The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  That fits as well as 'Tell me, good my lord,

  That questions makes as much sense as ‘Tell me, my good lord,What compass will you wear your farthingale?'

  What size hooped petticoat do you wear?’Why even what fashion thou best likest, Lucetta.

  Why, what ever style you like best, Lucette.

  LUCETTA

  You must needs have them with a codpiece, madam.

  You must have breeches with a codpiece, madam.

  JULIA

  Out, out, Lucetta! that would be ill-favour'd.

  Get out, Lucetta! That would be ugly.

  LUCETTA

  A round hose, madam, now's not worth a pin,

  Puffy breeches, madam, are now not worth anything,Unless you have a codpiece to stick pins on.

  Unless you have a codpiece to decorate.

  JULIA

  Lucetta, as thou lovest me, let me have

  Lucette, if you love me, give meWhat thou thinkest meet and is most mannerly.

  Whatever you think is fitting and is most appropriate.But tell me, wench, how will the world repute me

  But tell me, girl, what will the world think about meFor undertaking so unstaid a journey?

  For embarking on such an unseemly journey?I fear me, it will make me scandalized.

  I’m afraid I will be disgraced.

  LUCETTA

  If you think so, then stay at home and go not.

  If you think that will happen, then stay at home and don’t go.

  JULIA

  Nay, that I will not.

  No, I won’t do that.

  LUCETTA

  Then never dream on infamy, but go.

  Then don’t think about a terrible reputation, just go.If Proteus like your journey when you come,

  If Proteus is pleased with your journey when you get there,No matter who's displeased when you are gone:

  I doesn’t matter who doesn’t like that you are gone:I fear me, he will scarce be pleased withal.

  I’m afraid that he won’t be pleased with it.

  JULIA

  That is the least, Lucetta, of my fear:

  That is the smallest of my fears, Lucetta:A thousand oaths, an ocean of his tears

  A thousand promises, an ocean of his tearsAnd instances of infinite of love

  And infinite evidence of loveWarrant me welcome to my Proteus.

  Assure me that Proteus will welcome me.

  LUCETTA

  All these are servants to deceitful men.

  Dishonest men use all the techniques you just named.

  JULIA

  Base men, that use them to so base effect!

  Dishonorable men that use them for such a dishonorable reason!But truer stars did govern Proteus' birth

  But more honest stars did rule over Proteus’ birth;His words are bonds, his oaths are oracles,

  His words are binding promises, his oaths tell the truth,His love sincere, his thoughts immaculate,

  His love is sincere, his thoughts are untainted,His tears pure messengers sent from his heart,

  His tears are pure messengers sent from his heart,His heart as far from fraud as heaven from earth.

  His heart is as far from dishonesty as heaven is from earth.

  LUCETTA

  Pray heaven he prove so, when you come to him!

  I pray to heaven that he proves to be honest when you get to him!

  JULIA

  Now, as thou lovest me, do him not that wrong

  Now, if you love me, don’t commit that unkindness against himTo bear a hard opinion of his truth:

  That holding that poor opinion of his sincereity:Only deserve my love by loving him;

  You should only justify my love by loving him as well;And presently go with me to my chamber,

  And now come with me to me room,To take a note of what I stand in need of,

  To make a list of what I still needTo furnish me upon my longing journey.

  To equip myself for my long journey.All that is mine I leave at thy dispose,

  All that I own, I leave in your control,My goods, my lands, my reputation;

  My goods, my lands, my reputation;Only, in lieu thereof, dispatch me hence.

  Just, in exchange for that, send me there.Come, answer not, but to it presently!

  Come on, don’t answer me, just do it right away!I am impatient of my tarriance.

  I am impatient to delay.

  Exeunt

  The DUKE's palace.

  Enter DUKE, THURIO, and PROTEUS

  DUKE

  Sir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;

  Sir Thurio, give us some space, please, for a little while;We have some secrets to confer about.

  We have some secrets to talk about.

  Exit THURIO

  Now, tell me, Proteus, what's your will with me?

  Now, tell me , Proteus, what is it you want with me?

  PROTEUS

  My gracious lord, that which I would discover

  My gracious lord, the secret that I’ve come to tell youThe law of friendship bids me to conceal;

  Is one that the law of friendship begs me to hide;But when I call to mind your gracious favours

  But when I think of the great favors you haveDone to me, undeserving as I am,

  Done for me, even though I am unworthy,My duty pricks me on to utter that

  My sense of duty urges me to tell you the secret thatWhich else no worldly good should draw from me.

  No other mortal man would be able to get out of me.Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine, my friend,

  Be aware, worthy duke, that my friend, Sir Valentine,This night intends to steal away your daughter:

  Intends to steal away your daughter tonight:Myself am one made privy to the plot.

