Embracing Change

by Debbie Roome

  “How did you sleep?” Jade was buttering a plate of toast.

  “Perfectly after you prayed. I normally lose hours of sleep after a nightmare.” She took the milk out of the fridge. “Tea or coffee?”

  “Tea please.” Jade stopped buttering and looked across at Sarah. “Have you ever tried praying?”

  “I don’t think God would listen to me.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m a mixed-up mess.”

  “None of us are perfect, Sarah.” She offered her some toast in exchange for tea. “You mustn’t be so hard on yourself. Try praying if the nightmares come again, and if you don’t want to, please call me. I’ll pray for you anytime—even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

  “You’re a good friend,” Sarah said. “I really appreciated you coming through.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  I’ve been in Christchurch four months now. Joel visits most weeks but has been away on a working trip. In the meantime, winter has set in and days are short, nights long and cold.

  From the journal of Sarah Johnson

  Saturday 5th July

  Jade bounced into the house after church a few weeks later. “Have you ever tried skiing, Sarah?”

  “Nope, never. In fact I’ve only seen snow once.”

  “Does it snow in South Africa?”

  “In certain areas. The Drakensburg is one of them and the midlands sometimes get a covering. When I was a teenager, they had a heavy overnight fall in Mooi River which is about three hours from Johannesburg. Dad booked a room for the night and drove us down there.” She smiled, memories washing over her. “It was incredible. We played in it all day; built snowmen, had snowball fights and slid down banks on bits of plastic.”

  “That settles it,” said Jade.

  “Settles what?”

  “You’re coming on the church skiing trip next weekend. I’ll borrow some gear for you, and the entrance fee includes ski hire and a lesson.”

  Sarah thought for a moment. “That actually sounds like a great idea.”

  “The church has hired a bus and we’re going up to Mount Hutt. It’s an excellent ski field and reasonably close to Christchurch. You’ll love it.”

  The following Saturday the four girls piled into Mandy’s car and drove to the church. The bus was parked on the road and surrounded by young people carrying bags and jackets, skis and snowboards.

  “Come on!” Jade grabbed her stuff from the car and pulled Sarah’s sleeve. “Let’s get a seat near the front so we can watch the views. The scenery is amazing.” They merged into the mob, Jade greeting people as they went and introducing a couple of them to Sarah. Eventually they made their way onto the bus and collapsed into seats about a third of the way back.

  Sarah had just stowed her bag when she saw Joel climbing the steps. He waved at them before choosing a seat on the left. Mandy followed behind and dropped into the seat next to him. She was wearing black ski pants that showed off her slender legs and a turquoise thermal top. Her hair was fastened up on top, perfect curls adding to her height. Sarah watched Joel smile as he turned to look at her, watched as they laughed together. She was surprised at the force of the jealousy that swept across her.

  “Good morning, wonderful people.”

  Sarah recognised Brad, the leader of the twenties group that Joel was part of.

  “We’re all set for an incredible day of skiing—apparently the weather up there is perfect at the moment. Thank you all for coming, and enjoy the ride. When we reach Mount Hutt, I’ll give you more details about what’s happening.”

  “This is the way to Arthur’s Pass,” Sarah commented to Jade, recognising some of the little towns.

  “That’s right. We’ll branch off at Darfield to get to Mount Hutt—it’s also part of the Southern Alps. The distance is only ninety kilometres but it takes as many minutes to get there because of the roads.”

  About an hour into the journey the bus started climbing through hilly country, and as they turned a corner Sarah caught her breath at the change of scenery. The valley below them was blanketed in white, and snow-drenched forests lined steep mountain faces. “This is awesome!” She pulled out her camera and took a few shots through the window.

  “There’s Mount Hutt village.” Jade pointed to a clump of buildings below them. “We’ll drive down into it and then up again to Mount Hutt itself.”

  Sarah kept her eyes fixed on the scenery as they descended into the valley, captivated by the snow that lay in unbroken swathes, glittering as the sun reflected off tiny crystals. Sharp icicles hung off fences and wooden posts were capped with mounds of snow.

