The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 658
Our doubtful hope, our convoy, and our bark.
Alarum. Enter AENEAS
Quiet, you appalling racket! Quiet, vulgar sounds!
You're fools on both sides! Helen must be beautiful,
for you to be painting her with your blood like this every day.
I can't fight for this cause; it's too pathetic an argument for me.
But Pandarus–oh gods, how you torture me!
I cannot get to Cressida except through Pandarus;
and it's as difficult to persuade him to do my wooing
as it is to get her to listen to it.
Tell me, Apollo, out of your love for Daphne,
what is Cressida, what is Pandarus, and what am I?
Her home is India; she lies there, a pearl;
between our Ilium and her home
is the wild and open ocean;
I am the trader, and this Pandarus
is my uncertain hope, protector and means of access.
AENEAS.
How now, Prince Troilus! Wherefore not afield?
Hello there, Prince Troilus! Why are you not at the battle?
TROILUS.
Because not there. This woman's answer sorts,
For womanish it is to be from thence.
What news, Aeneas, from the field to-day?
Because I'm not there. This woman's answer is suitable,
because not being there is to be like a woman.
What happened on the battlefield today, Aeneas?
AENEAS.
That Paris is returned home, and hurt.
Paris has come home, wounded.
TROILUS.
By whom, Aeneas?
By whom, Aeneas?
AENEAS.
Troilus, by Menelaus.
Troilus, by Menelaus.
TROILUS.
Let Paris bleed: 'tis but a scar to scorn;
Paris is gor'd with Menelaus' horn.
[Alarum]
Let Paris bleed: he's got what he deserves;
he's been wounded by the one he cheated on.
AENEAS.
Hark what good sport is out of town to-day!
Hear what good sport there ison the battlefield today!
TROILUS.
Better at home, if 'would I might' were 'may.'
But to the sport abroad. Are you bound thither?
There would be better sport at home, if I had my way.
But I'll go to the sport outside. Are you going there?
AENEAS.
In all swift haste.
As quickly as I can.
TROILUS.
Come, go we then together.
Exeunt
Come on then, we'll go together.
Enter CRESSIDA and her man ALEXANDER
CRESSIDA.
Who were those went by?
Who were those people who just passed?
ALEXANDER.
Queen Hecuba and Helen.
Queen Hecuba and Helen.
CRESSIDA.
And whither go they?
And where are they going?
ALEXANDER.
Up to the eastern tower,
Whose height commands as subject all the vale,
To see the battle. Hector, whose patience
Is as a virtue fix'd, to-day was mov'd.
He chid Andromache, and struck his armourer;
And, like as there were husbandry in war,
Before the sun rose he was harness'd light,
And to the field goes he; where every flower
Did as a prophet weep what it foresaw
In Hector's wrath.
Up to the eastern tower,
where there are views over the whole plain,
to see the battle. Hector, whose calm is usually
unflappable, was angry today.
He scolded Andromache, and hit his armorer;
and, showing what a well-organised warrior he is,
before the sun rose he had his armour on,
and went to the battlefield; every flower there
wept like a prophet at what it saw would happen
due to Hector's anger.
CRESSIDA.
What was his cause of anger?
What caused his anger?
ALEXANDER.
The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
A lord of Troyan blood, nephew to Hector;
They call him Ajax.
The rumour has it, this: amongst the Greeks there is
a lord of Trojan blood, Hector's nephew;
they call him Ajax.
CRESSIDA.
Good; and what of him?
I see; and what about him?
ALEXANDER.
They say he is a very man per se,
And stands alone.
They say he's an extraordinary man,
he stands alone.
CRESSIDA.
So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no
legs.
So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.
ALEXANDER.
This man, lady, hath robb'd many beasts of their
particular additions: he is as valiant as a lion, churlish as the
bear, slow as the elephant-a man into whom nature hath so crowded
humours that his valour is crush'd into folly, his folly sauced
with discretion. There is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a
glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of
it; he is melancholy without cause and merry against the hair; he
hath the joints of every thing; but everything so out of joint
that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind
Argus, all eyes and no sight.
This man, lady, has taken on the qualities of many animals:
he is as brave as a lion, vicious as a bear, ponderous as an elephant–
a man whom nature has filled with so many moods that
his bravery has become recklessness, his recklessness touched with
discretion. There is no virtue in any man that he hasn't
got a bit of, and there's no bad quality missing either;
he gets depressed for no reason and is jolly when he shouldn't be;
he has all the good parts of men, but strangely put together so that
he is like Briareus, with many hands but so full of gout that he can't
use them, or shortsighted Argus, with a hundred eyes but still blind.
CRESSIDA.
But how should this man, that makes me smile, make Hector
angry?
But why does this man, the sound of whom makes me smile, make Hector
angry?
ALEXANDER.
They say he yesterday cop'd Hector in the battle and
struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath ever since
kept Hector fasting and waking.
They say that yesterday he fought against Hector in the battle and
struck him down, which wounded Hector's pride so much that he hasn't
eaten or slept since.
Enter PANDARUS
CRESSIDA.
Who comes here?
Who's this coming?
ALEXANDER.
Madam, your uncle Pandarus.
Madam, your uncle Pandarus.
CRESSIDA.
Hector's a gallant man.
Hector's a brave man.
ALEXANDER.
As may be in the world, lady.
As much as anyone in the world, lady.
PANDARUS.
What's that? What's that?
What's that? What's that?
CRESSIDA.
Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.
Good day, uncle Pandarus.
PANDARUS.
Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk of?- Good
morrow, Alexander.-How do you, cousin? When were you at Ilium?
