“I’m the worst at it. I usually spend the entire time holding the wall while trying to keep from toppling over.” I shiver as a memory from one of the many times that’s happened to me surfaces.
“This might sound ignorant, but I thought Erin was only into girls?” he asks, no judgment in his tone, only curiosity.
“At the risk of sounding really sassy, Erin is into whoever Erin wants to be into, but she does have the most chemistry with girls, if her relationship and hookup histories are any indication.”
“Alright, before I forget because it’s still fresh in my mind, I’m gonna go find Brax and set this double date thing up,” he announces, hopping up onto his feet and adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. “I get major brownie points or whatever it is for doing this, right?”
I tilt my head up, puckering my lips and pointing to them, silently asking him to kiss me. He shakes his head, leaning down to press his lips against mine in a gentle, time-stopping kiss.
“I’m going to go ahead and take that as a yes.”
“It’s definitely a yes.” I smile. “You’ll score tons of brownie points if you pull this off.”
“That would sound like a challenge except I already know that I’ll be able to, so I’ll send you the details later,” he says, pressing one more kiss to my mouth before heading out of the library.
I sigh, lips still tingling from his kisses as I lean back against the bookshelves. “Well, this was definitely unexpected.”
“I honestly cannot believe you arranged a double date and gave, like, three days’ notice,” I comment, tying the laces of my ice skates on one of the empty bleacher seats near the rink.
“Dev, I told you, making it happen was going to be a piece of cake, and it was. Brax was all for it,” Jules says, tying his own skates beside me. “I actually think this will be good for him because things between him and Kristy haven’t been going so smoothly.”
“Wait,” I lightly hit his thigh, my hand lingering against his sweatpant-clad leg, “are you saying that he’s still with Kristy? Then why is he here with Erin?”
“He’s not with her. They’ve been on and off for as long as I can remember, and this is one of those off times,” he reassures as his hand closes over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. “It’s all good, trust me.
“Crush-birds, you have now gotten promoted to lovebirds, so please stop being so cute and gross,” Erin reports, joining us on the bench with her own skates in hand, Braxton following closely behind.
“Oh, gee, thanks,” I toss her away.Jules and Brax chuckle at our exchange.
“Crush-birds?” Brax questions, looking between the three of us in bewilderment. “Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not, man,” Jules answers, shaking his head. “Aside from Dev, are you two pros at this whole skating thing?”
I pout, well aware of my extremely poor ice skating skills, while Erin and Braxton both confirm they’re more than adequate on the ice.
“Don’t worry, Dev, I’ll help you,” Jules says sweetly, giving me a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth. “We’ll get you to skate away from the wall by the time this date is over.”
I huff and watch as my best friend and her date head onto the ice, arms interlocked together as they start to skate effortlessly.
“I’ve never felt more envious than I do right now. Look at how amazing they look, so seamless, like it’s the easiest thing in the world,” I muse, eyes remaining on their forms as they move along the ice and start to circle the rink.
“Come on, there’s nothing to be envious of. It’s a mind game; mind over body. You can do what they’re doing too.” ,
Jules stands on his skates skillfully, grabs my hands, and slowly leads me onto the ice. I yelp, fear sinking my stomach as soon as my skates hit the ice and my body threatens to slip and lose balance.
Jules stands facing me, his hands holding mine, and although he’s offering a reassuring smile, I can also tell he’s holding back laughter.
“You might as well let it out now so that you’re not too busy literally rolling on the floor laughing when I need you to rescue me on this dang ice,” I say snarkily, trying to hold back my own laughter because I’m sure I look like a cat who’s terrified of water.
He throws his head back, booming laughter leaving his gorgeous mouth before clearing his throat and rolling his shoulder. “Alright, we’re good.”
“Are we?” I ask, searching his face for any indication of more laughter.
“Yes, I promise. Let’s start moving a little, yeah? We’re going to block others from being able to come in.”
“There are other entrances to the rink,” I respond with sass, laughing at my tone. “Ugh, apparently fear brings out my alter ego, who’s more bold and blunt than I am.”
“You just have to trust your body, let it guide you,” he encourages. “It doesn’t have to be quick, you just have to start moving and relax your body. You’re too stiff right now, and you’ll probably fall right over with one glide.”
“Is that supposed to be reassuring in any way right now?” I question, mouth agape as an image of me hitting the hard ice at full force haunts my mind.
Erin and Brax skate by, smiles on their faces. They stop just beside us as Jules slowly leads me deeper onto the ice.
“Best, what is the holdup?” she jokes, cocking her head to the side.
I shoot her a glare and quickly hold up my middle finger before placing my hand back in Julian’s, gripping on tightly. “You know full well what the holdup is. This is terrifying, and the fact that you all look so comfortable and pro-like is getting on my nerves.”
“Did you know that Brax here used to play hockey when he was a kid?” Erin asks, almost gloating, and her mouth twists in what looks a lot like mischief, which makes me question her motives. Maybe she really does like him.
Braxton laughs, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “I blame The Mighty Ducks for that one.”
