The Renegade

by Amy Dunne

  Alex instinctively took half a step back, but forced herself to retreat no further. “I’ve heard good things about you, Elijah. Thank you for making time to meet me and for allowing Murphy and me to seek refuge in your camp. I’m very grateful for your kindness and hospitality.”

  Elijah grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously. “It’s my pleasure. My purpose is to fulfil our Lord God’s wishes. He brought you to us. He wants us to save you, and save you we shall.”

  Alex tried to mask her repulsion. His hand was sweaty and smudged with black ink, his nails dirty and bitten to the quick. She politely tried to withdraw her hand, but he held on for a few moments longer. She looked into his eyes and saw intellect but also something akin to mania. He finally released her hand, but her skin felt unclean from his touch.

  “David has told me about you and your friend Murphy.”

  “He’s my husband.” She noted the knowing glance that passed between Elijah and David. Her skin broke out in goose bumps.

  “We’ve gone through the figures this morning. We’ve sacrificed a lot of time and more resources on Murphy than we’ve used on any other individual in our community. Our stores are nearly depleted. As you said yourself, we’ve been hospitable and demonstrated the charity and love that our Lord God demands. Unfortunately, we have reached a fork in the road of our journey together. Please, have a seat.” He indicated to a chair and Alex sat.

  “Thank you.” She was hyperaware of, and unsettled by, David standing behind her.

  Elijah sat behind his desk, clasping his hands together and resting his forearms on the desk. “It’s vital for our community that the next few weeks are spent replenishing our stores in preparation for winter. Our men will return from their crusade before the weather gets worse, and the last we heard from them, they’ve rescued many more survivors to welcome into our community. We must be prepared. Our Lord God has told me what we need to do. Do you understand?”

  Alex far from understood. He sounded like a religious fruitcake. “I think so.”

  “It’s with a heavy heart that I’m afraid I have to tell you we’re unable to sacrifice time or resources to anyone outside of our community.”

  Alex knew this was coming, but it still smarted. “David said something similar yesterday.”

  Elijah gave a solemn nod. “I asked him to broach the subject with you. I know it’s our Lord God’s wish for you to join our community—he delivered that same message to me again only last night. But you have your free will, and that’s something that neither I, nor our Lord God, can ignore. You must choose.”

  Alex clawed at the stiff fabric of her trousers and balled her hands into tight fists. There was no free will involved. Not if Murphy was to be given a fair chance of living. “I appreciate what you’re saying.” She fought to keep her tone meek and mild. “I’m troubled. It’s a lot of pressure having to make such a big decision on Murphy’s behalf. What if my decision doesn’t take into account his free will?”

  “It’s unfortunate we cannot ask him. Did you pray for advice and guidance?”

  “I’m not overly religious, but I did consider everything David proposed.”

  “Then you must go with what your heart tells you. If Murphy survives and feels your decision wasn’t the right one, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. This isn’t a prison. We’re a community, created after surviving the most horrific of plagues. That isn’t a coincidence. We have a purpose, a meaning. Together, we will rebuild humanity and atone for our forefathers’ sins. And your place is with us.”

  “So, if Murphy and I decide later on that this place isn’t for us, we can leave?”

  Elijah sighed. “Of course. But it’s my hope and the belief of our Lord God that you will realise your future is with us. This is a happy place. I’ll admit it takes some getting used to, but everyone here is happy and healthy. We are the future.”

  Alex nodded. She wanted to believe what he said was true, but so far everything she’d experienced suggested this was nothing more than a comforting lie. What choice did she have? None. After hours of deliberation, she’d made up her mind: agree to whatever they proposed. Keep her head down, work hard, and hope Murphy pulled through. Then, when he was able, they would leave. If that wasn’t allowed, they’d find a way to escape. For the time being she needed to become invisible, nothing unusual or special, nothing to be wary of.

  “In that case, Murphy and I are honoured to be welcomed into this camp.” She smiled brightly, forcing the muscles in her face to do as she willed.

