Spirit of the Wolf

by Vonna Harper

  A faint but sharp sound alerted her to movement from Matt. He’d started walking toward Matichu.

  “Don’t!” Springing after him, she tightly wrapped her arms around his waist. Still, if he wanted, he could easily shake her off. “Matt, don’t risk—”

  “What about Santo?” Matt demanded of the now-standing great wolf. “That had to be you. He died before the wolves arrived.”

  I hated him.

  For a moment Cat believed Matt was going to attack Matichu. His body vibrated and a primal scent emanated from him. “Why?” he spat out.

  Because of you.

  “Me?”

  You loved him.

  “Oh, God,” she heard herself say as a thought struck her. It was impossible, wasn’t it? And yet... “Why does anything in Matt’s life matter to you?” she asked, nibbling at the edges of what was opening up inside her. “Like I said, you’re a solitary creature. A guide for the old Paiutes. Your role is—was—to help them connect with the spirit world. Isn’t that enough?”

  “The old Paiutes are gone,” Matt said, with his back still to her and his tone now rough. “The wolves had been killed. That left Matichu with nothing. No one. Decades of loneliness.”

  For the first time, Matt sounded sympathetic toward Matichu, but that wouldn’t last once his thoughts returned to Matichu’s role in Santo’s death. Praying she could keep him calm while opening what might be a massive Pandora’s box, she touched her lips to the back of his neck. He started but still didn’t acknowledge her.

  “I’m sorry for you,” she told Matichu, meaning it. “I didn’t have much in the way of parents. Matt didn’t have a mother and his father—”

  I know.

  Matt hadn’t lived around here when his father was alive. Maybe Matichu had overheard her and Addie talking and then Matt telling her about finding his father’s body, and maybe the Pandora’s box’s lid was about to open.

  “I’m trying to understand,” Matt said when it felt as if the silence had gone on forever. “What was the period after whites arrived like? You entered in a kind of limbo when the old ways ended? Maybe you went into hibernation until the wolves returned. No, that’s not right. You were awake—is that the right word?—when you killed Santo.”

  I didn’t kill him. I revealed myself to him. Tried to speak. His foolish horse panicked.

  “I’m sure it did. And Santo, he was desperately trying to comprehend what he was seeing. By the time he started to regain control over the horse, it was too late.”

  Unlike a little while ago, anger didn’t rule Matt’s voice. He hadn’t forgiven Matichu, but maybe he’d set hatred aside while trying to understand what she already comprehended?

  What happened happened.

  “In other words, Santo’s death and the impact on those who loved him doesn’t matter to you.”

  You have no idea what I’ve endured. You speak of hibernation. My soul shattered when a bullet struck the last wolf and the old Paiutes died and their children stopped coming to Grizzly’s Home. When they forgot about me.

  Tears blurred Cat’s vision. Was it possible to be numb with disbelief while at the same time being locked into the creature’s every word?

  “Your soul died?” she managed, feeling she had no choice but to forge ahead. “But it, or something, is alive now. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

  Matichu’s great head lifted, and he stared at the sky. So many seasons of nothing, of waiting, needing.

  “Waiting for what?” Matt asked.

  Looking as if he’d long been wanting to have someone to speak to, Matichu nodded. A way to become real again. To feel. To care. To connect with something.

  Matt tensed. “How did that happen?”

  There was a soul, a broken spirit in need of a home. We came together.

  Knowing what was coming didn’t stop the shock from slamming into Cat. Matt gasped and the knife he’d been holding clattered to the ground.

  You understand.

  She did, barely, but this wasn’t for her to say. Only her lover, her man, could speak the words.

  “Whose soul, Matichu?” Matt demanded in the deepest tone she’d ever heard from him. “Or should I call you Kaga?”

  You understand.

  “I’m trying.”

  Reaching behind him, Matt dragged her to his side. Her boot brushed the knife that Kaga had killed himself with but that would be useless against Matichu, not that she wanted the savage and complex creature dead.

