[In Distress 02.0] In Pain

by Caethes Faron

  When Will entered their bedroom, he didn’t see Malcolm anywhere, but he heard the slosh of water coming from the bathroom. For a moment he was tempted to let Malcolm relax a while longer, but Will couldn’t contain the nervous energy that propelled him to the bathroom. He didn’t need to say anything when he saw Malcolm lying back in the tub. As soon as Malcolm saw him, he sat up, concern etched in the lines of his face.

  “What is it?”

  Will hadn’t meant to alarm him, but he hadn’t taken the time to calm himself either. He grabbed a towel and handed it to Malcolm as he stood from the tub. Rivulets of water poured down his pale chest, lingering on the black hair that peppered the firm muscles. Oh, how Will wanted to forget everything, strip off his own clothes, and join Malcolm. However, that would only bring a temporary comfort at the price of their long-term happiness.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  Malcolm nodded and wrapped the towel around his waist. Something in Will’s face must have told him that this wasn’t a conversation to be had half naked, because he went to the closet, leaving wet footprints in his wake, and emerged in a black V-neck tee shirt and black drawstring pants. Will took a seat in one of the two chairs in the sitting area to the left of the bed. It’s where they’d had many of their important conversations.

  Once they were both seated, Will leaned forward and made eye contact with Malcolm. This would hurt, and he didn’t relish the idea of delivering the news. His gut clenched, as if he were about to deliver a blow. He supposed he was.

  A deep breath, and he dived right in. “I just got done chatting with Oculus. He wants to replace you as the leader of the Spark of Life Movement.”

  The change in Malcolm’s eyes startled Will more than Oculus’s ultimatum had.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Thank the Spark was the first thought that went through Malcolm’s mind. It would be such a relief to escape the burden of the expectations and responsibilities that came with his role as leader. Freed from those shackles, he could actually accomplish something instead of steering a ship that seemed anchored in place.

  Will’s sharp intake of breath focused Malcolm’s attention.

  “No, Will—”

  “You’re relieved.” The look of betrayal in Will’s eyes cut at Malcolm’s chest like a razor.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “I can understand your needing time after Kaleana’s death, but that’s not it. What have you been doing that is more important than the movement?”

  This was not the way he wanted Will to find out. From the beginning, he had planned to tell Will once it was done. If he hadn’t needed a bath to rinse off the stink of his actions, he would have told him as soon as he came home. Unfortunately, he had discovered that no amount of soaking in the bath could wash away the darkness of what he had done.

  The expectancy in Will’s eyes demanded an answer, but Malcolm worried that disappointment would take its place. “I avenged your leg today.”

  “What do you mean?” Wariness colored his tone.

  “I had Vincent delivered to me in the woods, and once there, I bound him to a tree and carved into his face with a knife and beat him until I felt I had destroyed him. Then I made him believe that he was going to die.”

  Will lowered his gaze, leaving Malcolm to wait for his reaction. Malcolm watched as Will sat back in his chair and shook his head as he bit his lip. When he finally turned his attention back to Malcolm, a grim smile greeted him.

  “Is he still alive?”

  “Oh yes. Death would have been a mercy to him.”

  “I wish I could have done that.”

  “So you’re not mad at me?” Relief flooded Malcolm.

  “No.” Will sighed. “I want to feel so many things, but I’m really just happy that the prick finally got what was coming to him. I have to think that maybe it will make him pause before he acts against whatever Zed he owns now.”

  “Oh, he will.”

  “Is there any chance you’ll be caught?” A bit of anxiety entered Will’s face, but not much. He knew Malcolm too well.

  “None. I covered my tracks. What little contact I needed to make I did through our anonymous messaging service. There’s no way it can be traced back to me. I disguised myself well and made sure not to reference you specifically. Besides, he won’t even try to catch me. I made sure to leave him in such a state of fear that the most he’ll ever hope for is to be able to forget today. But he won’t. The Med Machine may be able to prevent scarring, but he’ll never forget the sight of his own face bloodied and cut with a broken nose. He’ll remember me and the reflection of himself every time he looks in a mirror. He won’t be found for at least a day.”

  In Will’s eyes, Malcolm saw his own feelings staring back at him, a mixture of horror at what he had done and pleasure at it being done. It was an easier contradiction to live with than claiming to love someone and doing nothing to right the wrongs perpetuated against him.

  Awkward silence didn’t exist in their relationship, but after what seemed an interminable amount of time, Malcolm needed his lover to give voice to the emotions swirling in his green eyes. “Please, say something.”

  A flicker in Will’s gaze told Malcolm that he considered censoring his thoughts but knew better. “I admit I’m a little disturbed that you’re able to do something like that. I wish I could, but if given the chance, I’m not sure I’d have the stomach for it. You’re so different with me and with our family, that I forget that your reputation comes from a very real side of you.”

  “I’m grateful you don’t think you could stomach it. I’d hate to think that my darkness has infected you.” Malcolm wanted Will to rub off on him, not the other way around. So much good filled Will that Malcolm despised the thought that he could ever dim some of that light.

