by Amanda Heath
I tell my parents who is calling and then I answer with a “Hello?” moving out of the living room and going up the stairs for privacy.
I go into Farah’s room because nothing in here reminds me of my wife. It’s a testament of how different those twins were.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know who this is, asshole,” Tate says over the line and I sigh. “How are you doing?”
“Fine,” I tell him, like I tell everyone else.
“Bullshit. You aren’t fine.”
I sigh again because I knew this was coming. We talk on the phone once a week and he always knows I’m not fine. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me the truth. I want you to tell me how you really are.”
“I’m fucking depressed. Is that what you want to hear? That I can’t seem to decide what’s up or down. I can’t understand why my son thinks he needs to be quiet all the time. I can’t understand why Farah won’t look me in the eyes. And I definitely can’t understand why you want a relationship with me after all the crap you’ve pulled.”
Tate’s laugh comes over the line and I almost smile. “Maxwell, I want us to be brothers, like we’ve always been. This time though, I want to be honest and stop trying to destroy your life just because you’ve always been happy and I haven’t.”
I think on that for a minute before I answer. “You hurt me, a lot. You stood in my way a lot too. Any time I was unhappy before I married Sarah was because of you. Then you had to destroy Farah too, and that made me seriously unhappy.”
“I have no excuses. I have no apologies to give because you don’t need those. I wasn’t ever in a good place, for most of the past fourteen years. Not since Sky died. I just wanted you to hurt as much as I did. It was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that. I can only promise I won’t ever do it again.”
“I know you won’t. For one, you’re out of options. Farah refuses to be in either of our lives and that’s about the only thing you could ever take away from me now.”
“She’ll never forgive me and you know it. Especially after all the hateful shit I told her back when I was tied to that chair.”
I smile and bite my lip. That was one of the best days ever. I’d never seen my brother at someone else’s mercy before. He got a taste of his own medicine that day. I only wish I could have gotten more answers. “You deserved that shit and a lot more.”
“I’m not going to disagree with you there,” he says.
I nod, even though he can’t see me. “She needed to hear all that though. Not the hateful shit but the truth. It was the only thing that could set her free.”
Tate sighs. “I hope she finds her way to you. I hope she finally gets someone who deserves her.”
I squint my eyes at that. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“She should have been with you from the beginning. You’d have never slept with Sarah if you were with Farah. You’d have given her all the love she deserved and more. You wouldn’t have ever lied to her or hidden anything. Farah is more your type than Sarah was. But like always, I was standing in the way.”
I think on that for a while. Tate just waits patiently while I sort it out in my head. “But then I wouldn’t have Blake. Nothing should be changed because I can’t go back and not have my son. I loved Sarah just as much as I loved Farah.”
“I’m not saying that, Maxwell. I’m just saying I made mistakes that impacted not only your life, but Farah and Sarah’s as well. I’m the villain, the bad guy. I was always meant to play that part. Just like you’re meant to be the hero. Life should have gone differently for everyone. But it didn’t, you are right about that. I just want you to know Sarah wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to be with Farah.”
He talks some more about his life, about my niece, his daughter Kaley. I like to hear about her, she’s a beautiful little girl. I wish they still lived closer because Blake liked to play with her and it’s good for him to have cousins his own age.
When I hang up with Tate, I’m a little more depressed than I was before. He put hope in my heart when he shouldn’t have. I can’t go after Farah because Farah would never let me.
Tate
The past ten months have been a life changing experience. I open my eyes more and more every day. I constantly think about the things I’ve done, the things that have hurt those I claimed to love. I do love them though and I want to make it right.
Beth sits across from me on the leather couch she just had to have. Kaley is fast asleep in her room, I just checked on her. I do that a lot; go into her room after she’s been put to bed. Sometimes I just have to touch her, to know she’s real.
“So, let me get this straight,” Beth starts, her platinum blonde hair pulled high up into a bun, “you want to go back there and get your ex-girlfriend with your little brother?”
I nod my head slowly and smile at the shock in her pretty hazel eyes. “It’s the right thing to do.”
Her brows sink a little and her lips tip down in a frown. “Yeah, I guess. But isn’t that a little weird?”
I shrug. “Love is weird, babe. You and I know that more than anything.”
Love has this way of surprising me. It’s not like I woke up one day and started loving my wife. Though it did start the day she had Kaley. You can’t help but love the mother of your child. She brought this perfect little thing into the world, messed up her stripper’s body and bitched for months about her torn vagina. She did that for our baby and I can’t help but love her for it.
Then other things started to come to me. I love the way she moves around the house when she’s cleaning. She’ll play some stupid pop song I could care less about and dance about while vacuuming or doing the dishes. I love the way she irons all my shirts and slacks without me having to ask. I love the way she bitches on the phone to her girlfriends about me right in front of me. I love the way she always has a bright smile for our daughter and loving words. I love that she likes to dance with Kaley, but not in a stripper way. I mostly love the way she smiles at me when I walk through the door after I’ve been at work all day.
It took a while but we finally got to a place where we could have a real marriage. Where she is truly my wife and I’m truly her husband. We fit together in this totally strange way and it works for both of us.
