Letters to an Incarcerated Brother: Encouragement, Hope, and Healing for Inmates and Their Loved Ones

by Hill Harper

  IMAGINING THE FUTURE

  I’ve spent an awful lot of time trying to get you to stop feeling lousy about the past and focus on your future. Deepak Chopra once asked me, “If you could jump ahead five years from now and meet yourself, who would you meet?”3 I have similar questions for you. Who do you want to meet—who do you want to be—five years from now? What does this person look like? Sound like? How does he dress? Is he wearing a prison outfit, a three-piece peak-lapel suit, or neither? What is he doing right now?

  It doesn’t even matter if your sentence turns out to be longer than the five-to-ten-year maximum because of trouble gotten into on the inside. Who are you going to choose to be even if you’re still locked up?

  I can already imagine this pissing you off. You didn’t choose to be in jail, you’re probably thinking. So how can you choose where you’ll be in the future? But when I say choose, I’m not talking about a single decision and its consequences. I’m talking about a series of minuscule steps that lead you in a certain definite direction. At the end of the day, I want you to discover the path that’s the best version of who you are and find a way to lead a life that’s so happy it’s “unreasonable.”

  So if you’re good money, hit me with some answers to those questions.

  Soon,

  Hill

  P.S. Since I’ve spent so much time in this letter talking about books, I’m including a letter from a friend who spent time behind bars himself and who feels that reading is one of the things that saved him. Dr. Jamal Bryant is the outstanding pastor of the Empowerment Temple AME in Baltimore, Maryland.

  Dear Brother,

  The only thing the judicial system cannot take away from an incarcerated Brother is his intuition and his imagination. Books give you an opportunity to teleport beyond your circumstances toward what you want or dream. Remember that even though the body is locked up, the mind is still free.

  Remember that even though the body is locked up, the mind is still free.

  This year is the fiftieth anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” which shows that even while incarcerated, his mind was thinking at a keener, sharper level without the distractions that we have now. Dr. King was able to focus not on the style of life, but the substance and significance of life.

  One of my mentors, Dr. Frank Reid, put me on a book regimen of reading a book a week, and every week the subject changed. The first week it was autobiography or biography, because often the news just gives you the snapshot of someone’s success but never shows you the struggle of someone’s failure. Anyone who has succeeded at something has failed at something first. Michael Jordan was actually cut from his high school basketball team. As he himself put it, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I have been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Jordan certainly realized the value of persisting when on the face of things, it seemed he had failed.

  The second week I read something about our culture or our history. There is a West African word, sankofa, that means “to fly forward while looking back.” This means in order to push toward your destiny, you have to have a sense of your past. Looking at the full journey of African-American men being in bondage, juxtaposed with being incarcerated by a system that is operating on almost a high-tech level of slavery, would help you to have a greater perspective.

  The third week, I read a book on theology. This could have been Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, or any other faith; the tenets remained the same. You have to operate at a level of discipline, studying your theology and looking beyond yourself and seeing how to meet the needs of someone else. Many people who are incarcerated are consumed by some dimension of selfishness, or “What can I get for myself?” But the aim needs to be, “What am I doing for someone else?” Your faith in God propels you to do what? If your goals are what kind of car you’ll drive and what kind of clothes you’ll wear when you get out, reading will help you develop your personal theology.

  The fourth week, I read a novel, so my mind was always moving in a different dimension and I was able to go places that I would never have gone. Ninety-two percent of Black males don’t have a passport. Their worldview doesn’t go beyond the neighborhood they are in. So reading gives you an opportunity to go places where your imaginary passport has never taken you. The Manhattan Institute tells us that only 48 percent of Black males in this country earn a high school diploma, and of them, one in four will wind up incarcerated. So this is a good opportunity to get your GED and raise your literacy level so you can compete in the mainstream when you’re released.

  I would recommend the following books to you:

  1.The Bible, particularly the Book of Proverbs. This has thirty-one chapters, and you can read one chapter a day. Many of these proverbs were written by King Solomon for his sons to train them on how to rule and be in charge.

  2.With Head and Heart, the autobiography of Howard Thurman. The title means that if you do not have your head, you’ll always lose your heart. It talks about the balance every Black man needs to live with, head and heart.

  3.Brainwashed by Tom Burrell. This book is about how media has impacted the imagery of Black men and how we should respond to that.

  4.The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah. This novel involves a young lady whose father is incarcerated and how that impacts her. It’s an amazing book.

