The Oathbound Wizard

by Christopher Stasheff

  "They would then be weary in the morning," the young nobleman pointed out, and a grizzled veteran looked up to agree. " 'Tis true, Majesty. Lead us out against them, that we may send them packing. 'Tis the only road to a sound night's sleep for us, now."

  "You have the right of it, Sergeant." Alisande sighed and turned to give the orders to pack up.

  CHAPTER 19

  The Siege Perilous

  Matt nodded. "Your wizards are ready to quench those fireballs, aren't they?

  "Our wizards all are dead," Sir Guy said, his voice flat. "The last of them, a monk, died yestereen when an evil spell overcame his ward, in a moment of distraction. 'Twas a foul thing, a liquid that burned—as are these, I doubt not. There was little enough left of him to stack up with the dead. Now we are left without benefit of clergy—for he was also our last priest, and though there are two nuns left us, they cannot consecrate the Host, nor say Mass."

  "Best argument I ever heard for female ordination." Matt stared at the crimson globes, watching them arc closer, then realized he was hearing a voice chanting a low, sonorous Latin to his left. He looked up, startled—and saw Tuck, his hands folded in prayer, his eyes on the crimson globes.

  "Praise Heaven!" Sir Guy cried. "You have brought a friar! But ward him, wizard—it was such a globe as one of these that burned our monk to death!"

  Matt jolted out of his trance, his mind kicking into overdrive. A liquid that burned? An acid, or a base—or some magical thing that was neither! He readied an all-purpose spell against fire.

  Tuck shouted the last phrase aloud, hands snapping out, spread wide—and Matt realized he'd been reciting the Dies Irae. What good could that do?

  One of the globes veered toward them, then suddenly puckered and gushed, like a bubble of water pricked, the surface tension that was holding it suddenly gone. Liquid fire ran from it, cascading down over the battlements.

  Naphtha! Matt thought. It had to be a petroleum derivative—one of the sorcerers had gotten hold of the formula for Greek fire. But even as he was starting to chant the counterspell, he saw the fire arc away, running over an invisible curve to course down the outer battlements. For a moment, it masked their sight; then it was gone. Matt glanced quickly along the battlements and saw that the other streams of fire had similarly been shed without hurting anyone. He whirled to Tuck incredulous.

  "I asked Him to shield us," Tuck explained, "and He did."

  "You're a wizard!" Matt pointed the accusing finger.

  Tuck shrank in on himself, shaking his head. "Only a friar, Lord Matthew—only a poor, humble sinner of a friar. Nay, I can pray, but not conjure."

  There was no time to debate the topic, for roaring filled the night. Whirling, Matt sprang to the crenels and saw a semicircle of lions advancing on the castle. But what lions! Their manes were fire, and their teeth glinted like daggers. Their tails were tipped with stings, and their coats glowed with an unwholesome radioactive sheen.

  "Hell lions!" Sir Guy cried. "We can do naught till they come nigh—but we can be ready! Cold water, men of mine!"

  " 'Tis boiling, Sir Guy." A footman pointed at a huge cauldron, suspended over the holes beneath the outslung crenels.

  "It'll do as well as anything," Matt assured him—and became aware that Tuck was chanting again. He glanced at the friar, then turned to see what would happen to the lions—and saw greenish-blue streaks stabbing downward toward the battlements. "What in Hell...?"

  "From it, rather!" Sir Guy snapped. "Firedrakes! Shield men! Ward the friar!"

  "Nay!" Tuck broke off his chant, lugging out a broadsword. "If there are enemies to fight, then in the name of all that is right and good, I—"

  "You must wield magic!" Sir Guy cried, his voice hoarse with anxiety. "Others can wield sword and shield, friar, but only you and the Lord Wizard can protect us from ill sorcery!"

  Tuck's hand fell nerveless from his hilt. "You are right. In my pride and lust for a fray, I would have cast away our chances. Nay, then..." And he began to chant his Latin verse again.

