Tingles spread throughout my chest at her words and how absolutely true they are. “Words of wisdom, spoken by the one and only Erin Ruiz. Have you been reading some of my rom-coms?”
Erin’s brows draw together before her eyes widen as she contemplates my question the only way she knows how—with exaggeration. “You know, I have not, but maybe I should. If anything, just to see what all the fuss is about.”
“The fuss?” I ask, just as over the top.
“With your books, duh,” she stresses. “I can’t remember the last time I read a book outside of school purely for pleasure.”
“Purely for pleasure? Who even talks like that?” I tease.
“Clearly, I do, but I’ll blame that on all the episodes of The Vampire Diaries I’ve been binge-watching lately.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re still on that?” I ask, not hiding the slight amount of judgment or surprise in my tone. The girl is obsessed.
“I will always still be on that,” Erin practically purrs, her mind no doubt flitting to all the eye candy and drama she drools over every time she watches it. “I can’t even count how many times I’ve watched each season. It’s an endless cycle. I start from the beginning, watch through to the end, and then I start all over again.”
“Honestly, knowing how in love you are with that show, it explains so much about where you draw inspiration for your life from.”
She nods proudly. “Life imitates art or whatever, isn’t that how the old saying goes?”
I bark out a laugh. “Sure, only your life is a few moves away from imitating a teen show about vampires.”
Erin sighs dreamily, falling back onto her bed obnoxiously. “If I could transport myself into any fictional town, it would definitely be Mystic Falls.”
“Of course you would.”
“Okay, as much as I love talking about me, I want to get back to you and Julian because I am living for everything happening between you two right now,” she states, patting the empty spot beside her on the bed, her silent way of asking me to join her in staring at the ceiling.
I hop up off the floor and fall back onto the bed, my shoulder bumping into hers as my body settles into the airy comforter.
“There really isn’t much more to tell,” I tell her honestly. “We had a date, and as far as dates go, it was really good. Almost perfect, really. And a lot of that I apparently owe to you.”
“Oh?” Erin questions, but judging by her tone, she doesn’t seem the least bit surprised at my comment. “And what makes you say that?”
“Well, he definitely didn’t go in blind, what with your helpful tips on my likes and dislikes.”
“You’re welcome,” is all Erin says.
I gently knock her shoulder with mine, eye-rolling for the umpteenth time since I’ve been around her. “You’re really team Julian, aren’t you?”
“Honestly? Of course I am,” she says softly. “I mean, I liked the idea of Braxton for you, but watching you interact with Julian and hearing the way you talk about him, it makes me like him and his potential to be really good for you, not just the idea of him. Does that even make any sense?”
“Sure, it does. You want me to be happy, and you think he can do that.”
“Exactly.” She nods. “And you definitely don’t need someone else to make you happy because you’re capable of that on your own, but—ugh, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I just really want this for you. Life with partners of the romantic variety is so much more fun.”
“If my date was any indication, then you are absolutely right,” I agree. “Thank you for always pushing me to experience life, Erin.”
“Sure thing, best. I mean, you’re the one who pushes me to stop and appreciate the moment, so we’re obviously a good blend. There’s no other person I’d ever want in my corner.”
“If all goes well with Julian, then you and I are going to have to double date one of these days,” I mention, already laughing at the fun-filled time we’d be sure to have if that ever happens.
“Poor guy has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”
“Well, if you get one of us, you get us both, and that’s how it’s always been.”
“And that’s how it always will be,” she promises, head twisting to return the smile plastered on my own face.
“This is not how I envisioned senior year going at all,” I say, cheeks heating as recent memories rush to the front of my mind.
Life is short. It’s cliche but true, and I don’t want to look back and regret not taking this leap with someone who I know is gonna leave impressionable marks on my life. He already has.
My heart tightens at the thought before speeding up the pace of its beating. “I know we’ve gone over this before, but tell me again because, well, it’s important. Are crushes always this body tingling? Like, will it always feel this exciting?”
