Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series

by Michelle, Aleya

  “Do you not remember I saw you a few hours ago we had a fight? I need time, space, the smothering I was talking about earlier, you are still doing it,” I add feeling frustrated and like I’m talking to a brick wall.

  “How can you complain about apologising and giving you flowers?” Dylan asks me and I am kind of dumb founded that he is so clueless.

  “Are you serious can’t you see how over the top you are being? You really need to leave, just go home and give me a free night, I have a headache and you are making it so much worse,” I tell him deciding to play it down a little so he doesn’t overact and do something silly. I grab his hand and squeeze it showing him affection, knowing it will help him relax and hopefully leave. He leans into kiss me so I let him, then he cuddles into me.

  “Okay Roxy I’ll go, it’s been a crazy day. I’m sorry I am stressed about work, they are laying workers off and I am worried I might be next. Have a bath and a glass of wine, I’ll text you later. See you tomorrow okay?” he asks waiting for my response.

  “Absolutely, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say to him unsure whether I do want to see him tomorrow or ever again for that matter, but whatever works right now. He leans in for another kiss.

  “Bye Roxy,” he tells me and walks towards the door.

  “Bye Dylan,” I say back smiling to him but feeling sick to my stomach.

  He walks out of the door and I close it behind him, quickly locking it feeling relieved that he has gone. Now I can figure out what the fuck I am going to do about this man I thought I knew.

  After a long hot soak in the bath I’m feeling better, still confused but at least I’m relaxed and not so worked up.

  I dress in my track pants and sweatshirt when I notice my wardrobe has become a mess! I guess when you are in a relationship it’s not until you get the much needed ‘me’ time you realise how everything else is neglected. Cleaning out my cupboards, perfect therapy! I think to myself.

  I find when I’m in a crappy mood three things always help.

  1- Chocolate

  2- Shopping

  3- Cleaning

  No wait I need a fourth

  4- Wine!!!!!

  I go hunting in the kitchen and thank god I find a mars bar, half bottle of wine, and a cloth to wipe the dust away that has accumulated in my room. I start making a pile of a couple tops I haven’t worn in the last twelve months and decided the St. Vincent de Pauls would benefit from these items, perfect idea so I grab a bag and start to pack them in.

  “Meow.” I hear Foxy and wonder where she has been, probably on Jemma’s bed getting the afternoon sun.

  “Foxy girl, I’m in here angel,” I call out to her and she comes bolting into my room and onto my bed. I scoop her into my arms for a snuggle. Oh how I love this cat. She starts to purr so loudly showing me how much she loves me too.

  “I love you Foxy, do you know that?”

  I still remember the day Kade gave her to me; I heard her meow before I could open the box.

  It really is very ironic how much she means to me… Symbolic perhaps for other feelings…

  I pop her on the bed and keep on with my cupboards, a few stray hair bands, make up, and perfumes need straightening up and a wipe down.

  I can’t help but giggle to myself when I find the hideous perfume from Kade. Oh my god was he kidding getting me this vile smelling perfume.

  I could never bring myself to throw it out. I smell the bottle, oh it really is terrible, and to think he was just trying to be sweet.

  I wish he could have picked it himself.

  Thinking back to Emma and all the drama, life was never easy but love conquers all and we definitely had that.

  Love is definitely a mixture of feelings.

  Joy and happiness, create an intense blanket of warmth stirred in with the passion we had for

  each other and the fire we couldn’t contain.

  I remember those feelings and long for them again.

  I also remember the heart ache, pain, feeling of being broken, hollow, empty, gutted, destroyed, and utterly lost.

  I still have so many unanswered questions. But looks like they will remain that way.

  I put the perfume onto my shelf, still not ready to part with it, when I see a photo. It’s me and Kade at Pete and Emma’s wedding, what a beautiful photo.

  We really did make a dreamy couple, both blond and tanned.

  I take a good look at Kade, oh man, my heart hurts, and it still aches for him. It hasn’t gotten any easier; I have just kept distracted and done a damn good job of it.

  Thanks to Dylan and his kindness… Well until recently.

