SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED

by Schwartzmiller, Kimberly

  “I’m fine. Kellan will be with me and so will Margot.”

  “Abby, Margot’s making arrangements with the adoptive parents now, and she needs this time to get the paperwork all done. I’m afraid you have to stay here.”

  I looked down and nodded my unhappy acceptance and whispered, “Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome. Um, I did want to let you know that you’re going to have milk let down within the next day or two. We used to give medication to dry it up, but we don’t anymore. You can wear a really snug bra and stay out of the shower stream, but...your milk will still come in. I’m sorry. Your breasts are going to be very sore for a while.”

  I nodded and said, “Okay.”

  “You um, you could nurse her a couple of times...” she treaded very carefully. “It will help give her a good start in life, build up her immunities.”

  I looked up at her and knew she only meant well. “I...can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Okay. Call me with any questions.”

  The nurse was very nice and cleaned me up and walked me to another room. It had a double bed so Kellan could stay with me. I climbed in and grabbed hold of him and cried.

  “It’s all over now, Abby. It’s all over.” He stroked my hair and held me close. I was exhausted and I finally drifted off to sleep.

  I don’t know how long I slept, but I remember waking up screaming. “Where is she?”

  “Who?”

  “My baby!” I was hysterical and I don’t think Kellan knew what to do with me or how to help me.

  “Abby, she’s with Margot, remember?”

  “NO! I want her. She’s mine!”

  “Abby, what are you talking about? You said...”

  “I know what I said. I can’t do this. I have to see her...hold her. Please? Oh, please!!!”

  “Are you sure?” he asked, not knowing what to do. I had spent months telling him in no uncertain terms that I wanted nothing to do with the baby once she was born, and yet now I was crying hysterically and begging him to get her for me.

  “I was wrong! I want her.”

  “Abby, I don't know what you want me to do. I don’t understand...”

  “I was wrong. I need her. I’m sorry. Please get Margot...PLEASE!” I was hysterical now.

  Kellan stood up, “Okay, I’ll call her.”

  He stepped out of the room, obviously believing I had lost my mind. He came back in a minute later and said, “She didn’t answer. I left a message for her to call me back.”

  “OH, NO! She already gave her to those people. What was I thinking?” I started to get up and Kellan ran over and stopped me.

  “Stay in bed. I’ll get a hold of her, I promise. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have signed those papers. Now I’ve lost her.”

  “No, you haven’t. It’s okay. We’ll get her back, Abby. We will. It’s okay,” he said, pushing me back gently onto the bed.

  I stood up anyway and started to pace. “Why didn’t I listen to you? She’s mine...she’s mine. I can't give her up. I don't care if she’s Joes, she’s still mine! I want her back!” I was completely hysterical and didn’t even realize what I was saying.

  “What?” Kellan asked, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  “I want her back!”

  “I heard that. Oh, my God. How could he...?! I’m going to choke him to...”

  He didn’t have time to finish his threat because suddenly Margot was standing in the doorway holding a tiny pink bundle.

  “Is that?” I asked, motionless now that I was within reach of my baby.

  “Yes. Would you like to see her...hold her?” she asked cautiously.

  “YES! Please!”

  Margot stepped forward and laid the small bundle in my arms. I took a deep breath and looked up at Kellan. I knew he was dying to see her, too. I knew he wasn’t sure what I was going to do or say next, but I reached out my free hand and he sat down next to me and kissed my cheek.

  I carefully pulled back the blanket and saw the most beautiful baby. Once her eyes adjusted to the bright lights, she opened them and instead of staring into what I thought would be Joe’s eyes, I knew, without a doubt, they were Kellan’s.

  “Oh, my God, she’s yours. I know she’s yours.” I sighed, a feeling of complete peace settling over me as I held her close.

  “I know. If you had told me who it was I could have told you she was mine...from the start.”

  I looked up at him. “What? But, how could you know?”