“Oh, dude, that’s a great movie,” Jules agrees, letting go of my hand to bump fists with his best friend.
I hold my balance, impatiently waiting for his hand to return to mine. When it finally does, I sag in relief, barely holding steady.
Jules laughs, leaning forward to press a quick kiss against the side of my head. “You’re doing great, Dev. We just gotta get you moving.”
“Hey, I have a solid idea,” Erin announces, hands clapping together. “Why don’t the best friends bond with the significant other?”
My brows draw together, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Like, you hang out with Brax for a bit, and I hang with Jules,” she says lightly, but her wide golden eyes seem to be holding in some kind of secret.
I tilt my head, trying to communicate with my own eyes, What’s your game plan here?
“That could be fun,” Jules says suddenly, liking her idea. “You both play such a big part in our lives, so some one-on-one time with each other’s favorite people could be beneficial. Maybe I’ll learn all your deepest, darkest secrets.”
He’s joking, I know he is, but I still fake a gasp, clutching my heart and instantly regretting it because I’m reminded of where we are and how slippery-smooth the ice beneath my feet is.
“Don’t worry, man, I’ll take good care of your girl,” Braxton says, rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles as if preparing for a fight.
We all laugh, and then Jules is slowly pulling away from me until I’m left standing on my own with no support, but before I can panic or swallow an entire tin of Altoids, Braxton is by my side, his arm interlocking with mine. I grip his forearm and offer a tight, apologetic smile as Jules and Erin skate away together without so much as a goodbye. Not that one is needed, but fear and nerves are making me extra needy right now.
Brax gives me a confident smile, slowly starting to skate and basically pulling me along with him. I let out a squeak and hold on to him tighter, unsuccessfully trying to glide or step or however this ice skating thi
ng works.
“You’re doing great, Devon,” Braxton encourages. “You just can’t think too much about it. Let your muscles do all the work, ya know? The more you think about it, the harder it’ll be because you’ll spend your time worrying and analyzing when you should just, ya know, go with it.”
“Oh, you mean like I already am?” I laugh, taking in a deep, steady breath and trying to appreciate the fact that I am, in fact, skating right now, albeit a bit slowly. But still, it’s more than I’ve done in a long time. “Just going with it isn’t one of my stronger qualities, but I’ll do what I can.”
He chuckles and continues to lead me slowly around the rink, and I don’t miss the close proximity he keeps to the glass walls that line it.
“You’re good for him,” he shares quietly. “Julian is a good guy, and ever since he met you, he’s even more happy and positive, which I didn’t think was possible because the dude hangs on to silver linings like they’re lifelines. He finds them in damn near everything.”
I bite back a smile as something that feels a lot like love fills my chest. “He’s good for me too.”
“It’s crazy how everything came full circle in a way,” he starts. “I mean, originally, because you were one of the people on my list, I wanted to reach out, but then we found out it was all a crock of shi—” he stops himself from cursing, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Well, you know. And then he met you, and he would not shut up about it the next day. I don’t think he’s ever texted me so much in the entire time I’ve known him. He would not stop blowing my phone up, and now I get it. You’re it for him right now, and I’m pretty sure he knew it that first night.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I ask, voice shaky and eyes growing misty. “Isn’t there some type of bro code or something?”
“Yeah, I guess so, but I’m building up to something, I promise,” he says.
“Building up to something?” I question, not quite understanding.
“Yeah, building up to warning that if you hurt him, I don’t think he’ll ever recover,” Brax says simply, looking over at me.
“We’re seventeen,” I gently remind him, as if he isn’t already aware. “It shouldn’t be possible to feel that way about someone yet.”
“But it is, and you two are both feeling it.” He shrugs. “You don’t have to say it. I know this is heavy talk, but he’s falling hard for you, so if you’re not one hundred percent in this, end it now because it’ll only hurt worse in the end.”
I swallow back a lump, nodding at his words and taking them in. I look across the ice at Jules, who’s deep in conversation with Erin. He seems to sense my stare before he turns his head, locking eyes with me even from this distance, and I offer a smile, his best friend’s words repeating in my mind.
He’s falling hard for you…
And I know with a thousand percent certainty that I’m falling hard for him too. Actually, I already completed the fall the night of Thanksgiving. The only question is, what am I going to do about it?
Twenty-Two
“So, I have a question,” I bring up to Erin, who sits cross-legged beside me against the tree in the quad before school one morning. It’s been a few days since our double date.
“Sure, what is it?” she asks distractedly, her attention currently on getting her schoolwork done at the last minute.
“It’s been bothering me since we all went ice skating over the weekend,” I admit cautiously. “And maybe I’m reading too much into it, but you didn’t seem all that interested in Braxton, not enough to initiate a date like that anyway.”
She sighs, taking a deep breath before turning toward me, eyes meeting mine warily. “I wish I could lie and say that I’m genuinely interested in him, but I’m not. And you know me too well, and I love you too much to lie, so I’m going to tell you the truth, and I don’t want you to hate me.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, stomach dropping at all the possibilities of what she can confess right now. “I won’t hate you, I could never hate you, so just tell me.”
