The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  BENEDICK

  Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the wise,--if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary,--to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy. And now tell me, how doth your cousin?

  Question: why, an hour in chaos and a quarter in sickness: therefore it is most useful for the wise, -- if Don Worm, his conscience, find no obstacle to the contrary,-- to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will witness, is praiseworthy. An now tell me, how is your cousin?

  BEATRICE

  Very ill.

  Very unwell.

  BENEDICK

  And how do you?

  And how are you?

  BEATRICE

  Very ill too.

  Very unwell too.

  BENEDICK

  Serve God, love me, and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.

  [Enter URSULA.]

  URSULA

  Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old coil at home: it is proved, my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone. Will you come presently?

  Madam, you must come to your uncle. It has been proven that my Lady Hero has been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is responsible for it all, who has run away. Will you come now?

  BEATRICE

  Will you go hear this news, signior?

  Will you go hear this news, sir?

  BENEDICK

  I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle's.

  I will live in your heart, die in your lap, and be buried in your eyes; and in addition I will go with you to your uncle’s.

  [Exeunt.]

  The Inside of a Church

  [Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and Attendants, with music and tapers,]

  CLAUDIO

  Is this the monument of Leonato?

  A LORD

  It is, my lord.

  CLAUDIO

  [Reads from a scroll.]

  Done to death by slanderous tongues

  Done to death by false accusation

  Was the Hero that here lies:

  Was the Hero that lies here:

  Death, in guerdon of her wrongs,

  Death, in the overcoming of her wrongs,

  Gives her fame which never dies.

  So the life that died with shame

  Lives in death with glorious fame.

  Hang thou there upon the tomb,

  Hang you there upon the tomb,

  Praising her when I am dumb.

  Praising her when I am unable to speak.

  Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn.

  SONG

  Pardon, goddess of the night,

  Forgive, goddess of the night,

  Those that slew thy virgin knight;

  Those that killed your virgin knight;

  For the which, with songs of woe,

  For which, with songs of sadness,

  Round about her tomb they go.

  Midnight, assist our moan;

  Midnight, help us cry out in grief;

  Help us to sigh and groan,

  Heavily, heavily:

  Graves, yawn and yield your dead,

  Graves, open and give back your dead,

  Till death be uttered,

  Until death is said,

  Heavily, heavily.

  CLAUDIO

  Now, unto thy bones good night! Yearly will I do this rite.

  DON PEDRO

  Good morrow, masters: put your torches out.

  Good morning, gentlemen: put out your torches.

  The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day,

  The wolves have hunted; and look, the gentle day,

  Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about

  Ahead of the wheels of Phoebus, around about

  Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey.

  Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well.

  CLAUDIO

  Good morrow, masters: each his several way.

  Good morning, masters: each of you go his different way.

  DON PEDRO

  Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds;

  Come, let us go from here, and change our clothes;

  And then to Leonato's we will go.

  CLAUDIO

  And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's,

  And to the god of marriage with a luckier result,

  Than this for whom we rend'red up this woe!

  Than this for whom we sent up this sadness!

  [Exeunt.]

  A Room in LEONATO'S House.

  [Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO.]

  FRIAR

  Did I not tell you she was innocent?

  LEONATO

  So are the prince and Claudio, who accus'd her

  So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her

  Upon the error that you heard debated:

  But Margaret was in some fault for this,

  Although against her will, as it appears

  In the true course of all the question.

  In the true, complete version of the story.

  ANTONIO

  Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.

  Well, I am glad that everything has worked out so well.

  BENEDICK

  And so am I, being else by faith enforc'd

  And so am I, being otherwise forced by my promise

  To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.

  To challenge young Claudio to a duel for it.

  LEONATO

  Well, daughter, and you gentlewomen all,

  Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves,

  Go into a room by yourselves,

  And when I send for you, come hither mask'd:

  And when I send for you, come here masked:

  The prince and Claudio promis'd by this hour

  The prince and Claudio promised that by this time

  To visit me.

  They would come visit me.

  [Exeunt Ladies.]

  You know your office, brother;

  You know your job, brother;

  You must be father to your brother's daughter,

  And give her to young Claudio.

  ANTONIO

  Which I will do with confirm'd countenance.

  Which I will do with a firm face.

