Amy, My Daughter

by Mitch Winehouse

  ‘So what?’ I said. ‘You’ve had an artistic difference. Get back to Henley and sort it out with Mark before it’s too late.’

  ‘All right, I’ll go,’ she told me.

  The next day the papers were full of stories about Amy’s fight. Apparently there had been more than one violent incident, and Amy had also walked into a lamp-post. From the way she looked in the photographs, she had either walked into a lamp-post or somebody had hit her very hard indeed. Another story said that she had been thrown out of a club for allegedly taking drugs. I got on the first plane I could and flew home, leaving Jane in Tenerife.

  When I got back, Amy was driving around with Geoff and being followed by paps. Meanwhile, the newspapers were full of stories about Amy and Blake’s supposed split – I’d received a call from a journalist at the Sun about it a few days earlier. Blake had had a bail hearing but Amy couldn’t go as she’d had to see the police over assault charges. Apparently a girl had been in court and had kept blowing Blake kisses. For all I knew she might have been working for a newspaper and doing that to fuel the story of the split.

  When it came time for Amy’s interview with police about the assault, she arrived two hours late at Holborn Police Station, which didn’t go down well. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she was not sober. The police deemed her unfit to answer questions and kept her at the police station overnight. They didn’t put her in a cell. In fact they bought her chocolates and soft drinks and were very nice to her. When Amy was finally questioned, with her solicitor present, she was told that if she admitted to the assault she would be released with a caution, which was what she did.

  As usual, I got all the news from Raye, and as I was taking it in, my other phone rang. It was Phil Taylor from the News of the World asking how I felt about Amy having an affair with Raye’s assistant, Alex Haines. I was flabbergasted. I asked him where this had come from and he told me he had got the information from Alex Haines himself, who wanted to sell a story.

  For weeks the press had been filling their papers with rubbish stories from people who don’t even know Amy – there had been false accounts of her smuggling drugs into Pentonville for Blake, and an incredible story about me going to prison in my youth for seven years. When I told my auntie Rene about that one, she said, ‘Someone in your family might have noticed if you weren’t around for seven years.’

  Then the newspapers got all of their Amy Christmases at once. There were stories about her arrest, Blake’s bail hearing and the girl blowing kisses, Amy and Blake splitting up, and Amy’s affair with Alex Haines, which, by the way, was true.

  I wasn’t angry with Alex Haines. After all, I would much rather Amy was with him than with Blake. Raye was understandably upset that one of his employees would do something like that. He came back from LA and sacked Alex Haines. When I spoke to Amy about what had happened, she was a little ashamed, but as she saw that I wasn’t annoyed with her, she opened up: it had been more of a fling than an affair and she was no longer seeing Alex.

  The end result was that Raye decided to pull the Bond gig and cancel everything booked for the near future. I agreed with this and he left me to tell Amy. She was very upset, but so was I.

  ‘You know who’s to blame for this, don’t you?’ I carried on. ‘It’s you. And I tell you something else. If you want to work again you’re going to have to stop living this druggy life.’

  ‘Dad, can’t you talk to Raye? I really want to do this Bond thing.’

  ‘Look,’ I sighed, ‘if you behave yourself during the next few days, we’ll see.’ I thought about what was coming up in the week ahead. ‘And another thing, don’t forget you’re going to see the police drugs counsellor at the end of the week and that if you don’t go you could end up in jail.’

  ‘The police are just bullying me into going, Dad.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ I said. ‘They couldn’t have been more caring or helpful to you.’

  She agreed to try her hardest and I said I’d talk to Raye, try to persuade him to hold off pulling the Bond gig.

  Amy did behave herself for the next few days, and on 29 April I went to pick her up from Prowse Place to drive her to Henley to continue with the Bond song. When I arrived the house was full of ne’er-do-wells, hangers-on and drug-dealers. I threw them all out, getting the usual protests from Amy, ‘No, Dad, no, Dad, no, Dad,’ which I ignored. One of the hangers-on got a bit shirty so I punched him, and the others left as fast as they could. Again, it was my frustration coming out. Despite the presence of the lowlifes, Amy was completely sober but said she was too upset to go to Henley.

