The Twenty-One (Emerald Cove #2)

by Lauren K. McKellar

  But how can he be?

  What do you do when your happily-ever-after has an expiration date?

  I reach over to wipe away his tears, to try and dry his face, but he stills, rigid as a board under my touch.

  “Don’t.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, and fold my arms around my waist. There is no handbook for this. No guide to tell you how to help a person in life-ending pain.

  We sit in silence, and Joel looks out the window. The view is of another wing of the hospital, a cream rendered building that towers over this one. Windows with reflective surfaces shine back at us, showing us the purple of this building and the red of the sky as the sun sets. It’s a staid view. Mundane.

  It might be the last view Joel ever sees.

  “This is just ...” I pause. “This is fucked. You taught me never to give up. To push myself, and live in every moment. And now, here you are.”

  “Dying?” he asks, a bitter laugh in his tone.

  I shake my head. “About to start the sequel.”

  Finally, Joel’s face breaks into the easy smile I know and love. He manages a soft laugh and shake of his head, then he holds out his arm, shifting his weight to one side of the bed. “C’mere, Ellie.”

  My stomach twirls as I slip off my shoes and slide up onto the bed to lie beside him. His arm wraps around me, and I rest my head against his shoulder. It’s a tight fit, but I’d stay here for eternity if I could. If it meant not leaving Joel, no sacrifice would be too much.

  “So I’ve ... I’ve had a feeling for a few weeks,” Joel says. He kisses the top of my head, and he smells so good, his lips so warm, that it’s hard to believe he’s sick. Hard to believe this is it. “I’ve been sick a few times, and getting kind of dizzy.”

  “Like the other day, in the car?” I ask, my mind flashing back to our time on the way home from the indoor skydive.

  Joel snorts. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you? You almost kill someone once ...” He shakes his head. “Anyway, so then I’ve become more and more tired. Too tired. Unnaturally so.”

  I clap my hand to my head. “I didn’t notice ...” How did I not notice?

  “I know what you’re thinking, and no, you’re not,” he corrects me. “How were you to know?” He shrugs, and my head shifts with the movement. “How was anyone to know ...”

  The words float between us. His deep breathing is oddly soothing, and I find myself timing my breath to be opposite to his. As if somehow I can suck in all his sickness and breathe fresh air back into his lungs. If only life were that simple.

  If only love were that easy.

  “They say it could be a month—maybe less.”

  Somehow, hearing it from him is so much more real than hearing the words from his father or Fiona.

  “This morning, I collapsed. Just couldn’t walk. And that pain ...” He pauses, and I press a light kiss to his cheek. “It was vicious. Like a savage dog let off its lead, tearing at my head. Hacking and biting and just ...” He grits his teeth, and something flashes over his face—it’s as if he’s lost focus entirely. “Fuck!” he yells, and slams his hand down on the table beside the bed. The cards jump, and one floats to the floor, dancing as it falls, a mockery of the anger looming in the air. “I fucking forgot what I was saying.”

  Joel turns his body to the window, shielding me from his pain. He hasn’t spoken the words out loud, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that this beast controlling his life is affecting his brain, too. He shares his mind with a monster.

  A few minutes pass, and even though I know Joel wants his space, I fight it. Because that’s what he’s taught me. Some things are worth fighting for. And Joel Henley is definitely one such thing.

  I loop my arm around his waist and spoon my body up against his, pushing up the bed a little so my head rests right above his shoulder. I press a kiss to his neck, and it smells so good, so much like pine and beach and Joel that if I close my eyes, for just one moment, I can forget we’re in a hospital. I can forget my soul mate is dying.

  “So I started a really great book this morning,” I say. It’s a lie. All I started this morning was an action plan on how to find Dani, but I can’t tell him that. It’s not what Joel needs.

  Joel needs fairytales and happy endings, and I don’t know that Dani is one.

  It takes him a while, but finally his body shifts, his head turning back to me. “Oh yeah?”