  In terms of the community’s reaction when someone is released from prison, I tell people to treat them like a relative who’s been in the hospital for a long time. You will learn to walk again and even how to eat again. If a man is coming out of prison after seven years, the whole world has changed. At the time of this writing, today is the seventh anniversary of Twitter. Think how life has been changed by the impact of Twitter: It affects TV ratings and even presidential elections. The world is different for someone who gets out of prison this afternoon and who has never even heard of Twitter. It’s a world that did not exist seven years ago.

  So you must be acclimated as a foreigner in home territory and reintegrated into society and technology. As a consequence, there has to be an educational process so that you can be employable even for menial jobs. You can’t even work in McDonald’s without understanding a computer, so obtaining digital training is key.

  The emotional part is very difficult, too, because the loved one has gone through changes in the past seven years. Their son, husband, or brother is a different person from when he went to jail. One of the issues that the Black community is reticent about addressing is that of therapy and counseling. How do you reintegrate, especially with children involved and marriages where someone is coming back home and married to a stranger, or bringing a stranger into her home? You don’t know that person anymore. Oftentimes you need another person to help walk you through reconnecting, and a counselor can provide that help.

  Mentorship is important, too. Every man who is coming out of prison needs a mentor who is proficient in some area of life. For instance, if a man’s son was seven when he went to prison, and now he’s fourteen, suddenly the issue is, how do I parent a teenager? Try to connect with another strong Black male who can help you get your equilibrium back.

  I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you.

  Sincerely,

  Dr. Jamal Bryant

  DESTINY

  IN THE BOX

  LETTER 7

  Having an Impact

  When you love people and have the desire to make a profound, positive impact upon the world, then will you have accomplished the meaning to live.

  —Sasha Azevedo

  The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.

  —Tony Robbins

  Dear Brotha,

  It pains me to think of you locked up in solitary. But maybe it’s time
to stop comparing your life to other people’s, like mine or anybody else’s. The quickest way to waste your life is to compare it. There is a great and unique thing about your life—it’s yours. No one else’s.

  There is a great and unique thing about your life—it’s yours. No one else’s.

  It’s pretty ironic—almost funny—that you were imagining a glamorous life for me while you lay there in solitary. But actually, I was in jail, too. I’ll explain in a minute what I mean. And perhaps, more important than that, maybe you should keep in mind that what counts is having a real friend, not who that friend is or what he happens to do. I’m not trying to play you, just pointing out that my friendship is what counts, not any celebrity you think I have.

  YOUR WELL

  First of all, I’ve got to make it clear to you that to the best of my abilities I understand the predicament you face. You’ve made all the obstacles of your situation as a prisoner more than clear. I know it ain’t easy, because none of the options you have now are satisfactory. But no one can drive you crazy unless you give up the keys.

  But no one can drive you crazy unless you give up the keys.

  You’re responsible for your reaction to others. Happy people have mastered the art of happiness by controlling the way they respond to what life throws at them. On the one hand, you can be the “nice guy” and play it soft “like a choirboy,” as you put it, which means you’re bound to get jacked or shanked one day, or even killed in the violence you witness daily. But if you wear your shit on your sleeve and make it plain that you’re ready to defend yourself, as you damn well intend to, your ass will end up bleeding at best, or even six feet under. And then, as soon as you do get caught defending your life, there will be no questions asked—no matter who started it, they’re gonna send you to the Box like they just did, maybe even slap more time on your sentence if it happens again, which will delay your parole hearing.

  I know that you’ve watched one dude after another play the rehabilitation card and get turned down anyway. You’ve hit me with one example after another of people who got locked up on charges less serious than yours fifteen years ago but are still in there because they got sucked into joining a race gang and had no choice but to defend the gang’s turf—or their own homies would have snuffed them. You explain that you got to be ready to fight if you want to stay alive, but also that things have a way of escalating. Fair enough. But of all the things you’ve been telling me, I think there’s one that’s the worst: your telling me you’re too old to change, that it’s too late for you, and other such bullshit, that you know your game plan was already printed out for you when your mother died and your old man found a new “bitch” (since you used that word, we gotta work on the way you think and talk about women when we get the time later on, my man) and parked you and your brother with your aunt. But those are all crutches. It seems you’ve held on to so many crutches that you forgot you could walk.

  I already told you that I got love for you, but have I said that I do not believe that you’re evil or corrupt or hopeless, or whatever else you want to call yourself, no matter what you’ve done or thought? I believe, in fact, that there’s a core of humanity in every single one of us that can’t be degraded.

  Eckhart Tolle, who wrote The Power of Now and has been called “the most spiritual author in the United States” by The New York Times, said it like this: “You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.”1 He also said that this inexhaustible supply of goodness “only emerges if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness.”