“I’m not sure,” Erin shares truthfully. “I’ve had more than a fair amount of them, and each one is different from the last. Something they all have in common? I learn something new from each one, whether it’s about myself or life or love or whatever. They’re definitely not time wasted, that’s for sure.”
“I just feel so inexperienced and like what I’m starting to feel—so quickly, I might add—is too much too soon.”
As the words leave my lips, I know how honest they are. With the exhilaration and accelerated heart rate, there’s still a back and forth, a war with my mind and heart over what’s logical, what’s too quick, and what’s just enough. I’m not even sure such things exist when it comes to falling for someone, but it doesn’t stop the tiny insecurity that interjects occasionally.
“There’s no such thing as too much too soon,” Erin voices, head shaking. “I know not overthinking is nearly impossible, but just trust yourself. Trust him. Everything that’s meant to happen will. There’s a plan and meaning to everything, isn’t that what you once told me?”
“Well, yeah, and I believe that still, of course I do—”
“Well, then that’s all that matters,” she promises, hand reaching out to gently squeeze mine in reassurance. “Let’s focus on positivity and all that good stuff. How stoked are you to see him at school tomorrow?”
“The most stoked,” I answer a little too forcefully, which makes Erin laugh. “Fine. All jokes aside, I’m really excited about it. I miss him, which is weird because I just saw him. But I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.”
“I know you said he kissed your forehead and that it was the sweetest thing, but when you two lock lips for the first time, who do you think is gonna be the one initiating?”
I purse my lips together and scrunch up my entire face. “Knowing myself, it definitely won’t be me.”
Goosebumps ignite along my skin at all the possibilities that surround that first kiss. Will it be toe-curling? Will I pop my foot like Mia Thermopolis in The Princess Diaries? Will I be too shocked to notice any of those details and completely mess it up? I’ve shared super quick, extremely awkward, and not-too-memorable pecks during games of Spin the Bottle, but the last time that happened was years ago, probably in middle school, if I’m remembering correctly.
But a real kiss? One with someone my heart trips over itself for whenever I’m around them? Yeah, that’s never been experienced. And as nervous as the thought makes me, I’m also really looking forward to it.
I breathe a sigh of wistfulness as the feel of his lips against my forehead resurfaces. It was more intimate somehow than the cheek kiss he’d given me before. This time, his lips were just as soft and sure, and he was gentle and kind. Based on the characters who represent our age on TV, in movies, and in books, I don’t know what I was expecting from him, but it definitely wasn’t that.
Still, I’m grateful he didn’t try for more because as nice as it sounds, I’m not sure I would have been ready for that, especially with all the other firsts we’d already gone through leading up to that night. And I know he’s probably way more experienced, if his repu
tation is any indication, but it’s almost like he pushes me just enough so that it’s not too much, though with it being so new, it can definitely feel like a lot.
“Get out of that head of yours, Devon,” Erin pushes gently, her tone filled with understanding. “It’s going to be fine. Actually, it’ll be more than fine; it’ll be perfect.”
I breathe out deeply, nodding in agreement with her words, pushing the small bit of insecurity aside. “You’re right. It will be perfect, but even if it isn’t, what do I have to compare it to?”
“Kisses are fun, they might even be my favorite way to get intimate with someone,” she offers, eyes closing briefly, like she’s remembering a kiss right now.
“Really? You think so?” I ask, genuinely curious because I wouldn’t think first base would be someone’s favorite type of intimacy, though what do I know?
My fingers linger over the dainty cross pendant resting against the hollow space of my throat before lightly tapping against it, lost in thought.
“I do, there’s just something about it,” Erin provides. “And not the super aggressive tongue dance that can happen, but the soft, lingering, gentle movement of two lips pressing against each other. I’m even getting tingles.”
I laugh. “I’m going to take your word for it.”
“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, believe me.”
