He looks over at me, eyes softening the longer he stares, and then his lips are pressing against my skin for the second time in minutes, moving softly over my forehead.
“Thank you for letting me interrupt your reading time, Dev,” he whispers against my skin before pulling away and standing up to head to class.
“Anytime, Jules. Anytime,” I respond, all other words seeming to fail me in this moment.
My body is buzzing, and I feel like I’m soaring, a direct result of his sweetness and close proximity. He waves as he walks out of the library, and I breathe out deeply, my heart completely full of everything he just gave in what felt like minutes but had been way longer.
Opening myself to this whole crush thing, yeah, it might just be one of the most extraordinary things I’ve ever done.
And it’s only just beginning.
Eleven
“How the heck is it already Halloween weekend?” Erin asks, eyes wide as saucers as she poses her question to me.
“Well, you see, September has already passed and now October is nearing its end, and so, that’s how it’s already Halloween weekend.” My tone drips with sarcasm, which she catches on to quickly because a handful of bobby pins are tossed at my head quicker than I can dodge them.
“It was a rhetorical question, but thanks for your non-helpful answer,” she states, voice dripping with mock venom.
I laugh, collecting the now scattered bobby pins. “With that tone, you’re all set for your vampire costume.”
“Do you really think so?” Erin asks, voice returning back to normal. “I’ve been practicing. And by practicing, I obviously mean binge-watching a crap ton of The Vampire Diaries.”
“So, your version of practicing is really just a typical night or day for you?”
“Exactly, meaning I’m basically a natural.” She emphasizes this point with the jut of her hip.
I roll my eyes playfully, loving how excited she is about Halloween. It’s arguably her favorite holiday, and I really can’t blame her because it’s pretty great.
“So, you’re going to the game with me tonight, right? And then to the first of several Halloween parties going on after?” She sounds hopeful, like we haven’t done this same song and dance since Jules and I had our eye-opening library conversation weeks ago.
She thinks I should be supportive and go to his games, since we’re talking and all that, but I think it’s better we keep what we have between us. I mean, he’s a jock, and I’m content staying in the background as often and as long as possible. It’s safer, and it’s ours, this cocoon in which we’ve hidden ourselves. A lot of date nights in, which I definitely prefer. Publicizing us, whatever it is we are, just makes me sick to my stomach for some reason. I’m not at all ready for that.
At my silence and the look I can only imagine I’m wearing on my face right now, she starts again. “I miss hanging out with you at these things. You used to occasionally go out with me before, maybe not a whole lot, but you definitely did. This is our senior year, and I want us to experience all the things together.”
“I know, I know, and maybe I’m being overdramatic or overthinking my relationsh—or whatever it is with Jules, but we’ve created a bubble for ourselves, ya know? And I don’t want to complicate that bubble.”
It’s a nice bubble, actually. We have a routine, and we’re slowly continuing to get to know each other, mostly during lunch when he joins me in the library or against my favorite tree in the quad, and occasionally over the weekends when we have a movie night at his place, sans parents so far, thank goodness. Still, it’s private and so far no one suspects there’s anything between us, despite all the other times we’ve been together. Most have been semi private moments. Still, not that it would be the most terrible thing, but then it would become real, real and pressure-filled, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. In fact, I know I’m not. Besides, the topic of his games and parties hasn’t come up, so I’m pretty sure he’s enjoying this bubble we’ve created just as much. It’s a nice little escape from everything else, like college, life after high school, and all the other pressures that come with being a senior.
Even as I boast about our bubble in my head, the look of defeat on my best friend’s face makes me second-guess it all. I mean, it’s not like I’ll be sporting his number or have his last name anywhere on me, so would going to a game with Erin really even pop said bubble? No, probably not. I’m definitely putting far too much thought into this.
“I understand, I do, I just miss hanging out with you at these things,” Erin confesses softly, wide eyes blinking slowly. “They’re not the same without you, they never have been.”
Well, if that doesn’t change my mind, nothing else will.
I take a deep breath and release it slowly, along with my response. “Fine, I will go with you to the game, but definitely not to the party. I don’t think I’ve recovered mentally from the last time you had me go with you to a game and party.”
“Really? Oh my gosh.” She jumps up and down before embracing me in a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you. I promise you won’t regret this.”
I laugh her off. “I’m sure it’ll be fun, and it’ll be nice to watch Jules play again. After spending so much time with him, it’ll be interesting seeing him on the field in a new light.”
“Are you going to tell him that you’ve decided to go?” she asks, that look of mischief she’s famous for making an appearance.
“No, I think I’ll just surprise him after the game. Maybe it’ll be a nice surprise whether they win or lose,” I suggest with a shrug. “Who really knows?”
“Maybe you’ll get to officially meet some of the other players too, someone like his best friend, Brax, maybe.”
I scrunch my nose in discomfort at the idea. “I think we’re still a ways off from that.”