  But Matt hadn't been terribly aware of what had been going on; all his attention had been focused on the firedrakes—or rather, the grotesque parodies of firedrakes, their snouts wrinkled like prunes, their teeth dripping venom, their wings swept back in a delta shape, their tails like scorpions'. Matt glared at them and chanted a verse designed to change them into ducks—when suddenly, Stegoman swept into the sky with a roar like a jetliner taking off. Flame stabbed out fifteen feet ahead of him. Wherever it touched a firedrake, the creature exploded. Matt could only think of matter and antimatter, good colliding with evil—until he could also think of the enemy archers, and the evil enchantments that must be on some of their arrows. "Stegoman, no! You're a sitting duck!"

  The dragon must have heard him, because he began to weave across the sky as if he were drunken again. Matt couldn't see the arrows and bolts of the enemy; he could only try to shield his friend...

  And Narlh? Matt ducked a quick glance back at the other side of the castle and saw a much smaller jet of flame sweeping the skies there, weaving in imitation of Stegoman's broken-sky flying.

  Two to protect! Matt shouted out,

  "...take arms against

  The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

  And by opposing, end them! They shall

  Be set at naught, so we importune!"

  He couldn't see the results—except that his two flaming idiots stayed in the air. If either of them were to fall, he would have failed.

  Then he heard a change in the roaring from below—a note of outrage. He leaped to the battlements and peered down.

  The lions had made it halfway to the walls—the enemy soldiers had pulled well back, leaving each beast an avenue to prowl. But now, suddenly, they were confronted with huge, bulbous beasts twice their size, apparitions with four legs like sections of tree trunks, huge bodies, and heads with huge, clamshell mouths surmounted by snouts that aimed at the lions and sprayed, each body squeezing smaller as the fluid gushed out. The jets of water washed over the hell lions from nose to tail, exploding into steam—but taking the lions with them. Even as they sublimed into nothingness, though, each cat sprang at its pachyderm nemesis, and the two beasts annihilated each other in a blast of steam.

  Matt took a quick glance back at the friar, who was watching the results of his work as avidly as Matt. So he knew nothing about wizardry—sure! Only enough to pair opposite elements against each other—the fire lions opposed by the hippopotami, the "water horses" of Africa.

  But it was his turn for the next magic offensive. He was scanning the field, wary for monsters, when the infantrymen along the wall let up a shout. Ladder tips slammed against the walls, and enemy soldiers were scurrying up even as the ladders landed. The pikemen bellowed their war cry and lit into the attackers—-even as a malvoisin materialized out of the darkness and began to spew armored and half-armored men onto the wall.

  With a shout, Sir Guy leaped at the enemy knights—and Tuck gave in to temptation and hauled out his broadsword, howling with heathen glee as he pounced on the grinning, gloating invaders. They saw him coming, huge sword windmilling, and they lost their grins—even as pikes pushed their ladders away and back, crashing down with their loads of soldiers crushed into the earth. But the men-at-arms hewed away, chopping off heads and stabbing through breasts, kicking the wounded and dying off their walls without the slightest compunction. They had fought this siege too long to have anything of pity left.

  All, that is, except Tuck. He staggered back against the tower wall, burying his face in his hands and moaning, "Lord forgive me! I have slain evil men unshriven of their sins!"

  The soldiers stared, stricken, unable to cope with a priest overcome with remorse.

  Matt, however, had a more realistic view of the clergy. He stepped up to clap Tuck on the shoulder. "If you had given them the chance, they would have used it to stab you through the liver! Christ never said to let your enemies kill the people
you were protecting! Buck up, shepherd, and guard your flock!"

  Tuck looked up, amazed, his guilt evaporating on the spot. "Why, 'tis even as you say! How unmanly of me, to give way to remorse unmerited!"

  He was bleeding from at least three wounds, Matt noticed, but none of them looked serious. "Just resist the temptation for hand-to-hand combat, okay? It's only you and me, countering those enemy sorcerers!"

  "Aye. Aye, even so." Tuck heaved at his sword belt, settling his huge belly more firmly in place, and turned toward the battlements.

  "They come!" a sentry shouted. "They come still, by their hundreds!"

  "Why, aim and loose, man!" one of the knights cried.

  "We have so few arrows!"

  Tuck looked up, then bawled, "Robin! Little John!"

  "Robin guards the north wall, and Little John the south," the tall, red-clad man said, stepping forward. "You shall have to manage with me, friar!"

  Tuck relaxed, smiling. "Then all is well, Will Scarlet! Come, send your two score archers to prickle these invaders."