  I was made aware of the plot in secret.I know you have determined to bestow her

  I know you have decided to give her hand in marriageOn Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates;

  To Thurio, a man who your noble daughter hates;And should she thus be stol'n away from you,

  And if she was stolen away from you like this,It would be much vexation to your age.

  It would be very distressing at your age.Thus, for my duty's sake, I rather chose

  So, because of my duty, I chose To cross my friend in his intended drift

  To betray my friend’s intended planThan, by concealing it, heap on your head

  Instead of, by keeping it secret, loading your heart withA pack of sorrows which would press you down,

  A bundle of grief that would weigh you downBeing unprevented, to your timeless grave.

  Into your premature grave, if it was not prevented.

  DUKE

  Proteus, I thank thee for thine honest care;

  Proteus, thank you for your honest concern;Which to requite, command me while I live.

  Which I will reward by allowing you to ask any favor from me while I live,This love of theirs myself have often seen,

  I have often seen this love of theirs,Haply when they have judged me fast asleep,

  When they perhaps thought that I was fast asleep,And oftentimes have purposed to forbid

  And often I have planned to forbidSir Valentine her company and my court:

  Sir Valentine from being in her company or in my court:But fearing lest my jealous aim might err

  But I was afraid that my suspicious guess might be wrongAnd so unworthily disgrace the man,

  And in doing so I would mistakenly dishonor the man,A rashness that I ever yet have shunn'd,

  Which is a fool act that I have always avoided;I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find

  I looked at him kindly, in order to find outThat which thyself hast now disclosed to me.

  What you have just revealed to me.And, that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,

  And, so that you can see how I have been afraid of this,Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,

  Since I know that inexperienced youth is easy to tempt,I nightly lodge her in a
n upper tower,

  Every night I keep her in a high tower,The key whereof myself have ever kept;

  Whose key I always keep myself;And thence she cannot be convey'd away.

  So that she cannot be stolen away.

  PROTEUS

  Know, noble lord, they have devised a mean

  Be aware, noble lord, that they have come up with a planHow he her chamber-window will ascend

  For him to climb up to her bedroom windowAnd with a corded ladder fetch her down;

  Using a rope ladder and carry her down;For which the youthful lover now is gone

  Which the young lover has now to getAnd this way comes he with it presently;

  And will come back here with it soon;Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.

  Where, if you wanted, you could intercept him.But, good my Lord, do it so cunningly

  But, my good Lord, do it so cleverlyThat my discovery be not aimed at;

  That he won’t guess that I’ve told you of it;For love of you, not hate unto my friend,

  Because it was my admiration of you, not hatred against my friend,Hath made me publisher of this pretence.

  That made me expose his plan.

  DUKE

  Upon mine honour, he shall never know

  I swear on my honor that he will never knowThat I had any light from thee of this.

  That I had any information from you about this.

  PROTEUS

  Adieu, my Lord; Sir Valentine is coming.

  Farewell, my Lord; Sir Valentine is coming.

  Exit

  Enter VALENTINE

  DUKE

  Sir Valentine, whither away so fast?

  Sir Valentine, where are you going so quickly?

  VALENTINE

  Please it your grace, there is a messenger

  If you would like to know, your grace, there is a messengerThat stays to bear my letters to my friends,

  That is waiting to carry letters to my friends,And I am going to deliver them.

  And I am going to give them to him.

  DUKE

  Be they of much import?

  Are they very important?

  VALENTINE

  The tenor of them doth but signify

  The content of them only tells of My health and happy being at your court.

  My healthy and happy life in your court.

  DUKE

  Nay then, no matter; stay with me awhile;

  No then, they’re unimportant; stay here with me for a little while;I am to break with thee of some affairs

  I am going to tell you of some happeningsThat touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.

  That seriously concern me, which you must keep secret.'Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought

  It’s well known to you that I am trying toTo match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

  To marry my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.

  VALENTINE

  I know it well, my Lord; and, sure, the match

  I know that well, my Lord; and, be sure, that matchWere rich and honourable; besides, the gentleman

  Would be rich and honorable; besides, the gentlemanIs full of virtue, bounty, worth and qualities

  Is very virtuous, generous, worthy and has many qualitiesBeseeming such a wife as your fair daughter:

  Fitting for such a wife as your beautiful daughter:Cannot your Grace win her to fancy him?

  Can’t you get her to admire him, you grace?

