The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Where is the life that I used to lead? Where are those --?

  Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud!

  Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Come on, come on, come on, come on!

  [Re-enter SERVANTS with supper.]

  Why, when, I say?

  --Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.--

  --No, good sweet Kate, be cheerful.--

  Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains! when?

  Take off my boots, you rogues! you villains! when?

  It was the friar of orders grey,

  It was a friar dressed in gray,

  As he forth walked on his way:

  As he walked off upon his way:

  Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:

  Out, you rogue! You hurt my foot when you tugged:

  [Strikes him.]

  Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.

  Take that, and do a better job pulling off the other.

  Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!

  Cheer up, Kate. Some water here; hey!

  Where's my spaniel Troilus?

  Where's my dog Troilus?

  Sirrah, get you hence

  You, get yourself away

  And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:

  And tell my cousin Ferdinand to come here:

  [Exit SERVANT.]

  One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with.

  Where are my slippers?

  Shall I have some water?

  Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.--

  [SERVANT lets the ewer fall. PETRUCHIO strikes him.]

  [SERVANT drops the jug. PETRUCHIO hits him.]

  You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?

  You son of a prostitute! Will you let it fall?

  KATHERINA. Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.

  Patience, I beg you; it was an accident.

  PETRUCHIO. A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!

  [A series of insults.]

  Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.

  Come, Kate, sit down; I know you are hungry.

  Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?--

  Will you say grace, sweet Kate, or shall I instead? --

  What's this? Mutton?

  FIRST SERVANT. Ay.

  Yes.

  PETRUCHIO. Who brought it?

  PETER. I.

  PETRUCHIO. 'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.

  It's burnt; and so is all the food.

  What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?

  What dogs these people are! Where is the rascal cook?

  How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,

  How dare you, villains, bring it from the kitchen,

  And serve it thus to me that love it not?

  And serve it like this to me that hates it?

  [Throws the meat, etc., at them.]

  There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all.

  There, take it to you, plates, cups, and all.

  You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!

  What! do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.

  What! Do you complain? I'll show you.

  KATHERINA. I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet;

  I beg you, husband, do not be so upset;

  The meat was well, if you were so contented.

  The meat was all right, if you would put up with it.

  PETRUCHIO. I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away,

  I tell you, Kate, it was burnt and dried to nothing

  And I expressly am forbid to touch it;

  And I am particularly forbidden to touch it

  For it engenders choler, planteth anger;

  For it causes irritation, gives rise to anger;

  And better 'twere that both of us did fast,

  And it would be better if both of us went without food,

  Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,

  Since, we ourselves are irritable people,

  Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.

  That feed it with such overly cooked meat.

  Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended.

  Be patient; tomorrow it will be fixed.

  And for this night we'll fast for company:

  And as for tonight we'll go without food together;

  Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.

  Come, I will take you to your bedroom.

  [Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, and CURTIS.]

  NATHANIEL. Peter, didst ever see the like?

  Peter, did you ever see anything like it?

  PETER. He kills her in her own humour.

  He's beating her at her own game.

  [Re-enter CURTIS.]

  GRUMIO. Where is he?

  CURTIS. In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;

  In her room, preaching about self-restraint to her;

  And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,

  And yells, and swears, and stamps, so that she, poor soul,

  Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,

  Does not know which way to stand, to look, to speak,

  And sits as one new risen from a dream.

  And sits as one just awake from a dream.

  Away, away! for he is coming hither.

  Away, away! For he is coming here.

  [Exeunt.]

  [Re-enter PETRUCHIO.]

  PETRUCHIO. Thus have I politicly begun my reign,

  In this way I have strategically begun my rule,

  And 'tis my hope to end successfully.

  And it's my hope to end successfully.

  My falcon now is sharp and passing empty.

  My falcon [Kate] is now very hungry.

  And till she stoop she must not be full-gorg'd,

  And until she gives in she must not be full or comfortable.

  For then she never looks upon her lure.

  For then she will never behave as I wish.

  Another way I have to man my haggard,

  I have another way to train my wife,

  To make her come, and know her keeper's call,

  That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites

  That is, to watch her, as we watch these hawks

  That bate and beat, and will not be obedient.

  That bite and fight, and will not be obedient.

  She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;

  She ate no food today, and she will eat none;

  Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;

  Last night she did not sleep, and tonight she shall not;

  As with the meat, some undeserved fault

  As with the food, I'll find some nonexistent problem

  I'll find about the making of the bed;

  With the making of the bed;

  And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,

  And here I'll throw the pillow, there the comforter,

  This way the coverlet, another way the sheets;

  This way the covers, another way the sheets;

  Ay, and amid this hurly I intend

  Yes, and among this chaos I will make it seem

  That all is done in reverend care of her;

  That all this is because I want to take good care of her;

  And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night:

  And, in conclusion, she shall be awake all night:

  And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl,

  And if she starts to fall asleep I'll yell and holler,

  And with the clamour keep her still awake.

  And with the noise keep her awake still.

  This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;

  And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.

  And this is how I will stop her crazy and stubborn ways,

  He that knows better how to tame a shrew,

  He that has a better idea of how
to tame a shrew,

  Now let him speak; 'tis charity to show.

  Now let him speak; I would consider it a favor.

  [Exit.]

  Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house

  [Enter TRANIO and HORTENSIO.]