I really do just love her and I can’t see a place in my future without her.
“Why do you have to go down there though? You’re going to miss Kaley’s dance recital and that dinner party we were invited to over at Mark and Stacy’s.” She pouts then, her bottom lip sticking out way more than it should.
I uncross my legs and get up off the couch and walk to sit next to her. I put my hand on her cheek and pull her close to my face. “I have to make amends. I have to say I’m sorry or it’ll upset me the rest of my life. They deserve that and so do I.”
She puts her nose right next to mine and rests her cheek against mine. “I guess I can understand. You’ve made everything right here, you should make it right there too.” Then she smacks me on the stomach and I grunt. “But don’t you ever expect me to have dinner with Farah. I’m still not happy you came home with all those bruises. She’s fucking psycho and I don’t want her around Kaley.”
I sigh and shake my head, holding back a laugh. “Farah isn’t psycho, babe. I just pushed her too hard and she had to get physical to get her point across. Believe me, I wasn’t happy either but I get it now. I get why she did that. Plus, she’d never hurt a child, regardless if it was mine or not.”
A long red nail comes close to my face and I finally do smile. She uses the nail to turn my head towards hers and then leans in to kiss me gently. “I still think she’s psycho, no matter what you say. Bitch tied you to a chair and whipped you with a belt. That just isn’t right.”
I sigh and laugh. “No, but she did what she had to do. Max thought it was funny.”
Beth huffs and kisses me again. “Max is psycho too. He just let her do that. And now you want t
hem to be together.”
“I need them to get together. I hate this feeling in my chest. They aren’t happy no matter what Max says. I can’t live my life up here, happy with you, and leave them down there to suffer.”
“How do you plan to do that anyway, get them together?”
I smile real big at her and throw my arm around her shoulder to move her back against me. “Lie. When it comes down to it, all I have to do is lie.”
We settle on the couch to watch some stupid reality TV show Beth follows. I’m not that fond of it but I like her to do what she wants when Kaley goes to bed. Marriage is all about give and take anyway. And Beth and I have the perfect combination.
Farah
I never thought I would ever see Tatum Spears ever again in my life. It took me so long to move past everything he put me through and I honestly thought I might kill myself if he ever stepped foot in my presence again.
Luckily, I didn’t kill myself. It’s been ten months since I tied my ex-boyfriend to a chair and tortured him for answers. It’s also been ten months since I kissed Max and that took longer to move passed than anything I ever did to Tate.
“Can I ask what you’re doing here? Or are you going to start feeding me a bunch of bullshit that for some stupid ass reason you think I’m going to believe?” I drop the lock of brown hair I’m about to trim for the customer in my chair.
All noises stop in my shop as everyone turns to see who I’m talking to like that. My employees are used to my mouth and me. The customers even are because they are all regulars. Me being mean to someone though, is new.
Nathan, Terry, Jenna and Carla are used to the new me. I always have a smile on my face and a pep in my step. I still wear my band t-shirts with any number of colored chucks. You can change your personality but that doesn’t mean you have to change your wardrobe. Besides, I had Tate panting after my ass with what I was wearing before, no need to start dressing sexier to get a man.
Max loved me like that too, and right now he’s the only man I even want. We haven’t spoken much over these months because we’ve both had shit to deal with and Sarah to mourn. I opened my salon about five months ago and employed four people who brought their own clientele. I don’t know what Max has been up to. I know he still has his job over at Red River. Blake says he stays at home most of the time but little Blake doesn’t think he’s sad. I hope not.
My little nephew has turned four since Sarah died. That was a hard day for all of us. She would have had a huge party to celebrate. There would have been balloons and huge ass cake plus dozens of kids running around. Instead we had a small party at Max’s parents, one where we barely spoke to each other. I didn’t have a letter to give to Blake but only because Sarah didn’t address any of them until his fifteenth birthday.
“I came to speak to you, doll face,” Tate says, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s wearing a dark green dress shirt with a black tie and black slacks.
I bite my lip and walk slowly over to him, spinning my scissors on my finger. I feel this deranged smile appear on my face. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”
Tate has the nerve to smirk at me. “Old habits die hard,” he says, his lips moving sinuously around the words. He’s still sexy as hell but for once it doesn’t make me weak in the knees.
“I have this new habit,” I tell him, stopping about a foot away. “I like to stab assholes in the face with these pretty little scissors right here.”
Tate swallows, losing the smirk on his face. “It’s about Max, Farah. I’m not here for that.”
I roll my eyes. “Like I thought you’d be dumb enough to come in here asking for me back. You’re stupid, but you’re not that stupid.”
Terry whispers over at Carla, “Boss lady used to bang that hot piece of man?”
I look over at her and glare. “He’s married. Keep that in mind,” I tell her, pointing my scissors at her. She gulps and quickly moves back to cutting the redhead in her chair.
“I Miss The Misery” by Halestorm starts playing over the speakers and I nearly groan. I actually don’t miss the misery but we play rock music all day so you’re bound to get a fucked up break up song.
