going to become a big fan of you and your horoscopes.

  There’s one thing that really puzzles me about astrology. I’ve noticed that almost all astrologers agree on the personality traits that describe people in each of the signs. But what they don’t agree on is horoscopes. They are often contradictory— two astrologers forecasting completely different things. Aren’t both astrologers reading the same set of stars and planets? I better get busy and find out why this is, because I just know my teacher is going to ask me about it.

  Your loyal Gemini,

  Kaleigh Wyse

  ---------------

  From: cosmicgirl

  To: jselenski

  Subject: Progress Report #1

  Dear Mr. Selenski,

  It has been two weeks since you first gave us this assignment, so I decided it was time to turn in my first progress report. (See? Even if I don’t do so great in science, I AM competent at math!)

  As you may recall, I am studying astrology so that I can understand the formation of horoscopes better, and to figure out why they always seem to come true, for me anyway. (I suspect it may be a different matter for you!) So far I have selected three Leo subjects who are reading the same horoscopes (daily, weekly, monthly, yearly) to determine whether the forecasts match what is actually happening in their lives.

  I have contacted the astrologer whose forecasts we are using. She hasn’t responded yet, but I hope she will.

  I have collected some data from one of my subjects, and it clearly showed that the Leo forecast for that week had come true for her. These early results are very exciting!

  I’m having a little more trouble with the Gathering Information portion of the project. Astrology is way more complicated than I imagined. (I’m sure you’d be shocked, Mr. Selenski, seeing as you don’t even believe in this stuff.) There are all kinds of words and terms and other stuff that I just don’t understand. For example, have you ever heard of a Saturn opposition? Or how about a Jupiter transit? It’s all very mysterious, but I’m doing my best to decipher the information so I can write a proper report. I will keep plodding away, but I expect the Record and Analyze Data portion of my report will be way more interesting than the Information portion. (Just thought I’d warn you.)

  Anyhow, I hope this is enough information for my first progress report. Thanks for assigning this project. I’m having a lot of fun with it, and I am getting to know a couple of the distantstudybuddies better. It’s also a great way to keep my mind off—you know—other stuff.

  Yours in Science,

  Kaleigh Wyse

  P.S. So if you’re not an Aquarius (and I was so sure about that!) you must be a Scorpio: resourceful, a researcher, as well as intense and strong-willed.

  Jan. 28

  Dear Immortal Gemini Twin,

  Doesn’t Ms. Stargazer realize how hard it is to “build a life” when you’re stuck at home all day? Like I’m going to choose to go outside looking like this. The way people stare and then quickly turn away makes me crazy. I don’t know what I’d rather they did, I just know I can’t take it anymore.

  The “main event” reference in the ’scope was pretty obvious. But anyone who’s gone through this knows that it’s impossible to get away from it. It’s always there, a little vise squeezing your heart all day long. Just when you get your mind off it, bingo! You remember again and the squeezing is a little tighter than it was before. But she’s right about the waiting part being the worst. It is. Waiting and worrying.

  I miss my friends! :( What have I done? But Shari called me girlfriend. That’s a start.

  Thank God for email, and schoolwork.

  Hey! Those Leo guys sound so cute. Can you give me a sign, O Immortal One? If they really are as cute as they sound … make the lights flicker.

  I’m waiting.

  Still waiting.

  Are you sure? They SOUND cute.

  Okay, maybe you and I just have different tastes in guys. Your idea of a hot one is probably someone in a white gown, with a harp and a halo.

  And anyway, even if they are cute, they’d never look at me. Well, actually, they would look (stare), but of course then they’d look away real fast … in pity …

  I’m looking forward to getting their data and finding out more about them. I had no idea Shari lived on an island. We should have a meet&greet night on the distantstudybuddy listserv. Everyone has to write one paragraph about why they are distant learners and some other stuff about themselves. Hmmm. I guess I’d have to make something up … wouldn’t want them to know why I’m here … maybe the meet&greet is not such a good id
ea after all.

  Mom’s stress leave is over and she’s back at work. Thank God. I don’t think I could have handled one more minute of her hovering, trying to be cheerful when I could see all she wanted to do was cry every time she looked at me … I don’t know how long she’ll last at work, though. She’s lost more weight than I have, she looks like death (no offense, O Immortal One) and I don’t think she’s sleeping much by the look of her baggy saggy eyes. Why does that make me feel guilty? It’s not like I got sick on purpose.