  TRANIO. Is 't possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca

  Is it possible, my friend Licio, that Miss Bianca

  Doth fancy any other but Lucentio?

  Has a fondness for anyone other than Lucentio?

  I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand.

  I tell you, sir, she likes me very much.

  HORTENSIO. Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said,

  Sir, to see the proof of what I have said,

  Stand by and mark the manner of his teaching.

  Stand by and watch the way he teaches.

  [They stand aside.]

  [Enter BIANCA and LUCENTIO.]

  LUCENTIO. Now, mistress, profit you in what you read?

  Now, miss, are you benefiting by what you read?

  BIANCA. What, master, read you,

  What, master, you read,

  First resolve me that.

  LUCENTIO. I read that I profess, the Art to Love.

  I read what I feel, the Art to Love.

  BIANCA. And may you prove, sir, master of your art!

  And may you turn out, sir, to be master of your art!

  LUCENTIO. While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart.

  While you, sweet dear, turn out to be the lady of my heart.

  [They retire.]

  HORTENSIO. Quick proceeders, marry!

  Fast-moving lovers, indeed!

  Now tell me, I pray,

  Now tell me, please,

  You that durst swear that your Mistress Bianca

  You that dared to swear that your Miss Bianca

  Lov'd none in the world so well as Lucentio.

  Did not love anyone in the world as much as Lucentio.

  TRANIO. O despiteful love! unconstant womankind!

  Oh, spiteful love! Unfaithful womankind!

  I tell thee, Licio, this is wonderful.

  I tell you, Licio, this astonishes me.

  HORTENSIO. Mistake no more; I am not Licio.

  Make no mistake; I am not Licio.

  Nor a musician as I seem to be;

  But one that scorn to live in this disguise

  But one that resents living in this disguise

  For such a one as leaves a gentleman

  And makes a god of such a cullion:

  And makes a god of such a lowly person;

  Know, sir, that I am call'd Hortensio.

  TRANIO. Signior Hortensio, I have often heard

  Sir Hortensio, I have often heard

  Of your entire affection to Bianca;

  Of your deep affection for Bianca;

  And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness,

  And since my eyes have witnessed her unfaithfulness,

  I will with you, if you be so contented,

  I will with you, if you wish,

  Forswear Bianca and her love for ever.

  Give up Bianca and her love forever.

  HORTENSIO. See, how they kiss and court! Signior Lucentio,

  Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow

  Here is my hand, and here I firmly promise

  Never to woo her more, but do forswear her,

  Never to woo her again, but give her up,

  As one unworthy all the former favours

  As one unworthy of all the former favors

  That I have fondly flatter'd her withal.

  That I had fondly flattered her with before.

  TRANIO. And here I take the like unfeigned oath,

  And here I make the same not-faked promise,

  Never to marry with her though she would entreat;

  Never to marry her even if she begged me;

  Fie on her! See how beastly she doth court him!

  Enough with her! See how terrible she is!

  HORTENSIO. Would all the world but he had quite forsworn!

  If only all the world except him had given her up!

  For me, that I may surely keep mine oath,

  For me, so I may surely keep my promise,

  I will be married to a wealtlly widow

  I will be married to a wealthy widow

  Ere three days pass, which hath as long lov'd me

  Before three days pass, who has loved me for as long

  As I have lov'd this proud disdainful haggard.

  As I have loved this proud, stuck-up woman.

  And so farewell, Signior Lucentio.

  Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks,

  Kindness in women, not their beautiful appearance,

  Shall win my love; and so I take my leave,

  Shall win my love; and so I will leave now,

  In resolution as I swore before.

  Resolved as I promised before.

  [Exit HORTENSIO. LUCENTIO and BIANCA advance.]

  TRANIO. Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace

  Miss Bianca, bless you with such luck

  As 'longeth to a lover's blessed case!

  As belong to a lover's blessed case!

  Nay, I have ta'en you napping, gentle love,

  I have surprised you, gentle love,

  And have forsworn you with Hortensio.

  And have given you up with Hortensio.

  BIANCA. Tranio, you jest; but have you both forsworn me?

  Tranio, you're kidding; but have you both given me up?

  TRANIO. Mistress, we have.

  LUCENTIO. Then we are rid of Licio.

  TRANIO. I' faith, he'll have a lusty widow now,

  By my faith, he'll have an energetic widow now,

  That shall be woo'd and wedded in a day.

  That shall be wooed and married in a day.

  BIANCA. God give him joy!

  TRANIO. Ay, and he'll tame her.

  Yes, and he'll tame her.

  BIANCA. He says so, Tranio.

  TRANIO. Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school.

  Faith, he has gone to the taming-school.

  BIANCA. The taming-school! What, is there such a place?

  TRANIO. Ay, mistress; and Petruchio is the master,

  Yes, miss; and Petruchio is the teacher,

  That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long,

  That teaches many kinds of tricks,

  To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue.

  To tame a shrew and calm her excessive chatter.

  [Enter BIONDELLO, running.]

  BIONDELLO. O master, master! I have watch'd so long

  Oh master, master! I have watched so long

  That I am dog-weary; but at last I spied

  That I am exhausted; but at last I noticed

  An ancient angel coming down the hill

  An elderly gentleman coming down the hill

  Will serve the turn.