Good day, cousin
Cressida. What are you talking about?–
Good day, Alexander.–How are you, cousin? When were you at Troy?
CRESSIDA.
This morning, uncle.
This morning, uncle.
PANDARUS.
What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector arm'd
and gone ere you came to Ilium? Helen was not up, was she?
What were you talking about when I arrived? Was Hector armed
and gone before you came to Troy? Helen wasn't up, was she?
CRESSIDA.
Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.
Hector was gone; but Helen was not up.
PANDARUS.
E'en so. Hector was stirring early.
I see. Hector was up early.
CRESSIDA.
That were we talking of, and of his anger.
That's what we were talking about, and about his anger.
PANDARUS.
Was he angry?
Was he angry?
CRESSIDA.
So he says here.
So this one says.
PANDARUS.
True, he was so; I know the cause too; he'll lay about
him today, I can tell them that. And there's Troilus will not
come far behind him; let them take heed of Troilus, I can tell
them that too.
It's true, he was; I know the reason too; he'll do some damage
today, I can tell them that. And Troilus won't be far behind him;
let them look out for Troilus, I can tell them that too.
CRESSIDA.
What, is he angry too?
What, is he angry as well?
PANDARUS.
Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.
Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.
CRESSIDA.
O Jupiter! there's no comparison.
O Jupiter! There is no comparison.
PANDARUS.
What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man
if you see him?
What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you recognise a man
when you see him?
CRESSIDA.
Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.
Yes, if I've seen him before and know him.
PANDARUS.
Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.
Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.
CRESSIDA.
Then you say as I say, for I am sure he is not Hector.
Then you're saying the same as me, for I am sure he is not Hector.
PANDARUS.
No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.
No, and Hector is not Troilus by a long shot.
CRESSIDA.
'Tis just to each of them: he is himself.
That's fair to each of them: he is himself.
PANDARUS.
Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were!
Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I wish he was!
CRESSIDA.
So he is.
Well he is.
PANDARUS.
Condition I had gone barefoot to India!
That's about as likely as me making a barefoot pilgrimage to India!
CRESSIDA.
He is not Hector.
He is not Hector.
PANDARUS.
Himself! no, he's not himself. Would 'a were himself!
Well, the gods are above; time must friend or end. Well, Troilus,
well! I would my heart were in her body! No, Hector is not a
better man than Troilus.
Himself! No, he's not himself. I wish he was himself!
Well, the gods rule everything; time must make things better or finish them.
Well, Troilus, well! I wish my heart was in her body! No, Hector is not a
better man than Troilus.
CRESSIDA.
Excuse me.
I beg to differ.
PANDARUS.
He is elder.
He is older.
CRESSIDA.
Pardon me, pardon me.
I can't agree with you.
PANDARUS.
Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another tale
when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not have his wit this
year.
Troilus isn't fully grown yet; you'll soon change your tune
when he is. Hector won't be able to match his intelligence within a year.
CRESSIDA.
He shall not need it if he have his own.
He won't need to if he has his own.
PANDARUS.
Nor his qualities.
He won't have the same qualities.
CRESSIDA.
No matter.
It doesn't matter.
PANDARUS.
Nor his beauty.
Nor his beauty.
CRESSIDA.
'Twould not become him: his own's better.
It wouldn't suit him: his own is better.
PANDARUS.
You have no judgment, niece. Helen herself swore th'
other day that Troilus, for a brown favour, for so 'tis, I must
confess- not brown neither-
You're a poor judge, niece. Helen herself swore the
other day that Troilus, for someone with a dark complexion, which he has,
I must confess–not really dark–
CRESSIDA.
No, but brown.
No, it is dark.
PANDARUS.
Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
I swear, to tell the truth, it's dark and not dark.
CRESSIDA.
To say the truth, true and not true.
To tell the truth, it's true and not true.
PANDARUS.
She prais'd his complexion above Paris.
She praised his complexion as being better than that of Paris.
CRESSIDA.
Why, Paris hath colour enough.
Why, Paris has a good enough colour.
PANDARUS.
So he has.
Yes he has.
CRESSIDA.
Then Troilus should have too much. If she prais'd him
above, his complexion is higher than his; he having colour
enough, and the other higher, is too flaming praise for a good
complexion. I had as lief Helen's golden tongue had commended
Troilus for a copper nose.
So in that case Troilus has too much. If she praised him above
Paris, then his complexion is redder than his; as Paris has
a good enough colour, and Troilus is redder, then the praise
is no praise at all. It would be just the same as if Helen had
praised him for having a red nose.
PANDARUS.
I swear to you I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
I swear to you I think Helen loves him more than Paris.
CRESSIDA.
Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
Then she certainly shares out her Greek favours.
PANDARUS.
Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other day
into the compass'd window-and you know he has not past three or
four hairs on his chin-
No, I am sure she does. She came to him the other day
by the bay window–and you know he hasn't got more than three or four hairs
on his chin–
CRESSIDA.
Indeed a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
particulars therein to a total.
Yes, even a barman could quickly add up
his total there.
PANDARUS.
Why, he is very young, and yet will he within three pound
lift as much as his brother Hector.
Why, he is very young, yet he can lift weights within three pounds
of those his brother Hector can.
; CRESSIDA.
Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?
Such a young man thrusting so much up?
PANDARUS.
But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came and
puts me her white hand to his cloven chin-
But to prove to you Helen loves him: she came and
put her white hand on his split chin–
CRESSIDA.
Juno have mercy! How came it cloven?
Juno have mercy!How did it come to be split?
PANDARUS.
Why, you know, 'tis dimpled. I think his smiling becomes
him better than any man in all Phrygia.
Well, you know, it is dimpled. I think his smile suits
him better than any man in all of Phrygia.