We giggle, and I know she isn’t wrong. At the rate Jules and I are going, I have no doubt a first kiss is in the cards soon. My only hope is that I’m not super skittish and a mess of nerves and racing thoughts when it does happen.
I wanted a crush, but what this seems to be shaping up to, yeah, I never would’ve anticipated this in my wildest dreams.
We’re only a handful of weeks in and already it’s shaping up to be the best, most memorable school year I’ve ever had. I’m not embarrassed to admit that it’s largely in part to Jules and the impact he’s having on my life right now—heck, even on my heart alone. One person can change everything, and it should terrify me. I mean, in a lot of ways, it does, but the thrill of the unknown is stronger than the fear of it. So, I’m going to keep my heart and mind open to everything involving him.
Ten
I woke up giddy today, which is probably why I’m smiling like a goof at a scene in this book where smiling should be the last thing I do. Oops. I’ve even refrained from texting Jules, mostly for fear that he’ll think I’m a bother since I just saw him over the weekend. He hasn’t reached out either, though. It’s been radio silent, and that’s enough to ignite some insecurity within me, but I don’t let it fester too long. There’s no reason for it.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my favorite girl,” a voice states sweetly from above me.
I close my eyes for a moment on instinct, the words warming my chest and spreading throughout the rest of my body, goosebumps following closely behind.
Speaking—or thinking of, in this case—the guy before me, I open my eyes and slowly move their focus from the pages of my lunchtime read to his deep chocolate gaze.
“Your favorite girl, huh?” I say, nearly squeaking the words out. He’s smooth, really smooth, so I tell him that, words spilling from my mouth before I can stop them. “That was really smooth of you, Jules. You’re about to give Theo a run for this money.”
“Theo?” he questions, forehead bunching as confusion sets in.
“Mmhmm, Theo Cadwell,” I say, more confident than I currently feel, what with his gaze never leaving mine, even as he sits directly across from me on the library floor. “Nerd extraordinaire.”
Confusion continues to contort his handsome features, and his fingers roam through his short hair, head tilting to the side as he searches his brain for what I’m referring to.
I laugh, deciding to take him out of his misery. “Nerdgasm, remember?”
Recognition dawns over his face and his lips quirk into a small, teasing smile. “You’re still on that book?”
“I sure am, I feel like I’m always still on this book,” I share softly. “It’s one of those stories I turn to when I’m in desperate need of something to read and all others fail, ya know.”
“I wish I did know,” he admits quietly. “For some reason, I never really got into reading. For me, whenever I need an escape, I disappear into movies or sports.”
“Oh yeah? What’s your all-time favorite movie?” I ask, genuinely curious.
He doesn’t hesitate to respond, doesn’t need a moment to think his answer over or even search for it. Instead, he blurts out, “Radio.”
“Radio?” I question, the movie vaguely ringing a bell. “Of all the movies in the world, why that one?”
“It’s got everything,” he says simply, shoulder shrugging. “It’s got heart, humor, friendship, family, and probably most important, sports. It’s a football movie. Have you ever seen it?”
“I can’t say that I have, though it does sound a lot like every other inspirational sports movie out there.”
He chuckles, shaking his head in denial at my words. “That’s where you’re wrong, and during our next movie night, I’ll have to prove it to you.”
“Our next movie night?” I parrot, and my throat tightens at the confidence in his tone.
“Of course.” His head tilts to the side, and his eyes squint my way adorably. “Did you not think there would be another one?”
“I honestly haven’t thought much about it, but in truth, I didn’t want to make any assumptions about the future.”
“It wouldn’t have been an assumption, Dev,” he says kindly, and when his hand reaches out to rest against the top of my shoe to give it a lingering squeeze, I tingle all over with awareness, despite the thick material separating his skin from mine. “I’d like to date you. Officially, ya know?”
“Date me. Officially.” I’m aware I’m only repeating his words back to him, but honestly, with each word that leaves his mouth, I’m left more surprised than before. “Don’t you think that’s a bit fast?”