“I sometimes wonder how different things would be right now had you not run into Julian at the game and then hung out after at the kickback.”
“You and me both, and it’s not a thought I like to linger on,” I admit, memories and moments with Jules passing through my mind. “I like who he is when he’s with me, and I like who he brings out in me too.”
“Well then, best, that’s all that really matters now, don’t you think?”
And just like that, it isn’t just her getting ready for the next few hours of her life, it’s me. Nerves start to spring up from a place I’m sure has no place here right now—fear. Of what? Of laying my heart in a glass case for him to take and having him shatter it in return? I shake my head. Seriously, those thoughts have no place here. It isn’t even that serious.
But it could be. I mean, isn’t that sort of the point?
With a pop of a few Altoids, I feel my nerves begin to calm down a bit.
I have no idea what this night will entail, but I do know it’ll be one to remember.
“This is a little reminiscent of the last time we were here together, right?” Erin shoots my way as we make our way up the bleachers to find a decent place to sit.
“Just a smidge,” I confirm. “I mean, the nerves are definitely on par.”
“Are you really nervous?” Erin asks as we find a good spot and settle in beside each other. “It’s going to be great.”
“Of course it will, vampiress,” I say lightly, referring to the costume she’s wearing in a sea of people who are sporting their respective team gear. “So, remind me again why you’re wearing your Halloween costume that’s meant for the after-party now.”
She huffs, eyes rolling like I shouldn’t be asking for more clarification on this topic. “Because I didn’t want to waste any time after the game getting ready, duh. I mean, I’ll freshen up, of course, but this way I make an impression here and at the party. Speaking of, do you plan on doing anything remotely Halloweeny or—?”
“I haven’t decided, maybe I’ll throw on a pair of cat ears or something,” I mumble, knowing full well how not festive I must sound. “So, is this thing we’re going
to after actually a party or more like the kickback we went to last time?”
“Oh, it’s a full-on rager from what I understand, what with it being Halloween weekend and all,” she replies, her eyes roaming the length of the football field, seemingly searching for something. “And ears just won’t do. We’ll add some makeup and make you really look like a cat. It’ll be simple and cute, which is kind of your thing, really.”
“Simple and cute is my thing?” I question, glancing down at my current attire and lack of anything cute. “Since when?”
“You have the whole girl-next-door thing down pat, and it’s really adorable,” Erin says smoothly, like this is some well-known fact. A glance at my reaction and she reassuringly adds, “It isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s kind of endearing actually because you do it without thought. You’re humble and kind and not over the top in who you are and the way you express yourself. You scream girl-next-door vibes, you always have, and you’re gorgeous, so own it.”
“I’m literally about to question everything and anything I’ve ever done throughout my life that has led us to this point because I feel like it’s all been a lie,” I reply dramatically, head tilting to the side as I contemplate the truth in her words. It isn’t the first time I’m hearing them, but for some reason, they’re having an effect they haven’t before. It’s all internal. They’re not words with a negative connotation, but they’re words that make me think. Maybe I’ve hidden behind a certain image. And if I have, missing out on so much because of my own fear of who knows what is my own fault. Like crushes, like guys like Julian. Which is silly because even as that thought flickers, I know there’s no one else I’d rather experience all these firsts with than him.
Her shoulder bumps into mine, and she laughs softly. “You’re damn near perfect, best, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”
“Your truth bombs are giving me life right now, and I love you for it. It does sort of make sense, actually,” I comment, reflecting on the endless amounts of books where the main storyline centered around that type of character and how they achieved their happily ever after. “I just never imagined using those terms to describe myself.”
“Well, if it’s not too late, you should definitely resubmit those admission essays you wrote over the summer.”
Her tone is joking, but my eyes widen still, and I internally wonder if maybe she’s right. My about-me submissions definitely would have been a whole lot more interesting with the girl-next-door angle.
“Oh, stop, I’m mostly joking, and you know it,” she reassures again.
She’s right, I do, so I offer her a smile and shake of my head as I join her in perusing the field, where players are warming up for the actual game. In the time we’ve been sitting here, the stands on either side have filled up to near capacity, and the hum of excitement in the air is supercharged for some reason, more so than the last game I attended.
“Is it just me or is this game about to be really intense?” I muse aloud, glancing over at Erin.
“Oh, it is,” Erin agrees, nodding. “We’re quite a few games into the season, and the deeper we get, the more intense the games are. It’s such a high.”
“I’m so glad you love sports so much because I don’t feel like a completely uncultured loser with you around to explain even the simplest of things to me.”
“Do you and Julian not talk about this sort of thing? It’s a huge part of his life,” she muses, sounding a little surprised.
It’s in this moment that I realize how little we’ve actually shared with each other this past month. I mean, I know the small and important details, and his mannerisms and smiles and laughs, but we’ve never talked about football aside from briefly floating over it when he shares whether they’ve won or not and if practice will run late.
