Envious

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I see.” Katie pulled the blanket back and stood.

  He watched her scurry around collecting her clothes. She’d bared her heart, given him her love, and he’d thrown it back in her face as though it meant nothing, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It meant everything. “I hope you know how much you mean to me, but Bianca—”

  “Is your daughter. I know.” She tried to smile, though it was obvious her heart was breaking. “You don’t have to explain. I’m a parent too. I know there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to have Bianca in your life.”

  He couldn’t let her leave like that. Jumping out of bed, he reached for her when she tried to make her way to the door. He gripped her shoulders. “This is killing me. If I thought there was another way—”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  It wasn’t okay. Nothing about the situation was okay. He didn’t want to leave the only city he’d ever called home or the family and woman he loved, but he’d rather cut off his arm than let his daughter grow up thinking he didn’t care enough to make her the center of his world.

  She reached up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Your daughter’s lucky to have you. Good luck with the move, Chris.”

  He wanted to hold her, refuse to let her go, but he had no right to beg for another day or even an hour. She’d already given him more than he should have asked for.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “I still can’t believe you’re leaving,” Lee said, propping his shoulder against the frame of Chris’s front door. “You sure this is want you want?”

  Chris glanced at the house across the street, wondering if Katie would come over to say good-bye. He hadn’t seen or heard from her since she wished him luck. He didn’t have the right to prolong the agony by asking her to see him again. “What would you do if Katie was taking Hannah clear across the country? Would you be content to see your girl once or twice a year?”

  Lee sighed. “I can’t believe Courtney’s doing this. Did you talk to your lawyer about it?”

  “Of course I did.” He wiped the perspiration from his brow. “He said we could drag Courtney into court, but there’s no guarantee we could convince a judge it wouldn’t be in Bianca’s best interest to get to know her maternal grandparents and rest of her family better.” He wished he could have argued with his lawyer, but at the end of the day, he had to consider what was best for his daughter. “He asked if I really wanted to put Courtney through that, given her condition.”

  “And you said no.” Lee rolled his eyes. “She’s pregnant with some other guy’s kid. You don’t owe her anything.”

  “I know that, but she’s still my baby’s mama. I swore to myself I would never put my anger at Court above my love for our daughter.”

  “I hear ya…” Lee glanced at the house he used to call home. Chris didn’t have to ask what he was thinking.

  “How is she?” Chris asked.

  “She’s trying to put on a brave front. You know Katie. She doesn’t want to worry anyone with her problems.”

  There was a time she might have talked to him about them, but Chris knew they didn’t have a prayer of recapturing those days. “Did she pass her exams?” He’d wanted to call and ask her, but he feared she would tell him where he could shove his concern. He didn’t want things to end that way.

  “She did.” Lee shook his head. “Man, can you believe she was taking all those online courses and never said a word to us about it?”

  “I guess she wanted to do it all on her own.” Her achievement made him respect her all the more.

  “She’s started looking for work.”

  “Really?” Chris heaved the last of his suitcases into the bed of Lee’s pick-up. He’d asked for a ride to the airport, and Lee had been happy to oblige. “I still wish she’d let me help her out with the pre-school. It’s a good idea, and I think she’d be great at it.”

  “Hey, isn’t that Tucker Brooks?” Lee waved to the driver parking his truck on the street in front of Chris’s house.

  “Damn it, I forgot I was supposed to meet him. I called him a few weeks ago to ask him to take a look at the pre-school property, but he and his wife were going out of town on vacation. We planned to meet as soon as he got back.”

  “We’ve got some time. Why don’t you have a word with Tucker while I run across the street and give my angel a kiss?”

  “Sounds good. Thanks, Lee.” Chris watched his friends shake hands at the bottom of his driveway. He’d hired Tucker and his crew to renovate his home. They’d become fast friends when Chris realized how committed Tucker was to doing a good job.

  “Hey, what’s this I hear about you leaving town?” Tucker asked, shaking Chris’s outstretched hand. “Lee said he’s taking you to the airport.”

  “Sorry I forgot to call and cancel our meeting. Things have been a little crazy for me lately.”

  “No worries. What’s goin’ on?”

  “Courtney’s husband took a job out of state so she could be closer to her family.”

  Tucker whistled under his breath. “Wow.”

  “She knew I wouldn’t want to be apart from Bianca, so she suggested I get a place there. I’ll be back and forth a lot, because of my business, but I guess this won’t be my primary residence anymore.” He looked up at the old Victorian. “Hate like hell to leave this house. It’s the only place that’s ever really felt like home.”

  “I know what you mean.” Tucker smiled. “That’s why I love these old houses. They always have a story to tell.”

  “Yeah.” Chris would have no problem selling it, but he wanted to know his home was waiting for him when the time came to move back to Nashville. Keeping the house was impractical, given that he wouldn’t be spending more than a couple of days a month in it, but he could afford to be impractical.

  “Looks like you have story to tell too.” Tucker leaned against Lee’s tailgate. “You wanna talk about it?”

  “I would if I thought it would help.” He was out of choices, so he didn’t see any point boring Tucker with his sad story.