She breathes out slowly, nodding, as if mentally preparing for whatever truth bomb she’s about to drop. “It wasn’t a date for me so much as it was my horrible way at getting you to spend time with Brax.”
“Uh, okay, and why on earth would you want to do that?” I ask, genuinely confused, especially when she knows how serious I am about Jules.
“It didn’t seem like a terrible idea at the time, but as soon as it was planned and set in motion, I knew it was,” she rushes out, hands twisting nervously in her lap. “Things with you and Jules were happening so fast, and I didn’t want you to miss out on seeing if you had a deeper connection or spark with the guy who was deemed your number one match. I know how it sounds now, the look on your face only confirms that, but I had the best intentions.”
“Erin,” I stress, sighing. “That is just—I don’t have any words. What did you think would happen? That I’d feel some spark with Brax and decide to leave Julian for his best friend?”
“No, of course not, we’re not living in one of your romance novels,” Erin dismisses like it’s the most ridiculous idea, and I’m tempted to remind her of what she just confessed to me. “I wanted you to explore your options, I guess. Julian is your first boyfriend, and you two seem like the real deal. But we’re about to head to college next fall, and you’re moving at warp speed. One day, you’re my innocent best friend wanting a crush, and the next you’re all but in love.”
“I’m not in love,” I voice, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, my chest tightens at the lie I haven’t been able to say aloud to anyone, including myself. “It’s a sweet gesture that you care, Erin, but your plan was a little insane and intrusive.”
“I know it was, and as soon as I suggested we get to know each other’s dates, mainly for your sake because I did want to learn more about Julian than what he wears on the surface, I knew how neurotic it was,” she rushes out, sounding genuinely disappointed in herself. “Please don’t be mad at me. It was childish. I just don’t want you to miss out on all that life has to offer, as cheesy as that is. Dating is fun, and I freaked that you might have found your person on the first try.”
“And you’re no longer freaking?” I ask, hoping it’s true. “You’re okay with this thing with me and Julian?”
“I am,” she breathes. “I also might have been a little jealous because I thought I was losing my best friend to a guy, and I hated that I felt that way.”
“Erin,” I soothe as I pull her to my side, hugging her against me. “You can never lose me. Ever.”
“I know.” She sniffles. “I just—the time you were spending with him was time that you’d usually spend with me, and I really just missed you.”
“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was neglecting you in some way,” I apologize, voice cracking on my words. “I’m so new to this, and learning to balance him and you and every other aspect of my life is apparently something I need to work on.”
“Yeah, yeah, it really is,” her voice hardens before she laughs, clearly joking. “It’s okay, best. You’re not the one in the wrong here. I went all soap opera on you.”
“Still, I really am sorry,” I say, meaning it. For the longest time, Erin has had me to herself, so I don’t blame her for reacting this way. I’m sure I’d do the same if the situations were reversed. “And you’re forgiven, not that you asked for my forgiveness, but you’re getting it anyway.”
“Look as us, two saps being all grown-up and mature now,” she muses, laughing. “We really are growing up, aren’t we?”
I laugh at the wonderment in her voice, rolling my eyes at her dramatics. “Yeah, we really are.”
“I thought I used to be the mature one,” she admits, sounding upset for some reason. “But clearly, I have some work to do on that.”
“You have more than some work to do,” I grumble, holding back my giggles.
She pinches my side playfully, sticking her tongue out at me. “I’m
so egging your house this weekend.”
“Is that supposed to prove how mature you are?” I ask her, brow raised.
“Eh, maybe maturity is overrated.”
I bark out a laugh. “Yeah, okay, whatever you say.”
And just as quickly as things got tense and awkward, they’re fun and easy. What she did was surprising, but I can understand where she was coming from. She had no ill intent, which completely changes the narrative, so brushing it aside is easy. It has to be. She’s my best friend.
“I love you, best.”
“Love you right back, best.”
“Oh, I have a confession to share with you. I can’t believe this slipped my mind,” I say quickly, remembering what Jules shared with me recently. “But this stays between us, okay?”
“Okay, what is it? You know I love drama and secrets,” she says excitedly, pulling away from me and staring at me eagerly.
“The compatibility tests we took? The list of people we matched with wasn’t legit, it was random,” I share, words rushing out unsteadily as her face drops.
“Ugh, are you serious?” She sounds dejected, pouting. “So my little maneuver over the weekend with Brax and Julian was even more pointless than it ended up being?”
“Yep,” I pop.
“Well, I guess that’s karma for you, always working in mysterious ways,” she mumbles.
“Yeah, yeah I guess so.”
“Hey, Mom,” I say as I join her at the dining room table and take the seat across from her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, sweetheart, what is it?” she responds, looking up from the magazine she’s reading and giving me her undivided attention.
“When did you know Dad was the one?” I ask slowly, clenching my hands into fists to harness the nerves arising at what her response will be.
She smiles, all teeth and cheeks as she considers my question. And then, without hesitation, she says, “When he threw a spitball at me junior year that was meant for his friend, who sat behind me.”
When a Heart Trips Page 13