  BENEDICK

  Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think.

  Friar, I must ask something from you, I think.

  FRIAR

  To do what, signior?

  To do what, sir?

  BENEDICK

  To bind me, or undo me; one of them.

  Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior,

  Sir Leonato, it is truth, good sir,

  Your niece regards me with an eye of favour.

  Your niece favors me.

  LEONATO

  That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most true.

  That eye my daughter lent her: it is most true.

  BENEDICK

  And I do with an eye of love requite her.

  And I do love her back.

  LEONATO

  The sight whereof I think, you had from me,

  And I think you got that from me,

  From Claudio, and the prince.

  But what's your will?

  But what do you want to do?

  BENEDICK

  Your answer, sir, is enigmatical:

  But, for my will, my will is your good will

  May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd

  May stand with ours, to be brought together this day

  In the state of honourable marriage:

  In the sta
te of honorable marriage:

  In which, good friar, I shall desire your help.

  LEONATO

  My heart is with your liking.

  FRIAR

  And my help. Here comes the prince and Claudio.

  [Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, with Attendants.]

  DON PEDRO

  Good morrow to this fair assembly.

  LEONATO

  Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio:

  Good morning, prince; good morning, Claudio:

  We here attend you. Are you yet determin'd

  We are here to serve you. Are you still determined

  To-day to marry with my brother's daughter?

  To marry my brother’s daughter today?

  CLAUDIO

  I'll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope.

  I wouldn’t change my mind, even if she were an African.

  LEONATO

  Call her forth, brother: here's the friar ready.

  Ask her to come, brother: the friar is here ready.

  [Exit ANTONIO.]

  DON PEDRO

  Good morrow, Benedick.

  Good morning, Benedick.

  Why, what's the matter,

  That you have such a February face,

  So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?

  CLAUDIO

  I think he thinks upon the savage bull.

  I think he is thinking about the savage bull.

  Tush! fear not, man, we'll tip thy horns with gold,

  Enough! Do not fear, man, we’ll tip your horns with gold,

  And all Europa shall rejoice at thee,

  And all Europe shall rejoice at you,

  As once Europa did at lusty Jove,

  As once Europa [a mythological woman] did at Jove

  When he would play the noble beast in love.

  When he carried her off in the form of a bull.

  BENEDICK

  Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low:

  Bull Jove, sir, had a pleasant moo,

  And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow,

  And some such strange bull leaped at your father’s cow,

  And got a calf in that same noble feat,

  Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.

  CLAUDIO

  For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings.

  [Re-enter ANTONIO, with the ladies masked.]

  Which is the lady I must seize upon?

  Which is the lady I must marry?

  ANTONIO

  This same is she, and I do give you her.

  CLAUDIO

  Why then, she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face.

  LEONATO

  No, that you shall not, till you take her hand

  Before this friar, and swear to marry her.

  In front of this friar, and swear to marry her.

  CLAUDIO

  Give me your hand: before this holy friar, I am your husband, if you like of me.

  HERO

  And when I liv'd, I was your other wife:

  And when I lived, I was your other wife:

  [Unmasking.] And when you lov'd, you were my other husband.

  And when you loved, you were my other husband.

  CLAUDIO

  Another Hero!

  HERO

  Nothing certainer:

  Nothing more certain:

  One Hero died defil'd, but I do live,

  One Hero died defiled, but I live,

  And surely as I live, I am a maid.

  And surely as I live, I am a virgin.

  DON PEDRO

  The former Hero! Hero that is dead!

  LEONATO

  She died, my lord, but whiles her slander liv'd.

  She died, my lord, only while her false accusation lived.

  FRIAR

  All this amazement can I qualify:

  I can explain all this:

  When after that the holy rites are ended,

  I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death:

  I will tell you the whole story of beautiful Hero’s death:

  Meantime, let wonder seem familiar,

  And to the chapel let us presently.

  And let us go to the chapel.

  BENEDICK

  Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?

  BEATRICE

  [Unmasking.] I answer to that name. What is your will?

  BENEDICK

  Do not you love me?

  BEATRICE

  Why, no; no more than reason.

  BENEDICK

  Why, then, your uncle and the prince and Claudio

  Have been deceived; for they swore you did.

  BEATRICE

  Do not you love me?

