Healing my Heart: Book 2 - My Heart Series

by Michelle, Aleya

  I drive towards my place feeling content after a beautiful evening watching the sunset with Kade at the beach. I am so proud of him for taking a big step and buying the surf school, it is such a huge achievement. I too can’t wait to someday own my own graphic design studio. I will be on top of the world when I can follow and live that dream.

  Kade is now the only dream that I can think about. Everything with him is so perfect. He is my sunshine on a rainy and cloudy day. He is the bright and blossoming flowers at springtime that brightens the scenery and my existence by just being close.

  Dylan did help me with maybe sixty percent of the null void feeling. He made me smile, feel secure and loved. He was sweet, for a while. But he is not the sweetest taste I’ve ever had, Kade wins by far, with the saltiness of the ocean waves, his fresh damp hair after surfing practice. The rough calluses on his hands that would add to the heated passion between us.

  The shocking conversation with Cassie replays in my mind. Dylan off his meds, missing and was in jail for assault. I have every reason to be concerned for my safety.

  It just wasn’t the time or place to tell Kade all of this new information. I didn’t want to spoil his proud moment.

  It’s Thursday and I have plans for a family dinner tonight at dad and Fiona’s. Jeremy won’t be there, him and Seline have flown to New York for some much needed couple time, plus dad and Jez haven’t bonded like I thought they would. Men and their feelings, blah…

  I can’t help but think about the past few months and my father coming back. Being in contact with dad again has been amazing. I’m grateful we were thrown back into each other’s lives, even if part of me still hates him for leaving and giving up on us. I guess now I understand better.

  I get the shock of my life when mum calls me. “Hey mum,” I answer casually, looking forward to catching up on the latest with her and Phil.

  “Roxy your father has had a heart attack. He’s in the hospital. Can you meet me there?” my mother’s shaken voice tells me through the phone.

  “Oh my god mum, shit. Is he okay?” I ask frantically, feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety.

  “He is stable Roxy, that’s a good thing,” mum replies with her sweet reassuring tone.

  I nervously walk into his hospital room and catch sight of my poor father lying in the hospital bed.

  He looks so vulnerable and pale with leads everywhere, an oxygen mask and a monitor beeping is such a scary sight. My heartbeat is racing and my hands are clammy.

  No I’ve just gotten him back I can’t lose him.

  I lovingly hold his fragile hand and gently squeeze it. He lays stagnant but the monitor shows me his heart rate is okay for the moment, this much I know. Thank god.

  He opens those crystal blue eyes of his; they are puffy and swollen as looks up into my eyes and gives a tiny smile.

  “Oh dad you scared me half to death. You better be okay, do you hear me?” I state to him meaning every word. If he’s not okay, I just wouldn’t cope.

  A hospital nurse comes into the room. “Hello, I’m Sally and I’ll be your father’s nurse for today,” she looks middle aged and has a dark brown pixie style haircut.

  “Hi, I’m Roxy. How is my father doing?” I ask her needing some answers for reassurance.

  “Doctor Ross, this is Roxy, she is asking about her father,” Sally tells a male doctor who walks into my father’s private room. He approaches me and dad’s new wife. Giving her a nod, assuming they have already spoken I question him. Sally smiles at me and continues checking monitors and making notes in my dad’s folder.

  “I’m just going to get a coffee Roxy, leave you to speak to the doctor,” dads new wife Fiona tells me and kisses my father’s cheek before heading to the hospital café.

  “Is he going to be okay?” I ask the doctor feeling scared and unsure of what to expect. I see mum has her arms wrapped across her chest, obviously worried as well, so I grab her arm and link mine through it.

  “Your father had a minor heart attack, or myocardial infarction. It is permanent damage to the heart muscle. ‘Myo’ means muscle, ‘cardial’ refers to the heart, and ‘infarction’ means death of tissue due to lack of blood supply,” he explains in detail to me and my mother, which I am grateful for.