  The next day there was bad news about the Sun crack-cocaine video. The police intended to arrest Amy for supplying drugs. I thought this was their way of getting Amy to name the man who had shot the video. What I didn’t know was that the police already knew who he was: Johnny Blagrove, a friend of Blake’s. Blagrove and his girlfriend, Cara Burton, had been arrested and bailed pending further enquiries. Of course Amy hadn’t supplied the drugs, but when I told her how serious this allegation was, she didn’t seem at all concerned and referred to Blagrove and his pals as her friends. I wrote in my diary, ‘Brian Spiro told me that if the police are successful, Amy will get a custodial sentence. Is this the rock bottom that we have been waiting for?’

  I met with our solicitors Brian Spiro and John Reid, and the two police officers who were in charge of the crack-cocaine video case. Fortunately the press didn’t know about the meeting and there wasn’t a pap in sight. The policemen were very nice, but annoyed with Amy because they felt she was making idiots of them. They told us that the following Wednesday she would be charged with ‘allowing her premises to be used for taking drugs and the intent to supply drugs’. To make matters worse, there was another assault complaint against her.

  The next day I explained to Amy what the police had told me, and she agreed to go back to Henley to finish recording. After she had been to see Blake in Pentonville Prison, I drove her back to Prowse Place to pick up a few things. I talked to her about her options – there weren’t many. I tried to put a positive spin on it but deep down I couldn’t see how she would avoid prison. On the way Amy received a ‘helpful’ call from Blake, telling her not to be bullied into doing anything I told her to do.

  When we got back to Prowse Place Amy started messing about, and after an hour or so, I could see that she had no intention of going to Henley, so I left, feeling very down. I called Raye and told him to cancel the Bond gig.

  In many ways I was resigned to whatever was going to happen. Her attitude disgusted me. It was one thing for her to be disrespectful to any number of people, including herself, but now it was clear to me that she thought she was above the law. I couldn’t see her recovering personally or professionally from this. I wrote in my diary: ‘If she carries on taking drugs like this she will die and Blake will be responsible.’

  Early on Thursday, 1 May 2008, I found out that Amy had gone to Henley at three a.m. Hurriedly I called Raye but he already knew. Fortunately he hadn’t made the call to cancel the Bond song. However, the next day Mark Ronson was on Sky News saying that Amy wasn’t fit to work and he doubted the Bond song would go ahead. I knew how upset he had been but I didn’t see why he’d needed to go on television news to talk about it.

  Amy was working at Henley, but it didn’t last long. A few days after she arrived, the News of the World ran the crack-cocaine video story, explaining that their sister paper, the Sun, had passed footage of Amy allegedly smoking class-A drugs to the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) in January and that the police had later arrested Johnny Blagrove and Cara Burton on suspicion of supplying a controlled drug.

  The next day Raye rang: Amy was flipping out at Henley. She had hit someone and cut herself. I shot down to Henley. I had never seen Amy so bad. She had cuts on her arms and face; she had stubbed out a cigarette on her cheek and had a bad cut on her hand where she had punched a mirror. She had been on a two-day bender and, during the course of it, had
told Blake she had slept with Alex Haines. What had happened at the Sanderson Hotel was happening all over again: out of shame and guilt she had cut herself.

  All this was still going on when I got there and I had to force her on to her bed to stop her harming herself even more. I held her in my arms until she finally calmed down, then got a nurse to patch her up and to stay with her. I wrote in my diary, ‘This has been one of the worst days of my life. I don’t know what to do next. Please God, give me the strength and wisdom to help Amy.’

  Every day brought a new set of horrors.

  The following week Amy presented herself, on schedule, at Limehouse Police Station, accompanied by Raye and Brian Spiro, to talk to them about the crack-cocaine video. Of course, she was high on drugs and drink. Amy was charged and bailed to return there later that month. When I mentioned rehab, all Amy could say, in her drink- and drug-fuelled state, was, ‘I’m not going to any facility, I want to go to Holloway,’ meaning the women’s prison in north London.

