Envious

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I told you, we were desperate. I couldn’t go back to living on the streets, not after what had happened to me last time. Drake had cut Lee off. He told him if he didn’t get clean, he didn’t want anything more to do with him.”

  “So you thought luring your sister back into drugs was the way to get what you wanted from her? I don’t get it. Why didn’t you just ask her for help?”

  “I wasn’t ready to get off the drugs, and I knew that was the only help she’d provide. She wouldn’t have lent me money for food or a place to stay because she knew I would have ended up snorting it.”

  Chris rubbed his hands over his face before leaning back. He looked exhausted. “And you didn’t think she’d let y’all stay with them?”

  “No way. Drake had made it clear that he was done with Lee, and he thought Cassidy should take the same approach with me.”

  “But Cassidy wasn’t ready to cut you off?”

  “I think she wanted to, but Cassidy’s a caretaker. Cutting ties with someone she loves, even when she knows it’s in her best interest, has never been something that comes easily to her.”

  “I guess I would’ve felt the same way in her position.”

  “When Cassidy told me she didn’t want the stuff, I slipped it into her drink when she went to the restroom.”

  Chris gaped at her. “God, how could you do that?”

  Katie flinched in the face of the question she’d asked herself a hundred times. After some time, the only answer she had was, “I was sick.”

  “Obviously.” He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “I’m not going to pretend to understand what you were going through. I’ve never had a drug problem, or known anyone who has, other than Lee.”

  “You cut him off even before he and I met, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t stand the person he’d become. I didn’t even recognize him anymore, and I knew I didn’t want him in my life the way he was. Drake and I staged an intervention, but Lee walked out, telling us he wanted us all to stay the hell out of his life. That was the breaking point for me. I decided it was time for me to cut him out of my life. Until he decided to get help, there was nothing more I could do for him.”

  Katie wouldn’t share the rest of the story with Chris. What had happened with Cassidy and Lee was Lee’s burden. She’d told Chris what she had done. The question was whether he could live with the truth of who she’d become under the influence of drugs. “If you want to leave now, I’ll understand.” She could barely stand to look him in the eye, but she forced herself to. Her days of being a coward were over.

  He met her eyes, looking as determined as she’d ever seen him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chris’s heart pounded, but he was determined to appear unaffected by Katie’s story. If her sister had forgiven her, he had no right to stand in judgement. What hurt him the most was hearing how she had been victimized in that house of horrors on the street. “If you think you can scare me off, it’s not gonna work.”

  “I’m not expecting you to stay,” she whispered, looking down. “You deserve the best and—”

  “That’s why I want you.” He slid to his knees in front of her so they were at eye level. “I’ve seen you with your daughter. You’d lay down your life for her. I know the only way you’d go back to that life is if someone tied you down and shot a needle in your arm. I’m not worried about taking a chance on you because of your history. The question is, are you willing to take a chance on me?” He held his breath. He’d never had so much riding on a single question.

  He saw his happiness, his future, hanging in the balance. She could either crush him or give him everything he hadn’t even realized he wanted until she shared her story with him. Katie needed someone to show her what love was and how incredible life could be when someone was so devoted to her happiness they couldn’t even think about hurting her. He wanted to be that man… if she would let him.

  “I want to.”

  He could still see the fear in her eyes, but only time could erase that. Only days and weeks and months together could prove to her that what they could have would be so much better than anything she’d ever dared to dream about. “Then do it. Don’t think about it anymore, baby. Just take that leap of faith. Just let me love you.”

  When she still seemed hesitant, he rested his hands on her thighs. Katie leaned forward, opening her legs to welcome him closer, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She searched his eyes as though she expected to see some hint of doubt. “Even after everything I told you about my past, you still want to be with me? Why?”

  That question broke his heart because he realized that, despite all of the work she’d done on herself and all the meetings she’d attended, she still didn’t believe she was worthy of love. He swiped his hands over her damp cheeks. “If I could wipe all that from your mind, I would. But as much as I might wish I could, I can’t change your past. The only thing I can affect is your present and future, if you’ll let me.”

  A small smile teased her lips before she drew him closer and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’d like that.”

  He hugged her long and hard. He knew she needed to feel safe, and as long as he lived, that would be his mission. He was finally free to express his feelings for her, and the intensity of his love blew him away. It was unlike anything he’d ever known, and telling her wasn’t enough. He had to show her to make her understand that she wasn’t the only one taking a risk. Chris kissed her slowly, tenderly, not wanting to scare her. When he pulled back to look her in the eye, he saw a glimmer of hope that gave him confidence.

  “I want you. I want to make love to you, to show you how incredible it can be when two people are all in.” She’d never had that with Lee. His best friend had told him countless times that Katie was a great girl, but she wasn’t his soul mate. Chris didn’t understand how any man could share Katie’s bed every night without considering himself the luckiest man on the planet, but Lee’s loss was his gain. He intended to make sure Katie realized that every chance he got.