“We can take it slow, for sure, I just want you to know where I stand and that this isn’t just a temporary thing for me. I want more with you, and if that means taking it one date at a time without any labels, then I’m good with that also.”
“You’re very articulate and forthcoming and confident for a seventeen-year-old, do you know that?” I ask out loud, not really expecting any sort of response.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment, Dev, especially coming from you,” he states, bottom lip disappearing beneath his top one before he pops it back out slowly.
I force my eyes away from his lips and focus back on his eyes, which are staring at me expectantly, their light never dimming. “One date at a time. I actually really like that.”
“Yeah?” he says, another smile lifting his lips. “That could be our slogan.”
“Our slogan?” I question, heart doing that tripping thing again as his next words set in.
“Yeah, Devon and Julian, taking it one date at a time.” His cheeks redden as soon as those words leave his mouth, and it’s all I can do to not laugh.
But I fail. Naturally. I nearly cackle, laughing as silently as I can so that I don’t get scolded by the librarian because although it’s lunchtime, it’s still a library, and quiet is a must.
“Okay, I’ll admit that was a little cheesy,” he laughs. “But I did tell you before that you bring out the cheese in me. I can’t help it. With you, I want to put my best foot forward, which I guess apparently includes ridiculous one-liners.”
“They’re not ridiculous, they’re sweet,” I promise, eyes watering from my laughter. “You just caught me off guard is all. The more time we spend together, the more you surprise me.”
“A good type of surprise, though, right?” he asks, sounding hopeful.
“Yes, the absolute best kind.”
“Good, phew. Man, I’m not sure if my ego would have been able to take it,” he says dramatically, his hand positioning over this heart.
“At th
e risk of sounding extra cheesy myself, now that you’re part of my life, I don’t know how I managed without you in it.” I fiddle with the pages of the now closed book in my lap, needing something to do with my hands. “The more I get to know these little pieces about you, the more I…the more I like you.”
“Good, then that means my charm is working,” he says teasingly, hand moving from his heart to my hand, holding it gently. “But I feel the same, Dev. It’s almost pathetic.”
I can tell by the way his face softens and his eyes darken that he means what he’s saying. I can also tell that he’s confident in his words, like even if the worst-case scenario happened that he’d still mean them and not feel an ounce of regret. That’s the type of guy he is, it seems. The honest, fearless, confident, and sure type. And I like those traits in him, I like them a lot. They’re a little intimating, sure, but in return, he makes me feel more honest, fearless, and sure in my own self. I like the parts of me that come out when I’m with him, even though it scares the shoot out of me.
A gentle tug on my fingers pulls me out of my head, and I smile at the concerned look he’s wearing. “Are you good?”
“Yeah, I’m more than good,” I reassure him, my smile growing as he offers one of his own.
“We should commemorate this moment,” he announces quickly, shifting and moving his body so that he’s sitting right beside me, his knee bumping against mine as he settles in.
“What about this moment is commemorable to you?” I ask, laughing, trying to figure out what he means by that.
“All of it, but to be specific, the part where we put our relationship slogan into effect.”
Before I can question him further or react in any way, he extends his hand out in front of our faces with his phone in hand, selfie mode on. He leans his face toward mine, lips puckered in a kissy face as they graze the top of my cheek. I smile cheekily, eyes widened in surprise as he snaps a photo. After his hand falls, his lips linger a moment longer, and then he’s pulling away slowly to examine the photo we just took.
I look over, examining it along with him. We look happy and comfortable, like we fit, like two pieces of two separate puzzles who were always meant to come together. It doesn’t look like a first photo, it looks like one we’ve taken a million times at least. My heart tightens then expands the longer I stare at it. Julian also seems to be lost in photo land because when the lunch bell rings, signaling the end of our time together, he jerks in surprise.
When a Heart Trips Page 6