  Was it really just a year ago that I was like everyone else, happily going along just living my life, not feeling like I had to APPRECIATE it? We all get born. We live, we grow up, possibly get married, have babies, grow old, and THEN die. For most of our lives, death should be so far off we don’t even have to think about it. I didn’t used to have to be grateful that I was still alive. I just was.

  Facing your mortality SUCKS!

  O Immortal Twin, can you explain—WHY ME?

  Well, that’s it for this week. I hope not to see you soon.

  The mortal one

  Form a Hypothesis

  Forecast For the Week of

  Jan. 29 – Feb. 5

  by B.A. Stargazer

  Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

  February presents challenges and

  disruptions, Gemini. Aim for clarity

  this week.

  ---------------

  From: jselenski

  To: cosmicgirl

  Subject: Re: Progress Report #1

  Dear Kaleigh,

  Thank you for submitting your first installment in a timely fashion. It seems you are on the right track and making progress. As for finding the information hard to understand, you didn’t choose astrology because you thought it was going to be easy, did you? I certainly hope not. I’m glad to know you are learning something, even if it is on a subject that I still find somewhat dubious. Don’t forget to form and clearly state your hypothesis by the next progress report.

  Contacting an astrologer is a splendid idea. If you do establish a relationship with her, I hope you will turn in your correspondence as part of your final project. I suspect I would find her comments very enlightening, or at the least, entertaining.

  Here’s something I want you to think about. Astrologers tell us that it is the position of the sun, the moon, the planets, etc., at the time of a person’s birth that determines their personality and character traits. What I wonder, is why is it the moment of birth and not the moment of conception? By choosing the moment of birth, astrologers are implying that at the very moment before birth, a baby is still “a blank slate,” right? I think a lot of people would strongly disagree with that implication.

  By the way, Kaleigh, I’m pleased that you don’t think you’ll need an extension on this project. I’ll take that as a positive sign that you’re still feeling well, all things considered.

  Sincerely,

  Mr. J. Selenski

  … who is not a Scorpio and who cannot figure out why you think I am “intense”or “strong-willed,” or even “unpredictable” and “contrary,” as you suggested in a previous letter. (No offense taken.) Try again.

  ---------------

  From: cosmicgirl

  To: blondeshavemorefun

  Cc: 2good4u

  Subject: data collection

  Dear blondie and 2good,

  I’m at the “collecting data” stage for my science project on astrology (as well as forming a hypothesis, and gathering information — ongoing) (phew! I’m one busy science student!) and am wondering if you could start sending me your notes (to date) on whether the horoscopes are coming true for you. The third Leo subject has sent me some data — anecdotal (which means a story) — that shows that the weekly horoscope did (in a miraculous way!) fit her week. How about yours? Would you like to share a story or two?

  My own horoscope (Gemini) told me to aim for clarity this week. (Have I been clear in this letter? Did I use too many big words? Is my letter too formal? Not formal enough? Do you think I overdo my use of brackets ( ) ?)

  Feel free to simply attach your (well-written) notes to your next e-note, but then don’t stop taking them! Hopefully this will just be the first of many reporting periods.

  Yours in clarity (I hope), and in brackets (for sure!),

  Kaleigh

  ---------------

  From: 2good4u

  To: cosmicgirl

  Subject: Re: data collection

  Attachment: horoscope notes, batch #1

  Leo — the year ahead: For some Leos, the next twelve months will contain events that will transform your life for the better. Jupiter increases confidence and helps you make big plans and fulfill them. Sometimes a Jupiter transit will bring fame, and you may make a name for yourself. The only thing you will have to watch with Jupiter in Leo is that you don’t become too big for your boots!

  Now I ask you, Kaleigh, do you think a modest guy like me could ever become too big for his boots? Never!