  “Excellent!” Elijah said, jumping up. “Welcome to our family.”

  Alex wasn’t sure what to say or how to act. “I was wondering, would it be possible for me to go and see Murphy? Not being with him is killing me.”

  “Certainly,” Elijah said, slamming a hand onto the desk. “You’ll be taken straight to the medical room. After that, you can shower and change. Then we’ll have the welcoming service.”

  “Welcoming service?”

  “Yes. It’s customary for you to pledge your allegiance in front of your fellow brothers and sisters. After all, it’s a celebration.” Elijah pulled her up and hugged her tightly.

  Alex’s body froze in surprise. She was overly aware of the proximity of his body and the strange smell that radiated off him. It was like his sweat was overly sweet. Beneath his top she could feel the dampness of perspiration.

  “David, take our new member to the medical room.” Elijah released her and walked toward a different door that veered off to the right. Without looking back he said, “I’m going to go and meditate with our Lord God. As soon as I’m done, we’ll celebrate.”

  Alex turned her attention to David and wasn’t surprised to find him staring at her with an unreadable expression.

  As they made their way to the door, he gripped her arm harshly. “Don’t get comfortable. I’m watching you.”

  *

  Murphy remained passed out on the bed. His nasal breathing sounded familiar, like his old snoring. Alex found it comforting. His complexion wasn’t great and the fever was wreaking havoc on his body. A thin sheet covered his body and a cold press rested on his forehead. It didn’t stop the trembling or sweating of his gooseflesh-riddled body. He’d moaned once since Alex had been in the room, but it was a weak sound. Filled with hope she’d rushed to his side, nearly pulling the needle out of her arm in the process. Evelyn followed behind at lightning speed, rolling the stand with the bag of blood attached. Disappointment followed at his unresponsive state, made worse by Evelyn explaining he’d been moaning sporadically during the night.

  Alex kissed his hot forehead, whispered loving threats to keep fighting or else. Evelyn eventually persuaded her to return to her designated bloodletting seat.

  The medical room wasn’t as clean as it had been. A collection of ruffled sheets and two pillows were the makings of a makeshift bed on the other treatment table. From all appearances, Evelyn and Jamie had been sleeping here. Two trays held empty bowls, plates, cutlery, and cups. Evelyn’s dedication to looking after Murphy was admirable, but it was clearly taking its toll. She looked exhausted. Heavy bags hung beneath her eyes, her hair was loosely tied back with frizzy wisps sticking out, and her clothing was dishevelled. The tiredness in no way detracted from her beauty, however. After hours of looking at nothing but white walls, Evelyn’s red hair, blue eyes, and freckled skin was more than enough colour to make up for Alex’s sensory deprivation. Just being near her administered a dose of hope and calming strength.

  “A little bit longer, I’m afraid,” Evelyn said, squeezing the partially full bag of blood. Her eyes had a softness to them that only Alex could see. David remained by the doorway watching them.

  “Okay,” Alex said, fidgeting on the chair. She was overly conscious of what an absolute state she looked and how bad she must smell. It had been days since the attack, and she remained unwashed and dressed in the same saturated clothes. If it were up to her, she’d burn the clothes and be glad to ne
ver see, feel, or more importantly, smell them again. What did Evelyn think of her? Surely she knew it wasn’t really her fault that she was such a mess—she’d been kept prisoner. Just the thought of hot water and a bar of soap made her hope soar. Elijah had mentioned a shower, but she daren’t let herself believe it, as disappointment would reduce her to tears. Maybe Evelyn would let her clean up using the sink? Even cold water and the alcoholic hand gel was preferable to nothing. Washing her hands and face would make her feel better. She didn’t know what the welcoming ceremony entailed, but suspected it would be where she made her first impression to the members of the camp.

  “I’m keeping him on a steady course of strong antibiotics and painkillers. He might not need more blood, but I’d rather have it just in case. I daren’t take much from you. You’ve already given too much as it is. But he’s a fighter and it seems to be working,” Evelyn said, squeezing the hand pump. “You look pale. Have you been given enough to drink and eat?” She shot a cold glare at David before placing a hand onto Alex’s forehead.