  “Fresh snow from last night,” Jade said. “You can see no one’s walked in it yet. The ski slopes should be perfect.”

  After driving through the main street of the village they began the ascent to the ski fields, stopping in a designated area along the way so the driver could put chains on the wheels. The car park was a mess of sludge and brown mud and Sarah felt sorry for those who were prone besides their vehicles, looping chains around their tyres. The air was frigid, and frozen fingers were struggling with cold metal that was difficult to fit, even in warmer conditions.

  From there on, the scenery grew more and more spectacular as the driver manoeuvered around hairpin bends and up steep inclines. On the left, the mountains fell sharply down to icy valleys and on the right, snowy faces rose to meet clouds that hung thick and white. Every so often they would pass a patch of forest and the vibrations of the bus would cause snow to fall from the trees. As they dumped their load, the branches would spring back, splattering snow everywhere.

  Sarah turned to Jade. “It’s like being in a different world. I absolutely love it.”

  The only blot on her horizon was the way Mandy giggled and leaned into Joel as she talked non-stop to him.

  In the final stretch before reaching the ski field, the road was particularly treacherous and the driver hugged the mountainside, moving slowly and carefully through layers of fog. “This is scary,” Jade whispered. “We’re so high up and can hardly see where we’re going.” Eventually the bus broke through the cloud layer and brilliant sunshine flooded the landscape. “There’s Mount Hutt!” She grabbed Sarah’s arm. “Isn’t it amazing?”

  The bus driver navigated the last few loops to the car park and then Brad took control again. “Welcome to Mount Hutt. As promised, the weather is perfect and we’re going to have a fantastic day. Marty will go ahead and get the group tickets and tags. In the meantime, feel free to unload your equipment but don’t leave the immediate area of the bus.”

  Sarah followed Jade down the steps and looked at the brilliant slopes around them, the sun reflecting, sparkling and glistening. Tiny figures in red and yellow and blue were visible on the slopes, gliding in gentle zigzags. Below them, clouds spread like an ethereal pool around majestic mountain peaks. “It’s absolutely awesome. I’ve never ever seen anything so beautiful.”

  Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Mandy hanging onto Joel. It doesn’t matter. You’re here to enjoy the skiing. Joel is not yours to be jealous over.

  In the equipment room, Sarah giggled as Jade strapped ski boots onto her feet. “I don’t know if I can even walk in these, never mind ski.” She took a few clumsy steps to prove her point. “And it looks so easy when you see people skiing on TV and doing all those fancy jumps and turns.”

  “It gets easier,” Jade promised. She helped Sarah choose the right size skis and accompanied her down the stairs to the beginners’ slope. “This is where we go for our lesson.”

  “But you don’t need one.”

  “I manage on the intermediate slopes but a brush up lesson’s always good. Come along.”

  The beginner’s slope was very slightly angled and groups of children stood clustered round instructors. “Here’s an adult group.” Jade clomped across the snow to a young man dressed in black and yellow.

  “Hello, ladies. Are you here for a lesson?�
� He introduced himself as Gustav, in a German accent. “Alright. I need you all to line up here … Ja. This is how you clip your skis to the boots. Good! Now …”

  A half hour later, he declared they were ready to attempt a full run on the slope. Jade tripped as they moved towards the belt lift and fell into Sarah, knocking her over like a skittle. The two fell in a tangled heap in the snow, shrieking with laughter and cracking wicked jokes. Gustav skied over and gave them each a hand up. “This is not how I like to see my ladies!”

  Sarah hung back at the top, allowing several others to go before she summoned the courage to set her skis forward and push off. Gustav encouraged her from behind. “That’s it! Lean forward, knees slightly bent.”

  “Whoo hoo!” she shouted, as she gained momentum. For a moment she felt like the old Sarah; carefree, excited and fulfilled. Even her misplaced hurt at seeing Mandy flirting with Joel faded away.

