Jake Hancock Private Investigator mystery series box set (Books 1-4)

by Dan Taylor

  “Where? Greasy Fingers, again?”

  Cole looked perplexed. “Yeah.”

  “You don’t get me at all, do you, Cole?”

  Cole didn’t answer, and Gerry sighed, rolled her eyes, before going to get the key for the handcuffs. In her lingerie, she stood in front of Cole, dangling the keys as she thought about what to do next.

  She asked, “What about if I decided to not free you, Cole? Just left you here for the maid to find you tomorrow?”

  “Why would you want to do that, Gerry?”

  “Because I feel like a woman who’s being lied to. I don’t think you want to go away for a romantic weekend with me.”

  “I do. I promise.”

  A smile developed on her face. “You promise?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And what will the consequences be if you break your promise?”

  Cole thought for a second. “I won’t break it, so there’s no need for consequences.”

  “Just humor me. I know we’re going away, but what if we don’t. How should I punish you?”

  “You could whip me.”

  Gerry laughed. “I already do that, and you like it.”

  “Okay, then. What about…you get to do that thing that you wanted to do? You know, the one that I said ‘threatened my masculinity’?”

  Gerry put her hands on her hips. “That was for your pleasure. You’re useless at this. How about I think of one?”

  “Go ahead.”

  Gerry went and sat on the chair in the corner of the room and thought a couple minutes. Cole grew more nervous as each second passed, no doubt thinking about what the hell he would say to his wife if he really did have to spend the night here.

  After thinking but coming up short, Gerry went back over to the bed and straddled Cole.

  Cole asked, “So, have you thought of one?”

  “Not yet. It has to be a very good punishment, because it’s a very big promise.”

  Cole laughed nervously. “It’s no big deal, because I won’t be letting you down, anyway.”

  Gerry unlocked him. “Good. Now send me back to Hollywood with a smile on my face.”

  Before Cole got dressed, he looked down at his body, said, “Shit, Connie’s really going to start to wonder why I wear my pajamas to bed most nights.”

  After he’d left, Gerry did have a smile on her face, not because she was sexually sated, but because she’d set up a nice little win-win for herself. And she had an idea which way it would swing.

  Cole and Gerry kept on seeing each other. They did the same thing every time, went for a God-awful coffee at Greasy Fingers and then to Motel 6. One time when they were getting their room, Cole asked if there was some sort of bonus card he could sign up for. The response the sassy teenager manning the reception desk gave him was classic. “Sure, I just need yours and your wife’s here details.”

  Cole said, “I’ll go ahead and take that as a no.”

  Gerry didn’t try to get Cole to commit to using a hotel or even a nicer motel, nor did she ask him on any dates. Nor did she ask him about how he was getting on arranging their romantic weekend up at Big Bear.

  She just went through their liaisons with mechanical efficiency.

  Cole didn’t suspect a thing.

  The opportunity to potentially punish Cole came about from some intelligence work she carried out for Andre. Looking into this mysterious observation station that the Russians had erected. It didn’t take her long to learn that it was nothing more than a place to carry out a scientific experiment. She sent one report off to the CIA, stating its actual use. And another to Andre, stating that it would require field work to properly assess its function, as she’d only found road blocks during her intelligence work.

  Cole was the man for the job, of course. He had extensive field training, survival skills, extensive undercover experience, and could do one of hell of a Canadian accent. Oh, and one more thing, he’d promised the wrong lady a filthy weekend away at Big Bear Lake and had reneged.

  The plan for getting Cole into the science experiment was simple. It was recruited for by a recruitment agency in Oslo, and she applied for the position on Cole’s behalf. She made up a Canadian alias, went through the usual channels to get a fraudulent Canadian passport and other Canadian documentation proving his citizenship. She used these to land Cole the gig via email. All he had to do was turn up to their office in Oslo to sign a few things in person. She told Cole that he’d gotten a job working in the observation station, and there were just a few releases he had to sign while in Oslo, before he made the trip out there a few days later.

  A trip away to Antarctica would be a nice little punishment for Cole. That would get him back…or would it? Was it sufficient?

  She gave Cole one more opportunity to address this weekend-away situation. She would go through with sending him to Antarctica to find nothing but a science nerd, as she’d already told the lies. He would get the opportunity to escape further punishment, but only if he mentioned that he’d made at least some headway. Even the briefest mentions during their next liaison would’ve saved him.

  She even put a few clues in the room while he took his regular shower before they fucked. She planted a brochure for planning a trip to Big Bear on the bedside table, changed the tacky print they had on the wall for a beautiful print of Big Bear Lake, and hung a stuffed and mounted bear’s head on the wall.

  But he didn’t notice a thing. He just went through the motions. And he did something unforgivable, too. He said, “Thanks,” when he’d left, as though she were some cheap whore who he was being polite to so he could feel good about himself.

  So that was that.

  She took down the bear’s head and print and went on her way. It was time to super size Cole’s punishment.

  Gerry planned to phone the guy manning the observation station, a Dmitry something-or-another. It was a delicate situation. She would feel her way through it. Her plan was to let the Russian know what Cole was without revealing her identity or leading a trail back to the Agency.