  The crinkle around Will’s eyes formed by having a smile too big for his face, the light in his eyes, that perfect grin, drove the definition of the word “dark” from Malcolm’s mind. “You say things like that and it makes me think you’re sillier than Nick. You’re not some sickness. You’ve always felt things too strongly, especially when the people you love are threatened. Kaleana always said that was the way with you. As always, she was right.”

  “Really? And what did she say?”

  “That you’ve always thought your problem was an absence of feeling when really it was an abundance of it.”

  Malcolm couldn’t contradict her now. It’d hardly be fair when she was both correct and unable to defend herself. The part of him that would do anything to protect Will was dark. Unleashing part of it, even in a controlled manner, scared him. But it was an exhilarating thrill, the kind that came from manually driving too fast. Behind the disgust he felt over being capable of harming another human being soared a high he had never felt before. He’d glimpsed it when viewing the carnage of Masterson’s car crash and then experienced it in a stronger form when he brought himself face-to-face with the pain he could cause. If he let himself, he’d get lost in it the same way he got lost in his own pain with Will. Perhaps that would be best. Perhaps pain could heal wounds.

  “Is that what you think?”

  “No, I know that’s the case. Kaleana and I used to find it amusing that you could be so thoroughly wrong in assessing yourself. It’s why you bottle everything up. Sometimes I wonder if you think it’d kill you to let it all out.”

  “No, but it can kill others.”

  “You didn’t kill Kaleana.” The grim determination in the line of Will’s mouth warmed Malcolm’s heart. Will could be just as fiercely defensive as Malcolm.

  “That’s not what I meant.” In fact, it surprised him to find that even with a bit of prodding he couldn’t nudge to life any feelings of guilt over Kaleana’s death. “I avenged her. The Geneticist who killed her is dead.”

  Will’s brows furrowed as he leaned forward once again. “How?”

  “He was in a car accident.”

  Nothing more needed to be said
. Will would understand his meaning.

  “Good.” No sign of horror clouded Will’s features this time. Malcolm tilted his head in curiosity, and Will responded. “He was a murderer, one that would have never been brought to justice otherwise. What he did was outside the rules of even this fucked-up world.”

  “I’m glad you see it that way. This is what’s been keeping me busy. I’m doing something tangible here. I feel more useful than I ever have before. This is real. It’s not code and hope and dreams. I’ve been fighting the system for a long time, and no good has ever come of it, but this I can do. I can put a face to my enemy and defeat him.” Cheek twitching over his clenched jaw, Malcolm wished he could run out and take down another of his family’s enemies right now. There was no shortage of people for him to target.

  “I can understand that.” Will nodded. “There’s only one problem: you made a commitment to the movement.”

  “And I’m not breaking that commitment. I’ve already stayed leader longer than my predecessor. It might not be a bad idea for me to resume my role as an operative.”

  “You’re right, but you also made a commitment to me. And you also made one to the rest of the men in this house. They may not know that you’re the leader, but they believe that you’re doing everything you can to bring down the system. They didn’t ask you to avenge them. They did ask to be given the opportunity to work with you to make a difference in this world.”

  “I don’t know if I can anymore.” The admission opened up Malcolm’s fears and insecurities. He knew he could exercise revenge. Beyond that, he didn’t have faith in his abilities anymore.

  Will slipped out of his chair and knelt between Malcolm’s knees. This position would always remind Malcolm of the first time Will had assumed it. That first time, Will had been giving Malcolm back his life. He might be doing the same now. Anything Will said to him, he’d have no choice but to obey. Looking into the face of the man who knew him better than anyone and still loved him, Malcolm knew he’d do whatever was asked of him. He only hoped it wouldn’t be too much.

  “That’s all right. You don’t have to know.” Will reached up and squeezed Malcolm’s neck and shoulder. The pressure and warmth of his hand served as a firm connection, grounding Malcolm in the security that Will would always support him, always be there for him. “All I ask is that you stay home tomorrow and work with me. I’ve missed you.”

  How one man could so expertly manipulate him with such love and care that Malcolm didn’t even mind, he would never know. Pure honesty shone from Will’s eyes, free from guile. It was why the manipulation worked. Malcolm lifted Will’s hand from his neck and placed a kiss on the palm. “That I can do with pleasure.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Walking to the office after breakfast the next morning, Will couldn’t help but notice the stress lining Malcolm’s eyes. He had thought after their sex last night and a relatively peaceful sleep that Malcolm would appear more refreshed. Instead, he had the pinched look of someone who bore a great physical pain and tried in vain to hide it from the world. How typically Malcolm that he would experience physical pain as pleasure and emotional distress as physical discomfort.

  Will slipped his hand into Malcolm’s when they reached the third floor. He knew he would have to show his support every step of the way if this were to work. Their discussion last night had brought forward Will’s worst fears. A part of him had hoped, even expected, that the news of Oculus’s threat would snap Malcolm back into his old self. What a naïve expectation that had proved to be.

  As soon as the door closed behind them, Will spoke. “I’m glad you decided to come back today. There’s a pressing issue Oculus and I need your help on. I assured him you’d know exactly what to do.”