  There’s a place inside, a source, and if we can find it, we can wash clean all the open wounds that still exist from past experiences.

  My grandfather had an eighty-eight-acre farm in Iowa. They grew corn and lima beans and had cows, pigs, goats, and chickens. I spent most of my summers growing up on that farm. I loved the carefree way it made me feel. Behind the “big barn” (there was a smaller one closer to the road), there was an old well that was connected to this rusty spigot with a big handle on it. There was something about the well water that my gramma just loved. So I’d place a bucket under the spigot and pump that big red handle, and the cleanest water would rush out. It was so cold, clean, and fresh because it was coming from a very deep, unspoiled place.

  Inside you there’s a deep place that’s unspoiled by your life in prison and even by the obstacles before prison. There’s a place inside, a source, and if we can find it, we can wash clean all the open wounds that still exist from past experiences. There is a deep well of memories, sadness, passions, and energy inside you. I want you to get to a place where you feel like you can pour goodness and light from it at any time you decide.

  GRAVITY

  Now, don’t get me wrong. Despite all this, throughout your life, there will be forces at work attempting to block you from accessing your well of humanity. But the choices we make are still what determine the effect they have or don’t have. In that regard, I like to think these constant forces are like gravity. Gravity is always there, isn’t it? It’s always attempting to pull us downward. If we jump high, it yanks us back down. Similarly, I’ve always wanted to be able to dunk a basketball, but the farthest I ever got was grabbing the rim. That dang gravity kept pulling me down before I could manage it.

  You can choose to succumb to the unseen forces that are continually trying to bring you down in a way similar to that unseen force of gravity. Or you can come up with ways to beat that downward pull.

  I’m going to ask you to do something right now, in whatever type of cell you may be reading this—your own, or solitary, or any kind of metaphoric “box.” Whenever you’re trapped in your mind or actually imprisoned in reality, I ask you to do something that may seem stupid, crazy, unrealistic, or all three. Close your eyes—do it right now—and imagine in your mind’s eye your highest aspirations. Imagine the best version of you. Is it the you playing ball with your son, R. J., when you get out? Is it a version of you shaking hands to complete a transaction for your own first business? Is it a version of you sitting on the couch with your arm around a sweet and sexy lady?

  Just imagine that you’re living out your highest aspirations. Believe it or not, imagining them is the very first step to reaching them. And I know that when life has hit us with so many disappointments, it’s hard to open up and imagine goodness. But do it again now. Just for a few seconds, close your eyes again, and let the vision of goodness, happiness, and love fill your heart and mind.

  REBOUNDING

  Thinking about our highest aspirations is the best way to rebound from any kind of gravity.

  Isn’t rebound a dope word? It means so many different things . . . like an actual rebound on a basketball court or a rebound in life that consists of coming back up after unfortunate circumstances like time in the Box. A few years ago, you mentioned that you were good at basketball. So let’s put that to the test—are you a good rebounder?

  People think that the tallest person is the one who gets the most rebounds. . . . But that’s not any more true about basketball than it is about life. In basketball, the person who gets the most rebounds is the one who controls the most space under the basket . . . and in life, same thing. You can increase the amount of space you control in life by increasing your knowledge of it, by learning to know yourself better, and, yes, by adding to your education. The more you know, the more confident you become, the more access you have to rebounds, and the better you handle them. You’re ultimately going to get to a place after you rebound where you can go coast to coast and dunk . . . but that’s later.

  In so many letters we’ve exchanged, one of the themes that came through is your desire to have some sort of impact on the world. You can have an impact, and you will. But first, there’s a question you must answer: What space do you want to carve out in your life? On what area of life do
you want to focus your time and energy? Where will you be most effective at managing life’s rebounds? What training, skills, resources, and other foundational tools will you need to master rebounds and turn them into impact?

  Having an impact takes a combination of time and hard work, and so many people don’t have the patience for, either.

  Having an impact takes a combination of time and hard work, and so many people don’t have the patience for, either. Instead, they get seduced by quick hits, quick money, and shortcuts. But let’s make one thing clear: There are no shortcuts when it comes to carving out your space. Everything in life boils down to seed, time, and harvest. The seed has to be planted. Then when the seed is watered, over time, the plant has no choice but to grow—when hard work is put in, success has no choice but to occur. Keep in mind that any impact you’ll have will be tailor-made just for you. It might be the type of father you will be able to be to your son. It might be the type of business you create. It might be the number of people you’ll help—or all or none of the above.