  She did so from a payphone. The reception was terrible.

  “Dmitry.”

  “Hi, this is Christine…” She looked around her, saw nothing for inspiration but the rain that was pouring down. “…Weathers. Can I have five minutes of your time?”

  He was skeptical. “You sound American. I am skeptical.”

  “Don’t be. I call as a friend.”

  “What type of friend?”

  “An angry mistress.”

  “Go on.”

  She explained the affair she’d had with Cole Baxter. About the promises he’d made about a trip away to Big Bear Lake. About how he’d broken his promise.

  He said, “And what does this Cole Baxter have to do with me?”

  “He’s an agent working for the NSA, and he’s coming to your observation station masquerading as a Canadian test subject. He hopes to gain secrets.”

  “The NSA, what does it stand for?”

  “National Spy Agency.”

  “I’ve never heard of it.”

  “You wouldn’t have. No one knows it exists.”

  “So how do you know about it?”

  “I’m a size six and I do pilates.”

  “I do not understand.”

  Gerry sighed. “He tells me everything after we have sex.”

  “Why are you telling me this, Christine?”

  “I want to get back at him.”

  “A woman scorned?”

  “Yeah, if that works for you.”

  There was silence a moment. “So there’s an American on the way to my observation station, who thinks he’ll be here to gain intelligence in Soviet matters?”

  “That’s right.”

  “And this man has wronged you in some way. That’s why you’re giving me the up heads?”

  “Up heads?”

  “A warning notice.”

  “Yeah, that. What can I say, I’m a bitch.”

  “Well, I tha
nk you for that, Christine. Now, if you’d let me get back to my work—”

  “Don’t hang up. There’s more.”

  “Go on.”

  “The bastard once drowned a puppy.”

  “Thanks, now if you’d let me get on with my—”

  “Don’t hang up. There’s more still.”

  “Go on.”

  “He has kids from a previous marriage and regularly misses child support payments.”

  “Again, thank you for that arbitrary fact, but if you’d let me get on with my—”

  “Don’t hang up.” Gerry feigned crying. “He was an incredibly selfish lover. He never went…” She was overcome with sobbing.

  “Go on.”

  “He never went…never went down on me. But he insisted I go down on him.”

  There was silence a couple seconds, during which Gerry bit her nails, something she hadn’t done since high school.

  When Dmitry spoke next, he was pissed. “I can’t abide men like that. You said you’re a size six and do something called pilates?”

  “That’s right.”

  “And you’re beautiful?”

  Gerry sobbed. “Incredibly so.”

  “And down there…how does it look?”

  “Ugh, excuse me?”

  “Are we talking Amazon rainforest or after deforestation?”

  Gerry felt nauseous, but she played along. “Deforested in places, but the rest is kept as is to accommodate the indigenous tribe that has made the place its home for hundreds of years.” Gerry rolled her eyes.

  “Like a landing strip?”

  “Exactly like a landing strip.”

  Dmitry went apeshit. “This sounds like a typical pig-dog American lover. Now I am angry with him.”

  “Don’t be too harsh on him. He didn’t mean it. I’m sure.”

  “Now, now, don’t defend this man. This is deplorable behavior! He should treat you like a princess.”

  She sniffled. “I think so, too.”

  “I’m shacked up here, nothing but…well, let’s just say that I’m alone, and he has an American woman willing for him to taste her coulibiac. What does he do given his opportunity? He squanders it, makes her nibble on his shashlik? No, I can’t abide this behavior.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I tell you what I do. I get on the phone to the recruitment agent and tell her this man is not welcome in this observation station. Nyet!”

  “No!”

  “What? Is this not a good punishment?”

  “It is, but I think we can do better than that.”

  “What do you suggest?”

  “Just fuck around with him a little. Make him wish he’d tasted my…what did you call it again? Shashlik?”

  Dmitry laughed. “No, you do not have one of those, my princess. Coulibiac.”

  Gerry shuddered. “Okay, make him wish he’d tasted my coulibiac.”

  There was a clonking sound, like that of Dmitry putting the phone down, and then she heard, “Keep out! I do not want polar bear shit in my observation station. I’m in a tight spot,” before he came back on the line. “Sorry about that. I have a polar bear problem.”

  “Polar bears, in Antarctica? Never mind.” She put on a sultry voice and started twirling the payphone’s cord around her finger, which didn’t work that well because of the armored cord. “If you do this for me, Dmitry, I’ll…well, let’s just say your mother’s cooking will never taste the same again after I’m through with you.”

  “Wow, what a great offer! I would’ve done it, anyway. But thanks all the same.”

  “Okay, Dmitry, I must fly. Thanks for the chat.”

  “Okay, my princess. Thanks for the up heads.”

  Gerry sits and sips her espresso as she thinks about what might’ve happened to her Cole. Doubt has entered her mind since. Would Cole have booked the trip for them to Big Bear Lake like he promised?

  When she looks up from her coffee, she notices a man sitting at the other side of the dining area, holding up a newspaper, two holes cut into it so that he can peek at her.

  45.

