The Best American Short Plays 2010-2011
Page 7
[Beat.]
But we’ll have to see about doing it in a single bound.
[She crosses to her shoes.]
FERGUS Oh. We could take the lift.
DOT Lift?
FERGUS [Dropping his accent.] Elevator.
DOT You betcha.
FERGUS [Totally relieved and surprised.] Really?
DOT Yes. I’m sorry. Of course, your job.
[Beat.]
Are you done with your closeout?
[She crosses to the bed, sits, and puts on shoes.]
FERGUS Yes, I am, and the register is locked and tucked away, and I’m all ready to go.
DOT Super. I might need a double, though.
FERGUS Espresso?
DOT Yeah, to keep me “up and vertical.”
FERGUS [Nodding.] Better you than me.
DOT Yeah.
FERGUS You really mean it? No more pressure?
DOT That’s right.
FERGUS This is wonderful. Wonderful. Thank you, Dot.
DOT I’ve been selfish.
[She stands.]
FERGUS Oh, that’s all right. I can understand you being tired and everything.
DOT It’s mostly my feet. They’re killing me.
FERGUS You have to wear nurse’s shoes with high arches. All the women wear nurse’s shoes.
DOT I was wondering about that. I was starting to think that New York just had a lot of emergency-type help on hand, you know—ever since...
[She stops.]
FERGUS Yes, yes. No, no. Just comfortable shoes. “Quality of life.”
[Growing romantic.]
You can stay at my place if you like.
[Explaining why.]
It’s closer.
DOT Oh, I suppose once I get moving, I’ll be fine.
[Responding to his romanticism.]
It’s very nice of you to invite me out this evening, Fergus. I haven’t had a worthwhile conversation since I’ve been here.
FERGUS [Noticing just how beautiful she is.] It’s a difficult city, really.
DOT Yeah and it smells like pee.
FERGUS Well, it’s August.
DOT I see.
FERGUS [About to explode with romance.] Dot, do you mind if I kiss you right now? You are so beautiful to me and I just have this overwhelming feeling...
[DOT takes hold of FERGUS and kisses him on the lips.]
Gosh, you’re wonderful. I can’t believe this. If I knew this was going to happen when I woke up this morning, I would have been in a much, much better mood.
[FERGUS takes DOT into his arms and reciprocates with fervor, kissing her passionately. They fall back onto the display bed. TINY, the maintenance man, enters with a carpet sweeper.]
TINY Oh, excuse me, folks. I thought everyone was gone for the night.
FERGUS [Very nervously, he jumps out of bed and crosses behind the bed.] Tiny! Hello! No. No, I was just closing up and this customer here... this woman...Dot. Well, she accidentally fell asleep on the display bed.
TINY Dot.
FERGUS Yes. Oh!
[He introduces them.]
Dot, Tiny. Tiny, Dot.
DOT That’s funny—Dot, Tiny. Tiny dot.
[DOT and TINY shake hands.]
TINY Yeah, that is funny.
FERGUS Yes, yes. So you see? There’s nothing really going on here out of the ordinary. Just the usual sort of everyday business that is to be expected in the luxury linen department of...
TINY You don’t have to explain to me, Mr. Magilous. I heard something and just thought I’d check out this side of the store. But if you’re going to be here, I’ll make sure to avoid this section for the rest of the night.
[He turns to go.]
FERGUS [Stopping TINY.] Avoid this section? Oh no, Tiny. You don’t have to do that. We weren’t doing anything or anything. We were just heading out, actually. You go ahead and fix things or...
[Taking TINY’s carpet sweeper, he begins to nervously sweep the carpet.]
TINY [Taking his carpet sweeper back from FERGUS.] Mr. Magilous, could you step over here for just a sec?
FERGUS Oh. Yes. Certainly. Excuse me, Dot.
[DOT crosses and sits on the downstage left corner of the bed.]
TINY [Taking FERGUS downstage right.] How long have we worked here together?
FERGUS Oh, I’m not sure. Maybe...
TINY Ever since I started.
FERGUS Really?
TINY Yes. You were the very first sales consultant I met, and from that day on you have never disappointed me, Mr. Magilous. Never.
FERGUS Well, I’m happy to hear that, Tiny.
TINY Never. And I’m sick and tired of it.
FERGUS What?
TINY I’m not going to let you get away with this.
FERGUS [His voice cracks.] Get away with what?
TINY This. This thing you do.
FERGUS “This thing I do”? Listen, Tiny, I’m very sorry if I’ve appeared even a slight bit unpredictable this evening....
TINY Mr. Magilous, there’s a time to be predictable and there’s a time to be...well—not so predictable, if you know what I mean.
FERGUS I’m not following you...
TINY I might not have the fancy words you do, but I know a good thing when I see it.
FERGUS That could be your gift, Tiny.
TINY Gift?
FERGUS Yes, we all have them, you know.
TINY Well then, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and there...
[He positions FERGUS so that FERGUS has a clear, straight view of DOT.]
...there, Mr. Magilous, is your gift horse.
FERGUS Oh, I see. This is a bit of a carpe diem speech. Is that it?