  “Mmmm.” I nod, and I launch into the tale of a book about love and laughter and taking chances, pushing life to the limit. There’s no truth to my words, no real book on which to base this plot. I’m just making it up as I go along in the hope it distracts him from the horrible truth facing him right now.

  At some point, the red light outside dulls to a cool purple, and the white lights overhead flicker on. Food trolleys clatter down the hall, and nurses chat in other rooms about the five-star dining the hospital provides.

  I push up to my elbows and go to speak, but when I look over my shoulder, Joel’s already asleep.

  I take one of the cards, the King of Hearts, and I begin to fold. First I rip it into a square, then I fold it in half again. It won’t pop out at the end, so I search the drawers in the bedside table until I find a piece of thinner paper. This time, I complete all the steps until I have the perfect paper crane. I place it on the pillow next to his head and, after pressing a kiss to his soft, cool lips, I leave.

  Only my heart stays in that room with him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The week passes by in a blur. I call up Colin and let him know I have to work around hospital hours. I don’t have time to focus on finding a new job right now. I just have to be there.

  I have to be there for Joel.

  And when I’m not being there for Joel, I’m trying like hell to keep my sister safe.

  It’s a Wednesday afternoon when I take Dani and stop in at the hospital to see Joel on our way to Mum’s. It’s not going to be long enough, but Colin had me packing baskets all day, and I figure any time is better than none. I just try not to think that every time is one time closer to the end. Every inhale is one breath closer to the last.

  “Are we going to be long?” Dani asks, her feet thudding down the hall beside me.

  “I told you, you can wait in the car.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal, and thank God she doesn’t call me on my bluff. Really, there’s no way I’d let her wait there. Not when I can’t guarantee that’s where she’d stay.

  I stop at the ATM on the way to Joel’s room, withdrawing my money for rent to give to Hope. I shove the notes into an empty slot in my purse, then start to walk again.

  We turn the corner to Joel’s room and I pause for a moment, looking back at my sister. “Please, just be nice. Okay?”

  She rolls her eyes, as if it’s the ultimate insult. “He’s dying. I’m not a complete bitch.”

  I ignore her callous tone and turn back, paste a smile on my face, and walk into the room.

  Joel lies on his bed, the television above him flicking through pictures but no sound coming out. To his right is a table with a jug of water and a glass, as well as a bunch of flowers. More flowers are planted on the mantelpiece above him, and there’s even a get well soon balloon.

  It doesn’t look cheery.

  It looks like a funeral parlour.

  As per usual, there’s a group in attendance. Today it’s Fiona and a girl I haven’t seen before. The afternoon sun streams through the window giving Joel’s skin a golden glow. A glow he needs, because colour by colour, he’s changing. His face isn’t cream anymore. His eyes aren’t as blue. Bit by bit, he’s slipping away.

  “Ellie!” Fiona smiles, and jumps up from the chair to come and hug me. She pulls back and looks at Danica. “Hi. We met at the bar that time. You were off your face.”

  “Whatever.” Dani pushes past and claims the chair Fiona just vacated. Fi mouths the word sorry to me, and I shrug it off. It’s not like I can argue otherwise.
<
br />   “Hey! Where’s my kiss?” Joel asks, a small smile crossing his lips. I all but knock Fiona out of the way and hurl to his side, placing a hand on his cheek. Up close, he’s even paler than he looked from the door. Goosebumps travel down my arms as an inky dread washes through me. He’s leaving.

  As quickly as it comes, it goes away. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for Joel.

  I lean in to give him a chaste kiss.

  “Seriously?” he murmurs, then cups his hand at the base of my neck, pulling my face close. When our lips meet, his are needy, full of desire. They part and his tongue seeks entrance to my mouth. Heat flares within me, and my hand reaches for his waist, his body that I still somehow crave, even though I know he’s so broken.

  His fingers fist my hair and he nips at my lip. Desire teases between my legs and for one moment, one small, tiny moment, I forget where we are and imagine us back in the tent at the lake.

  “You’re in a hospital, remember?”

