Tears fell from her eyes as she listened to Luke. “He has another daughter…” She whispered into the phone.
“Baby, I know you’re hurting. Please let me help you.” He was beginning to sound desperate.
She wiped her cheeks with the back of her free hand. She took a deep breath and dug deep into her soul, pulling out whatever courage she could find. “I’m going to come back to Riverdale. I’m going to go to a meeting. I’m going to be okay.” She paused. “I’m not going to relapse. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to be okay, right Luke?”
“Right baby.” He whispered and took a deep breath. “You’re upset though. I can come and pick you up. I’ll take you to the meeting.”
“I can do it.” She said affirmatively. “I’ll be okay.” She said knowing that this was a part of her recovery. She had to get herself to a meeting and fight the urge to take the pills. She needed to get a grip on herself and she needed to be her own goddamn hero. She gripped the steering wheel. “I’m going to hang up so I can drive.”
“Please be careful.” He said hoarsely and he never received a response. She ended the call and prepared to save herself from the latest tragedy to turn her life upside down.
* * * * *
Luke sat in his living room with his elbows on his knees, his foot tapping impatiently as he watched his daughter continue to make a gingerbread house on the coffee table. It had been almost three hours since he had spoken to Cara. Not a word. Not a phone call. He was a nervous wreck. He wanted to hold onto faith and believe she would get her ass to a meeting, but that shit was hard and he wasn’t going to pretend he knew the struggle. Truth was, he had no idea what she was going through, but he did know she had worked so hard the last couple of months. He didn’t remember the whole back story of Cara and her father, didn’t even know if he ever really knew. It was as if she just showed up one day at his parent’s house and never left.
The doorbell rang and Luke sprung to his feet immediately he bent down, placing a quick kiss to his daughter’s head. Ava raised her eyebrows curiously, but didn’t move as she continued to apply the frosting to the walls of her gingerbread house. Luke reached the front door and pulled it open, his coat and keys already in his free hand.
He met Sam’s worried gaze and then turned and looked at Nick, who wore a blank expression.
“The roads are bad, watch yourself.” Nick stated.
“Thanks for coming.” Luke said while he shrugged on his coat.
“Still haven’t heard from her?” Sam asked worriedly.
Luke shook his head quickly before he stepped around them. “Ava’s in the living room.”
He said, jogging towards his truck, the snow heavy as it fell around him. Sam sighed heavily and walked into the house, leaving Nick standing in the doorway watching after Luke, wondering if he’d ever quit chasing away everyone else’s problems.
* * * * *
Cara made her way back to Riverdale. An hour ride turned into three due to the weather conditions. Yet she made it back in one piece and now she sat in the basement of the Saint Bernard’s church reciting the Serenity prayer along with her peers that battle addiction every day. Some were strangers, others were familiar faces she had seen at previous meetings.
“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; Courage to change the things we can; And wisdom to know the difference.” They prayed in unison before the group leader who was also a minister spoke.
“Before we begin I’d like to take a moment to congratulate Cynthia on one hundred and eighty days of sobriety.” He stood and walked over to her handing her a pin to commemorate her accomplishment. Everyone, including Cara, clapped proudly.
Cynthia stood up after hugging the minister and looked around the small group of people. “One hundred and eighty days may seem like nothing to some people, but it has been an eternity for me. There were good days like today, today is a really good day. And there were bad days, but I found the courage to make it through those days. I want to be clean because for the first time in my life I am dreaming. Dreaming of all the things I can be and that I can have. I’m determined not to let drugs take my dreams from me. My dreams are too important to throw away and I learned that with the help of my sponsor. I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out because I don’t and I don’t know if I ever will. But I recommend for anyone who is struggling with addiction to have a sponsor. I don’t know where I’d be without mine.”
Cara listened to Cynthia intently and then watched as she sat down. She was greeted with more applause and then she walked over to who Cara assumed was her sponsor and hugged the older gentleman.
“Do we have any volunteers to start us off this evening?” The minister asked once Cynthia found her seat.
Cara found herself raising her hand and the minister’s eyes fell onto her. He nodded encouragingly.
“My name is Cara and I am an addict. I’m 93 days clean.” She said with a small smile and then looked down at her hands that sat in her lap. “But tonight I almost gave into my demons.” She glanced up and saw she had everyone’s undivided attention. “I drove into Pine Bush to buy my boyfriend a Christmas present.” She paused for a moment, allowing the fact that she had called Luke her boyfriend, for the first time, to settle in. “The girl who rang me up was polite and stayed open until I finished my purchase, even though her dad was waiting outside to drive her home. There was something familiar about her eyes, but I couldn’t place it. Then I was getting into my car and I watched as her dad helped her pull the gate down to the store. He turned around and I stared at him. I stared at my father, whom I hadn’t seen in fifteen years. The man who couldn’t pick up the pieces of his life, when his wife died, leaving him to be a single parent. He took away my childhood, he broke me, and he beat me and when I left, he never even looked for me.” She wiped at her eyes. “There he was standing across the street being the perfect dad to another girl. The pain cut me like a knife slicing open every wound I thought was closed. And the only thing I wanted to do was erase the pain and the only way I knew how was to pop as many pain killers as I could.” She lifted her gaze and met the minister’s. “I drove here instead.”