  "Up and loose!" Will Scarlet bawled, and he leaped up to a crenel to begin suiting action to word. Matt spared a quick glance at the ground below, watching charging enemy soldiers fall flat on their faces, twenty-five at a time—then suddenly realized that Tuck was chanting again. He scanned the sky quickly, aware that he'd slacked off on his own duties, turning in place for a 360-degree survey, since Tuck was looking downward. He had almost decided everything was clear, in fact had looked down at the courtyard to see Narlh and Stegoman having arrows pulled from their wings—then suddenly looked back up at the sky. Yes, it was! The moon was getting bigger!

  Not the moon, he realized—it was high in the sky; could the night really be half over? This other crescent, then, must be something sorcereus—and now he saw three more, one coming from each point of the compass, swinging closer and closer—

  Giant scimitars! He didn't need to know if anything was swinging them; he chanted,

  "There is hissing like the serpent's,

  From the blade so widely feared,

  It whirls down through the darkness,

  But is caught in unseen weird,

  And strikes a hidden, viewless shield

  Its counter and its curse,

  Like a strong gong groaning as it shivers

  blades to burst!"

  Screams echoed all about him. He whirled to see a huge blade sweeping the battlements behind him—and its point was chopping straight at him! He yelped, leaped back, stumbled—and fell just far enough so that the blade swept over him.

  Then it shivered, and all the battlements quivered with the shock of a sound wave so low that no one could hear it, from a gargantuan collision between the crescent and its invisible opposite. A vibration sprang up all along its length, shivering it into a million fragments that faded and disappeared before they even landed on the stone.

  Men were groaning, limbs cut off; other men were helping them, slipping in the sheen of blood that slicked the stone in the scimitar's wake. Matt saw a few dead and cursed himself for his lack of vigilance—then realized that he was seeing it all through a red film. He pulled out a kerchief and wiped his forehead, and the sheen disappeared. He became aware of a dull ache, knew that it would hurt horribly tomorrow—but just kept wiping it for now, as he paced the battlements, trying to see what else to do.

  A huge monster was roaring and thrashing about on the ground below, a giant stake driven through it, holding it to the ground.

  Matt turned away before his stomach flipped. He didn't know how Tuck had managed that one, and he didn't want to.

  Then he realized he was hearing the flapping of leathery wings.

  Not unusual, considering the enemy—but outside the rules, if it was a genuine devil.

  No, it wasn't. It was a horde of huge bats, stooping to claw at the soldiers' chests, needle teeth reaching for their necks. Below there was shouting, and ladders thudded against stone—but the defenders were screaming, flailing at the flying rats, trying to drive them off. They clung, though, and their teeth probed.

  One slammed into Matt's chest. Fire erupted across his pectorals as claws dug in, and a foul snout reached for his jugular.

  Matt jammed an arm in the way and felt the teeth sink in, but his throat was safe. He tried to ignore the pain, the shifting claws as the monster tried to work its way around his arm, and shouted,

  "Eye to eye, and head to head,

  (Woe betide thee, bat!)

  This shall end when one is dead

  (Go and hide thee, bat!)

  Darts of wood, match each to each!

  Fly like arrows, hearts to reach!

  Impale the undead flying leech!

  (Never rise thee, bat!)"

  Skewers suddenly filled the air, stabbing through the bats' chests and into their hearts. Jaws gaped wide in screams the men couldn't hear, and the flying vermin fell backward, losing their holds and crumpling in death. Matt kicked his attacker out of the way, mopping at two more wounds, but scanning the sky frantically. Will Scarlet and his two score were shooting down along the ladders, knocking over invading soldiers almost as fast as they could clamber onto the rungs, and the pikemen were dealing with the few who came near the tops. Tuck was chanting again, but Matt didn't even want to know what it was about.

  Sir Guy reeled up beside him, leaning back against the wall and panting, "We must find some way to take the offensive."

  "Name it!" Puck appeared on his shoulder. "Only bid me offend them, and I shall have them thinking their tales of woe and tails indeed!"

  "A most excellent notion." Sir Guy grinned. "And whiles you are about it, see that those tails are pulled, and pinched, and stepped on at every turn."