  “I want that too,” she said softly, licking her lips. He stood, reached for her hand, and led her up the stairs. When they reached the small landing, she closed Hannah’s door and led him toward the guest room. She closed the door and said, “I hope you don’t mind. It just didn’t feel right—”

  Chris kissed her. He had no desire to love her in the bed she’d shared with Lee. That night was about making new memories and wiping out the past. She’d answered the door wearing a soft pink hoodie and loose drawstring pants that fell low on her hips, revealing her flat stomach. Ever since he’d glimpsed that band of bare, bronzed skin peeking out from beneath her cropped sweatshirt, he wanted to see more. He was getting his chance.

  He kissed her neck, slid the zipper down, and pushed the soft cotton over her shoulders so he could kiss the tender skin beneath. Her soft sigh made him smile, and he knew he would never tire of hearing that sound. Knowing he was the one who could make her forget the outside world, even for a little while, was the only reward he would ever need.

  When the only things covering her were two scraps of white satin and lace, he stood back to admire her. She was stunning—more so because she had no idea how beautiful she was. He wondered if every time she looked in the mirror, she still saw a strung-out junkie who was too thin, with dark circles under her hollow eyes and long stringy hair. He couldn’t imagine his Katie ever looking that way.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked, looking as though she was almost afraid.

  “I’m thinking about how sexy you are.” He kissed her shoulder as he peeled the thin strap down her arms and reached for the closure in the middle of her back. “How much I want you.” No words could describe how much he wanted her. Ever since he’d learned that Katie was a free woman, he’d fallen asleep thinking about her and wondering if she was thinking about him. He had the chance to make sure she could think of little else.

  Katie closed her eyes and tipped her h
ead back as the lingerie fell. “I’ve imagined what it would be like to be with you. Even when I told myself I was going straight to hell for thinking of you that way, I couldn’t help myself. Every time I closed my eyes, there you were.”

  “If you’re going to hell, so am I.” He grinned right before his lips brushed hers. He couldn’t muster an ounce of guilt for his wayward thoughts when he was so damned happy to have the woman of his dreams in his arms.

  “You have too many clothes on,” she muttered. Her trembling fingers pulled his shirttail out of his jeans. She worked the buttons on his shirt, cursing softly when they didn’t fall away with ease. He chuckled as he took over the task and tossed his shirt aside. Katie inhaled deeply as she ran her hands over his broad chest. She reached for his belt buckle as her eyes locked with his. She appeared drunk on lust, her eyes at half-mast. “You were washing your Mustang in your driveway without a shirt the other day. I watched you out of my bedroom window.”

  He sucked in a breath when she reached for his zipper. He had to get himself under control if he wanted to make it an experience she would remember.

  “You looked so hot. I watched every single woman in the neighborhood find an excuse to walk by,” she said, pushing his jeans over his hips before he stepped out of them. “Walking their dogs, going to the mailbox… They all found a reason to stop and chat with you.”

  A few of the single women in the neighborhood had been pretty obvious after his wife moved out, but he wasn’t interested in starting something he had no interest in finishing. “I didn’t notice.”

  “Liar.” She hooked her thumbs into her panties and slowly slid them down. “Any one of them would give anything to trade places with me right now.” Chris couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. He was mesmerized by the sight in front of him. “But you’re mine.”

  Her words jolted him out of his trance. Mine. He loved the sound of that. He wanted to be hers, almost as much as he wanted her to be his. “I am.”

  She smiled. She took her time kissing his chest as her hands caressed his back before moving slowly over his defined abdominal muscles. “You’re perfect.”

  He would have used the same word to describe her had his tongue not been tied in knots. He wanted to take it slow. He wanted to caress every inch of her body, love her with his mouth, and pay tribute to her with every sweet word he’d ever thought of to describe her, but his body refused to cooperate. Backing her toward the bed, he knew slow and gentle would have to wait. The solitary word running through his head in time with the blood pounding through his veins was… Now. He had to have her now.

  Chris smiled when she reached for him as she fell backward on the mattress with a soft thud. “In due time, sweetheart.” He reached for the jeans he’d left on the floor.

  She raised an eyebrow when he took the plastic package out of his pocket. “Are you always prepared?”

  He loved knowing the thought of him with another woman made her see red. “You sound jealous, gorgeous.”

  Resting her weight on her elbows, she glared at him. “What if I am?”

  “You have no reason to be.” He dropped the jeans and walked back to the bed. He stared at her, his eyes taking on a predatory gleam as he thought of all the things he couldn’t wait to do to her. “You’re the only woman I want.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  She looked delighted, which reminded him of how vulnerable she was. “I’ll make it my mission to remind you as often as it takes to make you believe me.” He slid his boxer briefs off before climbing over her.

  “I want to believe you,” she whispered, her eyes shining with tears.

  “But?”

  “No man has ever loved me like that, not even—”

  Chris kissed her before she could say Lee’s name. He wanted to beat his friend senseless for making Katie doubt how desirable she was. He knew Lee wasn’t to blame; Lee couldn’t force feelings any more than Chris could deny them. “Then let me be the first. Let me be the man who shows you how it feels to be loved the way you deserve.”

  A tear slid down her cheek as she caressed his stubble. “Why me? Why do you want to be with me?”