  “I’m fine. Thanks,” Alex said, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She didn’t want to be seen as pathetic, especially by Evelyn. Having Evelyn touch her filthy skin was humiliating, and that she was aroused from the most innocent of touches made the situation a million times worse.

  “After this, you need to eat something.” Evelyn looked over her shoulder and asked David outright, “What’s happening then?”

  “Claire will take her to the showers and provide her with the necessities. Once she’s clean and dressed appropriately, we’ll have the welcoming service.”

  “Will you be there?” Alex blurted out, hating the desperation in her tone. Fear was kicking in. She didn’t know what to expect, or what was expected of her. Everything was overwhelming.

  “I’m afraid not. I daren’t leave Murphy alon—”

  “Of course. It was stupid of me to ask. I’m not thinking right,” Alex said, her face scalded in fiery humiliation.

  “It wasn’t stupid,” Evelyn said firmly. Her eyes locked onto Alex’s with intensity.

  “You’ve never experienced a welcoming service, so you’re bound to be curious and perhaps a little nervous, too.” She started removing the medical equipment attached to Alex. “I’d never heard of one before I came here. Jamie and I arrived with a small group, so our service was communal. Generally, Elijah delivers a sermon and there are some prayers and readings of scriptures. Then, you give a kind of oath, swearing your allegiance, and after that you’re officially a part of our community. Tonight there will be a special meal and a chance to meet everyone.”

  “Oh,” Alex said, struggling to think of something decent to say. It sounded horrendous. “It sounds nice.”

  “It’s a celebration. I know you’re worried about Murphy, but just try to enjoy yourself. Everyone will be eager to talk to you and get to know you.”

  Alex got the distinct impression from Evelyn’s meaningful look and choice of words that there was an underlying warning. This time she understood straight away. She needed to come across as happy and friendly. As if the choice to join was the easiest decision she’d ever made. Anything else would lead to suspicion and animosity.

  “That’s enough,” David said, towering over Alex. “There’s a schedule.”

  “We’re done here,” Evelyn said, walking over to Murphy’s side. “Once you’re officially a member of our community, you’ll be able to come and see Murphy without an escort.”

  “Get up,” David said, ignoring Evelyn’s blatant dig.

  “Wait.” Evelyn rushed to a cupboard and took out a small chocolate bar. “Eat this or you’re going to feel woozy. Fainting or vomiting would really delay the schedule, and we don’t want that.” She beamed a sweet smile at David.

  Alex tore into the bar and managed to get the whole thing in her mouth. Cheeks bulging, teeth munching, she stood in front of David.

  “Move it,” he said with a disgusted sneer.

  “You’ll be fine. Just remember to enjoy it.” Evelyn’s voice followed them before the door slammed shut.

  *

  Alex had found herself alone with Claire. There was something about the old woman that made her uncomfortable. Her disapproving looks were unsubtle and didn’t give much hope for kindness between them.

  “This is the shower room. Men and women have different times in which they’re permitted to shower. Unless Elijah or David grants permission, there’s a strict policy of two showers a week. It’s mandatory that each shower lasts no longer than five minutes,” Claire said, without bothering to face Alex.

  “Understood.” Alex looked around and was pleasantly surprised. Although dated, the shower room was spotless. Eight stalls were raised by a single step, and all had flimsy plastic curtains drawn. There weren’t any sounds of running water, so Alex presumed they were empty. An overflow grate ran down the centre of the beige tile floor. The lights above weren’t switched on, but skylights provided more than enough light. The stone walls were a slightly off-beige compared to the floor tiles. Four white porcelain sinks and portrait mirrors lined the back wall.

  “This community thrives on our faith, rules, and—above anything else—putting the needs of others before our own. Selfishness is a sin.”

