Everything Is You

by Donna Hill

  “Absolutely not. When I get out of here, which should be in a couple of days, I’m going straight to New York to start the trials. Did everything from the apartment get put into storage without any problems?” she asked, switching the topic away from her directly.

  “Yes,” Traci snapped. “Your apartment is empty of all of your personal belongings.”

  Jacqueline pushed out a breath. “Thanks.”

  “I mean have you taken one moment to imagine what Raymond is going to think when he comes back and the only thing left is a freaking note?”

  “I have thought about it. I have imagined it. And it’s ugly and it tears me up inside. But nothing, nothing could be worse for him than him watching…”

  “J…sweetie. For once in your stubborn life lean on Ray. Let go of your stubborn pride and tell your family what’s going on. Let someone help you for a change. You’ve spent your whole life trying to save the world by telling their stories through your photographs. It’s your turn, sweetie.”

  Tears of fear and resolve slid over her lids. “I gotta go, Traci,” she lied. “The nurse is here. I’ll call you.” She disconnected the call before Traci could react.

  Jacqueline turned halfway on her side, her movements restricted by the IV in her arm. Was she really wrong?

  Ray had been by her side in some of the most difficult situations. They’d had each other’s back. They’d traversed deserts, and witnessed explosions, been caught in the melee of insurgencies, witnessed births in the jungle, and inaugurations in foreign lands. They’d slept in the best hotels and on mountainsides and along riverbeds.

  She knew that Ray cared about her. He’d never said the words and neither had she, that wasn’t who they were. To say the words would bind them in some way. And they were not souls to be bound.

  But she should have told him, at least once, that she loved him. That was her only regret. Yet, if she had, this decision that she’d made would be even more painful.

  * * *

  The flight back to the States was longer than usual if that was possible, Raymond thought as he made his way through customs and then waited for his bags. He was bleary eyed, and bone tired. He still had been unable to reach Jacqueline and his emotions had veered from pissed off to worried. Matt had taken a flight out of Indonesia en route to New York for his next assignment, so Ray had traveled alone with his thoughts.

  Finally he got his bags and hurried out to the taxi stand. A half hour later he was pulling up in front of Jacqueline’s apartment complex. The sense of dread that he’d tried to keep at bay suddenly hit him with a sucker punch. His breathing escalated as he paid the driver and took his bags from the trunk. The feeling heightened as he approached her concierge desk and was stopped in midstep.

  “Oh, Mr. Jordan? Did you forget something?”

  Ray frowned in confusion. “Excuse me?”

  “I was asking if you’d forgotten something.”

  “N-o. Why?”

  The concierge flushed bright red. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my concern, sir.”

  Raymond stared at him for a moment and then took off toward the elevator. His heart banged in his chest as the steel box made its slow ascent. The doors finally opened and he sprinted down the hall. Fumbling with the keys, he finally got it in the lock.

  He pushed the door open and in one sweeping look at the yawning emptiness, his world crashed down around him.

  Chapter 12

  The thud of his bags dropping at his feet echoed in the space. Numb, he put one foot in front of the other, feeling as if he was in some kind of macabre dream. But it was real. The apartment was empty.

  His stomach roiled. He gazed around in disbelief. Why? When? Maybe it wasn’t what he thought. Maybe J had decided to get rid of her furniture and was ordering new stuff.

  He ran toward the bedroom and threw the door open. Empty. He pulled open the closet door. Empty.

  His temples pounded. He turned in a senseless circle. And then he saw it, an envelope propped up on the windowsill.

  For a moment he simply stared at it. The answers to the questions that raced through his head were in there. He knew it. He needed to know why she’d left him—like this—in this heartless way, like the years that they shared together meant nothing.

  Gritting his teeth he crossed the room and lifted the pearly white envelope up by its edge and then he tore it into little pieces and let them fall like snow on the floor.

  Whatever it said would never be explanation enough.

  * * *

  Raymond didn’t remember the ride to his house. The familiar scenery passed by him unnoticed. Absently he wondered what she’d done with his things, the stuff he’d left at her place so that he’d feel like he belonged there instead of visiting like a guest. What did it matter anyway?

  He paid the driver and dragged himself out of the cab. When he approached the path leading to his ranch-style house, his next door neighbor, Steve, stopped him.

  “Hey, Ray. How’s it going? How was the trip?”

  “Long and tiring,” he managed, in no mood for small talk.

  “Well, hang on a sec. My wife signed for a package for you the other day. A big box. I’ll get it.”

  He already knew what it was. She didn’t miss a beat.

  “Can it keep until tomorrow, Steve? I’m really exhausted.”

  “Yeah, sure. Hey, you okay, man?”

  “Just tired. Long flight.”

  Steve nodded and watched him walk away.

  * * *

  Ray tossed his bags in a corner and went straight to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. He drank it down like water and went for another one. He drank greedily. What he needed was something stronger. Something that could annihilate the feeling of disbelief and fury that had him on the edge of doing something ugly.

