The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Often visit this lady?

  Host

  I tell you what Launce, his man, told me: he loved

  I’ll tell you what Launce, his servant boy, told me: he lovesher out of all nick.

  Her beyond measure.

  JULIA

  Where is Launce?

  Where is Launce?

  Host

  Gone to seek his dog; which tomorrow, by his

  He’s gone to find his dog; which tomorrow, by hismaster's command, he must carry for a present to his lady.

  Master’s command, he must bring as a present for this lady.

  JULIA

  Peace! stand aside: the company parts.

  Quiet! Step aside: the company is leaving.

  PROTEUS

  Sir Thurio, fear not you: I will so plead

  Sir Thurio, don’t be afraid: I will speak for you so wellThat you shall say my cunning drift excels.

  That you will say my clever plan has worked.

  THURIO

  Where meet we?

  Where will we meet?

  PROTEUS

  At Saint Gregory's well.

  At the well of Saint Gregory.

  THURIO

  Farewell.

  Goodbye.

  Exeunt THURIO and Musicians

  Enter SILVIA above

  PROTEUS

  Madam, good even to your ladyship.

  Madam, good evening to you, my lady.

  SILVIA

  I thank you for your music, gentlemen.

  Thank you for you music, gentlemen.Who is that that spake?

  Who is this speaking?

  PROTEUS

  One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's truth,

  Someone, lady, who if you knew his heart’s pure honesty,You would quickly learn to know him by his voice.

  You would quickly learn to recognize him by the sound of his voice.

  SILVIA

  Sir Proteus, as I take it.

  It sounds like Sir Proteus.

  PROTEUS

  Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant.

  Sir Proteus, noble lady, who is your follower,

  SILVIA

  What's your will?

  What do you want?

  PROTEUS

  That I may compass yours.

  To win you over.

  SILVIA

  You have your wish; my will is even this:

  You’ve done that; I want you to do this:That presently you hie you home to bed.

  Immediately hurry to your home and go to bed.Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man!

  You tricky, lying, faithless, disloyal man!Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,

  Do you think that I am so shallow, so unintelligence,To be seduced by thy flattery,

  To be seduced by your flattery,That hast deceived so many with thy vows?

  When you have tricked so many other with your promises?Return, return, and make thy love amends.

  Return home, and make amends with your love , Julia.For me, by this pale queen of night I swear,

  As for me, I swear by the moon,I am so far from granting thy request

  That I am so far from being won over by you,That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit,

  And I hate you for dishonestly pursing me,And by and by intend to chide myself

  And soon I intend to scold myselfEven for this time I spend in talking to thee.

  For even spending this much time talking to you.

  PROTEUS

  I grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady;

  I admit, sweet love, that I did love another lady;But she is dead.

  But she is dead.

  JULIA

  [Aside] 'Twere false, if I should speak it;

  [Aside] That’s a lie, just as if I had said it;For I am sure she is not buried.

  For I know for sure that she isn’t buried.

  SILVIA

  Say that she be; yet Valentine thy friend

  Even if she is; your friend Valentine stillSurvives; to whom, thyself art witness,

  Lives; to whom, as you know yourself,I am betroth'd: and art thou not ashamed

  I intend to marry: and were you not ashamedTo wrong him with thy importunacy?

  To betray him with your persistent pleas?

  PROTEUS

  I likewise hear that Valentine is dead.

  I also hear that Valentine is dead.

  SILVIA

  And so suppose am I; for in his grave

  And so I suppose that I am too; because in his grave,Assure thyself my love is buried.

  Rest assured, my love is already buried.

  PROTEUS

  Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.

  Sweet lady, let me unbury it from the earth.

  SILVIA

  Go to thy lady's grave and call hers thence,

  Got to your lady’s grave and bring hers out,Or, at the least, in hers sepulchre thine.

  Or, at the very least, burry your love in her grave.

  JULIA

  [Aside] He heard not that.

  [Aside] He didn’t hear that.

  PROTEUS

  Madam, if your heart be so obdurate,

  Madam, if your heart is so stubborn,Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love,

  Allow me to have a picture of you for me to love,The picture that is hanging in your chamber;

  The picture that is hanging in your bedroom;To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep:

  I’ll speak to it, I’ll sigh and weep to it:For since the substance of your perfect self

  Because since your actual perfect selfIs else devoted, I am but a shadow;

  Is devoted to someone else, I am only a shadow;And to your shadow will I make true love.

  And I will show my true love to your portrait.