  Alex frowned. Was Claire implying she was selfish? She couldn’t think of what might have led Claire to reach that conclusion. She wasn’t sure what annoyed her more, that she might be seen as selfish, or that she’d let Claire’s opinion rile her. Whatever. She wasn’t going to give Claire the satisfaction of a reaction. “I’ll make sure I’m less than five minutes. Is there shampoo to—”

  “Here are the toiletries. They also have to be shared among the women, so don’t overindulge.” Claire thrust three different-shaped bottles into Alex’s hands. “Go inside a stall, and when you strip out of those…” She dragged a long disapproving look from Alex’s torso to her feet.

  “I don’t have anything else to wear,” Alex said, her cheeks warming. The prospect of being near Claire as she disrobed—not to mention having her clothes taken away—made her feel vulnerable. Without a doubt, she could physically defend herself from the old woman if the situation required it, but that did little to reassure her.

  “Other items of clothing will be provided for you.”

  “What other items?” Alex asked suspiciously. “And what happens to the ones I’m wearing now?”

  “David has asked me to take your clothing to the laundry. Here,” she said, tossing a towel onto Alex’s already full hands. “We’re running out of time. Go on. Throw them out when you’re done.”

  Alex followed the direction the weathered finger pointed. She’d intended to ask about a hairbrush, toothbrush, and instructions on how to work the shower, but decided she’d rather make do. Without another word, she walked to the first stall and pulled the curtain back. She removed her boots and socks before stepping barefoot up into the cubicle. Dragging the flimsy curtain across didn’t do much to instil a sense of privacy. Stripping out of her clothing was a mammoth task. They were so filthy it was as if they’d melded themselves to her skin. She literally peeled some items off her skin as the dried mud and grit crumbled over her bare feet. She kicked everything outside, remaining only in her boxers and the chest binding, neither of which were being surrendered to Claire. “That’s everything.”

  “Are you certain?” Claire asked, her shadowy silhouette creeping outside the plastic curtain.

  “Yes,” Alex said, pressing either side of the curtain against the tiled walls. She waited until the footsteps disappeared before she let go of the curtain. After a few seconds of messing with dials, she finally got the shower to work. Hot water, almost too scalding to touch, sprayed with force. Alex stepped beneath the spray and gasped. The force of the water pounded her flesh, and paired with the heat, felt phenomenal. Steam gathered in thick clouds, causing her breath to hitch. She turned slowly so the water could strike her aching shoulders and neck. Her boxers and b
inding were drenched, and with newfound liberation, she pulled them off and flung them into the corner. The hot water left no part of her body untouched. She scrubbed her scalp vigorously with the shampoo, wincing as some of the suds stung her eyes. She slathered the shower gel over her body, creating a satisfying lather, and then focused rubbing away any particularly stubborn patches of mud and blood. After rinsing herself, she repeated both processes again. It was easy to understand why there were stringent rules for only five minutes, because if she could, she’d stay in this shower for the rest of the day.

  Begrudgingly, she switched off the water supply with shrivelled fingers. The towel felt harsh against her sensitive skin. A sound from outside the cubicle startled her.

  “Who’s there?” she asked, securely fastening the towel. “I can hear you. Answer me.”

  “I’ve got your clothes,” a timid female voice replied.

  Alex thrust her head around the sodden shower curtain and spotted the woman. She held a bundle of neatly folded material in her arms and looked nervous. Her cheeks blushed, and from her expression, she looked like she was considering bolting from the room.

  “Hi. My name’s Alex.” She added a pathetic wave in attempt to make up for sounding so gruff.

  “I’m Tanya,” she said and gave a weak smile before her gaze darted around the room. “I was told to bring these for you.”

  “Thank you. I was worried Claire was going to leave me stranded butt naked.”

  This time, Tanya’s smile reached her brown eyes. She flicked her straggly mousy brown hair away from her face. She looked in her mid-thirties. “Where would you like me to put them?”

  “Can you bring them over here?” Alex wanted to inspect what clothes had been deemed suitable.

  Tanya looked flustered. “I was told not to talk to you.” Relaying the order seemed to invoke fear, because Tanya kept sheepishly glancing back at the door.