  Although the Bond song had now been cancelled, a couple of days later Amy wanted to go back to Henley to work on other stuff, so I arranged for her to go while I stayed in London. Over the week, I checked in regularly with Dale Davis, her bassist and musical director. Some days they were getting work done, on others Amy was being yelled at on the phone by Blake so she’d get high to console herself.

  I drove to Henley to see for myself how she was getting on. When I got there, Amy greeted me with news that I’d heard all too often before: she wanted to quit drugs. I had little faith in this but went through the motions and talked to her about the best way for her to do it. While I was there Raye rang: Salaam Remi wanted to come to Henley the following week to work with Amy. She was delighted, and I was pleased when she told me that she had been drug-free for three days! The nurse confirmed this.

  Salaam Remi’s presence enhanced Amy’s good streak. They worked at Henley during the weekend and laid down a track, which Amy told me I would like. She hoped it would be on her next album, which would come out who knew when – not that there was any pressure on her from the record company to complete it. Much to my surprise, she sounded fine when I spoke to her and still hadn’t taken any drugs. I supposed only time would tell me if this was the truth.

  14

  DRUGS – THE ROCKY ROAD TO RECOVERY

  The few days that Amy worked with Salaam Remi did her a lot of good and Raye came back making lots of positive noises about what he’d heard. But when Salaam had returned to the US, there was no reason for Amy to remain at Henley and, once more, she was back in London. She came with a more determined attitude and I felt that things were gradually changing for the better.

  Later that week she told me she had made an appointment to see Dr Mike McPhillips, a consultant psychiatrist and an expert in the treatment of addicts, from Capio Nightingale. For me this showed major progress: first, Amy had chosen to see a doctor; second, she’d made the appointment herself; and third, she turned up. Dr McPhillips was very encouraging and started her on a new Subutex programme almost immediately. I’d been nagging her for months, but at long last it seemed that she was trying to take control of her recovery. She had started thinking for herself again, and later that week she refused to visit Blake as Georgette was going to be there.

  The second week in May brought the great news that the CPS had dropped all charges against Amy relating to the crack-cocaine video. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. But while I was obviously glad that the police had dropped the case, doubt niggled at the back of my mind. Part of me felt that that the prospect of prison had helped to keep her in check for the past couple of weeks. I hoped that she wouldn’t see this as a licence to be bad again.

  I knew that Amy wanted to celebrate her good news but my anxiety went through the roof when she told me she was going to Pete Doherty’s concert at the Forum in Kentish Town. He had just been released from prison for drug offences and was the last person I wanted Amy hanging around with. Maybe I had to bite the bullet and trust her judgement on this one. After all, it wasn’t too early to put her resolve to the test.

  The next day there were photos of Amy and Doherty all over the papers. They had partied until the early hours at Prowse Place and the paps had lots of shots of them together, clearly the worse for drink. I heard later that Amy and Doherty had been seen kissing earlier in the evening. What was she thinking? I hoped and prayed that she would think twice before getting romantically involved with another loser. Just a few days before she had seemed to be in control of her life. I didn’t understand how everything could change so quickly.

  The next day I confronted Amy, making my feelings very clear. ‘What are you thinking about, messing around with Doherty? Just because you’re getting divorced from one idiot doesn’t mean you should start up with another.’

  She laughed dismissively. ‘Me and Blake aren’t getting divorced, Dad. I love him.’

  There had been lots of stories about Blake in the press over the past couple of months. In February he’d written Amy a letter distancing himself from Georgette after she’d made some comments in the News of the World. I’d shown the letter to the press and told them what I thought of Blake and his family. In response, I got a vile, abusive and threatening text from Georgette. Since then the retaliation had continued in the media. The latest piece from Georgette, in the News of the World on 11 May, was a claim that ‘Blake must leave Amy or she will destroy him’. Georgette added that Blake wanted a divorce from Amy and a mere £3 million as a settlement.