  “When did the coming together happen?” she asked. “The connection with Kaga’s soul.” Was she really asking this? “How? He’s been dead for years.”

  A fine tremor ran through Matt, prompting her to pray for a way to protect him from the incomprehensible reality. Matichu glared.

  A lost soul simply is. It has no age. It floats here and there looking for a place to belong.

  “And my father’s soul came to this area because that’s where I am.”

  Everything was so complex, a vast amount of information that boiled down to one thing. Matichu and Kaga had become one.

  And because I wanted to reside in a spirit wolf’s body.

  “You?” Cat blurted. “Who is talking now, the wolf or the man?”

  Both.

  “Oh, shit,” Matt breathed. He drew her to his side and kissed her.

  Don’t do that!

  “Don’t do what?” Matt demanded while she stared at Matichu’s newly bared teeth.

  Give yourself to her. You belong to me.

  Now it was her turn to mutter, “Oh, shit.” She should have seen this coming. Of course Matichu / Kaga wanted Matt to himself.

  “You’re wrong. I don’t belong to you.”

  Struck by Matt’s apparent calmness in contrast to everything she was feeling, she flattened a hand over his chest.

  Stop! You have no right to him. Wolf eyes narrowed. The creature stepped toward them.

  Reaching down, Matt snagged the knife and pointed it toward Matichu. “Dad, I forgave you for using my gift to you to get yourself out of the hell you were in. I’ve never known why I kept it, but now I do.” He squared his shoulders. “If I use it on myself, you’ll have nothing. Unlike your soul, mine would end.”

  Matt wasn’t contemplating committing suicide; she’d never believe that. But what remained of his father might not know.

  “I don’t understand what happened,” Matt continued. “I’m not sure either of you do. All we know is somehow Matichu and Kaga became one. What was it, Matichu? Suddenly you felt alive again?”

  We awakened slowly, pieces at a time. You were here, growing up, becoming a man. We absorbed your energy. And when you met her and sex became everything, we took some of that heat.

  “Matt,” she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  “For what? We didn’t know what was happening.” Again he turned his attention to the great wolf.

  “You’re right. Matichu, when you went after Santo, did you know the wolves were returning?”

  I will not speak to you. Matt belongs to me, not you. Fangs again exposed, Matichu crouched. His powerful muscles tensed.

  “Stop it!” Pushing her behind him, Matt stepped toward the beast. He now held the knife in both hands. “She’s my future, not you. You can’t claim me. Do you get it? You can’t!”

  If she’s dead—

  “Then you’ll have killed me. Dad, I lost you years before you ended your misery, so I know what loss feels like. I can’t do it again. I won’t.”

  Matichu’s muzzle wrinkled, making her think he was trying to pull in Matt’s and her scents. Even with fear engulfing her, she remained aware of the arousal caused by Matt’s presence.

  I’m not crazy anymore, son. My mind’s clear. I need you in my life.

  A tear trickled down her right cheek. She didn’t bother to brush it away. “Of course you do,” she muttered. “But your son is a man with his own life. You have to let him live it.”

  Matichu—or was Ka
ga responsible?—extended a paw, only to draw it back. His ebony eyes glittered.

  “She’s right, Dad.” Something, tears probably, clogged Matt’s throat. “Everything has changed for both of us. You’re in a predator’s body, so I understand your impulses. I’m . . . I’m trying to forgive you and Matichu for what happened to Santo. If I do, will you forgive me for not being able to save you?” He ran his thumb and forefinger down the knife’s broad sides.

  You are my son. I would never fault you. My madness was beyond your comprehension. And mine too.

  The beast was crying. Seeing his tears nearly dropped her to her knees. Whatever happened next was between Matt and his father—and Matichu.

  “We have today,” Matt said, “and tomorrow. The past is over. Do you understand?”

  Knowing how important the past was for both Kaga and Matichu, she was surprised when the creature nodded.

  “You want us to have a relationship,” Matt continued. “So do I, but not if it’s ruled by predator actions.”