  Dani’s words bring me back to the present, and I pull back. My cheeks flame as I gaze deep into Joel’s eyes, our lips only separated by an inch. “Hi,” I say.

  “Hi.”

  My hair curtains us off from the world. Joel grins up at me, and there’s so much love in his eyes.

  “Hi,” I say again, a giggle bubbling up inside me.

  “Hi.” He laughs, and presses a small kiss to my nose.

  “The young lady here might have a point.”

  The voice reaches my ears, and I pull back more completely this time, turning to face an older lady who’s just walked in. Instinctively, I reach for Joel’s hand, twisting his fingers in mine. “Sorry,” I say, smiling. “I’m—”

  “Ellie Mayfield.” The woman interrupts and folds her arms across her chest. She isn’t smiling, but I’m not exactly breaking out the milk and cookies, either. “I’m Candice Armstrong. Joel’s mother.”

  I blink, recognition flooding back to me. “Of course. Ms Armstrong.” I smile, but she doesn’t correct me. There’s no call me Candice here.

  I look to Fiona for support, but she just bites her lip and screws up her nose as if to say I don’t know.

  “She’s only here for a short while, when her schedule allows,” Joel says, apparently not feeling anywhere near the level-ten awkward I am.

  “Joel.” She scolds, a V forming between her brows. “I love you.”

  “But only during visiting hours?”

  The question hangs awkwardly in the room. A steely gaze shines between Joel and his mother.

  “I’m sure your mum ...” I trail off, looking for words to fill the empty space. “I’m sure she means well.”

  “I did quite like Vanessa, but I’m glad you found Ellie again,” Ms Armstrong says. Ouch! Talk about a veiled compliment. “You seem very happy together.”

  Joel squeezes my hand.

  “They are.”

  I blink. Dani?

  “He loves her, and she loves him.” She pops her gum and leans back in the plastic chair, her gaze out the window. “It’s sickening, really.”

  “Well ...” Mrs Armstrong shakes her head, then looks to the door. “Perhaps I should go.”

  “Thanks for visiting,” Joel says.

  Mrs Armstrong leans over to kiss his cheek, then straightens. She nods at me and leaves, and I settle again on the side of Joel’s bed, the rays from the sun glinting golden against the hair on my arms.

  “Thank God she’s gone.” Joel grins up at me.

  “Is that the first time she’s come?” I whisper in his ear.

  He shakes his head. “Third.” Joel pulls back to make eye contact. “I don’t know if she’s scared of me dying, or just can’t find the time, you know?”

  When I nod, he nips at my lobe and then sucks it into his mouth, his soft lips sending a thrill through me.

  “C’mon, guys, save that for after public visiting hours.” Fiona rolls her eyes.

  “What’s new?” I ask Joel. It’s code for how are you feeling and what’s been happening all in one.

  Joel takes it all in his stride. He pulls one of my blonde curls and watches it spring back up, a smirk playing on his lips. “Well, I’ve watched a whole heap of porn, and—”

  “Joel!” Fiona groans.

  “Just watched some TV. Took some drugs. Stared at this boring-as-batshit view.” Joel gestures to the plain cream building blinking at us out the window.

  An idea winks into my mind, and I nod. “It does kind of suck.”

  “Just a little.” Joel smiles, and then looks over to my sister. “How you doing, Dani?”

  “Good.” She doesn’t look up from her mobile phone where she’s tap, tapping away.

  “Going to any parties tonight?” He tries.

  That causes her to still. She raises both eyebrows at. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”

  “Worth a shot.” Joel raises his hands in the air, and I laugh.

  We talk some more about all the important things—love, life, and the accuracy of Sons of Anarchy. After twenty minutes, Dani gives me the eye and I say goodbye.

  But even though my body leaves the hospital, my heart stays right on that hospital bed.

  And I wonder if I’ll ever get it back again.

  ***

  It’s dark when Fiona, Kohl, Marc and I sneak into the hospital room. The curtains are drawn, blocking the outside world and the early rays of sun.

  Joel snores, a deep steady rhythm that has me secure in the knowledge he won’t wake while I prepare his surprise.

