Fool For You (Made for Love Book 4)

by R. C. Martin

  “Marta can’t see this,” I mumble, shaking my head at the sight.

  Judah laughs, wrapping his arms around me from behind. He rests his chin on my shoulder as he says, “It’s nothing new, Teddy. It’s natural.”

  “You always say that,” I reply with a giggle, leaning back against him. “But that big hand print of lube? That’s not natural, Jude. We should wash these ourselves.”

  “Teddy—”

  “I’m so serious,” I laugh, taking his hands and pulling them away from me as I begin to strip the bed. “We’ll nap on the couch while we wait for these.”

  “Fine,” he grumbles as he begins to help. “You know we’re just going to mess them up again later, right?”

  “Are you promising a repeat performance, Mr. St. Michaels? You outdid yourself this morning. I’m not sure an encore is possible.”

  He stops what he’s doing and narrows his eyes at me. “Is that a challenge, Miss Fitzpatrick? It’s quite dangerous to underestimate such a formidable opponent.”

  Feeling wildly giddy and playful, I inch my way closer to him, until my nose is touching his. “Bring it,” I whisper.

  He grins and brings his lips to my ear. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, sweetheart.”

  A chill runs down my spine and I’m surprised by how much I want him so soon after the three orgasms he gave me a couple hours ago. He laughs and then pulls away from me, continuing to gather the sheets. I snap out of my daze and we both head for the basement to throw the soiled linens in the wash.

  It’s still snowing when we lay down together on his living room couch. He wraps me in his arms, eradicating my need for a blanket, and I can’t help but wonder if this is love—Jude holding me, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world; as if he’s been doing it all his life; as if he will do it…forever.

  I know he hasn’t spoken the words, but maybe Geoff was right. Maybe his actions do speak louder than the words he’s not prepared to say. I mean, the man who’s holding me now is the same man who used to fall asleep without touching me at all. If I needed him to hold me, if I longed for him to cuddle with me, I had to ask. It’s no longer a request I have to make. And, sure—maybe he just got sick of me asking. Or maybe—maybe it’s not just about what I want, but about what he wants, too.

  Extravagant birthday surprises, romantic weekend getaways, snowy days spent half naked, perhaps this is love. Perhaps his fear of the past and the hurt that he’s been through has made him doubt the legitimacy of the words spoken, or perhaps my gorgeous, brilliant, strong man is still searching for the bravery to repeat the words I tell him so frequently. And perhaps his request to hear of my love every single day is not simply to ensure that it still remains, but to instill in him the bit of courage he lacks to speak the words.

  It’s entirely possible that as I wait for him, I will never truly know the details of the war that wages inside of him. My mysterious man. Yet, as I wait—and even now, as I drift off to sleep—I have these moments to cling to, to cherish, to rest in. For perhaps this is love, and maybe this is home…for both of us.

  I don’t know how long I sleep, but as I’m coaxed from my slumber, I’m certain that it doesn’t matter. If it was five minutes or five hours, it was enough. As I trade my sleepy haze for an aroused one, I know that my body has gone as long as this snowy day will allow without the connection that only Judah could ever give me.

  He kisses my neck, licking along the mark he made earlier as he continues to rub slow circles around my clit. I press back against him, longing to feel the evidence of his desire—not at all disappointed with what I find. He sighs heavily, moving his hands from between my legs before hiking up the hem of his sweater around my hips. When he has his shorts pulled down enough to free his cock, he eases his way into me.

  He rocks his hips slowly, taking me gently, and I feel enraptured by love. I reach back to run my fingers through his hair, needing to touch him, wishing I could somehow give him more. Then, as if he can read my thoughts, he cups his hand around my cheek, turning my face so that he might reach my lips. He kisses me while he makes love to me, and I fall in love with him even more.

  Neither of us says a word, as if every kiss and every gaze exchanged between us says more than words could ever say. He never speeds up his pace, and I feel like the pleasure of him filling me up full is one that I enjoy minute after minute—hour after hour—time the most irrelevant thing in the world just now.

