The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  ANGELO 'Tis so; and that self chain about his neckWhich he forswore most monstrously to have.Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.Signior Antipholus, I wonder muchThat you would put me to this shame and trouble;And, not without some scandal to yourself,With circumstance and oaths so to denyThis chain which now you wear so openly:Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,You have done wrong to this my honest friend,Who, but for staying on our controversy,Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day:This chain you had of me; can you deny it?

  It’s him; and he’s wearing the chain on his neckThat he swore up and down that he didn’t have.Good sir, step closer, I'll speak to him.Mister Antipholus, I’m astonishedThat you would put me through so much shame and trouble;And, not without some scandal to yourself,Lie and swear that you denied havingThis chain which you’re now wearing in public:But money, shame, and imprisonment aside,You have greatly wronged my honest friend,Who, if he hadn’t had to stay for this mess,Had hoisted sail, And set out to sea today:You did get this chain from me; can you deny it?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I think I had; I never did deny it.

  Yes, I did; I never denied it.

  Second Merchant Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.

  Yes, you did deny it, sir, and swore it too.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?

  Who heard me to deny it or swear it?

  Second Merchant These ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee.Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livestTo walk where any honest man resort.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thou art a villain to impeach me thus:I'll prove mine honour and mine honestyAgainst thee presently, if thou darest stand.

  You’re a scoundrel to accuse me like this:I'll defend my honor and my honestyAgainst you right now, if you dare.

  Second Merchant I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.

  I do dare, and I call you a scoundrel.

  They draw

  They draw

  Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and others

  ADRIANA Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.Some get within him, take his sword away:Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.

  Wait, don’t hurt him, for God's sake! He’s crazy.Someone get him, take his sword away:Bind Dromio too, and take them to my house.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Run, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!

  Run, master, run; for God's sake, hide in a house!This is a monastery. Duck in or we’re done for!

  Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the Priory

  Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA

  AEMELIA Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?

  Be quiet, people. What are you all doing here?

  ADRIANA To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.Let us come in, that we may bind him fastAnd bear him home for his recovery.

  I’m here to get my poor insane husband back.Let us in, so we can tie him up tightAnd take him home and make him well.

  ANGELO I knew he was not in his perfect wits.

  I knew something was wrong with his wits.

  Second Merchant I am sorry now that I did draw on him.

  I am sorry now that I drew my sword on him.

  AEMELIA How long hath this possession held the man?

  How long has he been possessed?

  ADRIANA This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,And much different from the man he was;Second Merchant These ears of mine, you know I heard you.To hell with you, scoundrel! it’s a pity you liveTo walk among honest men.

  This week he he’s been angry, mean, sad,And much different from the man he was;But till this afternoon his passionNe'er brake into extremity of rage.

  AEMELIA Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eyeStray'd his affection in unlawful love?A sin prevailing much in youthful men,Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.Which of these sorrows is he subject to?

  Did he lose a lot of money in a ship wreck?Buried a dear friend? Or maybe he’s beenStraying into an affair?A sin that occurs often in young men,Who give their eyes the freedom to gaze.Which of these things are affecting him?

  ADRIANA To none of these, except it be the last;Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.

  None of them, except maybe the last one;Meaning, I think there was another women that often took him from his home.

  AEMELIA You should for that have reprehended him.

  You should have scolded him for that.

  ADRIANA Why, so I did.

  Why, so I did.

  AEMELIA Ay, but not rough enough.

  Maybe, but not rough enough.

  ADRIANA As roughly as my modesty would let me.

  As roughly as my modesty would let me.

  AEMELIA Haply, in private.

  Probably in private.

  ADRIANA And in assemblies too.

  And in public too.

  AEMELIA Ay, but not enough.

  Yes, but not enough.

  ADRIANA It was the copy of our conference:In bed he slept not for my urging it;At board he fed not for my urging it;Alone, it was the subject of my theme;In company I often glanced it;Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.

  It was the main thing we talked about:I didn’t let him sleep without bringing it up;He couldn’t eat without me bringing it up;Alone, it was all I talked about;When we were with others I would hint at it;I kept telling him how evil and bad it was.

  AEMELIA And thereof came it that the man was mad.The venom clamours of a jealous womanPoisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing,And therefore comes it that his head is light.Thou say'st his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings:But until this afternoon his passionNever got so extreme that it was rage.

  And that’s why he went insane.The poisonous rants of a jealous womanPoisons more deadly than a rabid dog’s bite.It seems like he couldn’t sleep with you pestering him, so his head is disoriented.You say you seasoned his food with your scolding:Unquiet meals make ill digestions;Thereof the raging fire of fever bred;And what's a fever but a fit of madness?Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy

  brawls:Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensueBut moody and dull melancholy,Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,And at her heels a huge infectious troopOf pale distemperatures and foes to life?In food, in sport and life-preserving restTo be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast:The consequence is then thy jealous fitsHave scared thy husband from the use of wits.

  him:When someone can’t enjoy themselves, They become moody and dull with melancholy,Close to grim and comfortless despair,And soon after that, a whole messOf sicknesses and ailmentsFood, fun and life-preserving restIf disturbed, would drive any man or beast crazy:The consequence then is that your jealous fitsHave taken away your husband from his mind.