“You made a good decision Cara, you didn’t give in.” The minister said.
“I didn’t want to. I wanted to get high. It was my first instinct.” Cara said confused.
“And it may always be but you have to find your way to overcome that instinct.” He said.
“I’m sober four years and it’s still my first instinct when something goes wrong.” This came a dark hair young man sitting in the back, Cara turned to face him as he spoke. “But it’s easier now to choose my sobriety over shooting heroin.”
“If you don’t have one already you should really try to find a sponsor. It makes it so much easier to talk to someone who has been there, done that, you know?” Cynthia added.
“And you might want to reach out to your father. If you resolve the issue, it can’t tear you down anymore.” The minister offered.
Cara took in their words of advice and listened on as they encouraged her to fight for her sobriety. She was her own hero, now, had it inked to her skin and all. She just needed to believe those words. The hour flew by and before she knew it, she had exchanged phone numbers with Cynthia and her sponsor, he had someone for her to meet who may be interesting in being a sponsor. To her surprise as the meeting broke, she began to feel better. She would make it through she just needed to focus on the positive things in her life and learn to stop letting her shitty past drag her down. She was going to hook up with a sponsor and maybe make a call to her therapist at Lakeview in the morning. She stepped out into the blistering cold. It was really coming down, making it barely visible to see three feet in front of her, yet there was no mistaking the figure that leaned against the railing of the church steps.
Luke glanced upward and pushed off the bannister. He stood straight and she watched his shoulders slump in relief the minute his eyes found
hers. She broke their stare when someone called goodbye to her. She returned the gesture and then walked down the steps to Luke. When she approached the last step she was eye level with him and went to open her mouth to speak but he cut her off immediately.
“You ever do that to me again, I’m done, Cara, just done.” He said his eyes locking onto hers, his lips a thin line and his voice gruff and struggling for control. He was at his limit.
“Luke…” She started not sure what to say.
“Get in the car and for the love of God, do not fight with me. We’ll get your car tomorrow.” He turned around not waiting for her and started for his truck.
She chose not to argue and followed him down the path to his truck. He didn’t bother to open the door for her, and that was completely not in his character. She knew then he was pissed and seriously pissed at her. He shook the snow off himself before he climbed into his truck. The engine purred to life and he pulled out of the spot. They were about two blocks down when she found her voice.
“Okay, I get your mad, but…” She said with a sigh. She should’ve called when she got to the church.
“Mad? You think I’m mad?” He shifted the car into park in the middle of the snowy road and turned to face her. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at him. “Three hours.” He gripped the steering wheel before he slammed his fist into it. “Three hours.” He growled.
“Luke…”
“No Cara, you don’t get it.” He turned and pierced her with a steady look. “I understand this is your battle with addiction and not mine. But I have seen you through every step of your recovery. You don’t get to tell me you need a pill and then I don’t hear from you for three hours. You might not like what I’m about to say and you might not be ready to listen to it, but it’s high time I said it. You became my responsibility the moment I peeled you off of Jake’s lifeless body. You became my second chance the day you asked me for help. You became mine the day you made amends at Lakeview. You became mine to love the night you kissed me in my truck. You became mine, Cara. I look after what’s mine. I worry about what’s mine. I love what’s mine. I cherish what is mine with every fiber of my being.” He swallowed and watched as she absorbed his words. “The last three hours have been the longest three hours of my fucking life.” He said hoarsely. “Now I’m taking you home to my house and I don’t care if you don’t say a word to me all night. You are staying with me. You’re sleeping in my bed, with my arms wrapped around you, and for completely selfish reasons. So that I know you’re safe and that you’re mine.”
Cara stared at him. Her voice unfounded as she reeled from his words. She was his, his to love. Luke loved her? He cherished her? A sad reality loomed over her. Everyone who loved her, she lost. Everything she loved died.
Chapter Eighteen
Luke pulled into his snow covered driveway and shifted the car into park, turning it off, he glanced at Cara. They hadn’t uttered a word to one another on the drive back to his house. He blew out a breath when she pushed open her door and climbed out of the truck, slamming the door behind her. It was safe to say that his little show outside the church ticked her off. Rightfully so, after the day she had. He sighed and got out of his truck. She was waiting at the door for him and he wondered for a moment, why she didn’t use her own key.
He went to shove his key into the lock when the door swung open by Nick who was chomping away on an apple.
“Look babe, the snow bunnies are home safe and sound.” He said as he chewed. Cara rolled her eyes and brushed past Nick. He turned and watched as Luke took off his coat. “Was it something I said?”
“More like something I said.” Luke replied and looked at his friend. “Don’t ask.”
“You know there’s no fun in that.” Nick said, taking another chunk out of his apple.
“Where’s Ava?” Luke said, ignoring him.
“She fell asleep about twenty minutes ago.” He studied Luke for a moment. “So you’re really not going to give me any gossip.”
“You’re really becoming too in touch with your feminine side.” Luke said flatly and walked into the living room. No Cara. He walked towards the kitchen and stopped short when he heard her talking to Sam.