  BENEDICK

  Troth, no; no more than reason.

  Truthfully, no; no more than reason.

  BEATRICE

  Why, then my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula,

  Are much deceiv'd; for they did swear you did.

  Have been much deceived; for they did swear you did.

  BENEDICK

  They swore that you were almost sick for me.

  BEATRICE

  They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.

  They swore that you were almost dead for me.

  BENEDICK

  Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?

  It is no such thing. Then you do not love me?

  BEATRICE

  No, truly, but in friendly recompense.

  No, truly, except in a friendly manner.

  LEONATO

  Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.

  CLAUDIO

  And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her;

  And I’ll swear upon it that he loves her;

  For here's a paper written in his hand,

  For here’s a paper written in his handwriting,

  A halting sonnet of his own pure brain,

  An awkward sonnet of his own creation,

  Fashion'd to Beatrice.

  Written to Beatrice.

  HERO

  And here's another,

  Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket,

  In my cousin’s handwriting, stolen from her pocket,

  Containing her affection unto Benedick.

  Containing her affection for Benedick.

  BENEDICK

  A miracle! here's our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity.

  A miracle! Here’s our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have you; but, by this light, I take you for pity.

  BEATRICE

  I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption.

  I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield to great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I was told you were dying of tuberculosis.

  BENEDICK

  Peace! I will stop your mouth. [Kisses her.]

  Enough! I will cover your mouth. [Kisses her.]

  BENEDICK

  I'll tell thee what, prince; a college of witcrackers cannout flout me out of my humour. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? No; if man will be beaten with brains, a' shall wear nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it; and therefore never flout at me for what I have said against it, for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee; but, in that thou art like to be my kinsman, live unbruised, and love my cousin.

  I’ll tell you what, prince; a whole troop of people making fun of me cannot change my mind. Do you think I care for a satire or an epigram? No; if man will be beaten with brains, there shall be nothing handsome about him. Briefly, since I do intend to marry, I will think nothing meaningful that the world can say against it; and therefore never make fun of me for what I have said against it, for man is a s
illy thing, and this is my conclusion. For your part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten you; but, since you are going to be my relative, live unharmed, and love my cousin.

  CLAUDIO

  I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy single life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out of question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look exceeding narrowly to thee.

  I had hoped you would deny Beatrice, that I might have beaten you out of your single life, to make you a double-dealer; which, out of the question, you will be, if my cousin does not respond well to you.

  BENEDICK

  Come, come, we are friends. Let's have a dance ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives' heels.

  Come, come, we are friends. Let’s have a dance before we are married, so that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels.

  LEONATO

  We'll have dancing afterwards.

  BENEDICK

  First, of my word; therefore play, music! Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife: there is no staff more reverent than one tipped with horn.

  First, by my word; therefore play, music! Prince, you are sad; get yourself a wife, get yourself a wife: there is no staff more respectable than one tipped with horn.

  [Enter Messenger.]

  MESSENGER

  My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight,

  My lord, your brother John has been captured,

  And brought with armed men back to Messina.

  BENEDICK

  Think not on him till to-morrow: I'll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers!

  Do not think about him until tomorrow: I’ll come up with some good punishments for him. Strike up, pipers!

  [Dance. Exeunt.]

  ANTIOCHUS, king of Antioch

  PERICLES, prince of Tyre

  HELICANUS, ESCANES, two lords of Tyre

  SIMONIDES, kIng of Pentapolis

  CLEON, governor of Tarsus

  LYSIMACHUS, governor of Mytilene

  CERIMON, a lord of Ephesus

  THALIARD, a lord of Antioch

  PFIILEMON, servant to Cerimon

  LEONINE, servant to Dionyza

  Marshal

  A Pandar

  BOULT, his servant

  The Daughter of Antiochus

  DIONYZA, wife to Cleon

  THAISA, daughter to Simonides

  MARINA, daughter to Pericles and Thaisa

  LYCHORIDA, nurse to Marina

  A Bawd

  Lords, Knights, Gentlemen, Sailors, Pirates, Fishermen, and Messengers

  DIANA

  GOWER, as Chorus.

  SCENE: Dispersedly in various countries.

  Enter GOWER

  Before the palace of Antioch

  To sing a song that old was sung,