  LUCIANA She never reprehended him but mildly,When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly.Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

  She only ever scolded him gently,Even when he behaved himself so rough, rude and wildly.Why aren’t you defending yourself to her?

  ADRIANA She did betray me to my own reproof.Good people enter and lay hold on him.

  She has made me see my faults.Good people, go in there and get him.

  AEMELIA No, not a creature enters in my house.

  No, no one can enter in my house.

  ADRIANA Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

  Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

  AEMELIA Neither: he took this place for sanctuary,And it shall privilege him from your handsTill I have brought him to his wits again,Or lose my labour in assaying it.

  No: he came to this place for sanctuary,And it shall save him from your handsTill I have brought him back to sense,Or try to the best of my ability.

  ADRIANA I will attend my husband, be his nurse,Diet his sickness, for it is my office,And will have no attorney but myse
lf;And therefore let me have him home with me.

  I will attend to my husband, be his nurse,To heal him when he is sick, that is my job,And will have no one do it but me;So let me take him home with me.

  AEMELIA Be patient; for I will not let him stirTill I have used the approved means I have,With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,To make of him a formal man again:It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,A charitable duty of my order.Therefore depart and leave him here with me.

  Be patient; I won’t let him leaveTill I have done everything in my power,With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,To make him normal again:Healing is a part of the religious oaths I took,A charitable duty of my order.So go on, and leave him here with me.

  ADRIANA I will not hence and leave my husband here:And ill it doth beseem your holinessTo separate the husband and the wife.

  I will not go and leave my husband here:

  It doesn’t seem very holy, your holiness,To separate a husband from his wife.

  AEMELIA Be quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.

  Be quiet and leave: you will not have him.

  Exit

  LUCIANA Complain unto the duke of this indignity.

  Complain the duke of this indignity.

  ADRIANA Come, go: I will fall prostrate at his feetAnd never rise until my tears and prayersHave won his grace to come in person hitherAnd take perforce my husband from the abbess.

  Come with me: I will fall and beg at his feetAnd never rise until my tears and prayersHave convinced his grace to come here in personAnd take my husband from the nun by force.

  Second Merchant By this, I think, the dial points at five:Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in personComes this way to the melancholy vale,The place of death and sorry execution,Behind the ditches of the abbey here.

  By this time, I think, it must be five:Soon, I'm sure, the duke himself in personWill come this way to the melancholy vale,The place of death where they hold executions,Behind the ditches of the abbey here.

  ANGELO Upon what cause?

  Why is he coming?

  Second Merchant To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,Who put unluckily into this bayAgainst the laws and statutes of this town,Beheaded publicly for his offence.

  To see an elderly Syracusian merchant,Who unluckily came ashore in this bayAgainst the laws and statutes of this town,Beheaded publicly for his offence.

  ANGELO See where they come: we will behold his death.

  That’s them now: we will watch his death.

  LUCIANA Kneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.

  Kneel to the duke before he passes the abbey.

  Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded; with the Headsman and other Officers

  DUKE SOLINUS Yet once again proclaim it publicly,If any friend will pay the sum for him,He shall not die; so much we tender him.

  Again I publicly announce,That if any friend will pay the sum for him,He will not die; that’s how much we like him.

  ADRIANA Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!

  Give me justice, most sacred duke, against the nun!

  DUKE SOLINUS She is a virtuous and a reverend lady:It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

  She is a virtuous and a respected lady:It can’t be that she’s done you wrong.

  ADRIANA May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,Whom I made lord of me and all I had,At your important letters,--this ill dayA most outrageous fit of madness took him;That desperately he hurried through the street,With him his bondman, all as mad as he--Doing displeasure to the citizensBy rushing in their houses, bearing thenceRings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.Once did I get him bound and sent him home,Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,That here and there his fury had committed.Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,He broke from those that had the guard of him;And with his mad attendant and himself,Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,Met us again and madly bent on us,Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,We came again to bind them. Then they fledInto this abbey, whither we pursued them:And here the abbess shuts the gates on usAnd will not suffer us to fetch him out,Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy commandLet him be brought forth and borne hence for help.

  May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,Who I married and gave all I had,Because of your letters,--this horrible dayAn outrageous fit of madness took over him;And he ran desperately through the streets,With his servant man, just as crazed--Doing mean things to the citizensBy rushing in their houses, and taking awayRings, jewels, any thing his rage wanted.Once I finally got him tied up, I sent him home,So that I could mend the damage he causedAll day going here and there in a fury.Soon, I supposed by brute force he escaped,He broke away from the men guarding him;And with his mad attendant and himself,Both fiery with anger, with drawn swords,Found us again and madly bent on us killing us,Chased us away; till, we could get more help,We came again to tie them up. Then they fledInto this abbey, where we pursued them:And then the nun shuts the gates on usAnd will let us in to get him out,Or send him out to so that we can take him home.Therefore, most gracious duke, pleaseCommand that he be brought out and taken away to get help.