  He touched my cheek and said, “Joe had a vasectomy years ago, Abby. That’s why Nancy wanted to be a foster mother. She couldn’t get pregnant.”

  I looked down. I was afraid he was going to go after Joe and I was so ashamed.

  “I’m not going to do anything about it right now, Abby. I promise. I’m not about to leave you or my daughter.”

  “I can't believe I almost gave her away.” I stared down at my perfect little angel and then terror shot through me once again. “Oh, no, I did give her away. I signed the papers. Oh, my God, what do we do?” I was panicking.

  “Margot?” Kellan asked.

  “She’s all yours. Don't worry.”

  “But, you said you had the perfect couple...that would love her and raise her...”

  “I do. Who better than her own parents?”

  “What?” I asked, stunned.

  “I knew you wouldn’t want to give her up. You just needed time. But, you also needed reassurance that you had that option, so I printed off some phony documents for you to sign.”

  “You mean you don’t have a couple ready to take her?”

  “I have a lot of wonderful couples that would love her, and if it came down to it, I would have placed her with a wonderful family.” She walked over to me and looked down at the baby in my arms...our baby, and smiled. “And, I did place her with the perfect family.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “You don’t have to. But, I would love it if you stayed with me for a while longer. I’d love to help with the baby.”

  “I’d love to. Thank you.”

  “So, what are your plans now?”

  I looked up at Kellan. I had no idea. I wasn’t about to go running off with a newborn baby, but I was still afraid that Nancy would show up any minute.

  “It’ll be okay. We can stay with Margot a few days...until you’re feeling better, and then we’ll go somewhere...safe, until you’re eighteen.”

  “And what about...” I swallowed hard, “Joe?”

  “I told you, I’m not leaving you. I’ll deal with him...later!” he said through a clenched jaw.

  “I’m sorry I didn't tell you. I knew you’d go after him.” I looked down at my daughter and said, “If I had told you, I would have been better...to her, throughout my pregnancy. I would have loved her.”

  “You did everything you were supposed to. She’s here and she’s healthy.”

  “And, she’s beautiful!” Landry said from the doorway.

  “Hi. You probably think I’m crazy,” I said, looking down at the baby I had sworn I didn't want and would never set eyes upon.

  “No, I don’t. I um, I think we were wrong about the dates, though. That baby is full term...I’d say much closer to 40 weeks.”

  I looked up at Kellan and said, “Yeah, that sounds about right. I guess birth control pills really aren’t always effective.” I looked back down at my baby and added, “And, I couldn’t be happier!”

  Kellan smiled and said, “Me, too. Um, can I hold her...please? When you’re ready. I don’t want to rush you.”

  I could see it was killing him to wait, so I begrudgingly handed her over to him and watched as he clumsily tried to cradle his newborn daughter in his arms.

  Margot and Landry both took a step closer, worrying that he might be too nervous, but after a few seconds she looked like she belonged there...in her father’s arms...

  A NEW BE
GINNING

  “She’s all ready to go home. She’s so beautiful and so perfect,” I said when I heard Kellan walk back into the room. I was nursing our baby, and I was blissfully happy.

  “May I hold her...please?” Nancy said while standing in the doorway.

  I turned around and covered both of us and held her close to me. “What...what are you doing here?”

  “I just want to hold her...see her. Please?”

  “GET OUT NANCY!” Kellan ordered from directly behind her. He walked past her and stood by my side.

  “She should be mine! You're only 17; you’re hardly ready to be a mother!”

  “I’ll be eighteen in a few months, and she’s not yours! She’s mine and Kellan’s.”

  “You know that’s not true. You know she’s...not Kellan’s.”

  “Yes, she is!”

  “Abby, she’s Joes...and you know that! I know it was wrong...what he did, but I want her. I’ll love her...forever. You can’t seriously want to raise her, knowing what he did to you,” she said, taking a step closer.

  “She’s not mine, Nancy,” Joe said from the doorway.

