Goodbye My Precious Child

by M A Comley

  Sally shook her head and gulped. “I asked my team the same question before we came here this morning, and none of them had any prior knowledge of the case, which is shocking in itself. Again, I can only apologise for the way you and your family have been treated in the past. It shouldn’t have happened, and yes, you’re right, the fact that a murderer has been allowed to walk the streets since the incident occurred is…well, grossly unacceptable and totally abhorrent. I can’t make up for the way you and your son were treated back then but, going forward, my team and I will do everything we can to ensure we bring justice to your door and put an end to the torment you have had to endure over the years.”

  “Thank you. I hope you’re right. Nineteen years, though? The murderer might not be around these parts now. Worse still, he or she might even be dead for all we know. Anything could have happened to them since then.”

  “Exactly. I’m not going to say this investigation is going to be easy; however, we possibly have more resources this time around. If that sounds like an excuse for what went on in the past, it wasn’t meant to be. What I’m saying is, now that a dedicated team has been set up to deal with these cases, there’s every chance we’ll be able to solve it this time. Although, as you rightly say, the guilty party might be lying six feet under by now, and all this might be a waste of time. Except it won’t be, because then you’ll have a resolution, closure, if you like.”

  “If an unsatisfactory one, that’s what you’re saying, yes?”

  Sally nodded. “Yes. The unfortunate thing is the lack of DNA evidence found at the scene. I should imagine that would have caused an initial stumbling block for the original investigation.”

  “I know. The kill…the person responsible must have seriously thought about the crime before he committed it. He must’ve been watching the house. That’s always been my suspicion, one that useless copper didn’t want to hear about back then.”

  “I’m inclined to agree with you. Can you cast your mind back—perhaps you can recall falling out with someone around that time, possibly on the lookout for some form of retribution?”

  “Not that I can recall. I’d just started a new job and I was out on my first date. The children’s father was banged up in prison. You know what, I had my suspicions he was behind it at one point, but Falkirk virtually laughed in my face when I suggested it.”

  Jack took out his notebook and scribbled something in it.

  “We’ll look into it. Do you know if he’s still in prison now?”

  “No, I lost track of him. Sebastian Randall is his name. If he is out now, walking the streets, then I have to say I haven’t laid eyes on him and he’s never once contacted his son.”

  “Leave that with us. We’ll chase it up when we get back to the station. I feel it’s something that should have been checked on at the time. Prisoners have contacts on the outside, so someone could have easily been persuaded to act on your ex-partner’s behalf.” As Sally knew full well herself. Darryl had done the very same thing to her not so long ago. She shuddered as the memories filled her mind.

  She saw Jack look her way out of the corner of her eye and turned to give him a reassuring smile, letting him know she was fine.

  Sally noticed a few more photos scattered around the room. “You’re married now. Do you have any other children?”

  “That’s right, and yes.” She pointed to the photo of a young boy with a toothy smile. “My son, our son, is called Callum. He’s a darling boy. I’m very protective of him. I check him constantly through the night. I don’t tend to sleep much nowadays. Every time I close my eyes I see Millie’s face, a tortured expression, and she’s reaching out to me with her tiny arms. She’s so far in the distance, and as I move towards her, something swoops down and carries her farther away from me. I’ll never touch her again, not even in my dreams or nightmares. I’ve had hundreds of them over the years, reliving the horrendous events of that evening. I’m standing at the bottom of the bed, watching the man suffocating my beautiful child, and there’s little I can do to prevent it. I’m glued to the spot. The faceless man laughs, it’s more of a witch’s cackle, actually, and continues to suck the life out of my daughter. I can’t shake the images from my head. It’s why I rarely sleep. I’ve taken part in so many experiments to try and cure me, even enrolled at the local university a few years back to see if they could help me. No such luck. I’m permanently exhausted. I can’t hold down a job as my mental capacity is virtually non-existent. I look and feel like a zombie most days. It’s only the love of a good man and my son—sorry, sons—that keeps me going.”

  Sally took a closer look at the woman. Dark circles around her eyes were the most prominent feature on her pretty yet ageing face. “I’m sorry. I know this sounds an inadequate thing to say in the circumstances, but I regret wholeheartedly the way you’ve been treated by the police over the years and promise to make amends for the heartbreak you have suffered.”

  “I don’t blame you. I can’t even blame the investigating officer at the time, not really. All the pain and torment I have been subjected to is the fault of the person who stole my daughter away from me. Losing her stripped me of so much. I thought having Callum would ease some of that pain. It hasn’t. That doesn’t mean that I love him any less than I should.” She held a clenched fist over her heart. “There’s a gaping wound in my chest which will never heal, not while I’m still alive. Sometimes I lay there in bed at night and pray that God takes me. I can’t explain the magnitude of that pain. No one will ever understand. Only another mother who has lost her child will recognise the anguishing pain running through me. Nearly twenty years later, and the pain has grown worse over the years.”

