He reached for it and quickly answered it, cursing himself for letting it ring for as long as he had. “Hello?”
“Hi.” Cara said softly as she twirled the ends of her hair around her finger nervously. “The Yankees are losing.”
He leaned his head back against the headrest of his seat and closed his eyes. “Are they?” He said hoarsely.
“You’re not watching?” She asked a bit surprised.
“No.” He said simply.
She remained silent for a moment and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She blurted out.
He opened his eyes and straightened up, leaning one hand on the steering wheel. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I do.” She whispered and then blew away the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. “Can you just hear me out for a minute?”
Luke swallowed and nodded as if she could see him. “Go ahead.”
“Okay, here goes… After we spoke I cried myself to sleep that night.” She admitted, but her voice didn’t weaken.
Luke closed his eyes and gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white as he did so.
“I cried because of what I had done to myself and to Jake. I have no coping skills Luke. Anytime something bad happened in my life, Jake was there to brush it under the rug. He was my rock and he made it so simple for me to never have to feel anything. It was like everything bad didn’t matter and I never had to face any of it. He’s not here to wash away my troubles anymore and I’m forced to deal with how I’m feeling. I think that’s why I started taking the pills because they made me forget how broken and damaged my life was. Anyway…” She let out a heavy breath. “When you told me what happened between us I was ashamed. I felt like I dishonored Jake and everyone else who’s been so good to me, including you. That night didn’t mean anything, it was a mistake, like you said, but it never should have happened and it happened because of me. I’m sorry you’ve had to live with that secret by yourself.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat and soaked in her words. He cleared his throat and found his voice. “Sounds like you’re making a lot of progress.” He said proudly before he sighed. “There’s no need for apologies Cara. It was a mistake.” He croaked. “Everyone makes them from time to time. We both made one that night, not just you.” He couldn’t let her take on all the guilt when he felt exactly the same way about dishonoring his brother. The only difference was as much as he hated himself for tarnishing his bond with his brother, he was pulled to Cara and for some reason that night felt like anything but a mistake.
“Still friends?” She asked hopefully.
Christ, she was killing him and she didn’t even know it. “We’re still friends.” He confirmed.
“Okay, well then there is just one more thing…” She said as she bit down on her lip nervously. “You can say no. I completely understand. I know you’re busy and probably won’t have the time, but… One of my steps is to make amends with the people that have been affected by my addiction and so…”
“Cara, Cara…” He said trying to interrupt her ramble. “Just ask.” He said softly.
“Will you come up here this Saturday for one of my sessions?” She asked quickly before she lost her nerve and began to ramble again.
A small smile curved on Luke’s lips. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter Seven
Luke turned off his truck and reached across the seat to grab the bouquet of flowers that he had stopped to pick up for Cara. He looked at the flowers that were all the warm colors of autumn, and hoped he made the right choice. The way his luck was going, she was probably allergic to them or she merely hated flowers. He clutched the bouquet in his hand and climbed out of his truck. He pulled up the collar of his sweater as the October chill washed over him. The leaves crunched beneath his boots as he walked towards Lakeview.
He didn’t know why, but he was nervous to see her. Maybe it was because the secret he harbored was out, and she knew what had transpired between them. She didn’t sound different on the phone the last few days, though, he countered. She’d joked with him and excitedly shared her progress with him. She usually called at night time and that was becoming his favorite part of the day. Listening to her sweet voice as she marveled over all the new discoveries she was finding about herself, made him go to sleep with a smile on his face.
He stepped inside the lobby of Lakeview and glanced around at the few people that were in the lobby. He searched for the eyes that consumed his thoughts, but couldn’t find them. He walked over to the reception area and smiled at the woman that greeted him.
“Good afternoon, I’m here to see Cara Sloane.” He half stated, half questioned. He should’ve asked her last night if he had to check in or where to go. Standing there holding the flowers in his hand, he kind of felt ridiculous, especially when the receptionist eyed the bouquet and then smiled up at him softly. He tried to meet her gaze, but he realized she wasn’t looking directly at him but behind him. Slowly he turned around and his eyes met Cara’s instantly.
He decided at that moment that he shouldn’t have agonized over the flowers, and instead he should’ve prepared himself for what he would feel when he saw her for the first time in weeks. She stood before him, her brown hair cascading in waves down around her face. Those eyes that were blank the last time he saw them, were sparkling and vibrant. Her lips were colored a soft shade of pink and curved into a smile. He swallowed hard and let his eyes travel the rest of her. She was wearing jeans that hugged her curves and he smiled because before she sought help she was thinner and her clothes baggy in places they shouldn’t be. She wore a sweater that strained against the swell of her breasts. She looked healthy and, well, she looked beautiful. He smiled widely at her.
“Cara…” He said her name in a breathless whisper.
