“Dev, are you good? It’s nothing, you should know that,” Erin comforts, though I’ve said and done nothing as I stand frozen and watch the scene unfold.
“I know, of course I know that,” I say firmly, unable to pull my eyes from the three of them, even as everyone else around us continues to move, going about their own greetings and words of congrats to their own player friends.
“It was just a kiss on the cheek, friends do that all the time,” she exclaims, and as if to prove her point, she plops a sloppy kiss against the side of my face.
I playfully squeal, leaning away from her. “I love you, but that was wet and gross.”
I swipe her saliva from my cheek and ignore the small voice inside my head that’s currently pointing out how cheek kisses are mine and Jules’ thing. But Erin is right, it is something that friends do, and even though it feels like an arrow is piercing my heart, I shake it off. It’s illogical to do otherwise, isn’t it?
As he pulls away, Braxton grabs Kristy’s face between both hands and kisses her fiercely. I take the time to observe her slicked back black ponytail and delicate, gorgeous features. She’s confident in herself, that’s for sure, and it’s hard not to admire that. I cross my arms, hugging them to my chest as a chill hits from the cool night air.
I’m about to tear my eyes away from them and tell Erin that we should head out when Jules’ eyes lift and flit over my face before swinging back, eyes wide with what looks like a mixture of shock and excitement, even from this distance.
“Dev!” he all but shouts, long limbs moving toward me in haste. He drops his gear to the ground when he’s less than a foot away from me, and before I can react, a hand is pressing against the back of my neck and the other against my shoulder as he pulls me tightly to his chest, the erratic beat of his heart against my ear eliminating any bit of insecurity and inadequacy I might have been feeling before. That all fades as he holds me to him, mouth pressed against the top of my head as he whispers, “You’re here. I can’t believe you’re here. Man, I’m so glad to see you, Dev.”
“Surprise,” I mumble against his shirt, voice cracking at the overwhelming amount of emotion filling my heart right now.
I’m reminded of our bubble and how worth it it’s been to have these moments with him. They’re even more special somehow since we’re not sharing them with anyone else.
“I missed you so damn much today,” he says breathlessly, clutching me harder. “I haven’t even had a moment to breathe really, we’ve been so focused on the game.”
“Even in the middle of all that focus, you still missed me?” I ask, arms wrapping around his middle to finally hug him back.
“Well, here’s the thing,” he starts, pulling away to look down at me, his chocolate gaze hitting mine. “I always kind of miss you, Dev.”
“Oh? Kind of? Those are the sweetest words that have ever been spoken, I’m touched.” I clutch my heart in mock dramatics.
He shakes his head, lips pressing quickly against my forehead as he laughs. “You’re something great, you know that?”
“Kind of and great in the span of minutes, wow, your compliments are on a roll,” I comment a little sarcastically, while internally turning to mush at his sweetness. “Please keep them coming.”
I don’t miss the patchy stubble that’s grown along his jawline and around his mouth, so I tap along the prickly surface with the tips of my fingers, finding it more attractive than I thought I would. I’ve never been much of a beard person, though this is definitely far from a completed one.
“Oh, yeah,” he chuckles, “I haven’t had time to shave today. Stubble comes in like crazy.”
“I kind of like it,” I admit, scrunching my nose. “Surprisingly.”
“Okay, crush-birds, enough with the cuteness, people are starting to stare,” Erin comments, and I widen my eyes, pulling farther away from him because I’d completely forgotten where we are for a few minutes. “Also, I definitely just substituted lovebirds for crush-birds, aren’t I awesome?”
I roll my eyes at her. “You’re ridiculous is what you are.”
“I’m assuming her being here tonight is your doing?” Julian directs at Erin, who purses her lips as if to say obviously. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, though I definitely did it for me more than I did it for you,” she corrects, and he just laughs, the sound making me tingle in places that others don’t—like my heart.
“Julian, I didn’t know you were seeing someone,” a soft but strong voice comments as they walk into our little group. A quick look confirms it’s Kristy, the childhood best friend Erin told me about and the girl who stole one of my cheek kisses.
Jules’ face gives nothing away in reaction to her words. He just looks down at me as I pull farther away until we’re a safe distance apart and no longer touching, and his eyes draw together in disappointment or confusion; it’s hard to tell.
He clears his throat, a cocky smirk transforming his features as he responds to her accusation and addresses Brax, who’s staring between the two of us as well. “I’m not, Dev and I are just friends.”
“Dev,” Braxton muses slowly, blue eyes popping as something dawns on him. “Devon Carrillo?”
My eyes narrow in confusion. “Yeah, one and the same.”
“No way, dude, I was wondering who you were,” Braxton says excitedly, and it only confuses me more. “I had no idea you two were friends.”
Julian clears his throat, and I don’t miss the small head shake he gives Brax, who seems oblivious to the entire thing. Kristy, on the other hand, is smiling in amusement.
“You were on my list,” Brax says suddenly, nodding heavily as he recalls aloud. “The one of our top matches from that damn compatibility test they made us all take.”
My eyes widen in shock at his admission, and they only widen further when he continues, directed at Jules. “You remember, dude? We had gone through our lists together and tried to figure out who each girl was.”