  My iPhone battery beeps, letting me know it’s starting to run out and brings me back to reality. I grab it to plug it into the charger. I can’t help but flick through photos looking for ones of Kade, the ones I have avoided for so long. I need to see them now.

  Wow, there are so many of him. I’ve honestly been avoiding photos to prevent the tears, and possibly to avoid the temptation of sending him a message or two. He ended it, he doesn’t deserve my attention.

  Fuck.

  He is as gorgeous as I remember. My beautiful brown eyed surfer.

  My heart still skips a beat just from looking at him in a photo, who was I trying to kid?

  But he’s not yours anymore Roxy. That is the truth right there, and I bet he is someone else’s now too.

  It has been four months, no guy can go without sex for that long and I am sure that I created a sex monster with our numerous daily sexcapades.

  I am sure he would be playing the field and having fun being single. Well good on him, I was as promiscuous as they came before I met him. Let him live a little. But imagining him in some other girl’s arms burns, deep in my heart it feels like a flame is alight.

  Thinking back to that part of my life do I want to be single again? To climb into a lonely bed every night with no one to cuddle…

  Weighing up my options; a clingy, somewhat over reacting boyfriend who I am just now seeing can be extremely hot headed and full on…

  Or sitting at home alone while Jemma is with Dan, becoming a third wheel everywhere we go as even Jeremy has a girlfriend these days.

  Sleep on it Roxy, as Annie sings “The sun will come out tomorrow.”

  Well hopefully...

  Chapter 5

  You’re Forgiven, Not Forgotten

  Please meet me for lunch Roxy?

  I get a text from Dylan at around ten the next day.

  I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, see if he can redeem himself and possibly take a step back from the smothering boyfriend he has become.

  Dylan tells me he is taking me on a picnic to the Botanical gardens, the weather is beautiful and hot, not a cloud in the sky as I walk out of my work building. It’s a short distance to the gardens so I’m meeting him there, hoping he has some magic words that can mend the last few days.

  I walk through the gardens absolutely loving the sun’s rays , the warmth is toasty and relaxing and I kinda wish I could stay outdoors for the rest of the afternoon, not just one hour.

  My hair is out and almost reaches my waist these days, a messy array of wavy curls bouncing around. I put my hair clip in my bag this morning as I’m sure I’ll be putting it up later in this heat. I applied my foundation minimal today, light eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, and a little lip gloss. Just a picnic so there was no need to go overboard. I am dressed in khaki three-quarter Capri pants and a white collared shirt, still formal but semi casual to be sitting on a blanket.

  I can see Dylan as I get closer to the large Elm tree we planned to meet at and I can’t believe my eyes, this guy is good.

  All set out on the picnic blanket is an array of fruit, nuts, sliced chicken, salads, bread rolls and a bottle of champagne is poking out from the cooler. I also notice a box of Ferrero Rocher’s and a little wrapped package.

  “Lunch is served,” Dylan’s says sweetly. “This looks amazing Dylan, I am totally impressed but
we still need to talk about what happened,” I tell him truthfully.

  “Only the best for such a beautiful woman,” Dylan adds. “I am really, really, really sorry about my possessive behaviour and being so over the top. I promise to take it all down a notch or two. Do you forgive me?” Dylan asks as I sit down with him on the blanket.

  I smile again, feeling spoilt. You deserve it Roxy, one hundred percent. He says he will chill but will he really? How do I know he will? I guess in life no one knows for sure, I think to myself. It’s all about the gamble.

  “Okay Dylan, I forgive you but please stop with the constant messages, calls, visits and being smothering. I am with you because I want to be, you are sweet and kind so let’s just chill and take it slow and enjoy our time together okay?” I say to him openly and honestly hoping he ingested all that I said. All I can ask is that he tries. With that he leans in and kisses me, I go with it and savour the moment, such a romantic gesture and he has gone to so much trouble. He pulls back and grins from ear to ear.

  He opens the cooler and gets out the champagne, pops the cork and pours two glasses. “Cheers,” he says as we clang our glasses.