  This prediction for my coming year is odd. You see, my life is already great! The reason I’m a distant learner is that I’m an actor and am so busy starring in movies that I don’t have time to go to school. And this is not on a small scale. If this horoscope had been presented to me three years ago, when I was a struggling actor-wannabe, I would have said Yippee! But the truth is, I’ve already found fame and have made a name for myself. It just keeps getting better. As you’ve already guessed, lack of confidence is not something I suffer from. I don’t know how this Jupiter fellow will be able to increase it. My adoring fans have already done that.

  Now I guess you understand why I couldn’t tell you or any of the other distantstudybuddies my name. If I did, everyone on this listserv would inundate me with requests for autographs, and I’d never get my homework done. I’m hoping, Kaleigh, that you’ll keep my career a secret. People tend to get so silly when they are corresponding with stars.

  Back to the horoscopes. I guess it’s too soon to really know if my year will continue to get better, but it appears that it will. I am working on a big movie right now, and as soon as I’m finished on this one, I’m going to be whisked away to the Congo to star in another. (I hope that’s not too much information to give you. I wouldn’t want you figuring out who I am!) I suppose that means the horoscope is accurate. Perhaps I’ll be offered an even bigger role after that — although that would be nearly impossible.

  Do you think it’s likely that your other Leo guinea pigs will find fame during this Jupiter transit? Maybe my agent should be calling them!

  2good

  ---------------

  From: cosmicgirl

  To: 2good4u

  Subject: Re: data collection

  2good,

  I am stunned. I really am. In fact, at first I was so stunned that I thought it couldn’t be true and that you were making it all up! I waited a day before responding because I thought — knowing you — there’d be a little follow-up note saying Ha ha! Fooled you! But of course that’s silly. It’s just that it was hard for me to get my head around the fact that I knew (I guess knew/know is the wrong word, but you know (knew!) what I mean!) a famous person. But thank you for taking the time out of your crazy schedule to be a guinea pig in my silly little science project. I really appreciate it. And of course, your secret is safe with me!

  Kaleigh

  who’d be your #1 fan if she knew who you were!

  ---------------

  From: cosmicgirl

  To: B.A. Stargazer

  Subject: Science Report

  Dear Ms. Stargazer,

  When I was doing my research on conflicting horoscopes, I came across a funny little story. It goes like this. Lord Vishnu, who was a Hindu god, called all of his astrologers together. He had decided that they had far too much control over his life, so he cast a curse on them. He decreed that no two astrologers would ever again agree on anything.

  So now I know why astrologers give conflicting forecasts! LOL
! I definitely won’t tell Mr. Selenski this story. It would just add fuel to his “I told you so” fire.

  I have to admit, Ms. Stargazer, I have been studying the forecasts of other astrologers lately. It’s not that I’ve stopped being your “loyal Gemini fan,” but I keep hoping to find one that is more optimistic for Geminis.

  Kaleigh Wyse

  ---------------

  From: blondeshavemorefun

  To: cosmicgirl

  Subject: Re: data collection

  Cosmic, something really bizarre happened yesterday, and I think a girl may be alive today because of you, the astrologer and me. This is just my first data report to you, but I’m sure it will be the one most strongly supporting horoscopes that you’ll ever get from this loyal subject. I can’t imagine topping this.

  I’ve never been a horoscope reader, but because of your science project, I read my daily one yesterday and it said, “You may be the hero who saves the day. Your levelheadedness pays off when people confide in you.” When I read it I laughed and thought, Yeah, right. Like that ever happens.

  Later, I was hanging out in a Jedi chatroom, just yakking with some of my Jedi buds. A girl I met in there asked to speak to me, alone. We moved into a private room and that’s when she told me how she’d just taken an overdose (very un-Jedi-like). At first I didn’t believe her — she often says stuff just for attention. We yakked some more, but she was starting to make less and less sense. Then she just disappeared without saying goodbye. At first I was sure she was playing around again, but then I remembered the horoscope and I got really worried. But what could I do? I told some of the others in the chatroom about what had happened. We decided we had to do something. Someone knew the town she lived in, so I was able to get a listing of all the high schools there from the internet. I phoned three schools before I found the one she attended. I asked to speak to the principal and I told him what I knew. Thank God he took me seriously. He placed a 9-1-1 call and directed the paramedics to her house. Sure enough, they found her unconscious. I waited and waited. Finally he phoned me back. He told me I’d saved her life.