  That wouldn’t be the last time she asked. He would answer her as often as she needed to hear it. “Because you’re smart and sexy and gorgeous.” He punctuated each word with a kiss. “Because you laugh at my stupid jokes and kiss my daughter’s skinned knees.”

  She smiled at the last comment before lifting her arms over her head as he inched down her body. “Go on, I’m listening.”

  He circled her peaked nipple with his tongue before blowing on it gently, making her arch her back. “I want you because you make me laugh and forget my problems.” Even when they’d been in the friend zone, both married and trying to make those marriages work, she always had the uncanny ability to make him forget about his problems and just focus on having fun. He knew how rare that was, and he wanted someone like her to come home to.

  She moaned as his lips drifted from one breast to the other, cupping, kneading, licking, and kissing her soft mounds until he had her worked into a breathless frenzy. “Please.”

  His lips traveled over her flat stomach and kissed the faded scar that represented Hannah’s birth. “I love you because you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman.” He lifted his head, waiting for his words to penetrate her lust-induced fog. He’d said he loved her, and he wanted her to understand what that meant. He wasn’t in it because he was looking for a one-night stand to ease his loneliness or because he was curious about whether making love to her could measure up to his fantasies. He was there because he was looking for forever… with her.

  “I…” She stared at him as though she couldn’t find the words to respond.

  “Don’t say anything.” He silenced her with a kiss when she tried to utter a protest. One day she would respond with the same certainty, but that wasn’t that day. She was still reeling from having her world turned upside down. It wasn’t the time to ask her to feel what he was feeling. “I just wanted you to know.”

  Chris secured the condom before lying beside her. “Close your eyes.” He watched her comply before his hand skimmed her body, making thrill bumps rise on her soft skin. His body begged him to get to the main event, but he wanted to put her first tonight and every night, to prove to her that she deserved to feel cherished. Slipping his finger through her slick flesh, he watched the last of her reservations slip away as she gave herself over to him.

  “Ahhh…” She squeezed her eyes shut as she swivelled her hips, trying to coax him into finishing her off. But he wasn’t interested in the culmination when he was having so much fun witnessing her trek into oblivion. She climbed higher, soaring to a place where the only thing that mattered was how fast he could stroke her. “Chris…” She gripped his wrist. “I’m…”

  “Gorgeous.” Her bright blue eyes shone against her flushed cheeks when she opened her eyes. He thought he’d never seen a more striking reflection of intimacy. She was giving herself to him, trusting him to take care of her and give her what she needed. He circled her slick bud until her body pulsated with need. He watched her shatter, thinking he wanted to be there to pick up the pieces every time. He didn’t want her to be alone ever again.

  “Wow,” she whispered, reaching for him.

  He covered her body with his and braced his weight on his forearms. He had so much he wanted to say, yet the words lodged in his throat. Kissing her deeply seemed the only way to convey his message. As though she felt the same way, she kissed him back, moaning into his mouth when the frenzied pace of their kissing stirred her desire again.

  As she guided him inside of her, her eyes locked with his. “Don’t move.”

  He had no intention of moving when the experience was already perfection. She fit him like no one else ever had. Her body welcomed and encircled him, making him realize the sharp contrast between sex and making love. He’d loved—even made love—before, but it never felt like that. His body
was sending him the message that his search was over. He’d found his other half, the one who could make his life complete.

  “I just need a minute,” she whispered. He could tell she was struggling to make sense of what was happening between them as her body stretched to accommodate his. “Wow, it’s never… I mean, I’ve never…”

  He realized she was on the verge again, and he had the power to push her over the edge. Moving gently, creating just enough friction to set her off, he let her body lead the way. It wouldn’t be long before her heart got with the program and realized he was the man who could make all of her dreams come true. His tongue probed her mouth as his body rocked, coaxing another orgasm to ripple through her before she’d had time to catch her breath. He could tell her responsiveness shocked her, but he was pretty sure she’d never had a man so fixated on her pleasure before.

  By the time she came down, she was panting and chuckling as she wiped a hand over her slick forehead. “Are you trying to finish me off?”

  “Hell no, we’re just getting started, baby.” He picked up the pace to punctuate his point. Her mouth formed an O, and her eyes widened. He grinned, finding the humor in her response, until she retaliated by clenching him in her tight heat. Being on top didn’t mean he was in control.

  “If you’re trying to make me cry mercy…” He dipped his head, trying to regain control.

  “I love having you at my mercy,” she whispered, contracting around him as her tongue flicked across his earlobe. “I love knowing that I can drive you crazy.”

  “You’re drivin’ me crazy all right,” he muttered. A stream of curses filtered through his head. He wanted it to be incredible for her, and he couldn’t give her that if she made him surrender too soon. She relented, giving him a little room to breathe so he could talk himself off the cliff and get his head back in the game. “You’re bad.”

  She pouted. “That’s not what a girl wants to hear.”

  To divert her attention away from torturing him, he scattered open-mouth kisses on her neck and collarbone as he thrust in a steady rhythm that would break a less-focused man. Her cries of pleasure were music to his ears, and he found a cadence that would give her pleasure without doing him in. “You like?” He knew she couldn’t form a coherent sentence if she tried.