  When we come, we come together. I swallow his moan, and he swallows mine; and as he fills me with his release, I know that while I will never be able to bear his child, this still matters. It’s just us, and we’re all I ever want—because Judah…

  Judah Danyl St. Michaels is my everything.

  In my family, Thanksgiving has always been a holiday that holds just as much importance as Christmas. When I was little, we used to alternate which set of grandparents got which holiday; but by the time I was ten, they had all passed away. Ever since then, we’ve always kept it pretty small, staying home with just the four of us—and yet, it still remains a big deal. It’s tradition, which is something our parents have always taught us to appreciate. Harper and I have never missed a Thanksgiving with mom and dad, and today will be no different.

  Well—it’ll be a little different.

  I convinced Judah to come along for the festivities—which will include dinner with my parents, and dessert at Andy and Carrie’s later this evening. Our friend gathering is a tradition of our own we started a couple years ago. Though it may be true that I see Andrew and Geoffrey nearly every day, it’s so much more special on the last Thursday of November as we’re all shoveling our mouths full of Carrie’s delicious sweets. My favorite is her banana pudding—which is so deliciously un-Thanksgiving-like—I indulge no matter how full I am.

  According to Judah, Thanksgiving isn’t really a big deal in his family. At least, not since he and Ben moved out on their own. When they were younger, they tagged along for the annual trip to Minnesota to visit Joe’s family. Now, Annalise and Joe make the pilgrimage on their own. Of course Ben and Judah are always invited, but it’s rare for them to make the trip. They are usually both busy with work, and the whole family gets together again at Christmas in Colorado, anyway.

  When I asked Jude about his Aunt Eddalyn, he told me that every Thanksgiving she travels to London to spend a week long holiday with her best friend. Apparently, they met in college ages ago, and they’ve remained close in spite of the distance that separates them. Hearing that Jude had no particular plans for the holiday, his closest family all out of town, I thought it the perfect excuse to include him in my plans.

  He wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea; but then I reminded him how my car, Agatha, can be a little temperamental in the snow. I also informed him that my mom makes the best sweet potato casserole, and I convinced him that it would mean a lot to me to have him there. So, we sort of made a compromise.

  “Doing all right, sweetheart?” Judah asks, reaching over to slip his fingers between my legs as he holds onto my left thigh while he drives.

  My gaze immediately drops to his hand, just a few inches below my core. I can’t help but think that if he slid his hand up just a little more, he could play with me through my leggings. The thought makes my cheeks flush, and I have to concentrate on my breathing—which is actually rather difficult when all I can manage to focus on is the full feeling I’m experiencing right now with my largest butt plug in place.

  Judah and I have been playing a lot in the last couple of weeks. In all honesty, it still surprises me how much I enjoy something that seems so forbidden and dirty—but I can’t help it. Anal play turns me on so much, and I can tell that my indulgence in the act has no small effect on Judah, too. I love that he introduced me to it, that he’s encouraged me to embrace every aspect of my body that will bring me pleasure. It might be silly, but it makes me feel even closer to him—like sharing something so naughty and kinky makes our connection that much more i
ntimate.

  The first time I kept one of my plugs in for a couple hours was a few days after I had graduated to the middle size. I had come over to Jude’s after leaving the gallery and he wanted me to wear it while he worked. I agreed, so he went down on me to work me up a little and then slid it in. I only wore it for a couple hours, while he was busy at his desk and I was trying desperately to distract myself with a book, but by the time he was ready to focus his attention on me, my need for him was greater than it had ever been before. That night, I rode him—and it was amazing.

  Today, he has promised to indulge my love of Thanksgiving, accompanying me anywhere I want to go, so long as I try wearing a plug all day. Truth be told, I’m sure if I had told him no, he’d probably still be driving with me to Estes Park right now, but this compromise has heightened the excitement of today. A part of me cannot believe that I’m going to show up at my parents’ house with a sex toy up my ass. I feel like this is one of those things I should be asking the Lord to forgive me for. But then another part of me feels like this is going to make my holiday really special. The secret that Judah and I will share all day will culminate in a night of passion unlike any I’ve ever had before…

  “Teddy?” Jude asks, squeezing my leg, reminding me that I have yet to answer his question.