  Malcolm’s face said they both knew he hadn’t come of his own volition. Will shrugged in response as he sat at his desk, and Malcolm moved behind him to look at his screen once it had unfolded. The weight of Malcolm’s hand on the back of Will’s chair caused him to smile at the familiarity. He couldn’t deny the tense air in the room, but he fully expected it would dissipate as soon as they were both ensconced in their work.

  “What’s the problem?”

  “I might have mentioned it to you before.” Will accessed the data that they were currently pulling from his collar. “It’s a storage issue. Depending on the size of the pilot program, we might not have enough space to store all of the data we’re receiving.”

  Malcolm leaned closer, his breath inadvertently tickling Will’s ear as he examined the stream of data displayed on the screen. “I had no idea this much information would be transmitted.”

  “I know. It’s a lot more than we had initially thought. The Geneticists no doubt have an algorithm that alerts them to anything pertinent and then dumps the rest. Right now, though, we don’t know what we should be keeping and what we should be dumping. Oculus has already done a good job of compressing the data. He thinks he’s come up with a program to sort through it all and show us what’s important and then compress the rest so we can still access it if we need to later. Of course, with just me wearing the new collar, there’s no telling how good of a system it is. We’re worried that once the pilot program goes into effect we’ll be swamped. We really don’t want to delete anything if we can help it. I’ve already been going through our servers and compressing anything I can and deleting redundant files.”

  “You sure are confident that the Geneticists will move the collars on to the next phase.”

  “They’ll have to. There’s no reason not to. Don’t you think they’ll move forward?”

  As soon as Will turned to look at Malcolm, the weight lifted off the back of his chair, and he watched as Malcolm took a seat at his desk and started his computer. “I’ll take care of the space issue.”

  “How?” Will didn’t even know where their current server space was coming from. He assumed it was a secure location, but other than that, he was clueless.

  “I’ll just get more.”

  The joys of living with an introverted man. “So you know where the servers are?”

  Malcolm looked up from his screen. “Of course.” Then it was back to work.

  Will sighed. “Care to tell me?”

  “Oh, yes. Sorry, I’m just so used to not telling anyone. This is one of those secrets that no one else knows. There’s the safety of a lot of people at stake. If anyone ever found out, the loss of information would be the least of our worries.”

  “You don’t need to tell me if you’re not comfortable.”

  “No, that’s not it at all. Of course I’ll tell you. I just need you to understand the importance of not letting it slip to anyone. Our servers are located in one of the settlements in the Wastelands.”

  “What?” Malcolm might as well have told him the Spark of Life had requisitioned a star for their use. “The settlements are real?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long have you known?”

  “I always hoped, I suppose the same way you’ve always hoped that the collar would come off. I didn’t know until my predecessor told me the day I took charge.”

  “Have you ever seen them?”

  “No, I don’t even know where they’re located. I’ve always assumed there are many. Part of our agreement is that we don’t take any action to try to find them.”

  “So you have no idea where our servers are?”

  “No. There are security measures in place to keep it secret, but I’ve held to our end of the bargain. It’s not important that I know where they are.”

  An idea popped into Will’s head and quickly germinated into a distinct fear. “So for all you know they could be sitting in a DGI facility.”

  A hint of a smile graced Malcolm’s lips. “Well, I’m not that trusting. I was assured that they were not located in New Cali or any other nation-state of the Federation. I did enough digging to confirm that much.”

  “So what are the people there like?” All of his life, the settlements
had been a mythical place. Will couldn’t even imagine what life would be like in such a place of freedom. His first thought was to get Malcolm to run away with him there, but of course the collar stopped them. “Do they have a way to remove the collars?”

  Once again, Malcolm looked his way, resignation on his face. “No. The people there have never had collars or a caste system. We have very little interaction with them. They don’t wish to be involved in the movement in any way; they simply supply us with servers. We have a liaison I can contact. Given past experience, they should be accommodating.” He turned back to his computer, appearing to type up a message. “It may take a while to hear back from them. From what I understand, they like to vote on everything, but we’ve got time.”

  “See, you’ve already solved our biggest current problem.”

  “I sent a message. Oculus could have done the same if I read him into the agreement.”

  “Yes, and then what? Could Oculus then manufacture collars with enhanced technology to infiltrate the New Cali Department of Genetic Integrity?” Will stared Malcolm down, making it clear that he wouldn’t speak until Malcolm answered him.

  “No, but I could still do that under Oculus’s leadership. What he can’t do is make sure the Alpha who terrorized Stuart never does it to anyone else.”

  Will flinched. People didn’t come any sweeter than Stuart. For a moment, he was tempted to tell Malcolm to pull up the file he felt sure he had on the Alpha. He didn’t doubt that Malcolm could terrorize him so badly that he’d have nightmares of what would happen to him if he ever hurt another Zed.

  “So I ask you again, then what? You can take them all out, Malcolm. You have that power. But there will always be Vincents in this world as long as there’s a system in place that allows them to terrorize without consequences. You can’t save them all. There’s a back room at Emporium right now full of Zeds you can’t save. There’re only so many bedrooms in this house. There are only so many hours in your day. What you can do is create a world in which Alpha, Beta, and Zed are obsolete, where genetics are irrelevant.”