  Sally listened as tears pricked her eyes. Anna was right. No one could imagine the pain brought to a parent who has lost a child. Jack cleared his throat beside her, apparently struggling to keep his own emotions in check. As much as Sally detested veering the subject indirectly away from the woman’s own torment, she was eager to learn more about that evening. “Going back to that night, am I to understand you were on a date?”

  Anna’s gaze dropped to her mug once more. She turned it in her hands a few times and then answered. “I was. It’s my biggest regret.”

  “Why? You were entitled to have a life of your own.”

  “It was the first time I’d ever left the children. That in itself carries a dreadful burden.”

  “I didn’t know that. I can imagine. No one could have foreseen what would happen that evening. Maybe the intruder would have still broken into your house even if you were at home. Have you considered that over the years?”

  “I’ve thought about it, but it hasn’t prevented me from punishing myself. Have you ever felt guilt about something in your life, Inspector?”

  Sally paused to reflect. She couldn’t place anything that had occurred in her life, except the time her dog, Dex, had gone missing for a few minutes. As it turned out, one of Darryl’s cronies from prison had dognapped him, tied him up and placed duct tape around his snout. Luckily, she’d found him before any lasting damage had been done to him. The guilt had remained with her for a few weeks. She hadn’t let him out of her sight on walks after that. “Nothing in comparison to what you’ve experienced, Anna. I’ve only had a brief chance to sift through the case files. Can you tell me what the police did for you, on that night and in the following days?”

  “Not a lot really, or should I say, if they did, I was in too much of a daze to comprehend it. Louie was a tower of strength. Despite his own grief, he persuaded the officer in charge to liaise with him.”

  “Really? That’s very strange. Your son was underage at the time, if I recall?”

  “He was twelve. We were very close, still are. He’s always been a considerate child. He did his best to ease the situation for me. It wasn’t until years had passed that I sat back and considered that was the wrong thing to have done. Maybe if I had pestered the police daily, perhaps then they might have pulled out all the stops t
o find the murderer. That’s yet another regret to add to the others I’ve experienced over the years. I sit here most days going over the events and try to come up with a solution, but…well, I’ve resigned myself now to living a tormented life until the day I die.”

  “Is that fair on your new husband and your younger son? I don’t mean that disrespectfully.”

  Her gaze met Sally’s. “It is what it is. I’m unable to switch off my feelings. I have a very patient husband who loves the bones of me. He’s tormented by grief himself as he feels partially responsible.”

  “May I ask why?” Sally wondered, thinking it an odd thing for Anna to say.

  “Because he should have met me sooner. He believes if he had, Millie would still be with us today. Maybe he’s right, I don’t know.”

  “No one can tell you if that’s true or not. The man entered the house that evening; do you know how he got in?”

  “I don’t. Louie reckoned it was through an open window at the rear of the property. I ensured the window in my bedroom was closed that night before I went out. I should have checked the children’s room. I didn’t. Something else for me to feel guilty about. I was too caught up in my own excitement. I had first-date nerves and yet I still had to make sure the babysitter and the children had everything they needed in my absence. I remembered running around like the proverbial headless chicken that evening. My date arrived at seven. We left virtually straight away, although I did introduce him to the kids.”

  “How did that go?”

  “Really well. The kids appeared to take to him instantly. It boded well for the future, providing the date went according to plan, that is.”

  “And did it?”

  “Yes, Dean and I had a wonderful meal, until…the phone call came through from Lisa. The poor girl was beside herself that evening. As soon as she told me what had happened to her father, I didn’t have any hesitation in telling her to leave. She locked the door after her. Dean rushed me back to the house; we broke a few speed limits on the way.” Her cheeks flushed with colour at the admission. “When we arrived, I was gobsmacked to see the ambulance sitting outside the house. I ran inside to find the paramedic compressing Millie’s chest, trying to get her heart to spark back into life. It was too late.”

  “Did Dean follow you into the house?”

  “Yes. I was traumatised; I told him to go. I shouted at him, I believe. I haven’t seen him since that night.”

  “That’s a shame. How did you meet him?”

  “At work. I’d not long started a new job. We got on well.”

  “That must have been awkward when you returned to work?”

  “I never went back. I sent them my resignation by post that week. I couldn’t have coped at work and I haven’t worked since that day. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. Every thought of every day consists of Millie. I know an outsider would find that hard to believe, but it’s the truth.”

  “I completely understand. May I ask how you met your current husband?”

  “At school, a parents’ evening. He’d recently lost his wife. He has a daughter; she’s eighteen now and at university. He was riddled with grief at the time. I suppose that drew us together. That’s why he understands how I feel and the guilt I carry with me daily.”

  “That’s such a shame. I’m so pleased you found each other, though, and that you went on to have another child.”

  A smile touched her lips. “He’s a blessing in disguise. I try my hardest to remain positive when Callum is around, so does Malcolm. Once our son is in bed, we both become maudlin again. Sounds stupid that we’re capable of switching our emotions off when other people are around, as if to shield them. Oh, I don’t know, again, it’s impossible to explain.”

  “I take it you’ve had some form of counselling over the years?”