  His touch causes an ache between my legs, and I decide right here and now that he’s not allowed to touch me once we step foot into my parents’ house.

  “I’m okay,” I reply, nodding in an attempt to convince us both.

  “Are you uncomfortable?”

  “No,” I whisper, my eyes still staring at his hand. “Jude?”

  “Teddy?”

  “Will you touch me?”

  “Now?” he asks. I can hear the smile on his face without even looking at him.

  “Please?” I breathe. “I’m so turned on right now.”

  I’m wearing a cream sweater dress that falls mid-thigh and a pair of thin, maroon leggings tucked inside of my brown knee-high boots. I’m sure that if I spread my legs, it wouldn’t take much to bring me some relief.

  “Love to hear you beg, sweetheart; but if I have to wait…” he pauses, letting go of my leg to grip hold of my wrist. He then brings my hand to his lap, where my fingers graze the erection barely constrained by his pants. “You have to wait, too,” he finishes.

  I really wish he hadn’t done that. Now my thoughts are barreling in a new direction, my breathing growing labored as I begin to rub his hard cock.

  “Teddy,” he mutters, the tone of his voice indicating a warning.

  “Sorry,” I whimper, pulling my hand away before clasping my own together.

  “I’ll feast on you later; I can promise you that.”

  My eyes fall closed as he reaches over and brushes the back of his fingers down my cheek.

  “No touching,” I whisper.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I can’t handle it,” I confess, looking over at him. “If you won’t make me come, then you can’t touch me. Please.”

  I can tell he’s fighting a grin, but I’m not even the slightest bit amused. If I’m going to survive an afternoon with my parents and this undeniable longing raging on inside of me, there need to be rules.

  “As you wish, sweetheart.”

  We spend the rest of the car ride in a comfortable silence. And by comfortable, what I really mean is I’m relieved for the chance to try and control my thoughts. It takes me a while, but by the time we pull into my parents’ driveway, I feel as though I’ve found my center.

  That is, until Judah grips the back of my neck, catching me off guard with a soul-searing kiss. I kiss him back fervently, unable to stop myself, wishing for more. When he pulls away, I whine in protest and frustration.

  “Ready?” he asks with a mischievous grin.

  “I hate you,” I sigh, resting my forehead against his.

  “No, you don’t.”

  “I know,” I grumble, pulling away from him to get out of the car. I hear him chuckle before he gets out as well, and it makes me want to jump him.

  So much for finding my center.

  I don’t bother knocking, but instead lead Judah right inside. I spotted Harper’s car out front, so I know we’re the last to arrive, even though it’s only eleven o’clock. Right away, I hear sports talk coming from the television in the living room. I know that’s where my dad must be, as football usually dominates the TV on this beloved holiday.

  Judah and I stop to say hi and he gets up and greets me with a big hug. He then offers Jude a handshake, and there’s something about the look in my dad’s eye that warms my heart a little; it’s almost like he’s happy to see Jude make a return visit. Or maybe I imagined it, my head still swimming from that kiss in the car. Whatever the case may be, I’m happy to be here with the both of them.

  Dad invites Jude to sit, but he insists that he should say hello to the woman of the house first. We’re told that she’s in the kitchen with Harper, which comes as no surprise, and we head that way—toward the delicious smells wafting from the stove.

  “Finally! God, Teddy. It’s about time you showed up,” says Harper in greeting.

  I scrunch my nose at her, wondering why she’s in such a mood. “What’s wrong with you? Dinner isn’t until two. We’re early.”

  “Don’t pay her any mind,” my mom says, coming from behind the counter to offer me a hug. “Ben couldn’t make it today. She’s just a little grumpy.”