  DUKE

  No, trust me; she is peevish, sullen, froward,

  No, believe me; she is obstinate, angry, willful,Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,

  Proud, disobedient, stubborn, and without a sense of duty,Neither regarding that she is my child

  Not respecting that she is my childNor fearing me as if I were her father;

  Or being afraid of me since I am her father;And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers,

  And, if I can say this to you, this pride of hers,Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her;

  After serious thought, has made me not love her;And, where I thought the remnant of mine age

  And, where before I thought last of my daysShould have been cherish'd by her child-like duty,

  Would be treasured by her since she is my child,I now am full resolved to take a wife

  I have now decided to take myself a wifeAnd turn her out to who will take her in:

  And turn out my daughter to whoever will take her in:Then let her beauty be her wedding-dower;

  Then her beauty can we her dowry;For me and my possessions she esteems not.

  Since he doesn’t respect me or my possessions.

  VALENTINE

  What would your Grace have me to do in this?

  What would you like me to do about this, your grace?

  DUKE

  There is a lady in Verona here

  There is a lady in here in VeronaWhom I affect; but she is nice and coy

  Whom I love; but she is reluctant and distantAnd nought esteems my aged eloquence:

  And doesn’t respect my old talk of love:Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor—

  So I would like for you to be my teacher—For long agone I have forgot to court;

  Since I have forgot a long time ago how to pursue a woman;Besides, the fashion of the time is changed—

  Besides, the style of the time has changed—How and which way I may bestow myself

  How and in what way can I behaveTo be regarded in her sun-bright eye.

  So that I can well regarded in her sunny eyes.

  VALENTINE

  Win her with gifts, if she respect not words:

  Win her over with gifts, if she doesn’t pay attention your words:Dumb jewels often in their silent kind

  Mute jewels by their silent natureMore than quick words do move a woman's mind.

  Change a woman’s mind quicker than words.

  DUKE

  But she did scorn a present that I sent her.

  But she belittled a present that I sent her.

  VALENTINE

  A woman sometimes scorns what best contents her.

  A woman sometimes will belittle what makes her the most happy.Send her another; never give her o'er;

  Send her another gift; never give up on her;For scorn at first makes after-love the more.

  Since her initial contempt will make her later love all the greater.If she do frown, 'tis not in hate of you,

  If she frowns, it’s not because she hates you,But rather to beget more love in you:

  But rather to make you love her more:If she do chide, 'tis not to have you gone;

  If she scolds you, it’s not so that you will go away;For why, the fools are mad, if left alone.

  Because foolish women go crazy if they are left alone.Take no repulse, whatever she doth say;

  Don’t take any rejections, whatever she may say;For 'get you gone,' she doth not mean 'away!'

  For ‘go away,’ she doesn’t really mean ‘away!’Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;

  Flatter and praise her, admire, commend her virtues;Though ne'er so black, say they have angels' faces.

  No matter how unattractive tell her she has the face of an angel.That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man,

  I say that a man with words is no man at allIf with his tongue he cannot win a woman.

  If his words cannot win over a woman.

  DUKE

  But she I mean is promised by her friends

  But her hand in marriage has been promised by her familyUnto a youthful gentleman of worth,

  To a young gentlemen of importance,And kept severely from resort of men,

  And she is strictly kept away from visits from other men,That no man hath access by day to her.

  So that no man can see her during the day.

  VALENTINE

  Why, then, I would resort to her by night.

  Well, then, I would visit her by night.

  DUKE

  Ay, but t
he doors be lock'd and keys kept safe,

  Yes, but the doors are locked and the keys are kept safe,That no man hath recourse to her by night.

  So that no man has access to her at night.

  VALENTINE

  What lets but one may enter at her window?

  What is to prevent someone form entering from her window?

  DUKE

  Her chamber is aloft, far from the ground,

  Her bedroom is up high, far from the ground,And built so shelving that one cannot climb it

  And built with an overhang so that no one can climb itWithout apparent hazard of his life.

  Without certainly endangering his life.

  VALENTINE

  Why then, a ladder quaintly made of cords,

  Well then, a ladder skillfully made of rope,To cast up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,

  To toss up, with a pair of anchoring hooks,Would serve to scale another Hero's tower,

  Would work to climb this tower that is like Hero’s tower, So bold Leander would adventure it.

  If you would be like Hero’s Leander, and risk climbing it.

  DUKE

  Now, as thou art a gentleman of blood,

  Now, since you are a spirited gentlemanAdvise me where I may have such a ladder.

  Tell me where I may find a ladder like that.

  VALENTINE

  When would you use it? pray, sir, tell me that.

  When would you use it? Please, tell me that, sir.

  DUKE

  This very night; for Love is like a child,

  Tonight; because Love is like a childThat longs for every thing that he can come by.

  That desires everything he can get.

  VALENTINE

  By seven o'clock I'll get you such a ladder.

  By seven o’clock I can get you a ladder like that

  DUKE

  But, hark thee; I will go to her alone:

  But, listen; I will be going to her alone:How shall I best convey the ladder thither?