  Before he realized what he was doing he’d hurled the bottle across the room. The sound of glass smashing reverberated in the space like a gunshot. The remnants of the beer dribbled feebly down the wall.

  His cell phone rang deep in his pocket. He dug the phone out and it almost met the same fate as the bottle when he caught the name of the caller in the lighted face of the phone. Hesitating for a moment he debated whether to take the call. He depressed the phone icon.

  “Where is she?” he barked into the phone.

  “She doesn’t want me to tell you, Ray. I’m breaking a promise to my friend. But…you need to know.”

  * * *

  Rafe became a fixture in the hospital waiting room and in the corridors of the ward in the week that Jacqueline was a patient. She’d been moved from ICU and relocated to a private room on a regular floor. He’d made “friends” with many of the female staff so that neither he nor his aunt wanted for anything. They were more than happy to bring extra blankets or add extra helpings of food to her meal, refill her water, fluff pillows and “anything” that Rafe may have wanted to make his visits more comfortable. There was so much eye batting going on that air conditioning was hardly necessary, Jacqueline had joked with her nephew.

  “I see you’re getting your biting sense of humor back,” Rafe said, as he pulled up a chair next to hers.

  She’d been up and out of bed for the past two days. Her tests results had come back and were looking better than previously anticipated. The color had come back into her cheeks and her eyes were once again bright and all-seeing and, most important, her energy level was back. She was itching to leave.

  Jacqueline crossed her long legs. “You have to admit, you have the ladies wrapped around your finger. I wonder if they would be quite as attentive to me if you weren’t around.”

  The barest smile flickered around his mouth. “I was always taught, at my mama’s knee, to treat the ladies with the utmost respect.”

  “And charm
,” she added.

  His eyes sparked. “Well…that, too.” He leaned back against the padded club chair he’d had brought to her room. “I spoke with Dr. Phillips. They plan to discharge you later today.”

  “Yes,” she said on a breath. “Finally.”

  He leaned forward, rested his arms on his hard-

  muscled thighs and linked his fingers together. “You won’t change your mind and stay?”

  She slowly shook her head. “No. I’m going to New York.”

  “The family has been asking me about you, Dominique in particular. Her ‘spidey’ sense is picking up something. And you know Dom, once she get her hooks in something she won’t let go. Lee Ann even called from D.C. asking had I heard from you.”

  “You haven’t told them anything have you?”

  “No. I told you that I wouldn’t, and I’m a man of my word. But I have to tell you I don’t care for lying to my family. We may not always get along but we’re always up front with each other.”

  Jacqueline looked away. “I’m sorry to have put you in this difficult position. By tomorrow, I’ll be gone and I won’t be your burden any longer.”

  “You’re not a burden. Why don’t you understand that? You have people who care about you and would be there for you if you let them.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “It is! If you let it.”

  She couldn’t tell him the seriousness of her condition. All he knew was that she had a blood disorder. She’d done enough by involving him this far. That was never her intent. By tomorrow, she would be gone and life could go back to the way it was before she dropped into his lap.

  “Let it go, Rafe,” she said softly. She reached out and covered his tightened hands with her own. “I appreciate everything that you’ve done. But let it go. I’ll be fine.” She forced a bright smile. “Come, let’s go for a walk to the solarium.”

  They got up and walked down the corridor. As usual the hospital floor was busy with doctors and nurses moving quickly and efficiently in and out of the rooms. They were approaching the nursing station and Jacqueline froze.

  “What’s wrong?” Rafe asked, immediately alarmed. He followed her line of sight.

  Raymond was at the nurses’ station being directed to Jacqueline’s room. He turned and his gaze collided with hers.

  “Ray,” she uttered barely above a whisper.

  “Who is that?” Rafe put his arm tighter around her slim waist.

  “It’s okay,” she managed.

  All of his emotions: anger, confusion, betrayal and fear tumbled on top of each other vying for position as he strode purposefully toward her. Seeing nothing and no one but the woman he’d come for.

  “J.” He breathed, grasping her shoulders then pulling her into his arms, as wave after wave of relief washed over him. “J,” he whispered into her hair. “You could have told me. You didn’t have to run.”

  She gave into the rush of joy that spread through her being back in the safety of his arms and fell into his embrace. Unbidden tears sprung from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Ray. I thought it was the only way.”

  “It’s all right, baby. I’m here. I’m here.” He kissed her hair, her cheeks her lips. “I’m here,” he repeated against her pliant mouth.

  Rafe cleared his throat. “I think you two are causing a scene.”

  Reluctantly, Raymond stepped back but refused to release her.

  Jacqueline swallowed over the tightness in her throat. She grinned sheepishly. “This is my nephew. Rafe Lawson. Rafe, Raymond Jordan.”

  The two gorgeous men shook hands.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Rafe said.

  Raymond looked deep into Jacqueline’s eyes. “So am I.”