  "Turn?" Puck cried "Why, let us have them turn and twine about their owners' legs!"

  "Well thought! See to it!"

  The elf disappeared, but the spark flared in his place. "Have you no new task for me?" the humming voice demanded.

  Matt was fed up with the enemy—he was running very low on the milk of human compassion and he'd only been fighting for half a night! "Freeze their armor."

  The Demon hummed in astonishment. "Freeze...? But they will scream with the chill and tear off their plate! What gain then?"

  "Plenty, if you freeze it so fast it shrinks!"

  "That will choke off their circulation! Their limbs will swell! Their breastplates will crush their ribs! Their helmets—"

  "Have you seen what they've been trying to do here? Just make it fast, and it'll be relatively merciful."

  "They shall scarce know what hit them," the spark promised, and disappeared.

  Sir Guy nodded. "It is merited."

  A sudden shocked howling broke out below, and all around the castle. Puck appeared again. " 'Tis done; like Rover, they chase their latter ends."

  "In more ways than one," Matt muttered.

  "What say?"

  "What matter?" Sir Guy countered. "Can you befuddle their sorcerers, Robin?"

  A slow grin spread across the elf's face. "Make them think one another are Matthew and the friar? Or that their commander's tent is the castle? Aye."

  "Those," Sir Guy agreed, "but I had more in mind having their thoughts so mixed that, when they wish to summon a demon, they speak of a cabbage!"

  "I know just the place," Puck crowed, "within their brains! Nay, they'll speak of chard when they wish a flame!" He was gone.

  "You sure that won't get us in worse trouble than we're in?" Matt said nervously.

  Carrots began to rain on the battlements.

  "What sorcery is this?" Tuck called, amazed.

  "Evil gone wrong," Sir Guy called back. "I fear the Puck cannot so far transform it as to make evil impulses yield good—yet he has tried valiantly."

  "Masterstoke," Matt muttered. "Should have thought of it."

  Geysers erupted all along the castle wall, heaving huge foaming lances of water against the stone. Where it struck, the char left by pa
st fireballs disappeared.

  "What now?" Tuck cried.

  "Soap and water, I think," Matt called back. "I'll bet the enemy was trying for acid."

  A sound of crunches, with screams quickly cut off, approached from the north, coming nearer and nearer. It peaked right opposite them, then stopped.

  The dancing spark appeared again. "All who wore armor are dead—or have disrobed and now are clad only in gambesons. What next would you, Wizard?"

  "A quantum black hole!" Matt looked up slowly, a grin spreading over his face.

  "Are you daft?" the spark keened. "That was a notion guessed at, but proven false! There are none such!"

  "You mean you can't make one?"

  The spark was still for a second; then Max said, " 'Twill not be easy, for 'tis truly matter organized quite highly—yet 'tis the product of entropy, and yields chaos within its event horizon. Aye, I can craft it."

  "Then do—and drag it around the battlefield."

  " 'Twill throw them into turmoil!" Max sang. "Ah, I have missed you, Wizard!" And he blinked out.

  "What wizardry is this?" Tuck called out.

  "Only a little misplaced cosmology," Matt called back. He stepped over to the crenels to watch the show.

  For a minute or two, nothing happened. Then a woeful shout went up as a spark of light danced through the army, pulling soldiers together into its wake to slam into the ones coming from the other side. They stumbled, they fell, they were dragged over the ground, but nothing could stop them. The soldiers nearest the wake were stretched and crushed unmercifully, as though by unseen hands. They grabbed at tent pegs and hitching posts, but the pegs and posts were wrenched out of the ground and came tumbling along with them—as did the tripods from the camp fires, and the kettles, and any loose armor or weapons, all jumbled together with a huge clash and clatter—but above it all rose the shouting and moaning of dread, that went on and on as other voices took it up. The line of devastation, a hundred feet wide, began to curve as it reached the outer edge of the besiegers' army, turning back to cut another swath. A sorcerer rose up to bar its way, wand swirling, and Matt hauled out his own wand, beginning to chant—but before he could finish, the sorcerer's head snapped back, as though he'd been flung away. At the same moment, his feet surged forward. Then, suddenly, his body split straight down the middle from top to toe. Matt had a momentary sight of it; then tumbling men and material blocked the sight from him.