“Yeah, instead of just looking them up in the yearbook like any normal and smart person would have,” Kristy chimes in, laughter in her voice as she also recalls the memory.
Julian offers me an apologetic smile, but what he’s apologizing for, I have no idea. Until I lock eyes with my best friend and her eyes are lost in contemplation as well. Then she blinks quickly, giving me a look that says we’ll definitely be analyzing this little interaction later.
“Wait,” Kristy chimes in again. “I thought Devon was only on Braxton’s list, not yours? So how did you two end up so friendly?”
I don’t miss how unfriendly and accusatory her tone now sounds. And neither does Erin because she cocks her hip and opens her mouth to say something when Jules voices something first.
“She wasn’t, and it’s a long story, trust me,” he promises, now avoiding my gaze, which is definitely a contrast from how happy he was just before they interrupted.
“Sure, dude, whatever you say,” Braxton laughs, sounding unconvinced at his friend’s reaction. “It was good to finally meet you, Devon, but we gotta start heading onto the bus before Coach has our asses.”
When they built our school, they left little room for a football field, at least according to rumor. So, we have to travel a few miles to our home games. Hence the buses.
“Don’t be mad, I’ll explain everything later,” Julian promises as he picks up his things and starts heading out with Brax and Kristy, who’s a cheerleader so she also takes the bus back. “Are you heading to the after-party?”
“I, uh, yeah, I think so,” I answer, stumbling over my words as confusion digs deeper.
“Well, that was a little strange,” Erin muses, brows still drawn together as she tries to piece details together. And then, as it hits her, her eyes widen and she grips my arm. “Oh my gosh, think about it, Dev. The entire exchange that just went down, what did it mean?”
I open my mouth to deny little or any knowledge when it hits me also. “Oh my gosh, when I ran into Jules
that night, he knew who I was because I was on Braxton’s list, and he just said they had made comparisons and tried to find the people they matched with. I need a mega Altoids,” is all I can manage to say as millions of questions come to the surface with no answers in sight, not until I’m able to talk to Jules, who I’m not even sure is aware of the fact that I was originally looking to make his best friend my crush based on some test. I’d really like to return to our bubble right about now.
Thirteen
After much convincing from Erin’s end, I agree to attend this after-party slash Halloween bash with her. My whiskers and nose are painted on, and my ears are securely in place. I’m even wearing all black to really complete the ensemble. As confused and upset as I am, I know Julian deserves the chance to explain. I mean, it’s a little sketch, not that I have any place to judge him, but it doesn’t change any of the time we’ve spent together. If anything, it really only means that our initial introduction to each other was tarnished, but then again, maybe not. I honestly don’t know. My mind is a mangled mess.
“Are you ready for this?” Erin asks, her excitement on full display despite the serious talk we had before leaving her house. “It’s going to be the best night, even with the whole Julian dilemma you’re dealing with right now.”
“Your confidence whenever it comes to a good time making everything better is inspiring, truly,” I deadpan, still unable to hide my smile at her infectious excitement. “Thank you for being you, truly. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Likewise, best, likewise.” She gives my hand a quick squeeze as we make our way into the ginormous house that’s been completely transformed into a haunted paradise or something. Loud music vibrates throughout my body with each step we take farther inside. There are more people here than I’ve ever seen at a kickback, which makes sense because those are a bit more intimate and this shindig is anything but.
“I’ve been looking for you,” a voice sounds against my ear, and the deep bravado has the tiny hairs on my body standing at attention.
I turn, eyes meeting Julian’s, and I feel Erin leaving to her own fun to give us some privacy.
“You clean up nicely,” I say softly, noticing his clean-shaven face and combed back hair. “And you’re supposed to be…?”
“I’m something with a blood-splattered T-shirt,” he says, laughing. “A zombie in progress, maybe?”
I laugh at his humor, shaking my head. “A zombie in progress. I like that.”
“Yeah?” His lips quirk in a relieved smile, which leads me to believe he cares about what I think. “So, do you want to go find a quiet room with me so that we can talk?”
At the hopeful look in his eyes, I nod, because there’s really nothing else to do.
Once we’re in a semi-quiet room, with the music booming throughout the rest of the house becoming a low hum, we stare at each other, neither initiating the conversation yet.
He looks worried, his usual cool facade briefly slipping as he decides on what to say and how to start this talk we’re about to have.
“Dev, I…I didn’t piece two and two together until a couple weeks after we’d met,” he says gently, his words steady despite the nerves rolling off him, though I have no idea why he’d be nervous right now. He did nothing wrong.
So, I tell him that. “It’s okay, there’s no crime in what you did or didn’t do.”
“Yeah?” Relief relaxes his posture and softens his features. “It probably sounds pathetic, but I was worried that you’d freak out. Most girls would. Heck, some girls have.”
“Yeah, it’s fine. No harm, no foul,” I say reassuringly. “Besides, if I’m going to be upset about anything that’s happened so far tonight, that definitely wouldn’t be it.”
His brows draw together in confusion and worry, so I take a step toward him in the empty, dimly lit room and offer him a small smile.