  Jade caught up with her, laughing. “You did good, Sarah.”

  “That was amazing.” She turned to face her friend. “Thanks for staying with me, but go and have some fun on the higher slopes. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m happy down here.”

  “I insist.”

  After a mild argument, Jade agreed to join the others, while Sarah stayed on the beginners slope. Gustav skied past her a few minutes later. “Come and try again,” he invited. “You are doing well with your skiing.”

  After several more attempts, a couple of falls and loads of fun, Sarah clomped her way to a snow bank and collapsed. Below her, the road wound like a narrow ribbon round the mountain side before disappearing into the clouds.

  “Stunning view!” Joel dropped into the snow next to her, eyes hidden behind sunglasses.

  “It’s incredible.” She looked beyond him wondering where Mandy was, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  “So—how do you like skiing?”

  “It’s wonderful! I love the freedom and speed, but I’m going to be bruised tomorrow.”

  Joel chuckled. “Do you want to try the intermediate slopes with me?”

  Sarah thought for a moment. She hated to say no but she was tired and didn’t think it was a good idea. “I’d better not. These boots are killing my legs and I don’t think my butt would appreciate another fall.”

  “Come for a ride to the top then.” He pointed to the chairlift station behind them. “You’re allowed up on this one even if you’re not skiing.” He unclipped his skis and did the same for her, digging them into the snow bank. “Come on.”

  He extended a gloved hand and helped her plod across the snow to the chair lift. “A few rules. We have to sit together in the middle to balance the seat. It has a safety rail which I’ll pull down and when I say jump at the top, we jump.”

  “Got it.”

  “Sweet as. Here we go.”

  The chair came in behind them, a wide bench that scooped them up and into the air. Joel pulled the rail down and moved slightly towards Sarah to balance the seat, his leg pressing against hers as he did so. Sarah wasn’t sure what she liked more; the incredible view, or the fact that she was looking at it with Joel by her side. As they climbed higher and higher, the world seemed to fall silent. She could see skiers below, slaloming down the slopes, snow spraying as they moved from side to side.

  “It’s so pure up here,” she said at last. “Untouched. So lovely.”

  Joel nodded. “Do you know what Isaiah 1:18 says?”

  She shook her head.

  “‘Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.’”

  They fell silent for a while before Joel spoke again. “It’s a vivid picture, isn’t it? God taking our sins and washing us, making us as pure and white as new snow.”

  Sarah nodded, even while thinking that God could never wash her so clean. There was too much pain, too much hatred buried in her heart, and no matter what she tried, it wouldn’t budge.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Joel visits often these days. He likes to watch rugby on television and I’m learning to appreciate the game. After the match last night, he asked if he could come around this morning.

  From the journal of Sarah Johnson

  Tuesday 29th July

  I have a surprise for you.”

  Sarah followed Joel out of the house, into the icy morning air. A sheen of frost lingered on the lawn and the rose bushes were stark and bare. He opened the back door of his car and pulled out a biscuit-coloured box, about forty centimetres long.

  Sarah took it from him, curious as to what it could be. “Should we go back inside?”

  “You may prefer to open it out here, away from anyone else.”

  Her curiosity increased and she shook it gently. “Okay.” She pulled the tape holding it together and the packaging fell away, revealing a small cross hewn from rough wood. It was sealed with a low-gloss polyurethane that brought out warm tones of honey and chocolate. A small brass plaque was attached to the centre and simply read, Luke.

  The look on his face was tender as she ran her fingers over it. “I’ve been working on it since our trip on the ferry. You mentioned you never went back to the hijacking scene, but know someone left a cross there. I thought you might like to take this up to Crystal Falls as a memorial for Luke. You could tuck it into the undergrowth so no one will know it’s there, except for you.”

  Sarah put a hand on his arm. “I don’t know what to say. This is probably the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me.” Throwing caution to the wind, she pulled him into an embrace, the cross sandwiched between them. “Thank you, Joel. This is incredibly meaningful.”