  “What are you doing here? And what do you mean?” Nancy asked.

  I felt Kellan tense, I knew he wanted to choke Joe to death, but he kept his promise and refused to leave my side just as he promised.

  “Abby, I know I don’t have any rights to even speak to you and I know you’ll never forgive me.” He looked down at the ground, “I’ll never forgive myself. I was drunk, and I know that’s no excuse...and if I could take it back, I would. Sorry will never be enough, but, I have to say it. I am so sorry.” He wasn’t the same person he’d always been. He was broken. The guilt was evident in more than just his eyes.

  He took a step closer to Kellan and said, “I’ll be waiting outside. I won’t fight back. Whatever you do to me couldn’t possibly be worse than living with what I’ve done.” Joe looked up at me and said, “Congratulations. She’s beautiful.”

  I held my baby tighter to me, but refused to look at him.

  Joe started to walk out of the room and Nancy caught his arm. “What do you mean the baby’s not yours? She has to be yours…”

  “She’s not. Let go, Nancy. It’s over! I’m through, and I’m ready to take whatever punishment Abby and Kellan want to throw my way.” He walked out without another word.

  Nancy turned to me and said, “Let me see her, please?”

  “She’s not his…she’s mine…and Kellan’s. I’m not going back with you Nancy! You can’t make me!”

  “I just want the baby. I’ve always wanted a baby.” She took a step closer with such a strong yearning in her eyes. I almost felt sorry for her, but then I thought of what she had done to Kellan and I took a step back and covered my daughter’s face with a blanket, trying to protect her.

  Kellan stepped forward. “Get out, Nancy.”

  “I’ll fight for her. She should be mine. I’m his wife…I have to have some rights.”

  “You have no rights. I have a rather large case built against you,” Margot said, standing in the doorway.

  “Who the hell are you?”

  “I’m…a friend. A good friend.”

  “A friend? So what! That child is mine…too. Joe’s my husband.”

  “He’s your husband, but she’s my child…not his! She’s Kellans!”

  “I want a blood test to prove it! You’ll see!”

  Kellan stepped between myself and Nancy and said, “She’s mine, Nancy.” Kellan stepped aside and took the baby from me. He pulled back the blanket and I saw Nancy take a deep breath and glance down at our baby.

  “We don’t need to do a blood test, Nancy. Look at her, you can see she’s mine. Joe…” he took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “…had a vasectomy…years ago. He didn’t want kids.”

  “You’re lying! How would you even know that?”

  “He told me one night when he was really pissed off at me. ‘I had a vasectomy so I wouldn’t have to deal with any damned kids…and she goes and borrows some!’ I’m not making it up. He paid me off a day later. He bought me that old computer in exchange for my silence.”

  “You’re lying…” she said with much less conviction.

  “No, I’m not. Look, I don’t want to fight with you…I just want it over. I want Abby and our daughter. Just…let her go. We’ll check in with her social worker, pretend that she still lives there. You can keep the money. I don’t care. But, she’s not going back with you.”

  “I still have custody…”

  “I don’t think you really want to push this matter! I think he’s offering you a deal that you can’t refuse,” Margot said with a uniformed officer at her side.

  “And if I don’t?” she said, her hands on her hips.

  “You’ll get twenty to life for child abuse…and molestation. I’m very influential…just try me! I’ve seen the pictures. Are you sure you want to play that card? Trust me, Kellan won’t see a minute of prison…but, I can guarantee both you and you’re…husband will!” Margot warned Nancy.

  “I um, I just wanted to make sure Abby was alright. That’s all. I don’t want any trouble.”

  “You can see that she’s fine. There’s the door!” Kellan replied, towering over her.

  “O-okay, I’ll go…but, may I please just…hold her…just for a minute? I always wanted a baby.”

  Kellan looked down at Abby. “It’s up to you.”

  “She hurt you…I can’t forgive her for that.”

  “You heard her, the answers no. Goodbye, Nancy.”