  DUKE SOLINUS Long since thy husband served me in my wars,And I to thee engaged a prince's word,When thou didst make him master of thy bed,To do him all the grace and good I could.Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gateAnd bid the lady abbess come to me.I will determine this before I stir.

  Long ago, your husband served my in my wars,And I promised you, a prince's word,That when you made him master of your bed,That I would do all I could for him.Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gateAnd ask the lady nun to come to me.I will settle this before we continue on.

  Enter a Servant

  Servant O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!My master and his man are both broke loose,Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctorWhose beard they have singed off with brands of fire;And ever, as it blazed, they threw on himGreat pails of puddled mire to quench the hair:My master preaches patience to him and the whileServant O mistress, mistress, go and save yourself!My master and his man have both broken loose,They beat all the maids, and tied up the doctorWhose beard they have singed off with firery brands;And as it burned and blazed they threwHuge pails of sweage to put it out:My master tells him to be patient and calm, and while he does that

  His man with scissors nicks him like a fool,And sure, unless you send some present help,Between them they will kill the conjurer.

  His servant cuts his hair to make him look a fool,I’m certain, unless you send some help soon,Between them they will kill the sorcerer.

  ADRIANA Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here,And that is false thou dost report to us.

  Quiet, fool! your master and his servant are here,And everything you’re reporting to us is a lie.

  Servant Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true;I have not breathed almost since I did see it.He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,To scorch your face and to disfigure you.

  Mistress, I swear on my life, I tell the truth;I almost haven’t breathed since I saw it.He screams for you, and swears, if he finds youHe’ll scorch your face and disfigure you.

  Cry within

  Cry within

  Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!

  There, there! I hear him, mistress. Run, go on!

  DUKE SOLINUS Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!

  Come, stand by me; don’t be afraid. Guards bring your weapons!

  ADRIANA Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you,That he is borne about invisible:Even now we housed him in the abbey here;And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

  Oh my, it is my husband! Look everyone,He walks around, invisible:Just now we saw him in the abbey here;And now he's there, it’s impossible to understand.

  Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justic
e!Even for the service that long since I did thee,When I bestrid thee in the wars and tookDeep scars to save thy life; even for the bloodThat then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.

  Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!For the service I did for you , long ago,When I stood by you in the wars, and tookDeep scars to save your life; even for the bloodThat I lost then for you, now grant me justice.

  AEGEON Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

  Unless the fear of death is making me see things,I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,That hath abused and dishonour'd meEven in the strength and height of injury!Beyond imagination is the wrongThat she this day hath shameless thrown on me.

  Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!She whom you have to me to be my wife,Who has abused and dishonored meAdding insult to injury!The wrongdoing is beyond imaginingThat she has shamelessly done to me today.

  DUKE SOLINUS Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

  Tell me how, and I will be fair.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,While she with harlots feasted in my house.

  This day, great duke, she locked me out of my own doors,While she feasted with whores in my house.

  DUKE SOLINUS A grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?

  How horrible! Tell me, woman, did you do that?

  ADRIANA No, my good lord: myself, he and my sisterTo-day did dine together. So befall my soulAs this is false he burdens me withal!

  No, my good lord: myself, he and my sisterDined together today. May my soul be damnedIf what he said was true!

  LUCIANA Ne'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,But she tells to your highness simple truth!

  May I never see another day, or sleep at night,If she isn’t telling the truth!

  ANGELO O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:In this the madman justly chargeth them.

  O damnable woman! They are both lying:The madmen is telling the truth about that.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS My liege, I am advised what I say,Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,Could witness it, for he was with me then;Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,Where Balthazar and I did dine together.Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,I went to seek him: in the street I met himAnd in his company that gentleman.There did this perjured goldsmith swear me downThat I this day of him received the chain,Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the whichHe did arrest me with an officer.I did obey, and sent my peasant homeFor certain ducats: he with none return'dThen fairly I bespoke the officerTo go in person with me to my house.By the way we metMy wife, her sister, and a rabble moreOf vile confederates. Along with themMy liege, I know what I am saying,I am not confused with the effect of wine,Or headstrong, provoked by rage and anger,Though the wrongs I’ve suffered might drive a wiser man insane.This woman locked me out today for dinner:That goldsmith there, if he weren’t on her side,Could witness it, since he was with me then;He left to go fetch a chain,And promised bring it to the Porpentine,Where Balthazar and I dined together.Once we were done, since he never came,I went to seek him: I met him in the streetAnd he was in the company of that gentleman.Then that damned goldsmith swore up and down,That earlier in the day he gave me the chain,Which, God knows, I never saw: then He had an officer arrest me.I obeyed, and sent my servant homeFor bail money: he came back without itSo I told the officerTo go in person with me to my house.On the way we metMy wife, her sister, and a huge groupOf her awful companions. Along with them