  “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure—you know … I didn’t want to do anything that would upset you.”

  “You haven’t.” She smiled, the warmth rising from deep within her heart.

  “We can drive up there at the weekend, if you’d like. Maybe stop in at my parents for lunch. It’ll be freezing in the mountains and we may need to borrow Dad’s four wheel drive to get up there, anyway.”

  Sarah laughed. “I’d like that very much. Thank you, Joel.”

  They reached the farm mid-morning, and Joel stopped to open the front gate. “Go on, Shelley, there’re your mates.” The dogs bounded off in a knot of excitement as Sarah looked across the lands to the backdrop of hills powdered with snow.

  “What a view. It must be amazing living out here.”

  “It is beautiful,” Joel agreed, “but also a lot of work.” He drove through the gateway and jumped out to close it again. “Just remember what I told you about Mom. She’s going to grill you big time.”

  Sarah laughed. “I’ll cope.” She looked across to the farmhouse where two people were coming down the steps. Joel’s dad looked like an older version of his son. Tall, narrow hips and muscular shoulders, and short grey hair that hinted of a wayward curl. Joel’s mother was also tall, but lean, with hair the colour of faded wheat. She reached them first, embracing them one by one.

  “It’s lovely to meet you, Sarah. I’m Izzy and this is Simon, Joel’s dad. Come in out of the cold.” She led the way into a homely room with overstuffed armchairs and a fire roaring in the log burner.

  “It’s lovely and warm in here.”

  “Nothing to beat a real fire, I say. It’s all very well having a heat pump, but if your power goes off, in town you freeze. At least we have a generator out here.” She gestured at the chairs. “Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. I’ll bring some tea through.”

  Sarah chose a seat near the fire and slipped her jacket off as Joel and his dad walked into the room.

  “I’ll hang that up for you.” Joel took her coat into the hallway and reappeared with a huge ginger cat in his arms. “Meet Tiger.” He dumped the cat on Sarah’s lap.

  “Hello, Tiger.” She scratched the feline under the chin and he purred, his whole body shaking with delight.

  “You’ve got a friend for life there,” Joel’s dad sa
id. “He’s spoilt rotten, that cat. Thinks he owns the farm and everything on it.”

  Sarah laughed as she rubbed Tiger’s chest. “I think most cats are like that. My parents have two who rule the roost at home.”

  “You’re from South Africa, I hear.”

  “Yes, Johannesburg.”

  “It’s sad what’s happening in Africa as a whole. Never been there myself but I believe it’s a beautiful continent.”

  “It is,” Sarah replied. “Very different to New Zealand but still beautiful.”

  “Is it true that South Africa’s become very violent?”

  “There is a lot of crime,” she said hesitantly.

  Joel chipped in, tactfully changing the subject. “When are you shearing, Dad? I promised Sarah I’d bring her out to watch how it’s done.”

  “Mid-August. You coming to help?”

  “Of course, even if it’s only for a weekend.”

  “Won’t it be too cold for the sheep?” Sarah asked.

  “It can be, but there are advantages. If we get the wool off the ewes late winter it’s easier for the lambs to feed when they’re born, and the mother looks after them better by seeking shelter.”

  Sarah shivered. “I can’t imagine living outside in this weather.”

  “That reminds me, Dad. Is the road to Arthur’s open?”

  “It was yesterday but you need chains or four-wheel drive. You planning on going up there?”

  “Just for a short while after lunch.”

  “Take the Isuzu. It’ll get through with no problems.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Joel winked at Sarah.

  They enjoyed a pot of tea together and then went for a drive round the farm before lunch. “My land starts by that windbreak over there—” Joel’s dad pointed to a line of trees in the far distance “—and ends by the river, here. The hills form the other boundary.”

  “It’s lovely,” Sarah replied, sensing the older man’s pride in his farm. “Joel’s got the best of both worlds by having you so close.”