  “Our goal now with drug therapy is to break up or prevent blood clots. We have started Bill on Aspirin to try to stop issues that may worsen the heart attack. He will need to stay in for at least three days for us to monitor him, but so far so good,” he assures me and gives me a nice warming smile, then to my mum. She breathes out a deep breath that she was obviously holding, not knowing what to expect.

  “Okay, thank you so much,” I say to him, feeling grateful that it was minor and that he is recovering as expected so far. I can’t help but wonder if it was caused by anything in particular so I ask the question. “Did something trigger the heart attack?”

  “Your father’s heart attack was a less common type, which may have been stress related as he doesn’t do drugs or smoke. But we will never know for sure,” he responds bringing light to the situation.

  “Good to hear, he was very lucky mum by the sounds of it.” I look to my mother and see she is now smiling as dad.

  “Thanks for coming Roxy, and you too Denise,” dad says to us both in a whisper. Mum takes dads other hand and rubs her thumb along it. I can’t help but wonder what is going on inside her head.

  “Of course I would come Bill. Don’t be silly,” she states to him and smiles as they look at each other, making me feel a little awkward, especially if Fiona was to walk back in.

  I finally leave the hospital at ten, feeling optimistic and thankful that dad is going to be okay. My hands are still shaky thinking that he actually had a heart attack. I mean the statistics aren’t great for that kind of thing, not to mention Cancer and other diseases.

  When someone you love is hurt or injured it puts life into perspective that’s for sure. Feeling sentimental I send Kade a message letting him know about dad and he immediately offers to meet me at my place as surfing practice finished hours ago.

  Yes please, I’d love for you to come over.

  I reply back to him. I just want to be held and engulfed in his large and safe arms. It’s the only place I really want to be right now.

  At home I quickly shower and put on my track pants and a t-shirt, usually I would care what Kade would think of me looking daggy and without makeup and my hair done. But tonight I really don’t care. I curl up on the lounge leaving the door unlocked so I don’t need to get up and I stare at the wall, now getting slightly teary at the thought that I could have lost my father.

  “Knock, knock,” I hear the husky and deep voice call out. It’s the voice that I have needed to hear since I got the call about dad.

  “It’s open, come in,” I say feeling extremely relieved that he is here. He opens the door and seeing him standing there, is enough to send me into hysterical crying. He is next to me in a second, arms embracing me, head on my head and caressing my hair.

  “Shhhhh, Roxy. It’s okay, I’m here,” he tells me so in such a low caring tone.

  “Oh Kade, I could have lost my dad. I just got him back in my life and I nearly lost him again I guess it just hit me hard,” I whimper through my tears as his arms tighten around me.

  “He’s okay Roxy. Your dad is fine, but I can see how you would get emotional. I am so glad you messaged me, I want to be here for you at times like this. You can count on me,” he says with compassion and adoration that makes me feel so lucky he is back in my life.

  “Oh Kade, thank you for coming, it means a lot to me. I must look a mess,” I say to him feeling ugly and puffy from the crying.

  “Look at me,” he orders with a stern voice. I lift my head and my eyes find his, like a lost puppy who finds their owner. Our eyes make contact and I just know the connection we have is forever.

  “You are beautiful with or without make up. You are such a natural beauty. Your blue eyes are the colou
r of the ocean; your scent is sweet and addictive. The sound of your giggles and the moans you make when I pleasure you are my favourite. Your taste is my favourite flavour, one I hope to indulge in every day for the rest of my life,” he tells me holding my gaze as I shake my head, in disbelief of his words.

  I feel like I have won a million dollars in the lottery, the jackpot.

  “Well shit, you say stuff like that to a woman Mr. Thomas and she will be putty in your hands,” I admit to him. “I feel like I need to pinch myself Kade. Are you really back for good? Do you mean all the words you say to me?” I question him as there is always the thought, he left once before, and maybe he will leave again…

  “Every single word I said is true, and I will be by your side everyday picking away at the wall you have put back up to keep heartbreak out. I will heal your heart Roxy. It will be full and a hundred percent glued back together, I promise you,” Kade tells me with heartfelt emotion and leans into kiss me softly, making me believe the most beautiful words anyone has ever said to me.