I mull over whether I should bring it up or not, but I know if I don’t then it’ll only continue to build and blow out of proportion in my own head, which’ll all but guarantee I psych myself out and ruin whatever it is that Jules and I are building. So, with a deep breath, I say, “You and this Kristy girl seem really close, that’s all. Erin mentioned she’s a childhood friend.”
“She is.” His voice is strong, and he closes the distance between us. “Her mom went to school with mine, and they never lost touch, so she and I are really close. She’s my best friend. My platonic best friend. That’s all.”
At his sureness and sincerity, I release a shaky breath, mentally kicking myself for bringing it up but also being grateful I did because if anything, it only fuels my like for him even more. “Okay.”
“Okay?” he mimics, hands sliding along either side of my neck and skimming both sides of my face with the tips of his thumbs. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I trust you, Julian, you haven’t given me a reason not to,” I say with a shrug. “Though I will admit, and it might be the effects of Halloween speaking, I did feel a little envious when you kissed her cheek.”
He chuckles, almost in disbelief, and I do the same, wanting to cover my face with my hands at the level of vulnerability I feel right now.
“Oh, Dev, I have a habit of doing that with the important girls in my life,” he admits sweetly. “And you’re one of them, along with Kristy, my mom, my grandma, and a few aunts. Is that why you distanced yourself from me after the game?”
I swallow over a lump of nerves. “You noticed that, huh?”
“Of course I noticed,” he scoffs. “It would have been difficult not to.”
“I’m not even really sure why, I think I was just so used to us being in our bubble where it’s safe, and I’ve never done this before, so being public around your friends and everyone else was a lot. I know that doesn’t excuse it, but I am sorry.”
He sighs. “Talk to me next time. I get it, and we can take it slow, but I want us to be comfortable outside of our bubble someday. This thing with you is new for me too.”
Tears of embarrassment start to form, but I blink them away and shake my head. His words hit close, and he’s absolutely right. So, it might be the moment that spurs me on, but without thinking, I softly blurt, “Would it be too much to ask for one of those kisses from you right now?”
“You can ask, but I’ll do you one better, Devon, if you’ll let me,” he all but pleads, dark eyes perusing every inch of my face.
I close my eyes, knowing what he’s asking. I can feel the force of my heartbeat all the way to my toes, my body tingling with anticipation of what’s to come, what I know I’m about to agree to. Because how can I not? We’re getting to know each other, and this is part of that. I want nothing more in this moment than to know him this way, a way so intimate that I’ve never truly done it before.
He’s patient, not pressing or pushing, just letting me get lost in my head, and the grip he has on the space between my face and shoulders eases lightly.
I wish I had time to pop a mint, but that would be the ultimate moment killer now, wouldn’t it?
I nod, eyes staying closed, and slowly, so slowly, I feel him tilt his face toward mine until his breath is fanning the cupid’s bow of my lips, the small sensation causing goosebumps to spread.
And then his lips are on mine, gently pressing and coaxing, moving slowly against my own. I do everything not to breathe, but it’s too much, too everything, so I breathe slowly against his mouth, and I feel him smile against my own. He moves his hands down the sides of my arms, stopping when he reaches my waist and pulling me closer against him.
We stay like that, lips and bodies pressed together, smiling against each other’s mouths. My heartbeat is erratic, and I can feel his losing its steady pace as well.
How a seventeen-year-old boy can make me feel this way, so balanced and off pace at the same time, both anxious and calm all at once, I have no idea. What I do know is that I want more of this with him, always, for as long as time allows. Those first kisses I
read about in all the books I read? Yeah, they’ve got nothing on this one I just had.
“Julian,” I sigh, body sagging against his. “Thank you for giving me this, for giving me everything you have so far. This is one of my favorite firsts ever.”
“No, Devon, thank you,” Jules whispers against my lips. “This is one of my favorite firsts ever too.”
My eyes snap open, and I stare at him in wonder and confusion. “This was a first for you?”
“Kissing someone the way I feel about you?” he questions, nodding firmly. “It’s definitely a first, Dev.”
I smile goofily, laughing at the smudge of makeup that transferred from my nose to his. My heart trips over every other beat as he opens his heart to mine. And I do the one thing I can, because words fail me right now. I pull him to me, lips reaching for his, and sigh the moment they meet.
I know we still have some things to talk about, like how his best friend was my number one match and how he was originally who I was set on pursuing, but for now, I lose myself in this moment with him and silently ask the universe not to pinch me and wake me up if I’m dreaming.
It’s perfect. He’s perfect. And I don’t ever want it to end.
Fourteen
“You kissed him?” Erin exclaims Monday morning before school, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head.
“Well, he kissed me, and then I kissed him, but yeah, we kissed,” I tell her quickly, breathing deeply to calm the excitement brewing at the memory of our first kiss.
After, we spent the night talking and getting to really know each other more. That seems to be our niche lately. It wasn’t awkward or forced conversation, it never is. It’s a push and pull, a back and forth, and we each give and take a little to and from the other, and it feels right. It’s also starting to feel like something that’s way stronger than a simple crush and stronger than like.
When a Heart Trips Page 8