  What do you mean?

  “No more commanding the wolf pack to attack or stalk humans.”

  “He’s right,” she said, even though she’d just again vowed to remain silent. “Wolves’ survival here depends on coexisting peacefully with humans and their animals. Otherwise, it’ll become open season on the pack.”

  Maybe she was mistaken, but she thought she saw slow comprehension in the large, dark canine eyes. Some six feet now separated her from Matt, and yet she felt every inch and ounce of him. Wanted him with her whole body.

  “She’s right,” Matt said. “What happens to the pack is in your hands—paws. Let them be wolves. They’ll respect the boundaries humans set up.”

  Without the wolves I have nothing, unless it’s you.

  All right. So Matichu / Kaga didn’t yet accept her. She could live with that, for now.

  “Matt,” she said, “the old Paiutes worshipped and depended on Matichu for guidance. What if that happens again?”

  “How?”

  He’d spun toward her before asking. Looking into eyes that reminded her of the great wolf’s made it nearly impossible for her to go on. Still she knew what she had and wanted to do.

  “By starting with Helaku.” She looked at the creature as she spoke. “By bringing him to see and connect with Matichu.”

  Matt slid the knife back into its sheath and held out both hands. Still watching Matichu / Kaga, she went to him. One leg went between his and their heat bled together.

  “Will you do it?” Matt asked his father and the spirit creature he’d united with. “Show today’s Paiutes yesterday’s wisdom?”

  I would love to, yes.

  Epilogue

  The long and emotionally draining day nibbled at Cat’s muscles. Every time she tried to replay the conversation that had taken place at Grizzly’s Home, all she got was fragments. Hopefully by morning she’d be able to recall the details. One thing she did know, she’d soon be getting in touch with Helaku.

  She’d thrown together a couple of sandwiches and a salad while Matt tended to the horses. They’d eaten with their heads down, stuffing their empty bellies. Then Matt had lifted her in his arms and carried her into her bedroom. Prompted by his strong, weathered body and her own humming one, she all but parked her mind at the door.

  “Wait a minute,” she protested when Matt plunked her onto the side of the bed and, kneeling, started pulling off her boots. “You’re acting pretty darn sure of yourself.”

  “I’m acting like a man who survived a storm and is celebrating.”

  She waited until her boots and socks were off and her jeans unzipped before fisting her hands in his hair and forcing him to look up at her. He tried to pull free, but she was having none of that.

  “The way I look at it,” she said, “you’ve been more than happy to let Matichu and your dad mess with your libido lately.”

  “That’s news to me.”

  “Yeah, right.” No longer interested in exerting control over him, she released his hair and started in on her braid. “I’ve been jumping your bones long enough to know your standard operating procedure. You’ve always been quick on the trigger—no complaints there—but until a short while ago, you didn’t pull that Me-Tarzan business.”

  Still kneeling, Matt placed his hands on her thighs. Holding on to her train of thought would be easier if his fingers weren’t heading for her crotch.

  “I’m not Tarzan. Never been near a jungle.”

  “You know what I’m talking about—the semi-bondage thing, exerting your rights.” Done with her hair, she shook her head so the strands fluttered over her shoulders. Oh, to be rid of her top. “That was predator behavior. The wolf or spirit or whatever trying to take over.”

  Matt’s fingers stilled, and his features sobered. “If I’d known what was responsible for—”

  “Would that have changed things?” Groaning, she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. “My brain’s used up. I don’t think I can hold up my end of a conversation about the weather.”

  “I’m not asking you to.” Planting his hands on her inner thighs, he spread her legs and nuzzled her jeans’ covered crotch with his chin. “In fact, I’d like to declare a moratorium on thinking and talking.”

  It was dark out and getting cold. She should have closed her window. She would, later.

  “You’re forgetting one thing. This is my place.”

  Still holding her legs apart, he cocked his head. “Your point is?”