  But Amy clearly hadn’t taken this to heart: despite her actions with Doherty, she was adamant that she loved Blake. Confusingly, she also said she was still seeing Alex Haines. I asked her how she could do that if she loved Blake. She told me that I wouldn’t understand. She was right. And perhaps this was just Amy putting her head in the sand because the next week I heard that Blake was filing for divorce. He said he didn’t want any of Amy’s money.

  But I was really worried about Amy. Her nurse had told me she was doing well with the Subutex, but she wasn’t eating properly. She was still painfully thin and, more than ever, she needed her strength to get through her recovery. I’d been regularly delivering the deli food Amy liked to the house, with the hope she might at least be inclined to pick at it, but now she was in Wiltshire with Doherty and I couldn’t get hold of her. The news of the divorce might send her into a downward spiral, pushing her back towards drugs.

  I hadn’t spoken to her for forty-eight hours. Frantically I called around and eventually discovered that she was okay and due back in London later that night. When I spoke to her the next day she was fine, although she was clearly very upset about the divorce, and I spent a long time on the phone bucking her up. She hadn’t slept for thirty-six hours and had spent the whole time drinking, but she assured me she hadn’t taken any drugs. When I heard her utter those words I felt like we’d got over another huge hurdle. Until she added, ‘Tomorrow’s mine and Blake’s anniversary. Wish me happy anniversary, Dad.’

  The words stuck in my throat.

  Delighted though I was at the prospect of Blake leaving our lives, I worried about the impact it would have on Amy. She’d been obsessed with him since they’d first met, God only knew why, and – like a drug – she couldn’t get him out of her system. Much as I wanted him and his family gone, I was more than aware of how hard this would be on Amy. The next day I went to see Blake in Pentonville to talk about the divorce. He seemed clear of drugs and insisted that he wanted to help Amy get clean as well – I didn’t believe a word of it. Shortly afterwards I learned that Amy had been seeing Christian, another of her friends, and that she had told Blake. Although she was sticking rigidly to the drug-replacement programme, other parts of her life, her marriage in particular, were unravelling and there was no telling how this would affect her current attempt at recovery.

  * * *

  On 22 May Amy became the first artist to receive two nominations for what is widely regarded as the top I
vor Novello award, Best Song, Musically and Lyrically. She won the award for ‘Love Is A Losing Game’, which I thought was a better choice than ‘You Know I’m No Good’, but the whole ceremony was a bit of disaster.

  When I arrived at her house, Amy was feeling fine, on good form, but as usual she wasn’t ready. She told me to leave her to it and that she would meet us at the hotel where the ceremony was taking place. By the time Amy’s category was called, she still wasn’t there. In the end, I went up to accept the award on her behalf. I followed Phil Collins – it was a surreal experience, but my speech was well received, and when I got back to the table Amy was there. She looked fabulous, in a gorgeous yellow dress and red shoes. It was a stark contrast to how she had looked at Henley just a few weeks earlier and I was delighted to see her looking like this. The only thing I didn’t like was the heart-shaped hairpin with Blake’s name on it.

  Much like the Grammys had been, this was another wonderful celebration – the Ivors always meant so much to Amy – and that night she told me she was going to a studio in Bath the next day to work with Salaam Remi. Sadly this didn’t happen – pick your own reason why. I was fed up with making excuses for her. Despite this no-show, though, she seemed to be focusing on her music again. After months of sinking deeper and deeper into the mire, she was writing properly again. I felt liberated.

  The following week she had a gig in Portugal. The day before she was due to fly, I went around to her house to wish her good luck. To my horror, Geoff was there. Amy said he had called around uninvited and that she was still clean, and Geoff claimed he wasn’t there to sell Amy drugs, but I was furious. I kicked him out and had a huge row with Amy. I didn’t understand how she could be so stupid, but she insisted she hadn’t taken anything. I wished her good luck for Portugal and she hugged me, but I left feeling incredibly anxious. Once again, we were teetering on the edge of the mire. Deep down I was waiting for something to push Amy in.