  “To our wonderful future together,” he adds smiling with so much enthusiasm.

  Hmmmmm future together… Time will tell, time will tell.

  We eat lunch and it really is a wonderful picnic, I could just sit here for hours. But I can’t, work awaits and I have a phone meeting at three that I need to prepare for.

  “I’m going to have to head back to work Dylan,” I tell him even though I really don’t want to leave.

  “Oh wait Rox, I almost forgot to give this to you,” he says handing me the wrapped package.

  What have you done Dylan…?

  “This wasn’t necessary Dylan. Lunch and the picnic was perfect,” I say annoyed.

  “It’s tiny, please just open it. It’s a present for being a jerk,” he tells me chuckling.

  I unwrap the paper, nervously wanting to see what lies inside… Another jewellery box… Why, oh why…

  Opening the lid, I see it’s a gold bracelet with one single charm, a tiny heart.

  “It’s an anklet babe something little that you can wear and think of me and how from this day on I will be nothing but the gentlemen and man you deserve,” Dylan tells me looking so sincere with his body language facing into me and his eyes all glassed over like he may cry.

  A very sweet gesture, not needed, but sweet none the less.

  I smile at him and I’m in awe of his caring nature so I move into kiss him. “Thanks for lunch, you definitely know how to make a girl feel special,” I tell him now smirking.

  “Can I come over after work?” he asks me and that is a step in the right direction, not just assuming he can come over.

  “Sure, that would be nice,” I reply as I turn and head back to work.

  Dylan spends the night and the make-up sex is amazing. Well sex is sex after all, I find myself lost in the moment, but each time I can’t help but think of Kade and the strong connection I had with him. We made love and it was beautiful. I never knew what the movies meant when they said making love, in all my twenty-five years Kade is the only man I’ve ever made love to.

  The next morning Dylan showers and heads off for the day, I sleep for thirty more minutes until my alarm sounds.

  I head to the kitchen and make a strong coffee in the new espresso machine Jemma and I bought.

  I check my phone and there’s a message from Dylan.

  Thanks for being you and especially for last night. Have a great day.

  Awwwww that makes me smile.

  Maybe my heart really is healing after all.

  I shower and dress going for a semi-casual office look, I choose a knee length black skirt and a cute pastel purple V-neck top. I slip my chocolate cardi on top and add my brown beaded necklace and matching earrings. I spray on my deodorant and perfume and slip on my brown flats and I’m done.

  Foxy jumps up on the bed next to me. ““Oh hi gorgeous girl,”” I say to her while kissing her head. My most prized possession, this sweet kitty. Still so ironic to me the feelings I have for her.

  Jemma is still asleep, I’m assuming as her door is closed. Dan spends the night most nights, when they aren’t at his place so I’m not game to knock, especially with the moans that I hear coming out of that room. Damn.

  I head out of our apartment and lock the door behind me.

  “Oh Miss Thorne,” I hear a ladies voice call out to me. I spin around to find Mrs. Monroe from the apartment next door standing there. “Good morning Mrs. Monroe, how are you?” I say to her being nice and friendly.

  “Just thought I’d tell you, there have been a few break-ins over the last two weeks, so make sure you lock up good and tight and don’t leave valuables in your car,” Mrs. Monroe tells me informatively.

  “Oh no, people are just terrible to steal,” I tell her annoyed that this is happening in our neighbourhood. “Thank you for telling me. I will pass it along to Jemma as well, we will be extra careful. Thanks Mrs. Monroe,” I reply as I keep walking or I will be late for work.

  Opening the door I climb in to my little vehicle, off to another busy day in the office.

  The day flies by and I’m so grateful that it’s Friday. It has been a long week and I’m ready for some sleep ins and lazy days.

  I head home to unwind with a glass of wine, before I need to be showered and dressed.

  We are heading to Dylan’s friends place. Charles is a university student apparently studying to be a lawyer.

  I am quite interested to meet one of his friends, from the way he talks there only seems to be one or two and I think you can gage a thing or two about a person from their friends.