  JULIA

  [Aside] If 'twere a substance, you would, sure, deceive it,

  [Aside] If it were really her, you would, surely, be unfaithful to her,And make it but a shadow, as I am.

  And turn her into a ghost, as you did me.

  SILVIA

  I am very loath to be your idol, sir;

  I am very reluctant to be the figure you worship, sir;But since your falsehood shall become you well

  But since it will be fitting for your dishonestyTo worship shadows and adore false shapes,

  To worship portraits and adore artificial figures,Send to me in the morning and I'll send it:

  Send something to me in the mornings and I’ll send it to you:And so, good rest.

  And now, good night.

  PROTEUS

  As wretches have o'ernight

  I will wait overnight like criminal haveThat wait for execution in the morn.

  Who are waiting for their execution in the morning.

  Exeunt PROTEUS and SILVIA severally

  JULIA

  Host, will you go?

  Host, are you ready to go?

  Host

  By my halidom, I was fast asleep.

  By all this is holy, I was fast asleep.

  JULIA

  Pray you, where lies Sir Proteus?

  Please, tell me where Sir Proteus lives?

  Host

  Marry, at my house. Trust me, I think 'tis almost day.

  By Mary, at my house. Believe me, I think it’s almost daybreak.

  JULIA

  Not so; but it hath been the longest night

  It’s not; but it has been the longest nightThat e'er I watch'd and the most heaviest.

  That I have ever stayed awake for, and the most sad.

  Exeunt

  Enter EGLAMOUR

  EGLAMOUR

  This is the hour that Madam Silvia

  This is the time that Madam SilviaEntreated me to call and know her mind:

  Asked me to visit and find out what she’s thinking:There's some great matter she'ld employ me in.

  There’s some great matter that she would like me to help with.Madam, madam!

  Madam, madam!
>
  Enter SILVIA above

  SILVIA

  Who calls?

  Who’s calling?

  EGLAMOUR

  Your servant and your friend;Your follower and your friend;

  One that attends your ladyship's command.

  Someone who waits for your command, my lady.

  SILVIA

  Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good morrow.

  Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good morning.

  EGLAMOUR

  As many, worthy lady, to yourself:

  And just as many to yourself, good lady:According to your ladyship's impose,

  According to your ladyship’s command,I am thus early come to know what service

  I have come by this early to know what helpIt is your pleasure to command me in.

  You would like to have from me.

  SILVIA

  O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman—

  Oh, Eglamour, you are a gentleman—Think not I flatter, for I swear I do not—

  Don’t think I’m flattering you, because I swear I’m not—Valiant, wise, remorseful, well accomplish'd:

  You’re brave, wise, caring, and very successful;Thou art not ignorant what dear good will

  You are aware what genuine loveI bear unto the banish'd Valentine,

  I have for the exiled Valentine;Nor how my father would enforce me marry

  And how my father wants to force me to marryVain Thurio, whom my very soul abhors.

  The foolish Thurio, who my very own soul hates.Thyself hast loved; and I have heard thee say

  You have been in love; and I have heard you sayNo grief did ever come so near thy heart

  That your heart never experience any griefAs when thy lady and thy true love died,

  Like when your lady who was your true love died,Upon whose grave thou vow'dst pure chastity.

  And on whose grave you swore to never be with another woman.Sir Eglamour, I would to Valentine,

  Sir Eglamour, I want to go to Valentine,To Mantua, where I hear he makes abode;

  To Mantua, where I’ve heard he lives;And, for the ways are dangerous to pass,

  And, because the journey there is dangerous,I do desire thy worthy company,

  I would like your valuable company,Upon whose faith and honour I repose.

  Since I can happily rely on your faith and honor.Urge not my father's anger, Eglamour,

  Don’t provoke my father’s anger, Eglamour,But think upon my grief, a lady's grief,

  But think about my grief, a lady’s grief,And on the justice of my flying hence,

  And about the righteousness of me escaping from here,To keep me from a most unholy match,

  To keep me away from a terrible marriage,Which heaven and fortune still rewards with plagues.

  Which heaven and luck always repay with misfortunes.I do desire thee, even from a heart

  I want you, even though my heart isAs full of sorrows as the sea of sands,

  As full of sorrow as the sea is of sand,To bear me company and go with me:

  To keep me company and go with me:If not, to hide what I have said to thee,

  If not, I want you to keep secret what I have said to you,That I may venture to depart alone.

  So that I can try to leave on my own.