  This was the Matt she’d initially lusted after. That man loved to make a game of sex, to take things light and hard.

  Folding her arms across her breasts, she gave him her best glare. “I’ve put up with a lot of Tarzan behavior lately. You know what they say about variety being the spice of . . . well, however it goes. Tonight’s about turning things on end, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.”

  A shadow briefly stole Matt’s amused expression. Instead of telling him she didn’t mean it, she stood and unceremoniously shucked out of her jeans.

  “If you want to see the rest of the merchandise”—she ran her hands under her top and cupped her breasts—“I suggest you match my level of undress.”

  “What if I don’t?”

  Good. There was the teasing tone she hadn’t heard for too long. “Then I’ll have no choice but to tackle that chore myself. However, if you want to reap the full benefits of tonight’s menu, I suggest you get with the getting.”

  A few minutes later, nothing remained of their clothes.

  “That was fast,” Matt observed, and reached for her.

  Wagging her finger at him, she dodged away. Her breasts with their erect nipples rolled with the movement, capturing Matt’s attention. Just yesterday he would have thrown her onto the bed and climbed on top of her, but tonight was about reminding him that they were equals.

  Or not.

  “Hands by your sides, mister.” She again folded her arms, but this time she anchored them below her breasts so the mounds stood out. “No touching the merchandise until you’re given permission.”

  “You’re nuts.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment. All right, here are the rules, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll abide by them.”

  Assuming an almost military stance with his arms ramrod straight and his cock at a right angle to the rest of him, he glared.

  “And if I don’t?”

  “Then you’ll spend the night mucking out the barn instead of getting any.”

  His expression softening, he fixed his gaze on her pubic hair. The longer he looked at that part of her anatomy, the more aroused she became, not that she wasn’t already. He might be going along with her game. That didn’t mean he didn’t have a few moves of his own.

  “All right.” She licked her lips. “Time for you to get on the bed.”

  He grunted. “Those are my choices? I get in position or it’s out to the barn?”

  “You got it, cowboy.�
�� Giving him a stern look, she jerked her head at the bed. “Assume the position.”

  He didn’t ask what she had in mind, not that he needed to. After all, nothing was going to happen if she couldn’t get her hands or other parts of her anatomy around his cock. Watching him plant a knee on the mattress in preparation for hauling the rest of his body after it, she admired his lack of self-consciousness in presenting his ass to her. She again licked her lips.

  Matt crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees, then looked over his shoulder at her.

  “A question, cowgirl. It’s obvious I’m ready to service and be serviced.” Reaching down and back, he gave his cock a shake. “I have a right to know if you’re ready to reciprocate.”

  If he couldn’t see her body vibrating, he needed to get his eyes checked. About to hold up a trembling hand, she caught on.

  “I suppose you have a point. All right, let’s see if I can give you a sample.”

  Feeling foolish and excited, she slipped a hand between her legs. Two fingers went straight to her opening. Wet heat immediately coated them. She took a moment to collect as much sticky moisture as she could, then reached out and wiped her offering on Matt’s lips.

  He licked. “Yes, indeed, a prime sample. Comes from a healthy diet.”

  “And from lusting after a prime example of the male sex.”

  Matt continued to look sideways at her while she wracked her so-called mind for what she should do next. She was trying to decide between jumping on the bed or giving him another taste when he dropped to his belly and onto his back. He planted one hand behind his head. The other pointed his cock at her.

  “Your call, cowgirl.”

  Yes, indeed it was. With her nipples tied in knots and her pussy leaking, she didn’t need to do any more thinking. Stepping around to the foot of the bed, she climbed onto it, kneeing his legs apart as she did. Her shaking stopped. Lifting her head, she turned so the air from the open window cooled her cheeks. She spotted a pair of eyes buried in a predator’s body looking in.

  I can’t think about you, she told Matichu / Kaga. Tomorrow, yes. Tonight, no.

  Lowering her upper body, she drew Matt’s cock into her mouth. Saliva flooded her cheeks.