“Hi Stranger,” she said softly. Her eyes roamed the length of him, pausing at his face and the genuine smile he had for her. She let out a small breath of relief that things didn’t seem awkward between them, in fact, they felt nice. She never really had developed a friendship with Luke in all the years that she had known him. She just thought of him as Jake’s brother and sometimes just one of the guys. The last few weeks, though they were developing a friendship, learning things about one another, they had never noticed in all those years. Her gaze fell to the bouquet of flowers he held in his hand and after staring at the arrangement of daisies, roses and peonies; she lifted her eyes back to his.
He snapped out of the trance he was in and followed her eyes to the bouquet he was still holding. “I hope you like flowers.” He said as he raised an eyebrow and extended the bouquet to her.
She took the flowers he offered and buried her nose into them, taking in the fragrant scent. She raised her head and smiled up at him. “I love flowers. Thank you.” She said before dropping them to her side, taking a few steps towards him to close the distance between them. She stood on her tip toes and wrapped her free hand around his neck and leaned in to embrace him.
Luke placed his palm on the small of her back and returned the gesture. It was a quick embrace, but enough contact for Luke, that he damned himself to hell, for enjoying it.
“You’re welcome.” He said huskily and then dropped his hand when she pulled back away from him.
She glanced down at her watch and then back up at him. “The session is scheduled in five minutes, so we should probably head over there now.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Lead the way.”
“Okay, I just want to put these in water first, so we will stop by my room.” She said and started towards the wing where the patient rooms were. They walked side by side in a comfortable silence until she looked up at him. “I really appreciate you coming all the way here for this. Have you ever been to therapy before?”
“No, anything I should prepare myself for?” He questioned.
She let out a slight laugh. “I think Ms. Snyder will go easy on you since you’re a guest. They have no merc
y on me though. They’ve poked and prodded me to reveal things I didn’t even know I had buried inside.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess it’s a good thing. I’m learning something new about myself every day.”
“Do they give you any insight on how to move on once you’ve completed the program?” He asked sincerely.
“I’ve been thinking about that myself. I have a routine here, a schedule I follow every day. It’s going to be strange when I go home. The only thing one of the counselors told me is that I have a clean slate ahead of me.” She waited a beat. “I suppose that’s true. I only have a few weeks left so I probably should put some thought into what I will do when I get home.” She stopped once they reached her room and she opened the door and stepped inside.
Luke stayed in the doorway watching as she moved around her room. She grabbed the empty vase that sat on the night stand and walked into the adjoining bathroom. He heard the water run and glanced around the room, noticing there weren’t many of Cara’s personal belongings on display. However, from a distance he was able to spot the framed photo of her and Jake that sat on the nightstand where the vase had been. She walked back into the bedroom and placed the vase next to the frame. When she was finished, she turned back around and met him at the doorway.
“One thing I will do when I get home is annoy my friend every once and a while.” She said with a smile as she closed the door behind her and led him in the opposite direction in which they had come from.
He turned to her. “Who?”
“You.” She laughed and nudged him with her elbow. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to add you to my favorites list on my phone. You’ve become my phone buddy.”
Luke’s lips curved upward. “Good to know the phone calls won’t end.” He met her gaze. “I’ve become attached to them.”
“I ramble a lot.” She admitted.
“Yes, but only when you’re nervous.” He replied letting on that he too was making some of his own discoveries when it came to Cara.
She stopped in her tracks and he turned to see why she had. Her hands moved to her hips and she eyed him with a hint of humor in her eyes. “Oh yeah? Well, you do this gruff thing with your voice…” She cleared her throat and tried to deepen her voice like he did. “Your voice changes and gets all deep and edgy when you’re tired.” His eyes widened as he watched her humorously. “That’s usually my cue to hang up or you’ll likely fall asleep on me.” She said in her normal voice and began to walk again.
“Did you just mock me?” He asked and continued to follow her. He thought that was a safer response than telling her that wasn’t the only time his voice got that way. She glanced over her shoulder at him.
“It’s just an observation.” She said with a small wink and stopped when they reached their destination. She let out a sigh and turned around. “Here we are. Ms. Snyder will be the counselor. She’s nice, but can be a bit pushy. But you don’t have to worry, she’s only going to try to get to me.” She paused and tried to remember if there was anything else she should warn him about. “Oh, and drink the coffee, it’s really good.”
“You’re rambling.” He pointed out.
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Me?” He asked, wide-eyed and innocent.
She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand as she pushed open the door with her other and pulled him into the room with her. Once they stumbled inside the woman behind the desk looked up.
“Cara, it’s always good to see you.” Ms. Snyder said as she rose to her feet. She glanced at Luke, taking in his height and how he towered over Cara by almost a foot. “You must be Luke.”
Luke held out his hand. “Yes, I’m Luke Lanza and you must be Ms. Snyder.”
Ms. Snyder shook the hand Luke offered and smiled at him. “Cara has told me so much about you.”
“Likewise,” He said before winking at Cara.