  “When you called, you told me you’d bought a building for Katie,” Tucker said. “What’s the plan with that now that you’re leaving?”

  “I offered to help her build the business without me, but she wasn’t interested.”

  “Huh.” Tucker glanced across the street at Katie’s house. “So Lee doesn’t mind that you’re dating his ex?”

  “We’re not dating anymore.”

  “Sounds like you’re pretty bummed about that.”

  “You could say that,” Chris said.

  “Ever hear of a long distance relationship?” Tucker smiled. “You said you’ll be back to Nashville a couple of days every month. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.”

  Chris had thought about proposing that option to Katie, but it wasn’t fair to ask her to wait around for him. It would likely be years before he could move back to Nashville. “Katie needs to get on with her life. She deserves to be happy.”

  “So you’re okay with her finding someone else?”

  “Hell no, but what other choice to I have, man? This is the way it has to be.”

  Tucker looked him in the eye. “If you want something bad enough, there’s always a way to make it work. You just gotta figure it out. You sure as hell can’t find a solution if you give up.”

  Chris resented the implication that he was a quitter. He’d never given up on anything, with the exception of his marriage. In that case, Courtney had taken the decision out of his hands. “I’m not giving up. I’m letting go. There’s a difference.”

  “You can call it whatever the hell you want. I just know that nothing would keep me from being with my woman.”

  “Not even your kids?” Chris knew Tucker was as committed to his kids as he was to Bianca.

  “I’m not saying it’s an easy call. I’m just saying there’s got to be another way to make this thing work.”

  “Don’t you think I’ve been wracki
ng my brain for weeks trying to figure out a way?” The air seeped through Chris’s lips as he tried to hold on to his temper. “I’m not an idiot. I know women like Katie don’t come along twice in a lifetime. I may well be the biggest jackass on the planet to walk away from her without begging her to come with me.”

  “So why don’t you ask her to go?”

  “I can’t do that to her or to Lee. Courtney and her husband are trying to take my daughter away from me. I couldn’t do the same to my best friend. Besides, I don’t actually think Katie would consider it. Her family and friends are here. This is where she belongs.”

  “Seems to me this is where you belong too, my friend.”

  ***

  Chris was surprised to see his father’s truck pull up to the curb as Tucker pulled away. “What are you doing here? I told you Lee was giving me a lift to the airport.”

  “I know, but I wanted to see you off myself,” his father said as he walked up the drive.

  “I hope you didn’t bail on Jessie’s birthday party on my account.” Chris’s niece was turning one. It was bad enough he had to miss the festivities. He knew how much his parents were looking forward to being there.

  Before Fred could respond, Lee crossed the street. Lee shook Fred’s hand. “Nice to see you again. It’s been a while.”

  “Sure has.” He gave Lee a quick once-over. “You look good, son. Been keepin’ outta trouble?”

  Lee grinned. “Been tryin’.” He glanced at Chris. “I guess you won’t be needing me to give you a lift to the airport after all, huh?”

  “Hope you don’t mind,” Fred cut in, “but I’d kinda like to do the honors.”

  “Not a problem,” Lee walked toward his truck. “Let me toss your stuff in the back of your dad’s truck.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Chris said. “I can get it.”

  Their eyes locked. Lee said, “It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

  Chris hated prolonged good-byes, but he’d expected his best friend to have a thing or two to say before watching his taillights pull away. “I haven’t done anything.”

  “Like hell you haven’t. You’re a big part of the reason I got clean. Losing people like you, who’d always been there for me, made me realize it wasn’t worth it.”

  They didn’t spend a lot of time talking about the years Lee wasted getting high. They didn’t have to. It was enough that he’d gotten clean and intended to stay that way. “I’m glad, but you were the one who did all the hard work.”

  “I’m gonna miss you,” Lee said, smirking. “I had a good time taking your money when we played fantasy football.”

  “Hmm, maybe moving out there will change my luck.”

  “Your luck hasn’t been so bad.” Lee inclined his head toward Katie’s house. “In fact, things have been turning around for you lately. You sure now’s a good time to leave?”

  He wasn’t sure about anything anymore, except that he couldn’t let his daughter grow up and forget about him. “Just doin’ what I gotta do, man.” They’d been through it before, but Chris knew if their situations were reversed, he’d second-guess Lee as well.

  “Okay.” Lee offered his hand before pulling Chris into a back-slapping hug. “Text me when you can.”

  “Sure.”

  “When are you gonna be back?”

  “In a couple of weeks.”

  “Cool. We’ll meet up at Jimmy’s for wings and beer.”

  Chris chuckled. “That’d be root beer for you, I guess.”

  “Smart-ass,” Lee mumbled, hauling Chris’s suitcases out of his truck bed.

  Chris grabbed the second suitcase, but Lee took it out of his hand. He wheeled them down the driveway before Chris could object. With a wave, Lee put the suitcases in Fred’s truck and crossed the street, leaving his truck in Chris’s driveway.

  Chris checked his watch. “I guess we should get going. My flight’s in a couple of hours, and I want to grab a bite at the airport before I board the plane.”