  “What happened with Ben?” I ask Harper from over mom’s shoulder.

  “Couldn’t get away from work. I don’t want to talk about it. You are on scut duty. There’s a pile of potatoes calling your name.” She pauses and, as if she hadn’t noticed him before, smiles at Jude. “Hi, Judah.”

  “Hello.” His deep voice rumbles from behind me, sending a chill down my spine. I take a deep breath, trying to shift my thoughts to something other than my gorgeous man.

  “It’s good to see you again, Judah. Can I get you something to drink?” asks mom.

  “I’m fine, thank you. I’m going to go sit with Sean, if that’s all right.”

  “Yes! Please do. He could use the company. We won’t keep Teddy from you too long,” says my mother as she links arms with me. “She’s not the cooking kind, so her work will be done shortly.”

  He offers my mom a nod before giving me a wink, and then he turns to make his exit. I stifle a sigh of longing as I set down my purse and head to the sink to wash my hands.

  “So, what is it I’m doing?”

  “Peeling potatoes, grating cheese, and chopping nuts.”

  “Got it.” I get to work right away, wishing to be helpful, but also grateful for a task that’ll keep my hands busy. Being left in the room with Harper and my mother while harboring such a dirty secret makes me anxious.

  Since I started sleeping with Judah, I have found that there is a list of things I no longer share with my sister. It’s not that I told her everything before—but it felt darn near close. I’m sure there are things she’s never told me about what goes on between her and her sexual partners, but this feels different. This feels bigger. I bet Harper would never guess, not in a million years, exactly what I’m into, sexually speaking. Hell—if I had asked myself five months ago if I saw myself having sex at all by now, I would have certainly answered with a big, fat no.

  But Judah…

  “You’re awfully quiet today,” says mom, nudging me with her elbow as she passes me on her way to the pantry.

  “Oh. Sorry.” It’s all I can think to say.

  “You’ve been so busy lately, I haven’t heard much from you since your last visit.”

  “I told you about the exhibition at the gallery.”

  “That’s right. You did.”

  “Andy is thinking of having another one in the spring.”

  “Do you think you’ll still be at MTA in the spring?”

  I stop what I’m doing and look over at her, confused by the question. “Why wouldn’
t I be?”

  “I’m just asking,” she replies with a shrug.

  I know better—she’s not just asking. My mother doesn’t just ask anything.

  “But…?”

  “Well, do you have any aspirations to work for a different gallery, maybe? Or find a position somewhere that might offer a little more pay? You can’t live in that shoebox of an apartment forever.”

  “Teddy’s not worried about that, mom,” Harper jumps in. “She’s got a sugar daddy, now.”

  “Harper!” I cry with a scowl. “That is not true. What is wrong with you?”

  “Come on,” she says with an eye roll. “Face it—so long as you and Judah are solid, money is the least of your worries.”

  I cough out a scoff, appalled at the things coming out of her mouth. “Harp, I’m sorry that Ben isn’t here; I’m sure it sucks and you’re really disappointed, but you don’t have to take it out on me—and it’s definitely not fair for you to take it out on Judah. I’m not with him because he has money, and you know that.”

  “Girls, enough. Harper—lay off your sister. Teddy—I won’t for a second believe that Judah’s money has anything to do with your relationship. Your father and I raised you better than that. But I am interested in your goals for the future.”

  I sigh, frustrated to find that I’m now irritated with both of them. Why my mother thinks that I would have plans of leaving Andy and Geoff is beyond me. I’m perfectly happy exactly where I am, and I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

  “I don’t want to work anywhere else, mom. I like working for Andy. My goal for the future is to be a part of Mountain Time Art gallery’s growth. That’s enough for me. Now, can we talk about something other than me?”

  Reluctantly, she changes the subject, and for the next hour we chit chat about nothing in particular. My mind wanders in and out of the conversation, my thoughts drifting to completely inappropriate places far too often. When I feel like I can’t handle anymore girl time, and my menial tasks are complete, I excuse myself to the living room.