“I thought we’d have our session out on the patio.” She said, and motioned to the French doors behind her desk. She started towards them and looked over her shoulder at the two of them. “Would you like some coffee?”
Luke bit back the chuckle that threatened and grinned instead. “I’d love a cup, thank you.”
Cara and Luke stepped onto the patio and took a seat. Ms. Snyder placed a carafe of coffee on the small table between them and two mugs. She grabbed her own before she sat across from them. Cara took the carafe and filled the two mugs. She peered up at him from the fringe of her lashes, feeling him watching her. “How do you take it?”
“Just milk please.” He said simply and watched on as she fixed his coffee. She handed it off to him and lifted her mug to her lips and he noted that she took hers black. Cara leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her coffee and looked at Ms. Snyder as she jotted down some notes. She couldn’t help but wonder what exactly she got out of her pouring a cup of coffee but shrugged it off.
“Shall we begin?” Ms. Snyder asked and watched Luke turn to Cara to see if she was ready to proceed. She nodded slightly and looked expectantly towards Ms. Snyder. She ran her palms down her thighs as she anticipated what was about to happen. Ms. Snyder turned to Luke, who gave her his undivided attention.
“Luke, as part of Cara’s recovery, we asked her to compile a list of people she hurt, relationships she damaged due to her addiction. Together we’ve worked through her list and it is now time for her to tackle her next step, which is to make amends. Making amends is often considered to be one of the toughest challenges a patient faces during recovery. Making amends in recovery symbolizes that a patient is ready to work through the hurt and the pain that they have caused themselves and others. Cara’s goal in recovery is to restore what was broken or damaged in her life. It will allow her to show a genuine form of repentance. Do you understand?”
Luke held Ms. Snyder’s gaze and nodded. “I do.” He said understanding that it took great bravery for Cara to ask him to come here today and face things he probably would’ve been too much of a coward to face himself.
“Cara, you asked Luke here today to make amends. From what we discussed it isn’t possible for you to make direct amends because you’ve never physically taken anything from Luke.”
“No.” She said hoarsely and then turned towards Luke. “But I can make living amends.” She said her shaky voice laced with determination. “I’ve been awful to you.” She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and could feel the tears fill her eyes. “I remember you taking me in your arms and prying my body off of Jake’s after he died.” Luke looked down and she waited for him to return his eyes to her before she spoke another word. “You tried your hardest to pick up the pieces of me and I pushed you away. I was cruel and I said horrible things to you. I never took your grief into consideration. I lashed out at you. I called you names. I hit you.” She paused for a moment and watched his eyes change, yet they still stayed glued to hers. “I used you.”
Luke didn’t say a word. He listened and even when she said something he didn’t necessarily want to hear, he still listened. He knew it was pertinent that she get it all out and he wasn’t about to stand in her way.
“I want you to know I would take it all back if I could. Every horrible thing I would erase.” She said and wiped away at the tear that slid down her cheek. When more fell from her eyes, he reached out to her and brushed them away with his thumb. He didn’t know if he should touch her, yet he didn’t think twice.
Ms. Snyder offered them a box of tissues and Luke took them from her and handed them off to Cara. She placed the box of tissues in her lap and wiped away her tears, sniffling into the tissue before she composed herself.
“Living amends means that I am changing the negative behavior in my life and replacing it with positive behavior and opening up my life to new possibilities and a chance at redemption. I promise you, Luke, that from this day forward I’m going to strive to be the best person I can be.”
Luke blew out a breath as he stared at her in awe. He knew that right ther
e, on the patio of the rehab center she was in, with the counselor as their audience, Cara owned a small piece of his heart. He turned and looked at Ms. Snyder. “Can I hug her?” He asked hoarsely.
Ms. Snyder simply nodded and that was all the permission Luke needed. He stood up and leaned down and brought Cara into his arms. She cried against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly.
“Thank you for being there for me even when I didn’t deserve it.” She said through her tears.
“I’ll always be here for you.” He whispered into her hair. “I promise.” They latched onto one another for a few moments before she pulled back and her eyes that had turned green stared up into his brown ones. He marveled at their color, seeing the flecks of green and knowing that she was completely sober. He smiled at her for a moment before he sat back in his seat. He tore his eyes from her and looked back at the counselor.
“You did wonderful Cara. I’m very proud of you as you should be of yourself.”
Cara smiled at her. “Thank you.” She let out a deep breath and couldn’t describe how amazing it felt to have that off her chest.
“It was nice to meet you, Luke.” Ms. Snyder said as she stood to her full height.
Luke glanced back and forth between the two women. “We’re done?” He asked.
“That concludes our session. Thank you for coming and for supporting Cara in her recovery.”
Luke and Cara stood in unison. “It was nice to meet you too, Ms. Snyder.” He said and shook her hand.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cara said to her counselor and led Luke to the office. Once they were outside, they turned to one another, sharing an awkward silence.
“So…” She whispered.
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 9