  “Let’s go,” his father said, heading for the truck.

  They drove a few minutes before Fred spoke. “I sure hope I can do this without you, kid. Everyone knows you’re the brains behind this operation.”

  “You won’t be doing it without me. I’ll be as involved as I ever was. I just won’t physically be there every day.”

  “Yeah.” Fred gripped the steering wheel. “That’s the part I’m having a hard time with.”

  Chris had always been close with his parents, especially his father. He wasn’t surprised the old man was having a hard time with his decision to leave town. But if Fred were in his shoes, he wouldn’t let anything or anyone keep him from his kids. They were cut from the same cloth. Looking out the window at the people crossing the street, Chris was struck by the fact they were carrying on with their lives while his world was spiralling out of control. He couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. “I know it’ll be an adjustment for all of us, but we’ll get used to it. What other choice do we have, right?”

  “It’s a bitch feeling as though you don’t have any options, isn’t it?”

  Chris didn’t respond. He didn’t have to. His father knew how much he hated feeling helpless. If the divorce had taught him one thing, it was that sometimes wishing for a different outcome wasn’t enough.

  “That’s the way I felt when you kids were growing up. I missed you like crazy, but I wanted to do right by you, keep a roof over your heads, food on the table.” Fred released a gusty sigh. “I thought about getting a job in some factory nearby, but they didn’t pay enough and I didn’t have the skills to do anything else. Driving trucks was the only thing I knew how to do.”

  “I understand, dad.” Chris didn’t want his father to feel guilty for being an absentee father. Chris had always known that his parents were doing what they had to do to keep their family together. “We never blamed you for not being there more. You were a hell of a father. We all felt lucky to have you in our lives.”

  “I think Bianca’s the lucky one,” Fred said, sparing him a sidelong glance. “There aren’t too many daddies who’d make the kind of sacrifice you’re making.”

  “You do what you gotta do, right?”

  “What about you and Katie?”

  “What about us?” Chris asked.

  “You gonna keep seeing each other?”

  Chris remained silent while he found the words to explain his torment. “I can’t ask her to be satisfied with a couple of days a month. She deserves more than that.”

  “Hmm.”

  His father wasn’t openly disagreeing, but Chris could tell he didn’t agree with his assessment of the situation. “She deserves a man who can be there for her when she needs someone. As much as I’d like to, I can’t be that guy.”

  “I’ve never known you not to be there when someone needs you, son. Just ‘cause you’re not living right across the street doesn’t mean you wouldn’t hop on the first plane if you knew Katie was in trouble.”

  It killed Chris to think about how much he was leaving behind. The future he and Katie could have had would torment him for years, maybe forever. “Sure, but that’s not the same as falling asleep with her every night or being the one she calls when she needs a shoulder to cry on. It’s not the same as standing by her side when she opens the door to her business for the first time or celebrates her daughter’s birthday or the birth of her new niece or nephew.”

  “No, but isn’t sharing part of her life better than nothing?”

  Chris had asked himself that question a hundred times. In the end, it came down to what was best for Katie. He knew she’d want to remarry and have more kids someday. She couldn’t do that if she was wasting her time in a long distance relationship that couldn’t go anywhere. “She deserves the best. I can’t give her that.”

  “Did you ever give her a chance to decide for herself what she wants, or did you just tell her you were leaving town, end of story?”

  “That
is the end of the story,” he said quietly. “At least for us.”

  ***

  Katie and Lee sat on the cushioned chairs on her back porch. They watched their daughter and the little girl next door take turns on the tire swing.

  “You okay?” Lee asked.

  Neither one of them had mentioned Chris since Lee came over from his house a little over an hour ago. They’d shared a pot of coffee and talked about everything except the one thing on both of their minds. “I will be. Eventually.” She hoped she would. Crying herself to sleep was getting old.

  “Why didn’t you go over there and say good-bye to him?”

  “Why didn’t he come over here and say good-bye to me?”

  Lee scowled. “You’re both as stubborn as a mule. You know that, don’t you?”

  Katie didn’t see it as being stubborn. As far as she was concerned, she and Chris were just dealing with the lousy hand life had dealt them. “You know what they say, timing is everything. The timing just wasn’t right for us.”

  “If you ask me, you didn’t even give it a chance.”

  “I didn’t ask you.” Katie smiled when Lee got that hangdog expression she used to find so endearing. “You’ve been really supportive of the changes I’m trying to make. I appreciate that.”

  “Whatever makes you happy will make our little girl happy. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

  “I know.” Katie tipped her head back, basking in the sun warming her face.

  “I can’t help but feel you’re pretty miserable. Even with the prospect of a new career—”

  “I gave him my heart,” she said, keeping her eyes closed. “You know how hard that is for me. I thought I could trust him. I was wrong.” She knew being angry with Chris wasn’t fair. He was doing what any good father would do, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

  “That’s not fair, and you know it.”

  “None of this is fair. I learned a long time ago life is rarely fair. Especially for people like you and me.”

  “You know what losing my parents taught me?” Lee squeezed Katie’s hand.