“Let me finish Marie’s hair and then I’ll speak to you,” I tell him, leaving no room in my voice for arguments.
Everything slowly goes back to normal around me while I finish Marie’s hair. She’s an awesome girl who likes the bright colors and edgy cuts. Right now she’s got the side of her head shaved and her hair dyed black with red ends. Her long flowing locks reach her middle back but it’s stick straight. I always style it with some curls for a new look. She likes new.
It takes me about twenty minutes to finish with her because she only needed a trim. We walk over to the counter and she pays. This whole time Tate has been sitting on one of the chairs in the front for waiting customers, playing on his phone.
I stop in front of him after Marie leaves and cross my arms. He raises his head to look at me. “Come on back to the break room.” When he gets to his feet I stab him in the chest with my index finger. “This better be good, asshole.”
The whole shop is silent again as I direct Tate to the back. I turn back to my workers and customers and point my finger, “Get back to work. It’s not break time.” Then I put on my best bitch face to let them know I’m serious.
I walk into the break room and find Tate sitting at the little black table sitting in the middle. I walk over and sit down across from him. “What’s wrong with Max?”
Tate clears his throat before speaking. “I’m worried about him.”
“Yeah, so? His wife died ten months ago, if he wasn’t wrecked beyond belief then I would think something was wrong,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.
T ate sighs and leans his forearms on the table. “It’s more than that. Dad said he’s been taking Blake over to their house more than he used to. He also said he has bags under his eyes and looks like he hasn’t showered in weeks.” He bites his lip and moves closer to me. “He also said he’s been calling into work more and more.”
That doesn’t sound like Max. He’s one of those guys who gets up at the crack of dawn and enjoys it. He may not dress like Tate, but that doesn’t mean he likes to skip showers. And he loves his job! He gets to work on old army cars and stuff all day, hence the reason he gets up at dawn and enjoys it. Plus, he loves spending time with Blake.
“What do you want me to do?” I question, lowering my eyebrows in confusion. I really don’t think I’m the person to help Max out. When I do see him, it’s fucking awkward and we don’t know what to say to each other.
“I want you to talk to him.” He rubs a hand over his face and I know how he feels. The three of us are seriously fucked up. I bet Max and Tate haven’t spoken to each other since the day I tied Tate up. I hate that they haven’t been acting like brothers because of me. “He won’t answer my calls and he refuses to talk about it with Dad and Vivien. I don’t want him to hurt himself.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to help?” I want to punch Tate in the face for this shit. Why am I the one who needs to go fix Max? Doesn’t he realize I don’t want to hurt anymore and I definitely don’t want to hurt Max. “You know he’s in love with me, right?”
“Yes I know that. Why do you think I even went after you in the first place? In the beginning I was too selfish to let him get to you. I wanted you too and I got territorial. Later, I wasn’t in the best place to be with anybody, let alone you or Beth. I’m sorry about all that shit I said last summer. I might have meant it at the time, but I don’t really feel that way. I never did. I was the one with the issues, not you, not Beth. I shouldn’t have been with you and her at the same time.”
I blink a few times before I stand up and slap him. “You are a piece of shit. And that felt really good!” I laugh and sit back down. Tate glares at me. “Sorry. I know you’ve probably been waiting to say all that for a while and I’ve been waiting to slap you for it.”
/> He rubs his cheek where, I’m happy to report, a red stain has risen. “I’m fucking serious Farah. When I got back home that day, I sat Beth down and I talked to her about everything. She cried and I cried. She made me go to therapy and I’ve gotten a lot of help there.”
I grin at him. “You, in therapy? Wow! That’s something I thought I’d never hear.” I reach over and pat his hand. “I’ll tell you what I told Sarah all those years ago. I forgive you, but I’ll never forget.”
“Yeah, thanks,” he mumbles, still glaring at me. “So, will you go talk to Max?”
I sigh and nod. “Yeah. I doubt it’ll help anything but I will.”
I start to get up but Tate stops me. “Are you still seeing Sarah…you know…walking around?”
I purse my lips at that. “No, dumbass. I stopped seeing her the day I got even with you. That’s all I needed her for. After that I got to grieve on my own.”
Tate’s hair has gotten a few inches longer and I kind of like it. He’s got this rogue look now since his hair is messy, yet he’s put together in his clothing. That longer hair sneaks down and lands on his forehead. I raise a hand up and move it out of the way. “You look good, Tatum. I’m happy to hear you’ve worked things out with Beth and that you were honest. She deserved that just as much as me. I’m definitely happy to hear you got help. Heaven knows we don’t need you to fuck up anyone else’s life.” I smile at him and he smiles back. “Though if you ever call me doll face again, I’ll fucking kill you.”
“Okay, Farah. Okay.” He puts his hand up to my cheek and smoothes a thumb over my skin. “You’ve changed so much, yet you’re still the same. I kind of like it.”
I roll my eyes and put my hand over his. “You changed me. That day, you said some really shitty things to me, but I needed to hear them. I needed someone to wake me up. I needed to see the things going on around me.”
We stare at each other for a while. Then he finally says, “You know something else I never got to say that day, well, it’s been bugging me.”