I breathe out deeply, swallowing past a lump of worry that’s lodged itself in my throat. “Well, now that you mention it, we don’t really talk about that.”
“Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing,” she says confidently. “Oh, look, they’re about to line up along the fence right now and start the game soon. There’s Julian! And he’s right next to Brax, no surprise there.”
And why would there be? They’re best friends, have been since childhood, apparently. And still, I know little about him and his friendship with Jules. The consequences of our bubble are starting to show a lot tonight, and as unaffected as I’d like to remain, I can’t deny the flutter in my chest that’s trying to ward me off from whatever it is Jules and I are falling deeper into.
I love our time together. His sweet, slow kisses against my cheek and forehead, his favorite spots to linger on whenever we hang out and part.
My eyes are still trained on Jules and how confident and comfortable he looks out on the field. Before I can respond, one of the cheerleaders, who are set up just behind the players on the field in front of the bleachers we’re sitting at, skips to stand behind Jules and Brax. They turn, looking happy to see her, and when her hand goes to Jules’ pad-covered shoulder and she throws her head back in laughter, insecurity nags at me. But it has no place here, I know that. He’s a popular guy, and he gets along with everyone, especially this girl, clearly.
“Dev? You okay?” Erin asks, hand poking me in the arm to grab my attention. “You froze up all of a sudden.”
“Do you know who that is talking to Braxton and Jules?” I ask slowly, the shake in my voice giving away the fact that I’m affected by their small encounter.
“Oh yeah, that’s Kristy, she grew up with the two of them,” she provides, and with another look at my face and the scene before us, she shares more. “You’re not worried, are you? She’s dating Brax. Well, not dating, per se, but they’re known for hooking up.”
“Then why does she look the most comfortable with Jules right now?” Insecurity pushes me to ask.
“Probably because out of the two of them he’s the most friendly,” she answers without pause. “You have nothing to be worried about.”
“No, I know, I just—I don’t know what that was, actually.”
“It was jealousy, and that’s okay, it means your crush is growing,” she shares, sounding proud for some reason. “You’re more than crushing, aren’t you?”
“Truthfully? Yeah, I sure am, but I feel like it’s always been more, like I was kidding myself with thinking a crush was all it would be, despite him wanting to date and being willing to take it slow. He’s amazing.”
And it’s true, he is. I know this. So, why am I letting myself feel insecure and jealous when he’s never given me any reason to? He’s one of the good guys, so I need to get it together.
As they separate and she returns to the other cheerleaders, Braxton and Jules run onto the field, the game officially about to start.
“Does he know you’re here?” Erin asks suddenly.
“No, I figured I’d surprise him after the game since it was a last-minute decision, thanks to you,” I point out jokingly.
“And it’s the best decision I’ve helped someone make all day.” She laughs, arm interlinking with mine.
“I just hope it’s a good surprise.”
“It will be, he’s going to be so happy to see you,” Erin promises. “I just know it.”
I hope she’s right. For the second time since agreeing to come, I pop a few Altoids, chewing aggressively as their freshness provides the comfort I currently need.
Twelve
They won, and the Southview High Warriors continue their unwritten tradition of winning the Halloween game, something I learned was a thing during halftime when there was a big halftime production and Erin filled me in. She apparently didn’t realize just how clueless I am to nearly all things social. And really, she should know better.
“Your boy played so freaking good tonight, best, I cannot stress that enough,” Erin says for the umpteenth time since we left the bleachers to wait in the area where the players will walk through on their way to the buses—the same spot I first met Jules.
/> Despite our being in the same grade, with me taking honors and AP courses all four years and practically hiding out every chance I could and him doing the complete opposite, it was simple to figure out how we had missed each other this whole time.
Still, things happen when they’re supposed to, that’s been ingrained in me since birth. And Jules and I—whatever we are—happened at its designated time.
It takes me a second to realize what Erin said, and I half-heartedly deny her words. “He’s not my boy.”
“Whatever you say.” She sounds anything but convinced. “But if that’s the story you’re going with, you should definitely change that soon.”
We’re interrupted by the sound of clapping and cheering as our team walks out of the locker room and into view. My eyes are actively searching for Jules, and my heart feels stiff, like it’s full of anticipation. It strikes me then how much I’ve missed him lately; even though we’ve spent our usual time together, it’s like it wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t, it never is.
My chest expands when he comes into view, his head turned down as he listens to whatever Brax is telling him. He nods thoughtfully and then bursts into laughter. I take a step forward as he moves closer, still unaware to my presence, when Krisy hops in front of them, halting their steps. She throws her arms around Jules’ neck, and he hauls her up with one arm, a huge smile on his face as he moves her back and forth against his body for a few moments. They pull apart as he sets her down, and I expect her to do the same to Brax, but she doesn’t. Instead, she gives him a gentle shove and points to her cheek, giving Jules an arched brow. He shakes his head in amusement, and I watch in slow motion as he leans down and presses a chaste kiss to her cheek, whispering something against her ear.
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