“I’m sorry he called you guys over here. I know you probably have a ton of shit to do before you leave tomorrow night.” Cara said softly.
“Are you kidding me? It’s no big deal, I’m just glad you’re okay. Luke was really bent out of shape when he called. He was worried.”
“I get it but he takes things to the extreme.” Cara said. “My phone died.”
Sam bit down on her lip, hesitating for the slightest moment. “Cara did Luke ever bring up Marie to you?”
Cara drew her eyebrows together while shaking her head. “No, why?”
“Well, it’s just you guys are getting close and I figured he would’ve mentioned…” She was cut off by the swinging door. Luke stepped into the kitchen and his eyes shot to Cara.
“Babe, you ready?” Nick asked from behind Luke. “The snow tapered off, I say we blow this popsicle stand before we get stuck with Grumpy over here.” He said pointing his thumb at Luke.
“I’m not grumpy.” Luke mumbled miserably.
Cara looked at Nick. “Do you mind dropping me off on the way?” She turned to Luke. “I can’t stay here and leave Benny by himself.”
“I picked up Benny hours ago.” Luke said flatly. He had picked up Benny when he first went in search for Cara, hoping he would catch her at her apartment.
“Benny is upstairs. He followed Nick when he carried Ava to bed.” Sam offered, watching Luke’s face falter.
“Oh.” Cara said as the intensity in Luke’s eyes ripped through her.
Sam stood up and walked over to Cara, giving her a tight hug. Sensing the tension between Luke and Cara she leaned into her ear.
“Give him a break.” Sam whispered pulling back and turning to her brother. She kissed his cheek.
“Thanks for coming.” He said roughly.
“Anytime, we’ll call you tomorrow before we leave.” She said with a smile.
“Cara, glad to see you’re in one piece.” Nick said with a nod before turning to Luke. “Pull the stick out of your ass, Grumpy.”
Luke ignored Nick while keeping his gaze steady on Cara. A few moments later he heard the front door close and knew they were alone.
“You mind explaining why you’re angry with me? He said as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorway of the kitchen.”
“I don’t know Luke, let’s see, I saw my old man who I haven’t seen in what? Fifteen years? The man I despise more than anything, the man who was supposed to raise me and nurture me not beat the shit out of me and verbally abuse me. There he was being the ideal father to another young girl. Seeing him and her, my sister…” She said the words as if they were venom on the tip of her tongue. “It made me remember how weak, I am… and how I can’t face a goddamn problem on my own without any sort of aide. I wanted to get high, so bad and just forget I ever saw them but I didn’t. I drove myself to a meeting. I’m standing in front of you right now and I’m clean and I’m not ignoring that I was thrown for a loop today and that it cut me deep. I needed to be able to do that for myself.” She swallowed and watched him drop his hands to his side. “My phone died. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring you. I wasn’t trying to drive you crazy with worry. I was just trying not to fuck up my sobriety and that was my number one concern.” She paused and looked away. “You deserve better than me Luke. You deserve someone who you can rely on because the entire fucking world relies on you. You deserve someone who can put you first because you’ve put everyone else first. I can’t be that person right now. I don’t know if I can ever put you before my sobriety and the struggle to hold onto it.” She ran her fingers through her hair roughly.
He blinked. “What are you saying right now?” His heart was in his throat.
Her shoulders slumped as she drew out a breath. “I’m saying
I’m sorry.” She stepped closer to him. “Luke, I’m so scared of everything right now. I’m scared of what I saw today, of how I felt and most of all, after listening to you at the church, I’m scared of losing you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He said in that gruff tone of his before he let out a sigh of relief. He understood that she was dealing with a lot and one minute she felt one way and the next another, but the push and pull of it all was driving him mad. He wasn’t used to not being in control of a situation and then he realized he hadn’t been in control over anything since Jake passed away. Not saving him. Not honoring his promise. Not falling for Cara. Not a damn thing.
“Maybe not now,” She realized sadly.
He lifted her chin with his forefinger and shook his head when her eyes met his. “Not ever. I am not going anywhere.” He cupped her face in the palms of his hand and bent his knees to be level with her mouth and pressed his against hers softly. He placed his lips to hers in a series of featherlike kisses and then pulled back and searched her eyes.
“There are things about your past, like things with your father that I don’t know the whole story about. I don’t know the magnitude of what he’s done to you. I wasn’t paying attention back then, but I am now.”
“Well to be fair, I didn’t pay much attention to you either.” She said with a hint of a smile. “But I’m willing to listen… now.” She raised an eyebrow towards him, Sam’s lingering words about Marie, playing over in her mind.
He tilted his head to the side and tried not to laugh. “If you are curious about something, just ask.” He said simply.
“Well, Marie was kind of a closed topic with Jake. Aside from death threats he never spoke her name.” She said seriously, but saw the smile creep along Luke’s face at the mention of Jake and the way he despised Marie.
“You know he liked her at one point.” He said thoughtfully and took her hand leading her into the living room. They sat together on the couch and he turned his body to her.
Fitting The Pieces (The Riverdale Series Book 3) Page 21