  Chapter 25

  Sweet music to my ears

  Kade

  This is how I remember the girl that you were

  These are the thoughts that get me through

  Memories feel real but now you’re with him

  Can’t you see how much I still want you?

  Always and forever

  I’ll think of you in my dreams

  Hold you tight

  We were so right

  Your eyes were so raw

  I want you some more

  Song lyrics, I can’t believe that all my emotions and feelings have turned into song lyrics. They were poems at first, but writing music is slightly cooler than poetry.

  I wonder if Jeremy might put them to music as an original for his band The Electric Beat. But then again, they wouldn’t be any good compared to the ones they write, that I am sure of.

  It’s Friday afternoon and I’m getting ready for surf training. I’m not looking forward to the fucking thirty km run we are doing today. I hear my phone ringing so I run to the kitchen bench where I left it. I see Pete’s name flashing.

  “Hey Kado, how are you bro? Can you believe it’s only a month before I get to meet my daughter? Pete says to me sounding excited.

  “Oh damn big daddy! That is close now, you will be beating the boys off with a stick,” I stir my mate and chuckle as I know he will hate it.

  “Damn straight I will, aint no guy will ever be good enough for my princess,” Pete replies and chuckles himself. “So bro we are going to choose some furniture and we need your help and maybe your Ute?” Pete tells me sarcastically, half asking and half telling me.

  “Always using me for something you two. Just because I’m going to be Uncle Kade in a few months I’ll do it for your princess,” I tell him sincerely, it really is a huge milestone for these two.

  “Fab can we meet you at Baby Bits & More at say ten tomorrow morning?” Pete asks me.

  “Sure dude, I will see you guys there.” I automatically think to ask Roxy along, but then laugh and realise that looking at baby stuff with your very new girlfriend, is not really a wise move. I also haven’t spilled the beans to my two closest friends that me and Roxy are back together yet either.

  “There might be a hot single chick we can set you up with. Oh no scratch that, that’s just what you don’t need Kade, a chick pregnant to someone else. Let’s complicate your life a little less, not more Kado,” my best mate tells me honestly and I laugh at the thought. Jesus. No thanks.

  “Yep aint that the fucking truth Pete,” I reply to him and his smart arse remark.

  “See you two tomorrow,” I tell him and hang up, suddenly feeling a mixed bag of emotions. Happy, confused, sad and a little more perplexed than I thought possible.

  I casually drive my car to meet Pete and Emma at Baby Bits & More. Surprising there are around ten cars already in the lot. There must be a baby boom or a special on at the moment.

  “Hey Em, you look ready to pop,” I say joking around with her as I rub her rounded baby bump.

  “I can still throw a decent punch, even being eight months pregnant, so shut it Kado,” she retorts back to me playfully.

  “You know I’m kidding. You are a glowing, glamorous, pregnant woman,” I remark to ensure she knows I am just playing, I have heard the pregnancy hormones can be a nightmare. Avoiding that.

  “Morning bro,” Pete says to me yawning and we shake hands as per usual.

  “Are we keeping you awake?” I stir him wondering what he has to be tired about; the baby isn’t even out yet. Now if he was having the kind of sex I have been then I would understand him being exhausted.

  “Emma tosses and turns all night. Up and down with heartburn, cramps, you name it. I just can’t seem to sleep through it,” Pete answers.

  “It’s nature’s way of getting us ready for our little angel Pete. You think you are tired now wait for the screaming baby, dirty nappies, baby spew and anything else she might throw at us,” Emma says to Pete and pulls him in for an embrace.

  “You are really not selling the whole parenting thing guys,” I say to them tongue in cheek.

  “You need a woman first Kado,” Pete reports to me and punches me on my arm.