  “I’ll, uh, leave you two to get reacquainted. I sense that there’s a lot of talking that needs to be done.” He leaned down and kissed Jacqueline’s cheek. “See, I told you people love you,” he whispered in her ear then stepped back and gave her a quick wink. “Good to meet you, Ray.” He shook his hand again. “Take care of her.”

  “I intend to, whether she wants me to or not,” he replied, more for Jacqueline’s benefit than Rafe’s.

  “I guess Ray can take you back to your hotel,” he stated more than asked.

  “I got this,” Raymond said.

  “Good. Call me.” He squeezed her hand then started off down the corridor, stopping along the way to make small talk with one of the nurses.

  Of course Rafe could never tell his aunt that he knew exactly what was wrong with her. It could cost one of the lovely nurses her job for having allowed him to see her chart. That knowledge and knowing what the only viable option for her full recovery was had tortured him for days. His hands were tied and he didn’t like it one damned bit. Maybe, Ray would be able to love some sense into her. He saw how Ray looked at his aunt and he had a damned good feeling that Raymond Jordan was exactly what his aunt needed in more ways than one.

  Chapter 13

  “I suppose Traci told you,” Jacqueline began, once they were settled in the quiet of the solarium. The morning sun gleamed against the floor-to-ceiling windows.

  “She’s your friend. And she’s worried about you.” He paused. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “I’m listening.”

  She glanced away then turned to him. “The only way to possibly cure my aplastic anemia is with a bone marrow transplant. And the most viable person is my brother. My only other options are the clinical trials in New York.”

  He took in the information and measured his words before he spoke.

  “We’ve been together for years now,” he began. “We’ve been colleagues and lovers. But there has always been a wall between us, J. A wall that you put up. I know that it has to do with your family. And I know exactly who your family is.”

  She flinched.

  “I’ve known for some time now. You forget that I’m an investigative journalist. I always thought that it was strange that you never spoke of your family or appeared never to want to have anything to do with them. I don’t know the whole story, but I can’t imagine that if your brother knew that you needed him, no matter what the rift is between you he would cross it.”

  She shook her head. “You don’t know my brother.”

  “Then why don’t you tell me what I don’t know? For once, just tell me.” He looked deep into her eyes, into her soul, touching her in a place that she’d kept locked away.

  The weight of all that she’d been carrying finally gave way. The years of hurt and the self-imposed isolation broke free like a damn that burst its banks.

  “There were three of us, Branford, my brother David and me. Branford and David were the stars of the family. Our father molded them, pushed them, compelled them to succeed. Branford entered politics. David finance. They both rose to the heights of their professions. But David…got in over his head. He made some bad decisions with his client’s money. He was being investigated by the FTC. He told me he went to Branford for help and he refused.”

  She bit down on her bottom lip as those dark, frightening days replayed in her head.

  “David’s son, Maurice, found him. The gun was still warm in his hand. He’d left a note, saying how sorry he was but he saw no other way without the help that he needed. The help that only my brother could have given.”

  She blinked back the tears. “Maurice was devastated. It tore the family apart. Branford refused to talk to us about it. He never has.” She sniffed.

  “What happened with the investigation?” he asked after a long pause.

  She frowned for a moment. “It…fizzled out.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Yes…I suppose so.”

  “Di
d anyone ever think that perhaps Branford had something to do with that to maybe not tarnish your brother’s name?”

  “I…well…maybe. I don’t know.” In all this time she’d never even considered that.

  “I’m sure if he did, it was at great cost to him on a lot of levels.”

  “But we don’t know that he did.”

  “Believe me, reporters and the government don’t simply go away because they’re bored.”

  She drew in a long, thoughtful breath. “It doesn’t change anything,” she said none too convincingly.

  “Only if you don’t want it to.”

  “I can’t go to him. I won’t go to him. How could I after all this time and after all the ugliness?”

  A sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “As much as you have distanced yourself from your very famous family, you are more like them than you’re willing to admit.”

  She sat up straighter in her seat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re stubborn, focused, willful and determined not to bend or show your hand. You stand on ceremony and self-imposed principles. All those traits have made each of you a success in whatever you’ve undertaken.” He waited a beat. “At some point, someone has to do things differently.”

  “Ms. Lawson…”

  Jacqueline turned her attention toward the door of the solarium. The charge nurse was standing there. “Your discharge papers are ready.”

  Jacqueline beamed a smile. “Thank you.” She turned bright eyes on Raymond. “Let’s get out of here.”

  * * *

  “You always loved the best hotels,” Raymond quipped as he set down Jacqueline’s bag and his own in the foyer.

  “It’s my answer to the nights of sleeping in tents and eating dried whatever when I’m on an assignment.”

  Raymond chuckled. “Bedroom in back?”

  “Yes. Down this hall.” She led the way. “You must be exhausted,” she said, turning to him. “You’ve been traveling for days on end.”

  As if on cue, he yawned. It seemed that he’d been in some state of “en route” for days now. His energy had been fueled by pure adrenaline. It was beginning to catch up with him as the anxiety since talking to Traci and finally seeing Jacqueline was easing back.