  I see Dylan’s truck pulling up to the gutter, only five mins later than he told me.

  “Hey Roxy, sorry I’m a little late. You look beautiful,” Dylan tells me smirking and looking me up and down. “No problem and that comment just made up for it,” I say to him cheekily.

  I am wearing my light blue denim skirt that is not too short and a black wrap around top. My silver hoop earrings are perfect and make up nice and simple, with my hair pulled into a low ponytail.

  “You look nice yourself,” I tell him smirking. Seeing a guy in jeans is sexy to me, especially when they are tight around the arse. He is wearing a simple white t-shirt with the brand Colorado on the front pocket, a nice change from his electrician overalls.

  “Charles lives in Newtown, should only be around twenty-five minutes Rox,” Dylan informs me as we are driving. I hear Bon Jovi’s “In These Arms” on the radio and immediately turn the volume up.

  “Roxy that’s a bit loud I’m driving!” Dylan shouts over the music.

  “Are your ears sore grandpa?” I shout back teasing him.

  Obviously unimpressed with my comment he turns the music all the way to low and I can’t even hear it now. ““Hey, I like that song,”” I declare somewhat annoyed.

  “You turned it up too loud I couldn’t concentrate,” he remarks back to me.

  “Dylan what the fuck?” I am now pissed off. He looks at me with angry eyes and raised eyebrows. “Why are you swearing at me Roxy? You are so childish at times,” he remarks.

  “Oh I’m childish? You’re the one who turned a brilliant song off for no reason,” I state to him not backing down and unsure of what the outcome is going to be.

  “Look we will be at Charles place in ten minutes. I’m not fighting with you, here turn it up,” he says as he turns the radio up a little bit. Of course Bon Jovi has finished.

  “Whatever, it’s finished now anyway,” I state frustrated that he thought he could just make the call and turn it down. Feeling like Groundhog’s Day again.

  We pull up to a house in Newtown, a small brick home, dark brown and red in colour, obviously from the seventies era judging by the state it is in. It has a single garage in a very narrow street. Luckily we find a spot, there must be a few people inside I gather
from the cars.

  There are no gardens, just grass which needs a good watering.

  I pick up my clutch and go to open my door when I feel Dylan grab my arm.

  “Can you smile Roxy,” Dylan says as he rubs along my arm and then squeezes my hand. I fake a smile not in the mood after his bullshit stunt. He catches me by surprise by leaning in for a kiss, a long passionate kiss that takes my mind off it all.

  I pull back breathless. “Better?” he asks me smirking cheekily.

  “Better for now,” I reply now smirking too and give him a nod telling him we will deal with it later.

  We head up to the front door, Dylan protectively grabbing my hand. He rings the doorbell.

  This poor house needs some TLC that is for sure.

  A tall brown haired guy with a very slim and wiry build answers the door.

  “Dylan I haven’t seen you in month’s bro! Glad you could make it, come in,” Charles says to Dylan

  “Hey Charles great to see you too,” Dylan says to him as they shake hands.

  What ever happened to high fives?

  Dylan turns to me for introductions. “This is Roxy,” he declares to Charles.

  “Nice to meet you Roxy, I’ve heard so much about you,” Charles greets me as we enter through his front door into the foyer.

  “Great to meet you too Charles,” I tell him. I notice he is dressed very preppy in cargo pants, boat shoes and a yellow polo shirt. Or is that lemon? Either way, it is such a different type than what I was expecting. Hang on he is studying law.

  The inside of his house is very old fashioned, all cream coloured walls, timber furnishings and I cringe when I see the brick feature wall behind a fire place. The graphic design Nazi is coming out in me.

  “Nice place,” I say to Charles being friendly.

  There are around ten other people inside and they all seem to be looking at us walking in and staring at us or am I imagining it?

  It feels a bit edgy, seems conversations stopped and I can’t help but wonder why…

  Another guy smiles and comes up to us. “Dylan you came, awesome,” he says and another hand shake.

  “This is Roxy my girlfriend,” Dylan says. “Roxy this is Samuel, he is from my university and we’ve played footy together for years.”