  Oslo…

  I SAY, “SO, would you have booked the trip to Big Bear?”

  Having recovered somewhat from his feelings of guilt, Cole says, “What? Are you crazy? There’s no way I would’ve been able to swing that with Connie.” He thinks a second. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “I was just interested, is all. It would’ve added a bit of extra drama to the story.”

  “You’re being a real big help, Hancock.”

  I put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, that’s what I’m here for, buddy.”

  “I was being sarcastic.”

  “Right back at you, Cole. So, you think that Gerry sent you there to be punished?”

  “The crazy bastard said as much. Kept on going on about something called a…what was it again? Cool-i-back? Guy was crazy about snacking. Could’ve been some Russian food or snack, I suppose.”

  I take out my phone, bring up a web browser. “How do you spell that?”

  “Can we get back on track, Hancock?”

  I ignore him, type in “Russian snack” and “Coolaback.” Good old Google corrects my misspelling of the last word, brings up pictures of something called a coulibiac. I show him the first one, which is a sort of pie, with a salmon filling, and with two decorative pieces of pastry on the top, in the shape of two crinkled leaves pushed together. Then I ask, “Does this look familiar?”

  “I have no idea what he was referring to.”

  I look at it again. “Neither do I.”

  “Anyway, don’t you want to know how I escaped?”

  I put my phone away. “I hadn’t thought of that. Good point. How did you escape?”

  “Did it not occur to you, with me sitting here, and all?”

  “The thought had crossed my mind.”

  “Polar bears.”

  “What?”

  “That’s how I escaped. Polar bears.”

  “You’re saying it as though it explains everything. And does Antarctica even have polar bears?”

  “It doesn’t.”

  “Oh, that’s interesting.”

  “Anyway, Hancock. Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

  46.

  Somewhere in Antarctica…

  DMITRY SAYS, “NOT only have you betrayed what I’m sure is a beautiful wife, but you have mistreated what sounds like the best mistress a man could hope for.”

  Cole doesn’t reply.

  “Why have you got that stupid look on your face?”

  Still Cole is silent.

  Dmitry sniffs the air. “Oh, you haven’t!”

  “What did you expect? I was desperate, and you’ve got a diaper wrapped around my ass. And you told me to ‘Let it flow.’ Remember?”

  “I meant pee. You are a deplorable man. You shat yourself, and when you had an opportunity to taste Christine’s coulibiac, you denied her, and was selfish.”

  “What’s a cool…what did you say? And who’s Christine?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me, American. She told me all about it. The affair, the trip to Big Bear Lake you promised her.”

  “Christine? Is that what she called herself?”

  “Yes, Christine. My princess.”

  “Her name’s Gerry. She doesn’t look or act anything like a Christine. Believe me.”

  “I think you are mistaken, American. She told me her name was Christine.”

  Cole does sarcasm well for a man with his feces caked to his butt. “Okay, those of you in the room who have slept with this woman whose name is in contention, raise your hand.”

  Cole tries to raise his, but then remembers his hands are tied behind his back. “Me. It’s me who should be raising his hand. Gerry’s her name.”

  Dmitry becomes pensive. “So she lied to me?”

  Cole senses an opportunity. “That’s right. She did, Dmitry. It’s probably not the only thing she lied
about.”

  Dmitry looks at Cole sharply. “What do you mean?”

  “Think about it. If this Christine lied to you about her name, what else could she have lied about?”

  “Her age. Older women tend to lie about that.”

  Cole thinks a second. “Did she even tell you her age?”

  As does Dmitry. “No.”

  “Then I think we’re on the wrong track—”

  “She could’ve lied about her physique. She said it was a good one.”

  “Again, the wrong track—”

  “She could’ve lied about her letting me taste her coulibiac.”

  “A coolia…? Okay, you’re going to have to stop saying that. But you’re getting warmer, I think.”

  “I’m all out of ideas, American.”

  “Let me give you a few clues. Big Bear Lake. Romantic weekend in a cabin. Wine by the side of a roaring fire. A man promising those things. Put those through your meat grinder and see if it makes a sausage.”

  Dmitry does think about those, and he comes to a satisfying conclusion. “So it was she who thought of these things. You didn’t promise her at all.”

  “Bingo!”

  “I’m confused. Why would she be so pissed if it was she who did the promising?”

  “Have you ever seen a movie called Fatal Attraction, Dmitry?”

  “What would the title be in Russian?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Then I can’t answer the question.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Have you ever heard the term ‘bunny boiler’?”

  “Like as part of a stew?”

  “No, a pet rabbit. The woman in the movie is just like our Christine. She’s unhinged. She’s reckless after a breakup. So she boils her ex’s bunny. You know, to get back at him.”

  “Are you telling me this Christine boiled your pet rabbit?”

  Cole looks down at the diaper. “She’s doing it right now, Dmitry.”

  “As we sit in the observation station? How would you know that?”

  “I’m the bunny.”

  “I don’t get it. I look at you and can clearly see you’re not a bunny.”

  Cole sighs. “I broke up with Gerry, and this is how she’s getting back at me, by manipulating you into…what are you doing? Torturing me?”