  To tell them or not to tell them that is the question…

  I decide to change the subject for now. I’m not ready for the twenty fucking questions, all is good with Roxy and me and that’s all that matters right now.

  “So let’s get this over and done with guys,” I bring to light as I really don’t want to waste more than an hour or two on this stuff, when I could be doing much more interesting things with Roxy.

  Emma nods and holds Pete’s hand as we enter the shop. Every possible baby item you could think of is on display - prams, cots, baths, car seats, bags. Wow it is insane.

  “Okay first off we need a cot,” Emma says as she pulls the stores booklet out of her handbag obviously already done the research which saves us time as it’s the third one on display and both her and Pete are happy with the colour, finish and size.

  “Oh look an added bonus there is a matching change table and it’s perfect,” Emma tells us both squealing a little. Bingo, two items down.

  “Now I’ve narrowed it down to three prams, but I need to see how they fold down and how easy they are to set up,” Emma tells us both and ushers us over to the pram section where there are around thirty to choose from.

  Fuck me, don’t you just need one for the baby to sleep in, then eventually sit up and with good straps, that’s about all I know.

  And right on cue walks over a shop assistant. “Good morning, can I help you with anything?” she asks with a bubbly smile.

  All this baby talk, babies in the shop, baby clothes…

  My mind wanders to Roxy, and I wonder how different things might have been the night of the wedding, if I just kept my fucking mouth shut. Too late now that’s for sure, we might have been planning at least an engagement by now.

  But I vow that I will spend every day trying to make it up for the way I broke her heart.

  I even feel that I have matured these past few months, because seriously a baby with the most amazing woman on the planet is far from being a bad thing when I look at my life right now.

  Nothing would make me happier than Roxy pregnant with a baby, a piece of her and I, a family unit.

  Seeing as though, my family has been torn apart.

  Not right now, but in the foreseeable future. One hundred percent.

  Chapter 26

  Dylan

  I smashed his fucking window, and next time it will be his face. He is with MY girl. Roxy is mine and always will be. Does he really think I’m going to let him have her?

  He is sleeping in her bed, the one she shared with me. The fucker gets to be the one to hold her in his arms, there is no way in hell…

  I won’t be dejected, downcast like I’m nothing. I looked after her when he wasn’t around.

>   I am feeling melancholy; I need her to bring me back from the sorrowful hole that keeps pulling at me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and the voices in my head are telling me to get revenge.

  If I can’t have the euphoric feeling of being in love, being loved and wanted then why the fuck should any other living person, let alone those two…

  Happily Never After is the way the fairy tale ends in my book.

  Chapter 27

  Burning Ring of Fire…

  Devouring the most delicious homemade pizza and a bottle of sparkling wine, Jemma, Dan and I have a dinner party, just the three of us on a Friday night. Thank fuck its Friday.

  I crawl feeling lonely into bed just after midnight, missing my muscly surfer.

  Kade spent the night having a few drinks with Pete and Emma, kind of a last hurrah before the baby comes. It’s always a guessing game as to when a baby will make it to its due date.

  I wake up flying solo. It was something that I used to love - having the bed to myself spreading out. Now I now totally dislike it, it has all gone out the window.

  It’s surreal that in a short amount of time back with Kade, how I miss his warm body lying beside me with his strong arms wrapped around me.

  Gone is the promiscuous, drug taking, independent girl and replacing her is a maturing woman that needs the security of her man, not because of her self-consciousness but because he is her missing piece, her soul mate, her one and only.

  I saunter out to the lounge, planning on a trip to the shops later for some food. Maybe pick up a couple new tops for the warm weather, and well beach days that will be more frequent.

  Jemma and Dan have gone to the fish markets, up bright and early. No thanks.

  My phone beeps and like a school-girl with a crush I smile assuming its Kade and one of his cute messages.

  But I am unfortunately very wrong - it is a text from Dylan.

  Roxy help me I need you.

  That is all that it says. What do I do with that…?