  The nurses were on board with my plan, if a little sceptical, and a lot concerned that I would be responsible for the clean-up. Which of course I would.

  As we work, I fall into a soothing kind of rhythm. There’s so much going on—with Joel, with Dani, with work—it feels nice to focus on something menial and labour-driven for a while. It’s bliss to escape my head.

  It takes us two whole hours, but after a lot of tape, ties and lung power, we’re ready. I shut the door to the hospital room, thanking my lucky stars not for the first time that there’s currently no one else sharing this space, and suck in a deep breath.

  “Oh Joel,” I sing from the door. The others are beside me. Fiona bounces on the balls of her feet.

  Joel shifts on the bed, but doesn’t open his eyes.

  “Sexiest boyfriend in the wo-orld,” I sing, and this time, even though his eyes remain shut, a smirk plays upon his lips. That one small gesture sends blood pumping to my heart.

  “Are you here to give me a morning blow-job?” he asks sleepily.

  “Get your mind out of the gutter,” Fiona barks.

  Joel’s eyes fly open—and that’s when we spring to action.

  Fiona switches on the blue spotlights that send streams of cobalt light against the walls and over to the window which has been covered in blue crepe paper.

  Marc walks over to Joel, who’s looking at me with a quizzical expression on his face. “What’s going on?”

  “You’ll need this.” Marc clips a helmet over Joel’s head, and it looks so thoroughly ridiculous I can’t help but laugh.

  “What?” Joel asks, touching the helmet as if unsure if it’s real.

  “You’re bored of the view, right?” I say, hoping to distract him from what Kohl is doing.

  “Uh-huh.” Joel nods.

  “We know you can’t exactly jump out of a plane.” I suck in a breath. Here’s where it could all go horribly wrong, and he could be terribly offended by my idea. “So we thought we’d bring you the next best thing.”

  Joel opens his mouth and asks something, but I don’t hear it. Kohl flicks the switch on the generator and the room erupts into chaos.

  An industrial fan blasts into life, a mechanical roar filling the room. The air is strong and directed right at Joel’s bed. His head falls back against the pillow, though I suspect it’s more from shock than the strength of the wind. The flowers on the shelf above him press toward the wall, and some even lose th
eir petals.

  That’s not why we did this, though.

  On the floor were five hundred white balloons, each with the number twenty-one on them.

  And when the fan starts up, they go flying.

  At first Joel laughs, batting them away as they near his face. He frowns, shaking his head, and smiling at us all in turn. Marc turns on the second fan so the balloons whirl from left to right, suspended in the centre of the room.

  Then, it clicks. Joel looks over to me and holds out his arms, balloons knocking into them from left and right. “C’mere,” he yells, and I laugh because he got it. I knew he would get it.

  I dance across the floor to the bed. Fiona grabs Kohl’s hand and spins him around, dancing in this sea of white and blue. Marc joins them, all three laughing.

  I bat balloon after balloon and finally reach Joel’s side, my lungs aching from laughter. Joel’s breath is hot on my ear when he says, “You gave me sky-diving.”

  I smile, nodding as the white balloon clouds tuft around us, the wind presses back our hair, and the blue light from the window is reflected around the room. It’s a far cry from the real thing, but it’s made Joel happy, and in these final weeks, that’s all I could possibly want.

  All I could possibly need.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  It’s my day for Dani watch, and even though I’m trying to be patient, even though I’m trying to be sympathetic to her needs, I can’t help but resent it.

  Every second I spend sitting in this car, waiting for her to walk out of the college gates, every second I sit between her and Colin during family dinner that follows after, every second that slows me getting to work and then packing the picnic baskets is a second more I could be spending with Joel.

  And you can count the seconds he has left.

  We’re still only on week two of his predicted four-week outlook, but they’ve said things can change at any time now.

  It’s strange—it’s a logical fact I know oh-so-well. I’ve been through it all with my father. But there’s this stupid voice inside me that refuses to believe this could be it. Maybe they’ve got it wrong.