TINY Carp, d-what?
FERGUS Carpe diem—seize the day.
TINY Oh no, sir. Seizing the day is not what I am talking about—seize the woman. Seize the woman.
FERGUS Yes, I see. Well, you might be right, ol’ boy. You might just be right.
TINY So seize away.
[He pushes FERGUS toward DOT, then calls out to them both as he leaves.]
Well, I’ve got some things to fix in the basement, so don’t you worry about me! I’ll make sure you two have the place to yourselves for the rest of the night!
[He exits.]
FERGUS Well, what do you know about that?
DOT What do you know?
FERGUS Dot?
DOT [Quickly.] I’m leaving it completely up to you, Fergus.
FERGUS He “opened the door,” didn’t he?
DOT Yes, he did.
FERGUS [Bursting with excitement.] Dot, have you ever had a moment in your life when time stops getting in the way and suddenly everything opens up and all you can see is some kind of hope, some kind of possibility that the impossible could happen? Have you ever had a moment when a door was being presented to you and if you walked through it, you might just possibly discover what happiness really is?
DOT I think so.
FERGUS [Being very still.] Well, it’s happening to me right now and... Well, I’m afraid to move, Dot. I’m afraid if I move one square inch, it will all go away.
DOT One square inch?
FERGUS Yes.
DOT Tightly bound up against one another?
FERGUS Yes.
DOT You know, Fergus, they say that opportunity only knocks once. But I say hogwash. I say it keeps knocking until ya hear it.
FERGUS Well, I hear it, Dot. I hear it loud and clear.
DOT I’m not surprised, with those ears of yours.
FERGUS Would you wait right here for me? Just for one brief moment?
DOT Right here?
FERGUS Yes.
DOT I’m not going anywhere.
FERGUS [Backing out of the room.] Right here.
DOT That’s right.
[FERGUS falls.]
Fergus Falls.
FERGUS [Rising and dusting himself off.] Quite all right.
DOT [Romantically.] But I’d rat
her be here with you.
FERGUS [Smiling.] Lovely.
[He exits.]
DOT Lovely.
[DOT smiles. She thinks about sitting on the bed but doesn’t. Instead she straightens out the comforter and waits, standing. Suddenly we hear FERGUS over the loud speaker, singing rather boldly.]
FERGUS [Over the loud speaker.] “De Camptown ladies sing this song. Doo-da, Doo-da. De Camptown racetrack’s two miles long. Oh, de doo-da day. Gwine to run all night. Gwine to run all day. I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag, somebody bet on the gray.”
[DOT is delighted, absolutely delighted with his courage. FERGUS enters running and leaps onto the bed.]
DOT Fergus! The wrinkles!
[She quickly sweeps the wrinkles from the comforter.]
FERGUS Yes, aren’t they beautiful?! I did it, Dot. I sang. I sang in front of a person...
DOT Me.
FERGUS ...and my voice did not compress!
DOT And over the loud speaker! What a voice. What courage! You surprise me.
FERGUS Good. I want to surprise you, Dot.
[He pulls her onto the bed.]
I want to surprise you and never leave. What do you think about that?
DOT Well, I think that’s a heavenly idea, Fergus. Just...heavenly.
[They kiss softly, then pull away and try to move into the next stage of physical romance, but it’s awkward. They try again but to no avail.]
FERGUS How ’bout we wait on this?
DOT Okay.
[DOT quickly gets out of the bed, as does FERGUS. Then together, working from opposite sides, they straighten out the bed as if they had been doing it together for years.]
FERGUS My dear lady, might I suggest we step out the front door, walk just up the street, and have ourselves a view.
DOT Just up the street?!
FERGUS Yes. The Empire State Building is just up the street. Right out the front door and just up the street.
DOT Oh my God. I’ve been looking for that all day.
[She picks up her purse and newspaper obituary column.]
FERGUS Yes. Isn’t that interesting how that works? And then suddenly one day, when you least expect it, what you’ve been looking for your entire life walks right into your department.
[He holds out his arm for her to join him.]
My lady?
DOT Fergus Magilous.
[She takes his arm.]
Oh, wait. Before we go, I would like to make myself a purchase.
FERGUS A purchase? Why, we’re closed.
DOT I would like to buy myself this thousand-per-inch-thread-count comforter and take it back to my hotel with me this evening. I’ve decided it’s time for me to start living this “quality of life” you’ve been talking about and I got me some catching up to do.
FERGUS Oh, hogwash! Honestly, Dot, that’s all just a silly sales pitch. You don’t need thread count to have a quality life. You just need me.
DOT [Running her hand over the comforter.] Still, though, it’s awfully nice.
FERGUS Well then, I’ve got one at home with sheets to match.
[They kiss, then cross stage left to exit. Just before they do, DOT tosses her newspaper section into the garbage can. Lights fade out.]
• • •
Dissonance
Craig Pospisil
For my father, Allan
Dissonance by Craig Pospisil. Copyright © 2012 by Craig Allen Pospisil. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.
CAUTION/ADVICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of Dissonance is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, information storage and retrieval systems, and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing.
Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Bruce Miller, Washington Square Arts and Films, 310 Bowery, New York, NY 10012, www.WSFilms.com.
Craig Pospisil
Craig Pospisil is the award-winning author of Months on End, Somewhere in Between, The Dunes, and the collections Life Is Short and Choosing Sides, all published by Dramatists Play Service. He wrote the book for the musicals Drift and Dot Comet, and is the author of more than fifty short plays, including It’s Not You and Tourist, published by Playscripts in theAtrainplays, vol 1. His work has been published in numerous anthologies; seen at Ensemble Studio Theatre, Purple Rose Theatre, New World Stages, Bay Street Theater, and NYMF; performed on four continents; and translated into Chinese, Danish, Greek, and French.
• • • Production Credits • • •
Dissonance was commissioned by 3Graces Theater Company (Elizabeth Bunnell and Annie McGovern, co-artistic directors) and was given its world premiere by 3Graces as part of At the Corner of Faith and Reason at the Cherry Lane Studio Theater in New York City, opening May 24, 2011. It was directed by Jim Elliot; the lighting design was by Joshua Sherr; the sound design was by John D. Ivy; and the stage manager was Jennifer Marie Russo. The cast was as follows:
FITZ , William Peden
TRICIA, Deborah Jean Morgan
Characters
FITZ , mid- to late 40s
TRICIA , early 30s
Summary
TRICIA returns to the Berkshires to deal with her mother’s death after a battle with Alzheimer’s. At the funeral home she collides with FITZ, a prodigy and former piano student of her mother’s, with secrets of his own, who challenges her loyalty and choices.
• • •
[A room in a funeral home used for memorial services. There are a couple rows of chairs, although some are askew. The chairs face a narrow table at one end of the room. The top of the table is empty. At the other end of the room, by a set of doors, there is a tall side table.
FITZ opens the doors and leaves them open. He places an easel with a sign on it by the doorway, then disappears for a moment. He returns with two long, dark-colored runners, pens, and a condolence book. He carefully drapes one of the runners over the tall table near the door, and sets the book and pens on top. Then he crosses to the other table, where he lays the other runner across the top, making sure it is even and properly set before exiting.
A few moments later he returns, carrying a framed photograph and a simple, metal box—a funeral urn. He crosses the room and places the urn gently on the table with the photo beside it. He carefully smoothes the runner on the table, starts to leave again, but stops in the doorway.
FITZ turns and looks back at the urn, sadly taking it in. His eyes fall on the condolence book. He opens it, picks up a pen, and signs. The action seems to cause him some pain, however, and he winces slightly as he writes. When he finishes, he drops the pen and absently flexes his hand as he checks his watch. He looks over the room, silently counting the chairs, and leaves again.
The room remains empty for a few moments. Then TRICIA appears in the doorway. She glances at the sign by the door, then steps into the room. She sees the urn on the table and stares at it for a few moments before breaking free of its gaze. She sees the open memorial book and is surprised to see that it has already been signed. She puzzles over the signature, which she cannot quite read.
Classical piano music begins to play, a little too loudly, and TRICIA is startled, looking up at the speakers in the ceil
ing and then at the urn. She crosses slowly toward the urn, but cannot make it all the way across the room, stopping several feet short.]
FITZ reappears in the doorway. He is surprised to find someone in the room and stops for a moment. He starts to turn away, then looks back at TRICIA and hesitates. Then he steps into the room.]
FITZ Good morning.
TRICIA [Startled.] Oh. Hi. Morning.
FITZ Are you here for the Roberts memorial?
TRICIA Yes, I’m sorry. I know I’m early.
FITZ That’s all right. It’s just—
TRICIA [Overlapping.] I just wanted to—
FITZ No, it’s fine, but—
TRICIA [Continuing.]—come in and see and...see.
FITZ I’m still setting up the room. Hold on, I was checking the volume of the music.
[FITZ exits and the music soon stops. He returns.]
TRICIA That was very pretty.
FITZ Thank you. I mean, it’s a nice piece.
TRICIA Sorry I interrupted.
FITZ That’s all right, but I’m still setting up for the service.
TRICIA Oh, you can go ahead. I don’t mind.
FITZ Uh...well, usually we don’t open the doors to guests until fifteen minutes before the service starts.
TRICIA The doors were open.
FITZ I’m bringing in chairs and things.
TRICIA Oh.
[Slight pause.]
Well, that’s all right. I won’t get in your way. I promise.
FITZ There’s a waiting area with coffee and snacks by the entrance.
TRICIA Thanks, but I’m not really hungry.
FITZ No, I meant maybe you could wait there until the room was ready.
TRICIA Oh. Of course. All right.
FITZ Thank you.
[She starts to go, but stops in the doorway.]
TRICIA How soon do you think I could come back in?
FITZ Well, the service doesn’t start for another hour, so—
TRICIA [Interrupting.] But how much more do you have to do?
FITZ Well, I need to set up the chairs, and—
TRICIA That’s not so much.
FITZ We also like to give the family some time alone with the deceased before other guests come in.
TRICIA I am the family. Helen was my mother.