  I was free! I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t have to go back…ever. I could stay with Kellan. I won…I survived, and as I looked up into Kellan’s beautiful eyes, I realized he’d survived too.

  Nancy turned to leave and I couldn’t believe it, there was a tear in her eye. I looked back up at Kellan and he smiled and handed me the baby.

  “Nancy, wash your hands.”

  “What?” she sniffled as she reached the door.

  “If you want to hold her, then you have to wash your hands,” I said, taking a step toward her.

  “You mean it? Even after all I’ve done?”

  “You can’t keep her, but you can hold her…for a minute.”

  She nodded and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and quickly washed and then sanitized her hands. She sat down in the rocker and I slowly walked over to her and carefully placed our daughter in her arms.

  “She’s beautiful. Perfect.” She rocked and hummed a soft lullaby. She was completely enchanted and at that moment I realized that maybe if she had had a child of her own, she might have been a good mother. I looked up at Kellan and he put his arm around me.

  “I may have been a terrible foster mother…actually, I know that I was.” She looked up at me and added, “And even though I didn’t do right…by either of you, you both turned out all right.” She wiped another tear from her cheek, stood up and handed my daughter back to me. “I’m not taking any credit, because you’re both decent kids…in spite of me. I know it won’t mean much…” she looked directly into Kellan’s eyes and said, “I’m sorry.”

  She left without another word.

  “Let’s go home!”

  “I um, I don’t really know where that is,” I said.

  “We’ll stay with Margot for a few days, and then…we’ll buy a house anywhere you want to live.”

  “I own a house down the street from mine. I’ll make you a great offer!” Margot grinned.

  “Only if I can volunteer at your girl’s home. I may not have a social workers’ degree…yet. But, I certainly have some insight on being an unwed mother.”

  “Deal.”

  “Abby, are you sure you want to stay here? You don’t want to go home to L.A.?”

  I looked up at the man I loved more than life itself and said, “As long as I’m with you and our baby, I am home.”

  “I um, I have something for you. I think now’s the perfect time to give it t
o you.”

  “I have everything I need…right in this room.”

  He pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket, “Happy Birthday.”

  “You know my birthday isn’t for a few months,” I grinned, but took the box.

  “Well, you need time to plan…if you’ll have me.”

  “Plan for what?” I asked, opening the box. I stared down at the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen and for once, I was stunned silent.

  “Marry me.”

  I slowly walked over to Margot and handed her the baby. I turned around and ran to Kellan and threw myself into his arms. I was crying. Again.

  “Is that a yes?”

  I was crying so hard I couldn’t get the word out, and finally I just nodded.

  “I’d say that’s a yes,” Margot laughed.

  “YES!” I finally managed.

  A few minutes later we were discharged from the hospital and were walking out the door. Our daughter was sound asleep in her new car seat and Kellan was holding the car seat in one hand and had his other arm protectively wrapped around me. We walked outside into the cool Connecticut air and found Joe standing next to the car.

  “I forgot about him,” Kellan said.

  “So did I. It doesn’t matter anymore, Kellan. I can forgive him…if you can.”

  “I’ll never forgive him…either of them. But, I’m in too good a mood to let Joe and Nancy Filbert ruin it.”

  I smiled up at him. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” He turned to Joe and said, “I really should beat the crap out of you…but something tells me whatever Nancy has planned will be worse than any beating I can give you.”

  Joe nodded and walked away. He got into the car with Nancy and they drove off.

  EPILOGUE

  We had a small wedding on my 18th birthday. Tyler was Kellan’s best man, and Margot stood up for me. It was a perfect day and I had never been happier.

  It turns out, I loved college! Who would have thought? I didn’t have the grades to get into Yale, but the community college had a wonderful program, and just a few short years later, I was a full-fledged social worker with a part-time job working for Margot. I loved my job. I had the perfect life. One of the best parts of my job was being able to bring Jenny to work with me.