  “Yes and no. I tried a few times. The counsellors asked stupid questions, and I clammed up. I didn’t have an affinity with them, found it hard to open up, so I refused to go again. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do, I don’t know.”

  “It’s not too late, it’s never too late to try. It might be worth giving it another shot. Find a counsellor with whom you feel comfortable. I could ask around for you, if that’s what you want?”

  “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”

  “I wouldn’t want to push you into doing something you wouldn’t feel comfortable with. However, it’s been almost twenty years you’ve been punishing yourself. You have to ask the question whether Millie would want you to waste your life like that.” Sally cringed. Had she gone too far? Pushed Anna too much too soon?

  Anna’s expression altered between one of severe pain to one of thoughtfulness. In the end, she nodded slightly. “Maybe you have a point. Perhaps it would be better to try one last time than to continue to live in this nightmare state. I’ll give it some serious thought and talk it over with my husband this evening.”

  “If you’re both suffering with guilt, perhaps you should suggest that you both go and see the counsellor.”

  “We’ll see. Is there anything else you need to speak to me about regarding that night?”

  “I just have a few more questions, and then we’ll leave you in peace. How long had you known the babysitter, Lisa?”

  She let out a long sigh and shook her head. “Before that evening, not much. Her mother worked at the same office and offered Lisa’s services to me once she found out I had accepted the invitation for the date. She was a lovely girl, though. She came around to spend a few hours with the kids the prior weekend, to make sure she wasn’t a complete stranger on the night. Louie said she was lovely with them during the hour or so she was there. If she’d been horrible, he would have told me. We didn’t have any secrets.”

  “I see. She must’ve been torn up once she learnt what had happened to Millie.”

  “She was. Despite losing her own father that night, the following day she turned up on the doorstep and broke down. I’m still in contact with her today, and she still carries the burden of guilt around with her. I’ve told her she shouldn’t, but she’s such a sensitive soul. She even came to the funeral. It wasn’t much. A few local residents turned up to pay their respects, you know, close neighbours, a couple of teachers from Millie’s school. I appreciated them all attending—that was until that blasted reporter showed up. Louie was furious with him, shoved him away once he started taking photos of Millie’s tiny coffin lying in the grave. It spoilt the day. I wanted to give my princess the send-off she deserved, and it turned into a farce. The journalist later apologised, but by then, the damage had been done.”

  “Do you remember the journalist’s name? I know it’s asking a lot from you.”

  “A Todd Stockman, or Stockard perhaps. I think that was his name. Either one of those anyway.”

  “We’ll try and find the information when we get back to the station.”

  “Can I ask why you’d want to know that?”

  Sally shrugged. “The more people we speak to, the better chance we have of getting to the truth, even after all these years. It’s what we do and how we’ve achieved convictions to the other cold crime cases we’ve dealt with in the past few months.”

  “I see. I don’t have a clue if he’s still a journalist or if he’s still in the area.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that. Have you remained in contact with your old neighbours?”

  “I can’t say I have. I wanted to cut all the ties I had from back then. I only stayed in contact with Lisa because I felt guilty about her father dying that night within hours of Millie going.”

  “I understand. Maybe you can go through what Inspector Falkirk told you about the investigation, if you’re up to it?”

  She shook her head. “Not really. He barely spoke to me after that fateful night. Whenever I chased the progress on the case, he always ensured that my call never got past his partner. He quoted he was a very busy man on the trail of a child killer, as if I wasn’t aware of that fact.
I found him to be rude and arrogant. I’m not surprised he cocked up cases and that you’ve had to reopen them. He was a waste of space from what I could tell. Louie hated him, couldn’t stand the bloke from the minute he laid eyes on him.”

  “That’s awful. I hope you can tell, I’ll give your daughter’s case my best shot.”

  “I can sense you’re a kind-hearted and compassionate person and caring police officer.”

  “Thank you. I think it’s always better to have a good rapport with a family member in incidents such as this. Without your help, solving the crime will be a darn sight harder.”

  “I agree to help when and where I can. The problem is that I don’t know much more than what I’ve told you already. I don’t recall anyone lingering around the house the previous week. I sometimes wish I had because then I would have a picture of the killer in my head.”

  “If you’d seen him, we could have done a line-up or created a photofit of the perpetrator.”

  “Louie did that at the time.”

  Sally and Jack glanced at each other and frowned.

  “You seem surprised by that news. Wasn’t it in the file?”

  “Not that I can recall, although, to be fair, I only took a brief look through it before we set off to come and see you this morning. I’ll make a note to search it properly upon our return. Was the E-FIT ever circulated through the media?”

  “I suppose it must have been. I honestly can’t remember. Louie did his best, and it never seemed good enough for Falkirk.”

  Sally heaved out a sigh and shook her head. “Does your son still live in the area?”

  “Yes, he’s currently away on business for a few days. He’s a salesman for a paint company. He’s due to ring me tonight. I can tell him to contact you, to arrange a meeting, if that’s what you want?”

  “That would be excellent. The sooner, the better. It’s important we get all the facts from him as soon as possible. Can I ask how his state of mind is after all these years?”