  EGLAMOUR

  Madam, I pity much your grievances;

  Madam, I pity your distress;Which since I know they virtuously are placed,

  And since I know your requests are honorable,I give consent to go along with you,

  I agree to go with you,Recking as little what betideth me

  With as little care of what may happen to meAs much I wish all good befortune you.

  As I greatly wish that only good happens to you.When will you go?

  When would you like to go?

  SILVIA

  This evening coming.

  This coming evening.

  EGLAMOUR

  Where shall I meet you?

  Where should I meet you?

  SILVIA

  At Friar Patrick's cell,

  At Friar Patrick’s room,Where I intend holy confession.

  Where I make my holy confessions.

  EGLAMOUR

  I will not fail your ladyship. Good morrow, gentle lady.

  I will not fail you, my lady. Good morning, noble lady.

  SILVIA

  Good morrow, kind Sir Eglamour.

  Good morning, kind Sir Eglamour.

  Exeunt severally

  Enter LAUNCE, with his Dog

  LAUNCE

  When a man's servant shall play the cur with him,

  When a man’s dog makes him seem like a dog,look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a

  It’s a hard thing, I tell you: I brought him up from apuppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or

  Puppy; I saved him from drowning, when three orfour of his blind brothers and sisters went to it.

  Four of his still blind brothers and sisters were drowned.I have taught him, even as one would say precisely,

  I have taught him, exactly as one would say,'thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to deliver

  ‘This is how I would teach a dog.’ I was sent to deliverhim as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master;

  him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master;and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he

  And no sooner then I have come into the dining room, hesteps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg:

  Walks us over to her plate and steals her chicken leg:O, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself

  Oh, it’s a terrible thing when a dog can’t control himselfin all companies! I would have, as one should say,

  In anyone’s company! I have, as they say,one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be,

  A dog that takes it upon himself to really be dog, to beas it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had

  Really experienced at being a dog, as it were. If I didn’t havemore wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did,

  More intelligence than he does, so that I took the blame on myself for what he did,I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I

  I think he would really have been killed for it; as surely as Ilive, he had suffered for't; you shall judge. He

  Live, he would have suffered for it; you can be the judge of that. Hethrusts me himself into the company of three or four

  Shoved himself into the company of three of fourgentlemanlike dogs under the duke's table: he had

  Noble dogs under the duke’s table: he hadnot been there--bless the mark!--a pissing while, but

  Only been there—pardon the phrase!—the short time it takes to piss, beforeall the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says

  The whole room could smell him ‘Get that dog out!’ saidone: 'What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him

  One person: ‘What mutt is that?’ said another: ‘Whip himout' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke.

  Out of here’ said a third: ‘Have him killed’ says the duke.I, having been acquainted with the smell before,

  I, since I had smelled that smell before,knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that

  Knew that it was Crab, and I went to the man thatwhips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip

  Whips the dogs: ‘Friend,’ I said, ‘do you intend to whipthe dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. 'You do him

  This dog?’ ‘Yes, by Mary, I do,’ he said. ‘You would be whipping himthe more wrong,' quoth I; ''twas I did the thing you

  Mistakenly,’ I said; ‘it was me that did the thing youwot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out

  Were told of.’ He took no more time, but whipped me outof the chamber. How many masters would do this for

  Of the chamber. How many master would do this forhis servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the

  His dog? No, I swear, I have sat in thestocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had

  Chains fo
r sausages he stole, because otherwise he would have been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese

  Been killed; I have stood locked up for geesehe hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't.

  He killed, because otherwise he would have suffered for it.Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the

  Don’t think about it now. No, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam

  Trick you, Crab, played on me when I took you to MadamSilvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I

  Silvia; didn’t I ask you to pay attention to me and do as Ido? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make

  Do? When did you ever see me lift up my leg andwater against a gentlewoman's farthingale? Didst

  Pee on a lady’s hooped petticoat? Did thou ever see me do such a trick?

  You ever see me do such a trick?

  Enter PROTEUS and JULIA

  PROTEUS

  Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well

  Sebastian is you name? I like youAnd will employ thee in some service presently.

  And will hire you to do something for my right now.

  JULIA

  In what you please: I'll do what I can.

  Whatever you like: I’ll do what I can.

  PROTEUS

  I hope thou wilt.

  I hope you will.

  To LAUNCE

  How now, you whoreson peasant!

  What no, you peasant son of a whore!Where have you been these two days loitering?

  Where have you been lurking the past two days?

  LAUNCE

  Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

  By Mary, sir, I brought Mistress Silvia the dog that you asked me to.

  PROTEUS

  And what says she to my little jewel?